Week 3 Recap: Stare At Her Chest

Photo courtesy of Maxim Magazine.

The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 15-6 in a game which redefined the term “ugly.”   Nothing about this contest was pleasant to look at.  The offense was ugly.  The injuries were ugly.  The food they showed was ugly.  The city skyline was ugly.  Even the cheerleaders looked like a bunch of skanks.

Where to even begin with this one?   I don’t mind having my blog overrun by mouth-breathing Philly fans, although I admit I’m surprised that so many know how to read and write (however poorly).   Beside the final score, I have no idea what they feel compelled to brag about.   Their team scored a whopping one touchdown.  If this is the kind of victory you are proud of, well, no wonder why your team has never won anything.

My original idea was to use this recap to illustrate why Steelers RB Willie Parker is superior to overrated Eagles scatback Brian Westbrook.  So much for the best laid plans…   Westbrook went down early in the game with some sort of sprained ankle and never returned.  These sort of soft and gutless players are another reason Philthydelphia is doomed to never win a championship.  Fast Willie did nothing to help my case, however, rushing for 20 yards on 13 carries.   Ouch.

The Steelers D played extremely well yet again.  They had some problems in the first half as even without Westbrook, the Eagles executed their inane dink-and-dunk strategy to perfection.  I said in my preview that Steeler LBs were going to struggle covering their RBs.  I gave our backers too much credit.   They didn’t struggle, they completely failed.  Only a fumble recovery and an interception off a terrible throw by QB Donovan McNabb prevented 14 points being put on the board.  CB Bryant McFadden was the man responsible for both those acquisitions as he had an excellent game in his 2nd career start.  S Troy Polamalu had an incredible pick (his third in three games) later on, thus pretty much establishing he’s back to his old Tasmanian Devil self.  D-coordinator Dick Lebeau made his usual intelligent halftime adjustments causing the Philly offense to sputter in the second half.

Unfortunately, the other Steeler coaches left their brains back in Pittsburgh.  QB Ben Roethlisberger at one point was sacked SIX TIMES on eight consecutive pass attempts.  He went down 8 times in total and was harassed, chased, and/or knocked down at least two dozen more.  Memo to Mike Tomlin:  When your QB is on his back more often than one of the Philly Cheerleaders, that would be the time to make some ADJUSTMENTS.

Perhaps we could’ve tried running the ball.  Parker’s scant 13 carries were spread out randomly over the entire game.  No concentrated effort was made to establish a ground attack.   Worse yet, rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall once again didn’t get any carries.  Why did we draft him if we’re just going to use him on kickoffs?  Nice pick, Tomlin.   Beyond that, we’re carrying three TEs on the roster.   If the Eagles are blitzing every other play (which they seemingly did), bring them out and go into a max protect formation.  The Steelers didn’t do this until late in the 3rd quarter, by which time Ben was beat up and out of synch.  Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians must’ve watched the Monday Night tape and forgot he coaches the Steelers and not the Cowboys because he kept sending our receivers (specifically Nate Washington, who actually contributed a little something today) on deep patterns, even after it became clear Ben wasn’t getting the time to look down the field.  Instead of cutting off the patterns or going to a three step drop, he just kept dialing up the same idiotic plays leading to the same Wile E. Coyote-esque results.

Needless to say, the play of our offensive linemen was atrocious, surrendering 9 sacks, terrible run blocking, non-existent pass-blocking, and a general lack of competence in every area.  RT Willie Colon allowed so much penetration he should change his name to Colonoscopy.  C Justin Hartwig blew a number of assignments and was treated like a human traffic cone all day.  I gave him a pass last week because Shaun Rodgers is a massive human being but if he needs double-team help every week, he’s useless to us.  RB Mewelde Moore and FB Carey Davis were no help at picking up blitzers, either.   The NFL is a copycat league and if word gets around about that, Ben better get used to waking up Monday morning with grass stains on his ass.

Speaking of Big Ben, the shitty offensive line doesn’t let him completely off the hook.  He was back to his old tricks of holding on to the ball for way too long in a vain and misguided attempt to make something out of nothing.   There is no dishonor in throwing the ball away so as not to get beheaded by an onrushing DT.  Several times he sidestepped the pressure or moved out of the pocket only to look downfield, then take another look, then one more look for good measure, then…get dumped to the turf for a sack.  Somehow, he’s never learned you only get 2-4 seconds to step up and let the ball go before somebody is on top of you.  His magical Flutie-esque escapes often lead to big plays but the opposite result, which we saw yesterday, leads to big losses, fumbles, and eventually a serious injury.

As bad as it is to lose to the Iggles, and believe me, having to read a week’s worth of comments by their mutant fans was painful enough, I’m more upset by the general direction of this team.  Everything clicked against the Texans but, c’mon, they’re the Texans.  Last week, we defeated the hapless 0-3 Browns but there were ominous warning signs such as the pressure Ben was under or the fact we only put up one TD.  This week we played one of the top Defensive Coordinators in the league and everything fell apart.   We’re in an extraordinarily bad division so we don’t have to abandon playoff hopes or anything like that.  However, unless this teams starts coming up with some answers for the questions we knew they were going to have about the offensive line, we’re going to be doomed to ultimate failure.   Ask any Philly sports fan how that feels, they know what it’s like.

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  • Mike

    HAHA another classy post by the biggest moron in sports blogging.  Even after the Eagles win a hard fought battle against the Steelers, you find a way to talk down our city, cheerleaders, fans etc.  You know you are wrong about Westbrook being overrated.  Keep living in your pathetic dream world, I would too if I lived in Pittsburgh. 

