The Great Quarterback Controversy of 2010 has ended!   And the winner is…

Charlie Batch?

I didn’t watch the Pittsburgh Steelers final preseason game last night.  Instead, I was busy following Pitt Panthers‘ escapades out in Utah.   As an aside, Mormon chicks are hot.  As another aside, you got me again, Wanny.  I actually thought you were going to buck the annual early season implosion when they got within three and drove deep into Utes’ territory, but you run a freaking draw instead of trying to score a touchdown.   Then, naturally, Tino throws a pick on the very first pass of OT.

Classic Wannstache, I tells ya.

While this was unfolding, I figured nothing of importance was happening in the Steelers’ fourth and final exhibition game.  Starters barely play, if they play at all.  Coaches roll out rookies and practice squad fodder because nobody wants to lose a key player when the regular season is on the horizon.   The fourth preseason game is basically a glorified scrimmage featuring guys who’ll be suiting up for the Pittsburgh Power arenaball team come this fall.

So I turn on the late news and first thing I hear is, “Byron Leftwich has been taken the the hospital.”  HUH??  WHAT?!?  HOW?!?!

Evidently, Byron fired an 18 yard pass to Emmanuel Sanders early in the second quarter.  Mewelde Moore picked up the blitzing safety and both men crashed into Leftwich during his extremely long follow-through.  Leftwich struggled to his feet, limped to the huddle, and then waved for the medical personnel to get him off the field.   He was rushed to the hospital where he underwent an MRI.

The diagnosis?  An MCL injury.  You may recall, that was the same injury Hines Ward suffered in the 2008 AFC Championship game against Baltimore.  The Post-Gazette is reporting it as a sprain.  Leftwich’s agency, who happen to be on Twitter, posted a sympathy message over his “torn MCL.”   Mort split the difference by saying he has a “second degree” sprain which will likely require surgery.   Bottom line:  Don’t expect to see Lord Byron on the field this season.

Head coach Mike Tomlin has bungled the Steelers quarterback situation so badly, it’s almost pathetic.  Granted this is an unusual situation but he has shown absolutely no clue from the get-go.   It started during OTAs when he said there would be “open competition” but gave Leftwich all the first team snaps.  Dennis Dixon looked great in actual games, so he decided to give him first team snaps last week.   All the while, he’s giving Ben Roethlisberger playing time when he’s not even going to be here for the first month of the season.

Why was Ben even playing?  Last week he ate up an entire quarter when that time should have been given to your opening day starter.   I understand Ben needs a little work but I assume he knows the offense at this point in his career.  Are fifteen snaps in a preseason game REALLY going to help him get ready for his first regular season start SIX WEEKS from now?

UPDATE:  As expected, Ben’s suspension has officially been cut to four games.  The Ginger Dictator has decreed it so according to ESPN.  *Whew*

So where was I?   Oh, yeah, why was Dixon given first team snaps last week?   I’m a Dixon fan and I wanted him to get a shot but by the third preseason game, you should know who your starter is.  The time for “open competition” has ended by that point.  If Leftwich was given all the first half snaps last week, he wouldn’t have had to play this week.  See how that works?

If Leftwich is your man, you ride him.  Starting Dixon means Tomlin was either worried that Byron wasn’t good enough (in which case, why was he handed the job on a silver platter three months ago?) or can’t make a decision to save his life.  Neither option is particularly inspiring.  I could understand if Ben’s suspension only came to light a week or two before training camp but they’ve had months to prepare.

An then we have Batch.  He didn’t play at all in the first game, played sparingly in the second one, and was stuck with the fourth stringers in the third.  Rumors were he was going to get cut with Randle-El serving as the #3/emergency QB so the Steelers can keep an extra WR on their 53 man roster.  Now he’s your primary back up and may even be your starter.

Is he ready to start?  He’s a veteran so he probably doesn’t need a lot of work.  But he missed all of 2008 and took a grand total of four snaps in 2009.   You’re going to ask a guy who hasn’t ran the first team offense in three years to go out in an actual NFL game and lead the team to victory?  What the hell, Tomlin?!

What an absolute disaster.   It’s going to be a loooooong year…

The Pittsburgh Steelers are Super Bowl bound.  So says Peter King in Sports Illustrated’s annual NFL Preview issue hitting stands today.

