S.O.S (Steelerless On Sunday)

How awesome is that commercial?  I’ve watched it four times in the past hour and still wanna see it again.  Something had to make up for that ridiculous Ben Roethlisberger auditions for ”American Idol” ad which aired last season.   The greatness of Troy Polamalu aside, I’m not prepared to declare it the best Steeler-related commercial ever however.  No, not Mean Joe giving the kid his jersey either.   My favorite will always be, you guessed it, “Nice pick, Cowah!”

Watching Steeler commercials on a continuous loop must mean only one thing:  BYE WEEK.   Yes, this is that one week a year us Pittsburghers dread, the Steelerless Sunday.  I was going to do a run down of the week’s games and offer some of my always insightful analysis but then I realized “who cares about other teams?”  I’m sure football fanatics and degenerate gamblers are salivating over the sexy Miami Dolphins-Houston Texans match-up but I can’t really muster up any interest.  When you’re used to drinking fine champagne, a can of PBR doesn’t entice you (although it works wonders on coeds from Pitt, frat boys must save a bundle on roofies).

Anyway, before I resume my regularly scheduled posting habits next week, I thought I’d just post a few a news items of interest to tide Steeler Nation over until then.

–Gene Collier, who I believe has been a columnist since I was in 3rd grade, wrote about Santonio Holmes’ hometown. Readers of this blog know I covered the story and posted an awesome video on this subject THREE MONTHS AGO.  Way to stay hip and current Post-Gazette.  Seriously, though, watch the video (and comment).  It’s one of the best segments I’ve ever seen.

–Speaking of Santonio, the reason for his sudden disappearance last week was evidently because he got kicked in the junk. Of course, you have to read between the lines in the always family friendly P-G.  Landed on someone’s shoe = kicked.  Lower abdominal region = junk.  If anybody saw the pictures of Holmes taken this summer by his girlfriend groupie ho, you’d know what a major catastrophe this could’ve been.

–Also in junk-related news, did anybody hear about Browns TE Kellen Winslow being sent to the hospital for “undisclosed reasons?” Turns out the undisclosed reasons were swollen testicles. They really better start Brady Quinn because now his boredom is affecting the whole team.

Mister Woodley is not pleased.  I implored you to vote for a Steeler Sweep in the weekly NFL awards and we did not get the job done.   Big Ben won Offensive Player of the Week and Mike Tomlin won Coach of the Week but LaMarr Woodley came up short in his bid for the Defensive Award. He will no doubt take his anger out on the Cincinnati Bungles next weekend.  By the way, check out the list of past Defensive winners.  Mister Woodley and Troy won back-to-back weeks one and two and then J-Peezy (Joey Porter) took it in week three.  Blitzburgh defense is truly a wonderful thing.

James Harrison was fined $20,000 for suggesting the officials should be fined for their atrocious performance in the Jacksonville game.  Hines Ward was also slapped with a $5,000 fine for unnecessary roughness in the Baltimore game.  The rub?  He was never flagged for unnecessary roughness.  So evidently Roger “See No Evil” Goodell can see evil and can even see evil on videotape but it has to be three weeks after it occurred and when the officials who are standing two feet from the plays saw nothing at all.

Have a good weekend, or at least as good as it can be without a glorious Steeler victory, and I’ll be back next week with my regularly scheduled smack talk.

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Tags: American Idol Bengals Big Ben Bungles Cincinnati Coeds Coke Cowah Groupies Hos Houston J-peezy Jacksonville Jaguars James Harrison Joey Porter Mean Joe Mean Joe Greene Miami Naked Holmes Naked Santonio Nakes Steelers Nice Pick Nice Pick Cowher Pitt Pitt Coeds Pittsburgh Polamalu Roethlisberger Silverback Skanks Testicles Tomlin Troy Polamalu University Of Pittsburgh

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