Philadelphia Cannot Beat The Steelers

Last week I wondered why the Cleveland Browns were our sworn enemy.  I have to think beyond all else familiarity breeds contempt.  We play them twice a year and will probably continue to do so until their current owner realizes the cesspool he’s stuck in and moves the team to Los Angeles.

Our true natural rival should be our cross-state counter parts, the Philadelphia Eagles.  Sure we play them in the Battle of Pennsylvania every preseason but who cares about the preseason?  If not for the fact we play one meaningful game every 4-5 years, the rivalry between our two cities would be unmatched.   In fact, there’s still a pretty healthy dose of antagonism between the Steel City and the City of Brothers on Crack Brotherly Love without the added dimension of sports.With that in mind, here are 5 reasons why the Pittsburgh Steelers absolutely positively cannot lose to the Iggles this Sunday.

#5:  Our players aren’t idiots.

The above video shows Eagles WR Desean Jackson celebrating his touchdown catch this past Monday night.  Unfortunately for Desean, he celebrated about a yard and a half before he scored the touchdown.  Luckily for him, the team got the ball back and managed to score on the next play.   It still doesn’t erase the fact he’s one of the biggest tools to ever set foot on a field.

Contrast that with our players.  When Hines Ward caught two touchdowns against the Texans, did he spike the ball, thump his chest, and do the Superman?  No, he handed the balls to some guy in the front row wearing a XXXL #86 jersey.

When Willie Parker scores, does he launch into a choreographed set of hip hop moves like he’s auditioning to be one of Justin Timberlake’s backup dancers?  No, he flips the ball to the ref and goes about his business.  Does Big Ben jump around and pump his fists like he’s never thrown a TD pass before?   Of course not, he’s too busy congratulating his teammates.

Jackson isn’t the first self-promoting idiot employed by the Philthydelphia Eagles.  They used to have a guy by the name of Terrell Owens.  Perhaps you’ve heard of him.  He takes self-indulgent jackassery to new levels on a weekly basis with his ridiculous touchdown celebrations.  And before T.O. brought his circus to town, the Eagles were coached by Buddy Ryan.  Ryan went to the Bill Belichick school of “Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat” coaching.   He would encourage his players to take cheap shots on opposing players and even put bounties on other team’s star players.  Yep, only the classiest of the classy get to wear Eagle green.

#4:  Our local cuisine is better than their local cuisine.

Philly is, of course, known for the invention of the cheesesteak sandwich.  This is a fine contribution to American culture and one which I am personally thankful for.  However, the only problem with claiming “ownership” of this culinary mThe Roethlisbergerasterpiece is you can literally go into any bar, pub, or sub shop in any place from Tampa, Florida to Bumfuck, Alaska and order a cheesesteak sandwich.

Pittsburgh is famous for, and the only home of, Primanti Brothers fry-topped sandwiches.  They have an entire menu of unique concoctions, such as the Roethlisberger, the cole slaw slathered monstrosity you see pictured here.  Take it from me, one bite of the Big Ben will make your taste buds sing and your toilet cry for days.

#3:  Our football hero is more heroic than their football hero.

Marky Mark, best known for underwear ads and the Funky Bunch, recently starred in a movie about the short lived football career of Vince Papale.  Papale was a 30-year-old bartender who attended the Eagles open try-outs back in 1976 and made the team.  The movie was a sappy piece of fluff which was supposedly about the triumph of the human spirit, the will to live your dreams, and a bunch of other inspirational crap Disney likes to peddle.

The unfortunate thing is most of it was untrue.  In the movie, they showed Papale scoring a dramatic touchdown.  He never evem sniffed the endzone.  In fact, he spent most of his 3 NFL seasons hurt and not playing.  When he did play, he was just one of the taxi squad on special teams.  Is his story interesting?  Sure.  But the story of a guy who made the team only to catch ONE pass his entire “career” isn’t exactly the stuff of legends.

Now if you want to talk true legends, you have to talk about Rocky Bleier.  Back in 1969, Rocky was on patrol in a Vietnam rice paddy when he was shot in the left thigh during an ambush.  While down, an enemy grenade landed nearby, littering his right leg with shrapnel. He was awarded a Purple Heart and Bronze Star although all he ever really wanted was a Super Bowl ring.   That seemed unlikely as doctors told him that he would be lucky to walk, never mind play professional football again.

