How about that Peyton Manning situation, huh? I am relieved that one of the three best quarterbacks ever to be named Manning is off the dole and able to pay his own way again. Poor Fella, his skill set really is limited. I’d hate to think of Peyton having to get a real job like selling TV’s or trying to get you to sign up for a credit card or satellite service. Oh wait, he’s done pretty well at that stuff too. The dude was even hilarious hosting Saturday Night Live. And being funny on SNL in the past 20 years may be harder than winning a Super Bowl. Kudos to #18 for his new job; he takes over the reins of the division winning (albeit that division is the juggernaut that is the AFC West) Denver Broncos. As the Peyton Manning era begins in the Mile High City, Mr. Horsey Face will do everything in his power to pretend that Tim Tebow never happened. Elway, Fox, and friends, will act as if last season’s division championship and Wild Card playoff win over…. Over….( I can’t remember who Denver beat in the Wild Card round last year, but I’m sure it doesn’t matter here in Steelers Nation) was a dream. Now the Broncos have a REAL quarterback! But with that REAL quarterback come some REAL issues like the age issue and the can he throw a football issue and the what if he has to run for his life issue not to mention the what if he has to turn his head a little bit to the left or the right issue. Johnny Big Teeth got his man and Peyton gets a huge pay day (I really wanted to type Pey day but I am way too classy for that) as long as he doesn’t get injured. Wait, what? Good luck, Peyton. Don’t buy a house in Denver.
The fallout from the Peyton Situation (leaving Bonnie out of this one) is a lot of finely tuned athletes with big old hurt feelings. There is a lumber company somewhere (I’m guessing China) producing some supersized chips for the shoulders of Kevin Kolb, Alex Smith, Matt Hasselbeck, and whoever the hell the quarterback in Miami is. The ass of Alex Smith has to be aching severely from the Jim Harbaugh’s boot. That is the same ass that Captain Comeback was kissing all last season, the same ass that the 49ers rode to the NFC Championship Game. No wonder Smith, the free agent, went to visit the Dolphins. Peyton Manning has wrecked a few NFL marriages with his hussy flirting. Manning was just looking for a sugar daddy to pay the bills but Double Dumb Ass on those NFL teams that got caught gawking. (I’m picturing the Judge Reinhold/Phoebe Cates fantasy sequence from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Bud Adams yelling: “Doesn’t anybody knock anymore!”)
Starting quarterback is a tricky guy to shop for. Teams can never really go after a high priced free agent gun slinger and say they are “adding depth” at the position. The psyche of the pro quarterback is simultaneously supremely confident and wickedly fragile. They are adept at looking over their shoulders for pass rushers but are weary about the new guy in camp taking their job someday. That vote of confidence really means a lot to those quarterbacks; think how mentally tough Terry Bradshaw had to be to withstand all of Chuck Noll’s mental shenanigans. The Steelers are fortunate to have Ben Roethlisberger as their starter.
Good luck Peyton but don’t stick your neck out too far in Denver. It’s a hangin’ town.