NFL Hates Steelers; 2008 Schedule Released

Infinite Monkey theorem in action

The Infinite Monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will eventually type something that actually makes sense.

Clearly, this is the how the NFL created their schedule for the 2008 football season.

How else can you explain the murderous slate handed down to our beloved Pittsburgh Steelers? We didn’t receive the 9th hardest schedule, which would logically correspond to our position in the draft. We didn’t receive the 5th hardest schedule, which is where we finished in overall defense. Where does our schedule rank you may ask?

Numero Uno.

Yep, we got the hardest schedule in the NFL. Which is a little perplexing considering, at 10-6 last season, our record was worse than the Wild Card team we played in the playoffs. The New York Football Giants also finished 10-6 but, I don’t know if you heard, they won the freakin’ Super Bowl. They’re way down at 16th most difficult, two spots below those plucky Cowboys, who clearly need an easy schedule so they can make their yearly one and done trip to the post-season.

Here’s your official 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers schedule:

Sunday, Sept. 7 vs. Texans 1 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Sept 14 @ Browns 8:15 p.m. (NBC)
Sunday, Sept. 21 @ Eagles 4:15 p.m. (CBS)
Monday, Sept. 29 vs. Ravens 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)
Sunday, Oct. 5 @ Jaguars 8:15 p.m. (NBC)
Sunday, Oct. 12 Bye
Sunday, Oct. 19 @ Bengals 1 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Oct. 26 vs. Giants 4:15 p.m. (FOX)
Monday, Nov. 3 @ Redskins 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)
Sunday, Nov. 9 vs. Colts 4:15 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Nov. 16 vs. Chargers 4:15 p.m. (CBS)
Thursday, Nov. 20 vs. Bengals 8:15 p.m. (NFLN)
Sunday, Nov. 30 @ Patriots 4:15 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Dec. 7 vs. Cowboys 4:15 p.m. (FOX)
Sunday, Dec. 14 @ Ravens 1 p.m . (CBS)
Sunday, Dec. 21 @ Titans 1 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Dec. 28 vs. Browns 1 p.m. (CBS)

Quite a row to hoe, eh? Speaking of which, now that Steely McBeam has been canned, can we please bring back the Steelerettes? They might be the only saving grace this year when we’re going to be very very lucky to go 8-8.

Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe this is much ado about nothing. Maybe this is just a quirk in the scheduling that affects all the top teams. Let’s take a look at the bottom of the list. Surely the parity-obsessed NFL will give the easiest schedules to the teams that sucked the worst. Who’s got the easiest schedule in the NFL next year?

The New England Patriots.

What?!?! The same New England Patriots that went 16-0 last year? The same New England Patriots that were one game choke job away from a perfect season? The same New England Patriots that, with the exception of a few close games, pretty much blew out every team they played last year? Those New England Patriots? Easiest schedule?

Somebody better sit that monkey back down at his typewriter and tell him to try again.

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