Shut Up, Tomlin


Head coach Mike Tomlin gave his weekly press conference yesterday. In the wake of the Pittsburgh Steelers latest debacle, plunging their record to 6-6 and all but ending their playoff chances, I was curious what he’d have to say for himself. Would he accept responsibility for the loss? Would he quote another Russell Crowe movie?

Let’s take a look at some choice snippets and I’ll offer my thoughts as well as try to translate Tomlin-speak for you:

Translation: We stink.

Does Tomlin get paid by the word or something?

Translation: I might actually have to do some coaching this week.

This may be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.   Did Tomlin REALLY think everything would just magically work itself out if he gave it enough time?  Seriously?   He thought William Gay would eventually turn into a competent cover corner if he kept trotting him out there week after week?   He thought Ben Roethlisberger would suddenly develop pinpoint accuracy and lightning fast decision-making thus preventing him from throwing picks or taking sacks?

I wish I was at this press conference.  I would’ve asked Tomlin if he also believed in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

Translation: Our secondary blows.

Congratulations, Mike.  It’s clear you’ve been watching the games.   Yes, we haven’t been getting turnovers or closing out games while allowing other teams to torch us.  Excellent observations.

HOW ABOUT DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT?!?!?!?!?!

Translation: Bruce Arians is a putz.

But I thought you wanted us to be exactly like the New England Patriots, Mike.  They sling the ball in the red zone.   They go for it on fourth down.  They let their quarterback throw 40+ passes every game and only throw in a token run here and there.  Isn’t that what you wanted?

Oh, I see.  You’re slowly coming to the realization that Big Ben isn’t Tom Brady and Santonio Holmes isn’t Randy Moss.  Maybe you should inform the guy calling the plays of your discovery, Mike.  He doesn’t seem to be aware of it.

Translation: We stink.  And we will unleash benchings.

It’s always comforting to hear that your head coach needs thirteen weeks to see “a pattern of behavior” in his team.  I realize I’m only an amateur but I noticed, oh, nine or ten weeks ago that Gay couldn’t cover his dick with a box of condoms.  I’ve also noticed the offensive play calling was atrocious.  I’m glad to hear you’ve finally noticed some of these things.   Sure it took you almost FOUR MONTHS but better late than never I guess.

Instead of giving long-winded speeches or watching cheesy Gladiator movies, how about doing some coaching?   Are you even trying?  Bill Cowher got criticized for “mailing it in” when the Steelers had a post-Super Bowl letdown in 2006.   He had other bad seasons but I always thought he got the most out of what he had.  We have some key injuries but there are still All Pros and #1 draft picks all over the field.   We shouldn’t be this bad.

Enough with the speeches.  Actions speak louder than words.  Let’s finally see some of that “leadership” all the commentators compliment you on.   Because, honestly, I haven’t seen a whole lot of it from you this season.

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  • JLaw

    Ha ha you crack me up. I’m sensing some hostility. I agree though actions speak louder than words.

  • http://nicepickcowher.com chris

    Yeah, I’m a little angry. Look, I can deal with losing. Sometimes you get beat by a better team and sometimes your own team just isn’t that talented. But that’s not what’s happening. I feel like this team doesn’t care, the players don’t care, and the coaches don’t care, and it makes me mad.

    Also, as you can guess by the name of my blog, I’m a big Bill Cowher fan. Any coach we have will be held to his standard in my eyes. Cowher may have taken 15 years to win a championship but he always got the absolute most from his team. I feel like this coaching staff is doing the opposite.

  • JLaw

    Oh I agree. Nobody seems to care or want to step up their game. I agree Cowher did an excellent job with what he had for any season. Had a few rough ones but as you stated they all did their best and looked to him for any type of guidance. I remember getting a few chuckles when someone would screw something up and they’d head to the sidelines and totally avoid him for a few plays to let him calm down. I’m not happy with what’s going on either. Nobody seems to be playing or coaching with their heart. You think maybe some of it is arrogance as well?

  • Jay Adams

    When is the honeymoon going to be over for Tomlin? Why doesn’t the media grill him like they did Cpwher? As far as I am concerned Tomlin is a “Snake Oil” salesman! He sold “Snake Oil” to the Rooneys. What is Whisenhunt’s Team Now? Get the Point!!!!!!!

  • http://nicepickcowher.com chris

    Jay, I believe the honeymoon is rapidly ending. A lot of the local media is upset that Tomlin said he was “making changes” and then pretty much made none. The Pittsburgh sports writers are total cheerleaders for the Steelers but they won’t tolerate being made fools of. Cowher had open disdain for them, that’s why they tended to grill him. They’re just now starting to see through Tomlin’s lies and phony cliches.

    Anyway, I’ve heard more criticism of him in the past 24 hours than in the previous 2 years combined. I think it might be a little too soon to call him a total fraud but I admit he’s shown me very little this season. A team quitting on their coach is the ultimate sin as far as I’m concerned.

  • “O”

    Cowher is’nt coaching anybody right now. But seriously Tomlin could have one of the shortest tenure of the modern Steelers if he does’nt get a clue. Get back to basics of running the ball between the tackles and playing smash mouth football. Think about this how many big hits have you seen this year compared to last year,or any other year. We are a sheel of our former selves and it is embarrasing. But I still say it comes down to what kind of training camp you run. This year High School students practiced harder then the Steelers. That is how you set yourself up for a season like we are having. You play like you practice. I just hope this is a wake up call for Tomlin and hope he has a different approach next year, and gets a little more hands on.