But Rocky did play again.  In fact, he worked his way back into the starting line-up as the blocking back for RB Franco Harris.  In 1976, he even rushed for 1,000 yards.  Oh and Rocky did get his Super Bowl ring.  Plus, in 1980, he had a tv-movie made about his life starring Robert Urich of “Spenser For Hire” fame.

Now both stories are nice and uplifting.  But the Rock played 11 years, had 3,865 rushing yards, 136 receptions for 1,294 yards, and scored 25 touchdowns.  Comparing him to some schmuck who played sparingly in parts of 3 seasons while managing to catch all of ONE pass is like comparing Jim Brown to Bobby Boucher.

#2:  Our coach isn’t a deadbeat.

Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin was named Victoria Secret’s Sexiest Head Coach last season.  Not that it matters to Mike as he appears to be happily married to smokin’ hot wife Kiya and content to raise his three young children in the family-oriented atmosphere of Pittsburgh.  Best of all, Mike’s daughter is named Harlyn Quinn which makes him automatically double-cool for being a comic book geek.

Meanwhile, Eagles head coach Andy Reid‘s idea of “quality time” with his family is appearing in court when his two drug-addled sons are charged with various felonies related to drug use, possession, and related crimes.   Both these bad seeds are currently serving time in the clink, thus showing what kind of parental instruction they had at home.  Well, that might not be fair as the judge in one of their cases described the Reid house as an “Emporium of drugs.”  I know it is shocking that *gasp* one might have easy access to illegal substances in such a fine city as Philly but this shows exactly how much attention Eagle-Eyed Andy paid to his brood.

I’m sure Mike Tomlin works long hours and I’m sure he doesn’t spend as much time with his children as he used to but I doubt he’d be so oblivious as to not notice his kids being whacked on goofballs 24-7.

#1:  They booed Santa.

Seriously, what’s Philly most famous for?

Not the cheesesteaks.  Not the Flyers.  Not the Liberty Bell.  Not even Rocky Balboa.

They’re famous for booing Santa Claus.

Which is just a nice way of saying, they’re famous for being assholes.  If that’s the rep you want to have, more power to you.  I prefer to be named the country’s Most Liveable City but maybe that’s just me.

The game this Sunday will definitely be more than just a football game.  It’ll be more than the Battle for Pennsylvania.   It’ll be a battle between good and evil.  Between the Good Side of the Force and the Dark.  Faith I do have that victory ours will be.

Mean Philly Fans

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Tags: Afc Bleier Booing Santa Claus Buddy Ryan Cheese Steak Cheesteaks City Of Brotherly Love Cleveland Comic Geek Desean Jackson Good Food Heroes Invincible Mcnabb Mike Tomlin Monday Night Football Movies Nerds Nfc NFL Parker Philadelphia Pittsburgh Vs Philadelphia Primantis Rocky Bleier Roethlisberger Santa Claus Star Wards Super Bowl Tampa Tomlin Vietnam Vince Papale Ward

  • Dan

    I don’t know if you know this about yourself…but you’re one of those ignorant fans that make all other fans look like pieces of shit.  Listen to yourself…you mentioned a player that we used to have…and one mistake by A ROOKIE! yet any chance you got you mentioned another Steeler’s player.  Try and be a little less one-sided next time you want to make fun of somebody else city and team…you just made yourself look like a jackass.  Think about it, if I were to write an article about the Steelers and Eagles I would give credit where credit is due.  But you don’t mention our players like Asante Samuel and Lito Sheppard, who happen to be better than any cornerback you have right now.  You don’t mention Brian Westbrook who, while Willie Parker is one of the best in the league, is better than any running back you have. You don’t mention the fact that even though Desean made a mistake, he’s the first rookie since 1940 to have two 100 receiving yards in his first 2 games as a rookie.  Of course not, that would prove that the Eagles have talent…and who in the NFL wants to admit that.  Shut your mouth if you’re going to be ignorant…especially if you’re gonna talk trash on an entire city. Your statement about Desean being the biggest tool on a football field…definitely not true.  I’m sure if you ever stepped out there…your crown would be given to you…so have a nice day and enjoy the fact that you’re a one-sided, ignorant, poor excuse for a football fan.

