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Smash And Dash Actually Dumb and Dumber

The Tennessee Titans had a terrific season in 2008. They played tough defense and were lead by a grizzled veteran at quarterback. They also featured an exciting tandem of running backs, one a bruising pounder (Smash) and the other a lightning fast breakaway threat (Dash). Ordinarily, the Titans would be the kind of team you want to root for.

If their players weren’t such obnoxious jerks.

Nothing irritates me more than when a player runs their mouth without doing anything to earn that right. I know trash talk is part of the game but at least be able to back it up. If you want to act like a big shot, make some plays to prove you are a big shot. Or, as the Rock used to say, don’t sing it, bring it.

Titans’ RB Lendale White, the Smash of the duo, decided it would be cool to desecrate the Terrible Towel after his team defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers week 16 of last year. It was the last game the exhausted Steelers would lose on their way to a glorious sixth Super Bowl championship. The Titans meanwhile were one and done in the playoffs. And Towel Stomper White contributed to that early exit by fumbling the ball away during a crucial drive before halftime.  The Titans got what they deserved for acting like complete morons.  And White should have learned if you’re going to act like a big shot, play like a big shot.

But instead of sweet Towel Karma shutting his Twinkie-filled mouth, ‘Ol Lendale is at it again. When asked about his act of sacrilege against one of the most sacred symbols in all of football, White had this to say about what to expect during the Titans-Steelers game this Thursday:

“If it happens to be there, I’m gonna stomp all over that.” “If there is a towel in the stands, I will stomp on it. I don’t care who gets mad. . . . If they throw a towel at me, I’m going to kick it and stomp on it.”

Um, has anybody informed this imbecile he’s playing at HEINZ FIELD? Does he not think that maybe, just maybe, there might be a few Towels in the stands? What is the source of this man’s anger toward towels anyway? Was he beaten with a dishrag as a child? Did his family jewels suffer at the hands of a locker room towel snap gone awry? Why do twirly pieces of cloth vex him so?

His disgusting partner in Terrible hate-crime was linebacker Keith Bulluck. Bulluck has made the Pro Bowl exactly once in his career, way back in 2003. He’s another guy who should worry less about talking a big game and instead trying to play one. Yet, somehow this imbecile has managed to get on Twitter and posted the following twat:


It’s PITTSBURGH you idiot!  With an H!  Did you not go to college?!   And what is up with the ‘n?  Is everybody on the Titans a functional illiterate?

Then there was this tweet by linebacker Stephen Tulloch, or as you may know him, “WHO?”

When I type ROFL at that statement, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am literally rolling on the floor laughing. I’m sure this guy nobody ever heard of is going to be a one-man wrecking crew on Thursday. YOU HEAR THAT BRUCE ARIANS?!? STEPHEN TULLOCH IS IN YOUR HEAD, MAN!!

To be fair, Tulloch seems like a decent guy.  And I’m not just saying that because he spelled Pittsburgh correctly.

While I’m on a Twitter jag, let’s take a look at the Dash half of Tennessee’s running back tandem.  Is he also a good guy with the barest minimum level of intelligence?  What do you think?

I was barely able to translate most of his musings because he seems to possess the literacy of a cardboard box. However, I did manage to gather he finds the concept of being homeless quite hilarious. In fact, he makes a joke about it every other post and is even in the process of having t-shirts made. Classy.

Ordinarily, I’d chock it up to the sense of humor of your typical meathead jock but then he went and posted this:


Clicking his link brings you here. Wow, hilarious. Yes, I sometimes get annoyed with the guys down in Oakland who offer to clean your windshield for a nickel but is this really amusing? A quick google confirms Johnson scored a 10 on the Wonderlic.  Although this beat his teammate Vince Young by four points, it is not very impressive when you consider you earn 5 points for correctly spelling your name and the average schmuck off the street should score a 20.

What I’m getting at is since CJ appears to be mildly retarded, I don’t think mocking the homeless is very nice of him.  In fact, he might very well be on public assistance of one sort or another had he not been blessed with legs that move real fast. I know in a league overrun with thugs and criminals (and that’s just the Bengals) being a dick isn’t the worst offense. However, a multimillionaire athlete posting pictures that are all but labeled “HAHA! SUCK IT, POOR PEOPLE!” pretty much tells me he’s a jerk.

Hopefully on Thursday, our beloved Pittsburgh Steelers will win one for the good guys.

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