Has Romeo Roethlisberger Found His Juliet?

If you listen closely, you can hear the hearts of millions of women breaking.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback and uber-bachelor Ben Roethlisberger is reportedly engaged to Ashley Harlan (pictured above).  The news began circulating online yesterday but I dismissed it as local gossip in the same vein of Bill Cowher having an affair with Kordell Stewart’s sister.  He doesn’t have a sister, people.  However, the story picked up steam when KDKA’s John Shumway questioned Ben and the Post-Gazette added more credence when they did what any respectable newspaper would do; send a reporter out to ambush the alleged fiancee’s family.

My natural reaction to this story was, “That’s the best he could do?”  Then I remembered he’s a goofy looking lug.  My next thought was, “How gullible do they think we are?”  According to the PG article, Harlan’s mother was introducing Ben as her daughter’s boyfriend last summer.  We are to believe they began dating four months after he got in trouble for banging a drunk skank in a bathroom stall and now they’re engaged less than six months after that?  Maybe if they met on the super-secret website used by Charlie Sheen, Michael Jackson, and Tom Cruise specializing in conveniently timed sham marriages.

In hindsight, I guess the shenanigans in Milledgeville could be viewed a bachelor party.  Sure would have been a whole lot safer (and smarter) to just hire a stripper instead of seeking free entertainment from loose sorority girls.

Whatever the case, Ms. Harlan is certainly a PR person’s dream.  She’s a local, having graduated from Laurel High School in New Castle and went to college at St. Francis.  She currently works as a Physician’s Assistant, which puts her somewhere between highly educated nurse and undereducated doctor.   So despite her plain-jane appearance, you can certainly sell her to the gullible media as a bright young woman not at all interested in Big Ben’s monopoly money.

While I certainly applaud Ben’s efforts to become a better man after the debacle last March, part of me hopes this news is not true.  Despite his dickish behavior, I always appreciated the fact Ben was true to himself.  Tom Brady is a deadbeat dad who pretends to be everybody’s dreamy All-American.  Bret Favre is an unfaithful pervert who texts his junk to random women while pretending to be a loyal husband to his unbearable shrew of a wife.

Ben never pretended to be anything but a big goof who loves getting hammered, banging sluts, and playing football.  He wasn’t a Christian gentleman like Tim Tebow or an overrated famewhore like Tony Romo.  For better or worse, Ben was Ben.   And far be it for me to question the power of true love (which no doubt blossomed over a beer bong) but I guess I’m a little sad he decided to sell out like so many others before him.

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  • Fred Weiner

    So many things to wonder about in this post. Top of the list: are you jealous? Next: would you want your own sister or wife or friend to be called out as unattractive in a public forum, not to mention that I think, based on the photo, that she’s pretty cute? Do you have any idea how complicated healing is, such as, some of the nurses, nurses aids, even janitors, not to mention the occasional doctor, contribute unseen loving support to a patient suffering illness? But then, looking at my self, do I appreciate your ironic, in your face postings? Sure I do.

    • http://nicepickcowher.com chris

      Where did I say she was “unattractive?” I said “plain.” If you look at Giselle Bundchen and then look at this girl and think, “Yep, same-same” you either need to take off your ‘Burgh colored glasses or up your standards for hotness.

      And considering one of my ex’s was a PA, I’m pretty sure I understand what that job entails. And I’m definitely sure being lumped in with janitors when it comes to the healing process would have earned you a trip to the couch a lot faster than anything I said. :)

  • Bill

    Is it just me or do the hands clasped in front of Ashley seem just a little out of place? You’d think ESPN could get a better shot than that.

    • http://nicepickcowher.com chris

      Yeah, that was one of the first things I noticed, too (besides the Rachel hairdo which went out in 1996). It looks like somebody was cropped out of the photo and from the nailpolish I’m guessing it’s a female somebody (or some emo loser).

      Considering the PG is camped out on her doorstep, I’m shocked the Pittsburgh paparazzi hasn’t come up with better shots by now as well.

    • Fred Weiner

      “Plain” vs “Unattractive” is splitting hairs a little, and besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we are all a little different that way. What the mass-consciousness norm says about beauty is not necessarily something I’d automatically agree with.

      The “janitor” jibe was a little off, I admit. The point I was making is that healing, as distinct from technological, or scientific treatment, is a complex affair of the heart, as is love, and many in the “healing arts” carry a special ability in that regard–possibly even some janitors. I’m giving the sweet faced girl in question the benefit of the doubt in that regard.

  • Kaylah

    Well Chris, good forum. I have to admit, if this news is true, I’m a little sad that Ben’s not single anymore. I like single Ben. No matter what he did. Not to menton I thought he was kinda cute too (girl talk). Ah well, hope he’s happy! Like I said, good forum just like all the rest!