Big Ben Speaks: Rape Accusations are "Neat"

Pittsburgh News - June 01, 2010

He speaks.

Disgraced Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger managed to pass his NFL mandated head shrinking sufficiently enough to be granted permission to join the team in off-season workouts this week.  Obviously the results of his sessions at an upstate New York mental health facility will be kept confidential although one has to wonder what kind of quack could misdiagnose such an obvious sociopath.  In any event, it’s probably for the best he starts working out, both to strengthen his increasingly fragile body and to ensure the vaginal security of underage coeds everywhere.  Win-Win for everyone!

The question on everybody’s mind was would he speak?  When?  To whom?  In order to begin repairing a reputation currently circling the toilet bowl, he needs to speak at some point without aid of a fax machine or phony statements written for him by his lawyers.   Perhaps a session on Oprah‘s couch?   Or maybe a heart-to-heart with Suzy Kolber on SportsCenter?   Then again, he could stay local.   I’m sure Peggy Finnegan or Sally Wiggin would happily lob softballs at him given how the Steelers control the media in this city.

Until then, we’ll have to make due with a brief 120 second chat Ben held with a hoard of reporters following yesterday’s workout.  You can watch a video of his smug Q&A by clicking here or read a recap of it here. We’re all hoping Big Shady has learned from this massive fall from grace and dedicates himself to becoming a better human being from this point forward.  After reading some of his answers, it sadly seems apparent he still lacks the humility and self-awareness that is needed for personal change.

Seriously, the sentence “…it’s been neat being able to really re-evaluate my life…” pretty much sums up what an arrogant simpleton we’re dealing with.  Re-evaluating your life isn’t “neat.”  It’s not cool or awesome, bro.  When you reach a point where you need professional intervention to straighten out the mess you’ve made of yourself, that’s not good.  Unfortunately, he hasn’t seemed to figure that out yet.  Hopefully he does before it’s too late.

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