For those without access to that fine publication, here’s the Cliff’s Notes version:  the Black and Gold start the season 3-1 with their back up quarterback.  Ben Roethlisberger returns from exile and leads them to an 11-5 record and second seed in the AFC.  They’ll humble the Jets and Colts, then set their sights on Green Bay in Super Bowl XLV.  Since the Steelers never lose in the big game (I refuse to count the one Neil O’Donnell was paid to throw), they’ll upend the Packers 33-27 for their seventh Lombardi Trophy.

Throw in box seats with Kate Mara and I’m pretty sure that scenario is every Steeler fan’s wet dream.

While I certainly hope the skunk-haired prognosticator is correct, I am compelled to point out some facts about Mr. King.  First, he’s nuts.   This man ranked Willie Colon the 48th best player in the entire NFL.  To put that in perspective, imagine if every player on every team were a free agent, then you held a draft of those players.  He’s saying a member of one of the worst offensive lines in football, a line which can’t run block and surrenders 50+ sacks EVERY YEAR, would be a mid second round pick?   Seriously?

Let’s also examine some of Peter’s prior predictions.  Last year, he had the Patriots over the Bears in the Super Bowl.   Chicago went 7-9 and didn’t make the playoffs while the Spycammers got crushed by the Ratbirds in the Wild Card game.   In 2008, his crystal ball foretold of the Patriots (sensing a pattern yet?) over the Cowboys.  Neither team made the playoffs (To be fair, losing Tom Brady wasn’t in the equation).  In 2007, the rotund insider envisioned a Colts-Saints match-up.  New Orleans didn’t make the playoffs while Peyton “Choke Artist” Manning had his usual one-and-done.

So what we’ve learned is one of his teams usually does make the playoffs but gets bounced out fairly quick.  The other team doesn’t make it all.  And he’s never ever right on either pick.  Not exactly the most inspiring of track records.

Let’s hope the Blind Squirrel Theorem holds true for once.  After all,  that nut must be found some day, right?

Troy Polamalu is the best defensive player in the NFL.  Some might dispute that but they would be wrong.  In 2008, James Harrison was Defensive Player of the Year.  Last season, he hardly missed a snap.  Yet that same defense went from being one of the all-time greats to being fairly terrible primarily because one unit had Troy and the other did not.

When you’re more important than the DPOY, you have to be the best.

The sight of those flowing locks waving as he hones in on the ball carrier like a heat seeking missile is quickly becoming an iconic image.   A sight I’m sure every member of Steeler Nation hopes to see in sixteen games this season.  Damn you, Madden, and your vile curse.

In what is one of the most unusual publicity stunts in recent memory, Head & Shoulders has taken out a one million dollar insurance policy on Troy’s hair.  Now, I know some might think, “What the hell?”  It actually makes sense if you crunch the numbers.  His shampoo contract probably pays in the high six figures.  Other commercial deals probably net him a few bucks more.  Even though he’s a great player, his unique look is a major part of his marketing appeal.

In other words, chicks dig the hair.

Besides, insurance policies on body parts aren’t uncommon.  College athletes insure their arms or legs in case some catastrophic injury costs them a professional career.  Celebrities and models take them out, too.   Singers insure their voices.  Professional wrestlers insure their bodies.  JLO has even insured her ass for $27 million.  Yes, somebody has a twenty-seven million dollar rump.  I’d be afraid to sit down.   And why one insures their behind, I’m not sure.  Nobody has ever had their butt removed due to complications from bootyliciousness, have they?

Then again, I’m not sure how Troy’s insurance policy works either.  Is there a time limit?  Does he have to try a course of rogaine before any benefits are paid out?  Is he covered against male pattern baldness?

If so, Terry Bradshaw should’ve taken out a similar policy years ago.  He would’ve made a mint.

Back to the drawing board…

With final cut down to our official 53 man roster looming on Saturday, last night was basically the final chance for players on the bubble to prove they belong on the 2010 edition of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  It was also a chance to gain some clarity on several of the position battles waging through camp.  And after sixty minutes in the Mile High City, we’ve learned exactly nothing.

Quarterback - Ben Roethlisberger played the first quarter, moving the team effectively and looking sharp with his throws.  Watching Big Ben and then the two wannabes to his position left me with only two questions.  How rusty will he get while sitting in timeout the first month of the season?   And will the team still be remotely in contention when he gets back?

