Mike Tomlin Is A Sex Machine To All The Chicks


Happy Valentine’s Day, or as I call it, “Buy Your Woman Some Shiny Bling Or Suffer The Consequences” Day. Since I’m all about the theme posts, I wanted to do something sort of romance-oriented today. But what? I guess I could talk about my love of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the finest professional football team ever created. Or I could discuss my newfound man-crush on everybody’s favorite scruffy little buddy, Eli Manning, the man who saved us from the great scourge that is the New England Patriots. Or I could discuss the various storybook love affairs in the NFL today; Tony and Jessica, Tom and Giselle, Brady Quinn and Kellen Winslow. Hey everybody saw “American Beauty,” does he not think we know acting all homophobic is as big a sign as showing up at the Manhole for “Ladies’” Night?

Hot ChickThen I found it. I found my post. The saline-enhanced, scantily clad beauties over at Victoria’s Secret have recently named the Steelers head coach, our own Mike Tomlin, the NFL’s Sexiest Coach. I’m sure the voting was close, what with the metrosexual stylings of John Gruden and the always nattily attired Jack Del Rio, but an honor is an honor nonetheless. He’s just lucky Jimmy Johnson bailed out of the NFL years ago as there’s no way Tomlin’s swarthy Omar Eppsness could overcome that magnificent head of silvery helmet hair. I once saw the Fox pregame show in a howling rain storm and literally not a strand moved out of place. Mighty impressive folks.

If you have a minute, do read the article though. It’s a riot, if just for the comments from random females off the street. “He’s handsome, rich and he’s the coach of my favorite football team,” said Laura Bradley of Squirrel Hill. Well, at least she’s upfront about being a gold digger. “He’s no Denzel or anything.” opined Ashley Whitaker of Squirrel Hill, who likely goes home every night to her dipshit boyfriend with bad tribal tattoos and a trucker hat that he wears askew. I hate when people wear their hats askew. Charece Collins of Shadyside is attracted to Tomlin’s youthful energy but adds “it doesn’t hurt that he’s a millionaire.” What the hell? Did they interview every shameless whore in the entire Oakland radius?
Put One Through The Uprights
I don’t know if I have any female readers, and if I do, I’m pretty sure that last paragraph has run them off, but here’s an idea. How about doing something for us guys this Valentine’s Day? Frilly lingerie? Nah. Edible underwear? Tastes like stale Fruit Roll-Ups. If you really want to make this a Valentine’s Day to remember, might I suggest you dress like this fine young lady right here.

Trust me, we’ll do a whole lot more than pat you on the ass for your efforts. And if you can work in a “Big Ben” reference at some point before we manage to split the uprights, not only will you probably get some overpriced shiny crap from Kay’s but you’ll win the title of “Best Girlfriend/Wife Ever.”

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Tags: AFC North Babes Brady Brady Quinn Hot Chicks Jessica Simpson Jimmy Johnson Johnson Lingerie Mike Naked Nekkid NFL Pittsburgh Quinn Romance Romo Secret Shaft Steelers Tomlin Valentine Valentine's Day Victoria's Secret

  • http://carpetbaggersblog.blogspot.com/ El Duffo O muerte

    Hey! That girl stole Duce’s jersey! No wonder he couldn’t dress for a game his last two seasons. Or it was because he was fat.

  • http://nicepickcowher.com/ Chris

    After watching Duce’s level of play a couple preseasons ago, I would’ve given her his pads, too.   She could probably hit the hole faster or run the 40 quicker than that gimp.  Nice of Cowher to keep him on the team long enough to collect his full season salary for doing nothing, though. 

  • Steelady

    I would assume that you have many ladies who read this blog, but it doesn’t offend me.  After all, happily we all know men are dogs. 

  • http://nicepickcowher.com/ Chris

    I tend to disagree with your assumption that I have many female readers.   If this was a Pens blog, yeah, because there seems to be a ton of Puck Bunnies around town nowadays but Steeler fans?   Not so much.   Don’t get me wrong, I still see pink Roethlisberger jerseys at sports bars but nowhere near as many as there used to be.  I think Malkin, Staal, Crosby, etc…  have taken over the #1 slot by a wide margin.

  • Pingback: Deep Posts: Mike Tomlin Could Make Love To All Of Pittsburgh

  • http://www.intotemptation.net jss

    In a similar vein … I’m looking for best erotic photos featuring the use of Terrible Towels …

    Maybe we should join forces. ;-)

  • http://callboyklaus1.wordpress.com/2010/01/20/callboy-klaus-oder-mike-the-machine/ Natalie

    Einen schoenen Blog hast du hier, warum kannte ich den denn noch nicht. Naja jetzt habe ich Ihn gebookmarkt und werde in der naechsten Zeit oefters vorbei schauen. Bin auf jeden Fall schon auf deine neuen Artikel gespannt.