Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force pretty much sums up my feelings on the participants in this weekend’s big game.
Without the customary playoff berth for the Pittsburgh Steelers, I had no dog in this year’s post season fight. Still, there were certain outcomes which held my interest. With Dallas or the Ratbirds, I could root for a humiliating defeat. With the Jets or Pittsburgh West Arizona, I had a team I could grudgingly support. If you asked me to pick the worst possible Super Bowl match up, I would’ve been hard pressed to come up with a more wretched combination than the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints.
The Colts are a bland, one-dimensional team led by one of the most cowardly head coaches in history. It’s bad enough to watch a team piss away a chance at all-time greatness by tanking their last two games in the name of “rest” but did anybody check out the AFC Championship game? Fourth and goal from the one foot line and they kick a field goal. Grow some balls, Indy. Furthermore, does anybody outside the Indianapolis area even give two sacks of monkey poop about them? Despite being the winningest team of the 00’s, I bet you’ve never once heard the term “Colts Nation.” You know why? People don’t care about the Colts. There are PEYTON MANNING fans but the team itself is nothing more than a one man show.
As for the Saints, when a long suffering fan base is finally rewarded for their decades of misery with a brief taste of playoff glory, I’m usually happy for the underdog. However, the media has successfully ruined all that by repeatedly trotting out the tired THE SAINTS ARE MORE THAN A FOOTBALL TEAM! THEY’RE A BEACON OF HOPE FOR THE ENTIRE CITY! crap. First of all, if the Saints were so beloved by the people of that city then explain the following banner:
The Saints entered the NFL in 1967. I repeat, 1967. If the team is such a dear and precious local resource for the people of New Orleans, then why did it take them FORTY FREAKIN’ YEARS to sell out their season tickets? Here in Pittsburgh the waiting list to purchase season tickets is about forty years. How am I supposed to be happy for a city full of bandwagon jumpers? And even more vomit inducing were the fawning announcers when owner Tom Benson accepted his NFC Championship trophy. LOOK AT WHAT THIS GREAT MAN BROUGHT TO THE BIG EASY! Except four years ago when Hurricane Katrina devastated the city and turned the Superdome into a giant toilet bowl, Benson was running all over San Antonio trying to work out a deal to move the team there permanently. So you have a fair weather fanbase, a dick owner, and Reggie Bush dating that girl with the big ass. Why root for them?
Oh, there is one other thing. For those undergoing Steeler withdrawal, you will have a chance to see a few of your heroes on Super Bowl Sunday. Hines Ward and LaMarr Woodley will be taking part in the Chris Paul PBA Celebrity Bowling Invitational airing at 2:00 (ET) on ESPN. You can catch a nifty preview video here. It looks like fun and, hey, who doesn’t want to see if Mister Woodley can knock pins like he knocks heads. At the very least, it should give you enough of a Black and Gold fix to get you through three hours of Cowardly vs. Unworthy later that evening.
Please let the commercials be good. That’s all I have to look forward to.
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