Dennis Dixon got his first meaningful snaps of the preseason.  Nothing like waiting til the last minute, Tomlin.  Dix had an up and down game.  He threw two picks, one a horrifically bad decision on a throw into the end zone.  But he also made some nice throws, including a bullet fired between two defenders and a sweet deep out to Hines Ward.  The coaching staff was clearly testing him with a variety of patterns and he seemed to have a good grasp of the offense, even though he still has the young player tendency to force things when they’re not there.

The best part of Dixon’s game was his elusiveness.  And he needed it because defenders were flying in at him left and right.  He mostly used his legs to step up and try to deliver to a receiver but he did have a 29 yard scramble.  By my count, he prevented at least four sacks with his ability to move around the pocket.

Then came Byron Leftwich.  Byron attempted four passes and misfired on all of them.  He was hit on each and every drop back.  This was against the second and third string defensive players, mind you.  Granted, our first string line would likely protect him (somewhat) better but it’s he better be made of iron if he hopes to survive an entire game because he’s going to take a beating.

I’ve been pretty clear I’m on Team Dixon in the Great QB Controversy of 2010.  However, I really didn’t like anything I saw yesterday.  This team is going to struggle badly without Ben because neither option is looking particularly attractive.  At this point, the choice is down to weighing whether Dixon’s potential for bonehead mistakes is better or worse than Leftwich’s potential for taking a 15 yard sack every time he drops back.

Running Back - Rashard Mendenhall does not have a broken arm.  Let’s just put that rumor to rest.  Jonathan Dwyer had his best showing thus far but it was against fourth stringers so I wouldn’t put much stock in it.  Still, I think he showed enough to edge Frank Summers, who has shown nothing, for the final RB spot.   Mewelde Moore and Issac Redman will be the other two.

Wide Receiver – Wallace, Ward, Randle-El, and Battle are locks.  Emmanuel Sanders had a couple nice catches but he also dogged some plays, one of which resulted in an INT.   The amount they use him shows he’s making the team but these mental errors will probably make the coaches question his position on the depth chart.

Antonio Brown was an absolute bust on kickoffs, making a particularly dumb decision to fair catch a ball inside his own 5.  I’m leaning toward Stefan Logan getting that job back because you just can’t put your team in a hole like that.  Brown has potential but is still pretty raw.  They’ll try to sneak him on the practice squad.

Offensive Line - Brutally bad again.  Flozell Adams had two false starts and kept getting beat off the edge on pass protection.   He’s slow and uncoordinated and is just a disaster waiting to happen.   They kept the TE in on a lot of passing plays to help him out because they clearly don’t trust him one-on-one.

The good news is Maurkice Pouncey started at center and other than blowing a couple run blocking assignments, seemed to handle things quite well.   The knifing pressure up the middle on runs was mostly gone with him in there.   I think he’s established himself enough that he’ll start there from this point forward.

This gives us a (right to left) Adams-Trai Essex-Pouncey-Kemo-Starks line.  Essex was also beaten a couple times, although if that was due to missed assignments or just his ineptness is hard to tell.  Regardless, the right side of the line is a definite concern.

Doug Legursky can play center in a pinch with Jonathan Scott the best option if The Hotel is demolished.  Tony Hills and Ramon Foster have shown they can be decent back-ups.  Adding in long snapper Greg Warren, that gives us ten linemen.  I can’t see them keeping eleven unless they go with only two TEs (Miller and Spaeth…David Johnson is the third but I think they’ll keep him as a TE/FB hybrid).

Which means Justin Hartwig may have played his last game in the Black and Gold.

Defense - Tomlin’s face in the above clip says it all.  A sloppy, undisciplined game by all involved.  Tons of bad penalties and lazy mistakes.  James Farrior only played a couple plays after he got faceplanted and left with a huge gash.

B-Mac was nursing an injury so Keenan Lewis started in his place.  He played a terrible game.  Not only did he play five yards off every receiver, he got turned around in coverage several times and missed tackles.  To add insult to injury, he took two stupid personal foul penalties which aided Denver drives.

Dick LeBeau is said to be high on him but he does not look ready for primetime.  Meanwhile, Willie Gay had an, are you sitting down, interception.  So he’s locked up the nickel spot with B-Mac starting by default.  Burnett and Lewis will back them up.  Rookie Crezdon Butler had a pick so it looks like he’ll edge out special teams ace Anthony Madison for the final secondary spot (assuming they keep nine linebackers.  Otherwise, rookie Thaddeus Gibson will probably be snuck on to the practice squad).

