And so it begins…
Ben Roethlisberger took the field for the first time on Saturday. Early last week, Sports Illustrated‘s Jeff Pearlman wrote a scathing article condemning fans for being so quick to excuse Big Ben’s off-season shenanigans. The estimated 10,000 fans at that first practice responded by…
Showering Ben with unconditional love. And he responded by showering them with his shoes.
I’m proud of Steeler Nation. Ben granted an exclusive interview to his P.R. Staff the Post-Gazette on Friday where he said his greatest fear was being booed by his own fans. It would just tear him up inside, you see. Gentle Ben is a kind and sensitive man who kisses AIDS babies, cries watching Animal Planet, and loves Twilight (Team Jacob!). It would shatter his fragile soul into a billion little pieces for his people, you know the ones he stiffed on bar tabs, blew off, treated with contempt, etc, to turn on him. He’s seen the light. He’s one of us.
He’s a Yinzer, too!
Don’t worry, Ben, we have your back. We know that slut down in Georgia was sniffing around all night long. We know she was waving her junk at you like a bitch in heat. We know she was all up in your ice cream begging for a lick. That hussy with her DTF name tag and her cleavage baring top (they were probably fake) wanted it and wanted it bad. She even asked your personal pig off-duty police bodyguard to lead her into that bathroom for some “alone time.” You’re a big star quarterback! What drunk off her ass sorority girl wouldn’t want to blow you in a dingy 3×5 bathroom at some dive college bar?
Isn’t that every girl’s dream?
We’re with you Ben. We believe in you and we will stand by our quarterback just like Hines Ward did when he took you by the hand and walked out of the locker room with you in a show of solidarity. That is until the next time you come down with another of your fake concussions, then Hines will totally call you a wuss on national TV. But for now he’s in your corner. As we all are, Ben. We love you, man.
Just so long as you win us another Super Bowl that is. Make it two. Because that is what’s important here. That girl in Milledgeville and the nutcase in Reno can get over their stupid rape issues. The Steelers have championships to win!
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