Every spring, millions of Americans come down with a fever. And that fever spreads like the virus from 28 Days Later until every person you know is clutching a newspaper or a computer print out, sweat beads dotting their forehead, drool forming in the corner of their mouths, nervously checking their brackets with the desperate hope that the Golden Flash of Fresno somehow upset the mighty Running Rebels of UNLV. Of course I’m talking about March Madness.
But for Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, March Madness will take on a slightly different tone this year. The team he’ll no doubt be rooting for won’t be our hometown Pitt Panthers. It won’t be Kent State, a proud Ohio team for a proud Ohio boy. It won’t even be Butler, everybody’s favorite underdog story.
No, the team that undoubtedly has Big Ben’s heart will be the University of Oklahoma.
What? Oklahoma? Why on earth would Ben, or anybody else for that matter, be compelled to don a cowboy hat and yell “Boomer Sooners?”
Because of their freshman forward, Ben’s younger sister, Carlee.
Now, I don’t know much about basketball. I know even less about women’s basketball. Call me sexist but I won’t follow any sport where the women look like they could either kick my ass or steal my girlfriend and would be more than happy to do either. Thus, when it comes to women’s sports:
Tennis = good
Basketball = bad
Soccer = good
Golf = bad.
I mean, I’ve watched that clip several times and couldn’t tell you if Carlee is a good player or not. I have no idea if she’s fundamentally sound or if she does a good job of boxing out. Pretty much all I got out of that clip is she’s wearing Kordell Stewart’s number.
What’s up with that? Wearing #10 in a corporate flag football game is cause for harassment and shame. And I’m neither an athlete nor related to one, although my uncle does bear a striking resemblance to Weegie Thomson. Still, show some Roethlisberger pride, girl.
Besides the number controversy, all I can say about Carlee is at least she doesn’t appear to be a nappy headed ho.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
So, anyway, when all you yinzers are sitting back, drinking an Iron, stuffing your face with jumbo and cheesy puffs, cheering on Pitt to their inevitable Sweet 16 finish, take a moment to check the ESPN Scroll-a-matic and see how Oklahoma is faring in their first round match up against Illinois State. If they manage to somehow make it all the way to the Elite 8, I don’t like their chances against national powerhouse Tennessee. But root for them anyway because, hey, Ben is one of us now. And because, Bobby Knight aside, I have a feeling they’ll do a lot more damage in their tourney than our streaky Panthers will do in the men’s bracket.
Topics: Ben, Ben Roethlisberger, Don Imus, Head, Ho, Hot Chicks, Imus, March Madness, Nappy, Nappy Headed Ho, Ncaa Basketball, Ncaa Tournament, Oklahoma, Oklahoma Sooners, Pitt, Pittsburgh, Roethlisberger, Sooners, Tournament, University Of Pittsburgh, Wnba, Women's Basketball