Mike Tomlin declared this preseason game a “dress rehearsal” for the regular season.  Hopefully when the real thing starts, we’ll see a lot better play than we saw yesterday.   While discussing depth charts and who will be the primary return man is fun, unless we get a lot better play from our starting defense and quarterback, not much of it is going to matter in the long run.

As a proud graduate of Carnegie Mellon University, I enjoy returning to my Alma mater whenever possible.  Usually that means an thought-provoking play staged by the world class drama department or the occasional robotics demonstration so I can keep tabs on the progress of our future evil overlords.   However, they’ve unveiled a new project which is more exciting than both of those combined.

Beginning today, September 27th, CMU is presenting an exhibit honoring the one passion I’m sure we all share:  the Pittsburgh Steelers.   The Miller Gallery located in the Purnell Center for the Arts (at CMU’s main campus on Forbes Avenue) will be hosting an exhibition dubbed, “Whatever It Takes:  Steelers Fans’ 
Collections, Rituals, and Obsessions.”

Now, don’t let the somewhat pretentious name throw you.  Fancy titles are just our thing at CMU.  The exhibit is not some dull academic exercise.  It’s just a long-winded way of saying they’ve assembled a really cool collection of Steeler fans and their Steeler-related possessions.

For example, they’ve collected hundreds of Steelers-related tattoo photos, such as the one you see above.   There are a lot more, many far more intricate such as that of Ron Vergerio, who has a mural of players, plays, trophies, our beloved team founder, and a stadium full of fans, intermingled with the Pittsburgh skyline all etched on his torso.  If you have ink or your own, you can have your Steelers tattoo photographed and added to the display.

Beyond body art, there are a number of other displays.  Jim Shearer’s brilliant web show, “Yinz Luv ‘Da Stillers,” which you can check out on youtube by clicking here, has new episodes produced specifically for the exhibit.  And then there’s Denny DeLuca’s homemade Steelers Den which has been moved in its entirety from his basement into the gallery. The Steelers Den is crammed floor to ceiling with hundreds of handmade and customized objects all in some way related to the Black and Gold.

But the exhibit isn’t just to see.   Interactive elements include a booth which encourages you to describe your personal game day rituals.  I wonder how they’ll feel about me describing my lucky underwear.  There’s a display where you’re able to re-enact Franco Harris’ legendary catch and become part of the “Immaculate Reception” footage.   How cool is that?   And they’ll be setting up a live video-chat so you can debate Leftwich vs. Dixon with patrons at a Steelers bar in Rome.

At 5 p.m., Friday, Sept. 10, there will be a guided tour of Denny’s Steelers Den with a different kind of “Immaculate Reception” sponsored by Iron City Brewery following from 6 to 8 p.m.  I have the date flagged on my iPhone because that sounds like something not to be missed.   For those into the social networking who want to follow the exhibit and/or want to take a sneak peek at some of the fantastic things you’ll see there, check out their Facebook page by clicking here.

If you live in Pittsburgh or plan on visiting, I’d strongly encourage you to check it out.  Especially if you have kids because forget the Warhol or the Science Center, THIS is what I’d call an educational field trip.

Admission to the exhibition is free and open to the public from noon to 6 p.m., Tuesday through Sunday.   Special events such as the Immaculate Reception are also free and all are welcome.

Much has been written and said about wayward Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.  Lord knows nobody has had the guts and integrity to approach the topic with such honesty as yours truly.   But the truth is, I like the big lug.  He reminds me of Rain Man, an idiot savante at the game of football.  What people don’t understand is I kid because I love.   And, to be fair, Steeler Nation has done more than their fair share of laughing at the criminal element on teams such as the Bengals or Cowboys.

If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then we really are the sanctimonious dicks which other cities claim us to be.

With that in mind, it’s important to acknowledge the past.  And in the case of Benjamin J. Roethlisberger, that is not a pretty subject at all.  I repeated for years that Big Ben has been a bad teammate and a bad apple to a skeptical readership, many of whom live in other cities and therefore are woefully uninformed.   Recent stories such as the must-read in Sports Illustrated have since validated my statements.   Thus the lesson to remember is I always speak the truth.

The good news it appears that is all changing.  When the Steelers public relations tools in the local media (ie: every reporter in this city) say Ben is kissing babies and helping old ladies across the street, I never believe them.  The local media is in bed with Big Ben and the Steelers and should always be considered suspect.