  • jfein

    You just don’t know when to stop do you.  9 sacks, 8 of Roethilsberger and 1 of Leftwich, and yet you still run your mouth.  The Eagles may have only gotten 1 TD, but hey, at least the Eagles got a TD.  You guys in Pittsburgh may have some serious problems now.  I mean your QB is banged up (thank your offensive line) with a slightly seperated shoulder, your only wins were against teams that combined have not won a game, and when you did play a good team last night without Westbrook for most of the game and with a partly injured McNabb for over half of the game, and you still lose, your team has problems.  You Pitt fans are lucky the rest of your division is pretty much a joke.  Curious to see if Baltimore can keep it up, though.

    You say the Eagles are doomed for ultimate failure.  Maybe this is our year, maybe it isn’t.  Dallas is damn good, no doubt about that.  But if the Eagles win the Super Bowl, you saw the early signs last night.  If my memore serves me correctly (and it may not because I’m from Philadelphia) there was a certain team that sacked the Eagles an astonishing 12 times long before they were ever taken seriously as a Super Bowl contender.  And what happened?  That team, the team that recorded 12 sacks in one game, the New York Giants, won the Super Bowl.  So if it does happen this year, there was your first sign.

    E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!

  • Nick

    Any time I feel bad about the Steelers losing to the Eagles, I just take a walk down to the South Side and take a look at our five Lombardi trophies. That usually does it.

    15-6 is hardly the kind of victory I would be pumped about if I was an Eagles fan.  The birds were held to less than HALF of their average point total last night…at HOME.

    But as the old addage goes, a win is a win. So hats off to the Eagles for winning a hard fought battle.  The Eagles D Line, is SERIOUS. Fast and aggressive, they might be the best in the NFC.

    So as a Pittsburgh fan and native, I congratulate you denizens of Philadelphia. I look forward to a PA Superbowl.

  • http://insidetheiggles.com/ Ian | Inside the Iggles

    Blah blah blah the Eagles kicked the Steelers ass blah blah blah

  • http://nicepickcowher.com/ Chris

    Kicked their ass?  By scoring one touchdown?  By their starting RB and starting QB running to the locker room with sissy injuries instead of playing like men?   By throwing two picks and fumbling the ball over another time?   Yep, real impressive victory there.  You should be proud.  Then again, if you live in Philly you really can’t have too much pride.

  • Pingback: Eagles Win, But Lose Westbrook | Inside the Iggles | A Blog For Philadelphia Eagles Fans

  • iggs4evr

    Sorry the Iggles bruised your QB, RB, OL, and your wittle feewlings.  The Iggs beat the stillers silly, on a short week, even with our 4 best offensive players either out or playing injured.  There are no excuses for Pittsburgh.  Now Philly can turn its attention to the more challenging, quality NFL teams that play in our division.  Good luck with those AFCN powerhouses like Cincy and Cleveland – looks like you may even need it.  Sheesh.

  • JJ

    NPC — I live in Boston & have no horse in the Philly vs Pittsburgh race, but it’s pretty clear who was the better team on Sunday…. and it wasn’t the Steelers.  I hadn’t expected it, b/c Tomlin’s crew is much better on paper.  Heck, the Birds played w/o either of their top 2 WRs, their all-world RB, and even had a hobbled QB for 3/4 of the game and yet still dominated in all Offensive & Defensive categories (though, admittedly, less so on the scoreboard).

    The Pats are headed south much faster then Ben’s boys, but I would be careful about such vitriolic posts if I were you.  There’s a reason that property values are so much lower in Pittsburgh than Philly.  Pittsburgh is simply not that desirable a city to live in.  It’s completely dead after 5pm.  And it’s not really alive before then either.  Culture doesn’t really apply either.  The Steel City industrial history is important, but pales in comparison to the town that was the Birthplace of the USA.  The real heroes in Philly are guys like Ben Franklin.  To its credit, Pittsburgh has Carnegie-Mellon, but that’s also nothing compared to the intellectual legacy of the colleges in Philly. 

    Again, it’s cheap to live in and near Pittsburgh, but there is a very good reason for that…

    -JJ

  • Nick

    Hey JJ, glad to hear you live in Boston. Nobody cares. And since you have no “horse” in this “race” why don’t you shut the fuck up.

    Im going to pass up the comments you made on the Steelers, because I frankly don’t care.  But I take issue when retards like you talk shit on my city. I was born here, raised here, and educated here.  Now, I’m going to educate you.

    You say culture doesn’t “apply”? Come to Pittsburgh and see our museums, Theatre, and art galleries. For a city of our size, we have more than our share of cultural venues. Do a little research. Check out the Andy Warhol, and Carnegie Museum of Natural History just to start.

    You were right about one thing though. The steel industry was important. So important that during WWII, Pittsburgh put out more steel than Japan or Germany. Those are countries…we’re a city. Pretty impressive.  Oh, and by the way, Ben Franklin was born in Boston. I figured you would know that.

    And you’re right, our colleges are second rate. I wouldn’t put Carnegie Mellon and The Univeristy of Pittsburgh against Penn and Temple any day. Are you on crack? All four schools I just named are top rate universities. Ever heard of UPMC?

    Have you ever actually been to Pittsburgh? Stop preching for Philly.  Assholes like you from Boston stopped being so loveable when the RedSox starting winning.

    Blow me,
    Nick from Pittsburgh

  • http://TO.com PRP

    Hahahahahahahahaha

    Man first my post doesn’t get through (lucky you) and now I come back to laugh at you Cris,

    Keep making them excuses your QB is overrated big ben haha more like big dummy and yeah one thing you were right about our cheerleaders did look skanky,

    We like it that way in philly

    Hahahahaahahahaha

  • You know nothing nick

    You know what was even more important in winning WW II, the Marine Corps. Founded where? Philadelphia!

  • http://www.buckthefrowns.com Buck the Frowns

    Got get her in a “Buck the Frowns” T-shirt!