  • Chris

    There isn’t a player on the Eagles who would start for the Steelers.  That’s why I didn’t mention any of your “great” players.  As for the rest of your rant, go find a Philly sports blog if my writing angers you so deeply.  Granted that might be difficult since most of your fans still write with crayons…

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  • Dan

    If you honestly believe that westbrook is worse than all of yours players….you obviously know nothing about the game of football…therefore, you are a complete waste of my time.

  • Mike

    They booed santa clause???  How clever of you to point that out!  You’re an idiot.  And to call our coach a “deadbeat” is classless.  Brian Westbrook > parker, mendenhal etc.. you have lost all credibility, stop being a homer for two seconds and look at the facts.

  • Chris

    Yes, let’s look at facts.   Willie Parker = 1 Super Bowl ring.   Westbrook = 0 Super Bowl rings.   Willie Parker = lead the league in rushing when he got hurt last year.   Westbrook = lead his team to an awesome 8-8 record.   He’s a nice scatback like Dave Meggett used to be for the Giants back in the day but he’d be our 3rd down specialist and that’s all. 

    And Dan, I’d respond to you but I only acknowledge comments written in English, not Philadelphian.

  • TDCowboys

    I hate the eagles too, Desean prejackson is an idiot. But you sir have lost your mind.
      Dont ever compare Tomlin to Reid. Tomlin has done nothing but inherit a decent team. Im pretty sure Philly would rather have a fat bastard who can draft players and coach to win ball games then a “sexy” nobody. Secondly if you think willie parker is better than Brian Westbrook then youv obviously lost it. This is why I hate P.A because your all crazy

  • Chef Dawg

    You forgot to mention the five Super Bowls!!!

  • Ryan (Germantown, MD)

    Whoever wrote this has got to be the biggest idiot ive ever seen in my life lol… dont even get me started

  • Dan

    what the hell are you talking about not speaking English, I speak perfect English…in fact, probably better than you.  So stop attacking me personally since you can not attack what I am saying because if you think Willie Parker is better than Brian Westbrook you have dementia…just stop

  • steve

    you steeler fans are funny!!  saying little willie is better than westbrook.  yes he lead last yr rushing yards BUT how many touchdowns did here score, ummmm 2.  On the other hand westbrook LEAD the league in all purpose yards brother!!!!  Who has more touchdowns this season so far morons>????!!!!!  Little willie cant catch a damn ball, if he does he’ll get hurt again like always

  • YouAreAnIdiot

    It’s funny the slant that you obviously have being a Pittsburgh native (prob not even from pitt) but one of the hick towns right outside.  As far as our players being stupid?….Didn’t your quarterback crash his motorcycle (which he wasn’t supposed to be riding in the first place) into a car that wasn’t moving?  I guess that slipped your mind.  Aside from Desean’s on the field mistake, what else is there?  He’s a rookie, their allowed to make mistakes.  I can’t wait to see him torch your secondary this weekend.  As far as the cheesesteak goes…imitation is the greatest form of flattery.  Sure the other cities sell “Philly Cheesesteaks” but I’ve never had one elsewhere that comes close to a Gino’s, Pat’s, or Steve’s.  The nonsense about this food is coming from someone that probably hasn’t even had one, or else you’d understand this.  As far as your fry topped sandwiches, I’d say there’s probably a reason that no one else tries to imitate them…I’ll leave that open ended as to not completely tear apart your post.  Eagles 24 Steelers 10.

  • Dylan

    just for the record this guy is an idiot but so is YouAreAnIdiot because Ben did not crash his bike into a car that wasnt moving. that car ran a like and pulled infront of him. and if you have never rode a bike before they cant be stopped on a dime you dumbass.

  • How do you spell retard?

    The Steelers players aren’t idiots? Need I remind you of Joey Porter? And I do remember the last regular season contest, where Hines Ward did his jackass version of T.O.’s bird-flapping-thing(by the way, Hines constantly does other people’s touchdown celebrations, mostly because he’s not creative enough to make his own).
    And you also have/had Najeh “take a dump in a coeds hamper” Davenport.

  • john in mass.

    If Pitts is so much better than Philly why does your city continue to lose population, Been to Pitts, compared to philly it is really the pits. You really do not live in the real world if you think pitts is better. Philly is more cosmopolitan and sophisticated. As a transplant in Mass I enjoy going back to Philly once a month to enjoy city life. Go Phillies, Eagles, Flyers, Sixers, etc

  • Rugbydan

    That was the worst analysis I’ve ever read.  Jackson is obviously a bonehead, but he’s also a rookie.  Guarantee that never happens again. 