However, when somebody such as legendary Steelers coach Bill Cowher says Ben has started to come around, you take it seriously.   Cowher is the greatest coaches in history and a man of the highest integrity.  He doesn’t kiss anybody’s ass.  And considering he and Ben weren’t exactly the best of friends, his opinion of the man should count more than most.

In a recent interview, Cowher says the recent events have “slapped Ben in the face” and made him realize what a colossal dick he has been.  He says that they have been closer than ever and he’s seeing the much needed maturity the 28 year old frat boy has sorely lacked for years.

While I still believe Ben has a lot to work to do to repair his reputation (a single off-season without a rape accusation would be a nice start), this is indeed great news.   The Steelers have a pre-season game against the Broncos on Sunday night which brings this situation into crystal clear focus.   Denver has a Christian gentleman by the name of Tim Tebow at quarterback.  Regardless of whether the team wins or loses, that fan base can hold their heads high because they have a classy honorable man representing their city.  It’s unfortunate that Steeler Nation can no longer say that but hopefully the disgraceful actions of the past five years will allow us to be similarly proud of our quarterback going forward.

Or, as Coach Cowher so eloquently told Ben, winning isn’t the important thing, “It’s the whole body of work. It’s you as a person, what kind of legacy you want to leave.”    Let’s hope when the legacy of Big Ben is written, it’ll be a story of redemption rather than shame.

Ah, sweet sweet TIVO.  Allowing me to maintain some semblance of a social life and still blog about our fifth string wide receiver’s route running ability.

Some random thoughts from the Pittsburgh Steelers Meaningless Game #2:

QUARTERBACKS - Ben Roethlisberger saw his first action of the season.  He looked to be in mid-season form.  And by “mid-season form,” I mean he ran around in the pocket like a kid with ADD and then showed his typical bad decision making by throwing a poor ball that resulted in a pick.  He also held the ball too long on a 2nd and goal resulting in a sack and five yard loss.   These blunders helped contribute to his being the only quarterback who failed to lead a touchdown drive on Saturday.  To be fair, he appeared to be in good physical shape and showed some nice ability to roll out while making crisp throws on the run.

Byron Leftwich looked pretty good in his brief appearance, highlighted by a 68 yard bomb to Mike Wallace which he dropped in perfectly to the speedy wideout.  Of course, the ignorant bloggers and columnists are using this as proof positive that the Great QB Controversy of 2010 is over.  To them I say this:  the Giants were clearly playing vanilla schemes and generating ZERO PASS RUSH.  On one play, Lord Byron actually SCRAMBLED away from two defenders and lumbered forward for 5 yards.  The chances of him doing that in a real game are about as likely as the Pirates winning the World Series.

Mark my words, as soon as the season starts and he faces a real honest to goodness pass rush, his statue-like pocket presence will doom our offense.

Dennis Dixon looked fantastic as usual but it was strictly in mop-up time.  At this point, there’s no use in my singing his praises until we start the season 0-2 under the immobile Leftwich.

DEFENSE - The Giants held Eli Manning out after suffering a gaping head wound in their first preseason game while backup Jim Sorgi is hurt.  So they went the entire game with third stringer Rhett Bomar.   I’m not trying to sound any alarm bells based on meaningless games but you don’t exactly want to see practice squad fodder like Bomar lead a TD drive against your FIRST TEAM defense.  Which is exactly what happened in the second quarter.

Bomar bomar’d a deep pass to Other Steve Smith for a 45 yard play on coverage by Bryant McFadden.  Granted B-Mac was playing looser than a sorority girl down in Milledgeville but I’d like to see better from a secondary that was torched last year.

Then again, that secondary may have been a bit confused due to Ike Taylor getting tossed from the game four plays into the game.  I always figured players treated these contests like a joke but there was Face Me Ike swinging punches at Hakeem Nicks for some inexplicable reason.  Maybe he had dinner reservations at Tavern on the Green or something.

Slightly more encouraging was the play of second year corner Joe Burnett.  He made a fantastic reaching INT of a tipped Bomar pass.  Considering nobody in our secondary could hold on to a pass last year, I think Burnett may merit a move up in the depth chart past Willie Gay if he continues to show good hands.

Second rounder Jason Worilds saw his first action of the season and showed very little.  He got stood up at the line of scrimmage on almost every play which was the knock on him coming out of college (good rusher, bad run stuffer).  Speaking of which, Keyaron Fox showed very good sideline-to-sideline movement when in with the second team.  Meanwhile, speedy RB Ahmed Bradshaw beat beat both James Harrison and Lawrence Timmons to the outside on a 9 yard TD.

SPECIAL TEAMS - Daniel Sepulveda handled the kickoffs and may have taken the job away from Skippy.   His kicks traveled about 5 yards farther than Reed’s and more importantly, he’d get enough loft on the kicks that the coverage could get into place.

On returns, rookie Antonio Brown saw time as a kick and punt returner.  He didn’t set the world on fire but handled the job capably enough.  I wouldn’t say he’s an upgrade over Stefan Logan but I don’t think he’d be any worse either.   Which is my long-winded way of saying Joystick may be in danger of not making this team.

RUNNING BACK – The Steelers’ commitment to the run is admirable.  And necessary because they aren’t going to win without a good run game.  The problem is, we’re two games in and I’m not convinced they can run effectively.  Mendenhall ran 8 times for a measly 11 yards.

Which isn’t all his fault because anything up the middle is doomed due to massive penetration allowed by a leaky offensive line.  Runs around the corners aren’t much better.  Flozell Adams, in particular, seems to be struggling with the move to RT.  I’ll chalk some of it up to just not knowing the schemes (yet) but he needs to get up to speed soon.

Mewelde Moore had a couple nice runs which should solidify him as the #2 back.  Although Issac Redman continued to impress.  They used him as a fullback on some first team formations giving them the option of handing off to either FB/RB.  And he scored another red zone TD although this one was from 12 yards out.  At this point, I’d be shocked if he doesn’t make it as the 3rd back.

All in all, a good night for the Steelers against a depleted and half-assing Giants team.  With cut downs looming, there should be a couple hard decisions to make in the near future.

It’s beginning to feel a lot like football season.  And nothing says football season like a good old fashion quarterback controversy.

Pittsburgh Steelers star receiver Hines Ward is the latest to voice a desire to see more of dynamic third year quarterback Dennis Dixon.   Of course he does.  Hines is a winner.  He’s not concerned with padding his stats or playing political games.  All he cares about is winning and he knows Dix may very well provide the team with the best chance to start strong out of the gate.

Head coach Mike Tomlin seems less convinced.  In an interview with NFL Network, he told them, “He’s got to take the job if he’s going to take it.”  Analyzing the word choice, one only “takes” something from somebody else.   So reading between the lines makes it clear the starting job is currently in Byron Leftwich’s possession.

Why?  What has Leftwich done to deserve this honor?  He was benched after leading Tampa Bay to an 0-3 start last season.  It’s not like he led his team to the playoffs or was a multi-time Pro Bowler or something.  I repeat, HE WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH TO START FOR THE BUCCANEERS.

And yet, the Steelers seem to think he’s the answer to their quarterback dilemma.  Which begs the question, why did they bother expending a fifth round pick on Dixon if they never planned to play him?   Dix was a first round talent who was injured in college and therefore fell precipitously.   It’s not like he’s some putz from a Division 1-AA program who caught on as a free agent.  He’s an elite talent and is every bit as deserving of a chance to start as Lord Byron.

Dixon’s agent has said there is something strange afoot in the Steeler reluctance to give his client a chance.  I have to concur.  Besides Tomlin’s bizarre statement we had Bruce Arians whining in the Post-Gazette that, “When he does break it, that’s great, but I’d rather see him deliver the ball to his check-downs and other players.”

Of course you would, Arians.  That’s because you’re a buffoon who thinks the only way to win is have your quarterback drop back forty times a game and chuck the ball all over the field.   Even though that strategy has shown it’s doomed for failure, why change your moronic philosophy?   It’s obvious he prefers Leftwich because he’s a drop back pocket passer who feeds right into his Flying Circus game plan.  Heaven forbid he should adjust his insipid playcalling to account for a super-athletic quarterback who can scramble for a 35 yard touchdown as easily as throw one.

And then we have Ben Roethlisberger’s personal nut hugger, Mark Madden, leading the anti-Dixon brigade.  His most recent hit piece on Slash 2.0 began with, “Mucho media members are practically WETTING THEIR PANTS demanding that Dixon gets a fair deal. A chance. Opportunity, that’s all. Forty acres and a mule.”

Nice.  What, no watermelon and fried chicken references?   I would’ve expected at least a passing mention of Dixon’s shiny bling.   C’mon, Mark, if you’re going to reinforce every stereotype of Pittsburgh sports fans as ignorant racists, at least go all the way with it.