    Pittsburgh is a corpse of a city that has not figured out that it’s dead yet.  At least my city has some sort of history and a positive future ahead of it.  I’ve forgotten since I left Shippensburg U. what annoying, uneducated morons most Steelers fans are.  Every few years when these teams play, I remember vividly.

  • Moron

    You sir are an idiot.  Jackson may have made the biggest bonehead move, but he has still out performed any of your receivers thus far in the season.  Eagles not having 1 player capable of starting on you team, that is hilarious.    Westbrook is better than any player on your roster.  I would take Jackson over Ward any day of the week, especially Sunday and Monday.  Asante Samuel, hmmm let me think, yeah, put him on my team over any of your corners.  Personaly, I would perfer to have McNabb behind center if he could stay healthy for the year.  I will just leave it at that, and see what you have to say on Sunday night after Philly whipes you ass with your own Terrible Towels.

  • jojo

    Plaxico Burress made a catch his rookie year and got up and spiked the ball, resulting in a turnover.  Or are you not aware of that?  Nice try, though.

  • Moron

    What do you have to say now?  9 Sacks, WOW.  I think you may wanna look for a new O Line there pal.  Oh, and a better QB who know how to throw, because it is clear that when the running game is not there, he sucks miserabley.

  • jfein

    Remind me again how many times the Eagles sacked Ben Worthlessbooger?  What was the score the game?  Who won?  Wait…you mean to say that the evil, sadistic, ruthless Eagles beat the cute, loveable, heart-warmingly nice Steelers?  How can that be????  Aren’t the Steelers good???  Isn’t this just a nice, beautiful fairy tale where the good guys always win?  What happened today?  Is the Linc a dead zone for fairy dust?  In summation, you, my friend, are a jackass and I laugh at you and your patheticness.  And if you feel like I’m being a big, nasty, Philly jerk, email me and I’ll be more than happy to debate all aspects of this game with you.

    E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!

  • TheDarkRayKnight

    isn’t pittsburgh technically in ohio?  it should be.

  • tmw

    I’m pretty sure riding a motorcycle without a helmet automatically puts you into the “idiot” category. Big Ben blew it bigtime and the Eagles did it without Westbrook. I hope you had a good time writing this sasstastic article!

  • mc

    Never say can’t. This is what happens. Steelers lost!

  • ilovethesteelers

    steelers are ugly and smells to. i m happy det steelers lose this!!!
    ha ha ha!

  • rooter

    Haw haw.

  • Cdog923

    Wow…..way to suck, author.

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  • Eaglesrule3620

    While you were busy worrying about who makes the better and more unique sandwich, Philadelphia was busy beating Big Ben senseless.  I truly love how really only ONE of your reasons actually pertained to this year, which is all that matters.  As I constantly have to tell Dallas fans (although I assumed a Steeler fan knew better), those 5 rings, although very nice, do nothing for the betterment of this year’s team. Who cares about who’s “hero was more heroic” or if Philly booed Santa Claus…it’s irrelevant. 15-6, see ya next preseason

  • bigmyc

    Hey, Stiller blogger dumbass;  nice effort in trying to fire the troops up…here’s a newsflash that you might not have gotten in that one horse town of yours: the STeelers got folded.  15-6 was the score.  Look it up.

  • Shawn

    “Philadelphia Can Not Beat The Steelers”
    Concerning this topic, there is always a possiblity of change and upset. As I review some of the responses that we as a people say or write, it behooves me. It is a professional game and anything can happen.  So why for some, respond in a negative way, showing your ignorance. It is a game, and both teams are winners. For that particular day of a WIN, it will be the better team, that comes out and executes the plays and make plays. At the end of the game, the one that was the most successful in doing so, WINS the game. It requires, team work and effort. And when the clock strikes 0 seconds left in the 4th quater or OT, then we have a winner. Stop taking it personal and enjoy the game. Becuase all players go home to their families and live, and here you are upset, mad, and negative. Also, to add to my comment, it is their job to play the game of football, because that is what each Player, Coach, and Staff, get paid to do. It is their job/career, and they want to perform their very best or to the best of their ability.  When you’ve done your very best, that is all you can do.  Somebody has to Win and Somebody has to lose!