The bottom line is this, Dennis Dixon is the most athletic quarterback on the Steelers roster.  He’s got a great arm and the ability to make the most out of broken plays.  A horrific offensive line will hardly affect him because, unlike Leftwich, he’s not a statue.  Sure he might make a few stupid plays due to inexperience but Naughty Ben makes dumb mistakes all the time and he’s in his seventh year.  There is absolutely no reason for Dixon not to be given a chance to start except for blind arrogance or stubborn foolishness.

I’m calling it now, this team will not win a game with Leftwich at quarterback.

I’m a fan of professional wrestling.  You’ll probably notice the occasional wrasslin’ reference in my writing.  Even though it has gotten kinda dull the past few years (Cena sucks), I still keep tabs on the sport.  It’s hard to completely break ties with a show I’ve been watching since Hulk Hogan slammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III.

One of my favorite aspects of wrestling is the utter absurdity.   Like, when you throw a guy into the ropes, why exactly do they bounce off in the opposite direction?   Elementary physics would tell you this makes no sense.  And then there are the mysterious masked wrestlers.  I loved when they’d bring in a masked guy and announce him as hailing from “parts unknown.”

On Saturday, Ben Roethlisberger will emerge from parts unknown when he sees his first action of the 2010 season.   Head coach Mike Tomlin has confirmed that his erstwhile starting quarterback will get some work with the first team offense when the Pittsburgh Steelers play the New York Giants at their spiffy new stadium.

Why do I say parts unknown?

Well, Big Ben is also a fan of the pro wrestling as evidenced by his Rey Mysterio tribute during OTAs earlier this year.  Then there was his appearance as guest host of WWE Raw during last year’s bye week.  He cut a fantastic promo on the Miz, by the way.  Anyway, Ben has recently taken his fandom to a whole new level.

In the 2010 Steelers media guide, his hometown is listed as “Cory-Rawson, Ohio.”   Only one problem.   There is no such place.  Cory-Rawson, Ohio does not exist.  It’s parts unknown!

Diehard Steeler fans will recall Ben has always been listed from Findlay, Ohio.  A quick check of Mapquest confirms that, yes, Findlay does exist.  But it seems following all the off-season turmoil, Ben has disowned his hometown.  This article in the Findlay Courier explains the switcheroo.

“Especially in Findlay,” said Roethlisberger, a record-setting quarterback at Findlay High who now lists Cory-Rawson, the school he attended until fourth grade, as his home town in the Steelers’ media guide.  “A lot of stuff that was said is just blatant lies, which is ridiculous from people you played with and think are your friends.

The nerve of those people!  Negative letters to the editor?  Unflattering articles in his hometown newspaper?  People he knew way back when not supporting him unconditionally?  Who the hell do these ungrateful little people think they are?   That’s no way to treat a huge mega-star like Benjamin J. Roethlisberger!

You’re supposed to stand by your heroes no matter what they do.  So what if Ben’s been accused of raping two hoes in less than a year?  I’m sure Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Drew Brees have all experienced the same thing.  We just don’t hear about it because the media is biased.

This is why Steeler Nation has the best fans in the world.  Other fans would use something silly like two rape charges allegations in 10 months as an excuse to criticize their quarterback.  Not us!   We’ll gladly offer up our daughters or wives or girlfriends to Ben’s ravenous penis if it means another Super Bowl championship.  We’re so loyal that at training camp, fathers held their little daughters up to wave at Ben as if to say, “Win us another Lombardi and this can be yours in 13 years!”

We are REAL fans.

Besides, who wouldn’t want to have drunken sex in a dingy dive bar bathroom with the best quarterback in the NFL?   Don’t lie.   I know that given a chance each and every one of my female readers (all four of you) would have your black and gold panties off faster than Ben could say, “All you bitches take my shots!”

I’m glad Ben changed his hometown.  Stick it to them, Ben!  Those fools should be like us Steeler fans who will absolutely never ever believe Ben did anything wrong until we are presented with 1080 dpi high definition video of him committing an illegal act.  After all, proof is in the pudding.  And nobody could prove Ben’s pudding was sprayed all over that bathroom wall in Georgia!

If there is no semen, you must believe him…

Thanks to the miracle of Tivo, I finally got around to watching the Pittsburgh Steelers first preseason game.  I know I said I was watching it anyway but when they decided to postpone it for over an hour due to rain, I set my recorder and headed out to karoake bar.  Anyway, while I usually give a detailed write-up for regular season games, meaningless contests demand slightly less than my unparalleled best.  So with that in mind, here are some tings I taut I thaw…

QUARTERBACK – What we didn’t see was Ben Roethlisberger.  Whether this is Mike Tomlin’s idea of making a statement or just his plan for getting the other two guys ready is anybody’s guess.  Personally, I think he was just hung over from a hard night icing bros and banging hoes.

Byron Leftwich started and went 6 of 10 for 43 yards.  That sounds good on paper but it wasn’t much to to get excited about.  Most of those completions came in long yardage situations where the defense was willing to give up short underneath stuff.  His throws did look sharp and accurate when he was given a nice clean pocket from which to throw.  I just worry because this offensive line may not provide many of those and his long windup and relative immobility make him a huge liability when pressured.

Dennis Dixon was by far the most impressive quarterback on the field Saturday.  Granted he played against the second and third string units but he was playing with back ups himself.  He directed scoring drives of 79, 75, and 68 yards utilizing an electric mix of passing and running (6 rushes for 31 yards to go with a perfect QB rating).  He threw a couple nice deep balls and was accurate on all the short stuff.  Plus his legs provided a dimension to the offense that clearly kept the defense off-guard.

OFFENSIVE LINE – Um, not good.  Not good at all.  Granted, the starters only played three series so this is an extremely small sample size but what I saw was almost disturbing.   I dunno if the starters decided to play at half-speed or what but the amount of penetration the freakin’ Lions were getting was not what you wanted to see.

The bookend tackles were the primary culprits.  Flozell Adams was doing his best impression of a human traffic cone as guys ran right by him.   Max Starks was also getting beat off the edge on almost every pass.  The push up the middle wasn’t there at all.  Running plays up the gut would result in little or negative gains almost every time.  The best offensive line play of the night was when second stringers Ramon Foster and Tony Hills came in to man the left side and provided some excellent blocking for Redzone Redman.

RUNNING GAME – The Steelers want to get back to Steeler Football.  I’m all for that.  But it would be good to HOLD ON TO THE DAMN BALL.   Rashard Mendenhall had his one nice run ruined because he tried that idiotic spin move he does and had the ball knocked from his mitts.   Mewelde Moore and Issac Redman also had fumbles although both got them back.

The most impressive back was Redman who carried it 15 times for 60 yards.  He also scored a nice short yardage (one yard line) TD plunge.  Rookie Jonathan Dwyer was unimpressive, carrying 6 times for 8 yards.

RECEIVERS – Third rounder Emmanual Sanders was said to be the star of training camp.  Fifth round pick Antonio Brown was the star on the field.  Brown caught three passes for 82 yards.   One of those was a 68 TD which started as a ten yard slant from Dixon that Brown cut upfield and blew by everybody for the score.  The blazing speed which got him drafted was definitely as advertised.

Newcomer Arnaz Battle also chipped in with a nice 51 yard catch-and-run.  Those were the only real notable performers out of the passing game as the majority of the time was spent working on running the ball.

SECONDARY – Again, we have a very small sample size since the first team D only played about 15 snaps.  But it looked a lot like last year.   The linebacker got good pressure on the QB and pretty much stifled any running attempts.   But as soon as Detroit started throwing, they began moving the ball with relative ease.  Ryan Clark did pick off a pass when a Detroit receiver let a poor throw sail through his hands.

Kennan Lewis and Joe Burnett, second year corners expected to step up this year, had up-and-down games.   Lewis covered Calvin Johnson in the end zone and nearly picked off an errant pass.  Burnett blanketed him on the next try but got burned on a comeback move for the TD on the third attempt.  Of course, Johnson is the best WR in the NFL so I cut the youngsters some slack.  Against lesser competition, they acquitted themselves fairly well.   I was particularly impressed with Lewis’ leaping ability and think he might prove useful this season.

SPECIAL TEAMS – Daniel Sepulveda was handling kickoffs in camp.  Skippy Reed went back to doing it during games.   So we got the same old lousy kickoffs that land at the 10 yard line.  He was a perfect 3-3 on FG attempts.

Coverage wise, they didn’t look terrible but Detroit was getting better-than-average field position off all their kicks.  If the Steelers are going to play a lot of low scoring defensive struggles, giving up good field position on a regular basis has to be fixed or it’ll come back to bite them.

In summation, the bad news is I don’t know how much they did to address last year’s shortcomings.   The good news is only three more of these travesties left before we get to some real football.