The Great Quarterback Controversy of 2010 has ended!   And the winner is…

Charlie Batch?

I didn’t watch the Pittsburgh Steelers final preseason game last night.  Instead, I was busy following Pitt Panthers‘ escapades out in Utah.   As an aside, Mormon chicks are hot.  As another aside, you got me again, Wanny.  I actually thought you were going to buck the annual early season implosion when they got within three and drove deep into Utes’ territory, but you run a freaking draw instead of trying to score a touchdown.   Then, naturally, Tino throws a pick on the very first pass of OT.

Classic Wannstache, I tells ya.

While this was unfolding, I figured nothing of importance was happening in the Steelers’ fourth and final exhibition game.  Starters barely play, if they play at all.  Coaches roll out rookies and practice squad fodder because nobody wants to lose a key player when the regular season is on the horizon.   The fourth preseason game is basically a glorified scrimmage featuring guys who’ll be suiting up for the Pittsburgh Power arenaball team come this fall.

So I turn on the late news and first thing I hear is, “Byron Leftwich has been taken the the hospital.”  HUH??  WHAT?!?  HOW?!?!

Evidently, Byron fired an 18 yard pass to Emmanuel Sanders early in the second quarter.  Mewelde Moore picked up the blitzing safety and both men crashed into Leftwich during his extremely long follow-through.  Leftwich struggled to his feet, limped to the huddle, and then waved for the medical personnel to get him off the field.   He was rushed to the hospital where he underwent an MRI.

The diagnosis?  An MCL injury.  You may recall, that was the same injury Hines Ward suffered in the 2008 AFC Championship game against Baltimore.  The Post-Gazette is reporting it as a sprain.  Leftwich’s agency, who happen to be on Twitter, posted a sympathy message over his “torn MCL.”   Mort split the difference by saying he has a “second degree” sprain which will likely require surgery.   Bottom line:  Don’t expect to see Lord Byron on the field this season.

Head coach Mike Tomlin has bungled the Steelers quarterback situation so badly, it’s almost pathetic.  Granted this is an unusual situation but he has shown absolutely no clue from the get-go.   It started during OTAs when he said there would be “open competition” but gave Leftwich all the first team snaps.  Dennis Dixon looked great in actual games, so he decided to give him first team snaps last week.   All the while, he’s giving Ben Roethlisberger playing time when he’s not even going to be here for the first month of the season.

Why was Ben even playing?  Last week he ate up an entire quarter when that time should have been given to your opening day starter.   I understand Ben needs a little work but I assume he knows the offense at this point in his career.  Are fifteen snaps in a preseason game REALLY going to help him get ready for his first regular season start SIX WEEKS from now?

UPDATE:  As expected, Ben’s suspension has officially been cut to four games.  The Ginger Dictator has decreed it so according to ESPN.  *Whew*

So where was I?   Oh, yeah, why was Dixon given first team snaps last week?   I’m a Dixon fan and I wanted him to get a shot but by the third preseason game, you should know who your starter is.  The time for “open competition” has ended by that point.  If Leftwich was given all the first half snaps last week, he wouldn’t have had to play this week.  See how that works?

If Leftwich is your man, you ride him.  Starting Dixon means Tomlin was either worried that Byron wasn’t good enough (in which case, why was he handed the job on a silver platter three months ago?) or can’t make a decision to save his life.  Neither option is particularly inspiring.  I could understand if Ben’s suspension only came to light a week or two before training camp but they’ve had months to prepare.

An then we have Batch.  He didn’t play at all in the first game, played sparingly in the second one, and was stuck with the fourth stringers in the third.  Rumors were he was going to get cut with Randle-El serving as the #3/emergency QB so the Steelers can keep an extra WR on their 53 man roster.  Now he’s your primary back up and may even be your starter.

Is he ready to start?  He’s a veteran so he probably doesn’t need a lot of work.  But he missed all of 2008 and took a grand total of four snaps in 2009.   You’re going to ask a guy who hasn’t ran the first team offense in three years to go out in an actual NFL game and lead the team to victory?  What the hell, Tomlin?!

What an absolute disaster.   It’s going to be a loooooong year…

The Pittsburgh Steelers are Super Bowl bound.  So says Peter King in Sports Illustrated’s annual NFL Preview issue hitting stands today.

For those without access to that fine publication, here’s the Cliff’s Notes version:  the Black and Gold start the season 3-1 with their back up quarterback.  Ben Roethlisberger returns from exile and leads them to an 11-5 record and second seed in the AFC.  They’ll humble the Jets and Colts, then set their sights on Green Bay in Super Bowl XLV.  Since the Steelers never lose in the big game (I refuse to count the one Neil O’Donnell was paid to throw), they’ll upend the Packers 33-27 for their seventh Lombardi Trophy.

Throw in box seats with Kate Mara and I’m pretty sure that scenario is every Steeler fan’s wet dream.

While I certainly hope the skunk-haired prognosticator is correct, I am compelled to point out some facts about Mr. King.  First, he’s nuts.   This man ranked Willie Colon the 48th best player in the entire NFL.  To put that in perspective, imagine if every player on every team were a free agent, then you held a draft of those players.  He’s saying a member of one of the worst offensive lines in football, a line which can’t run block and surrenders 50+ sacks EVERY YEAR, would be a mid second round pick?   Seriously?

Let’s also examine some of Peter’s prior predictions.  Last year, he had the Patriots over the Bears in the Super Bowl.   Chicago went 7-9 and didn’t make the playoffs while the Spycammers got crushed by the Ratbirds in the Wild Card game.   In 2008, his crystal ball foretold of the Patriots (sensing a pattern yet?) over the Cowboys.  Neither team made the playoffs (To be fair, losing Tom Brady wasn’t in the equation).  In 2007, the rotund insider envisioned a Colts-Saints match-up.  New Orleans didn’t make the playoffs while Peyton “Choke Artist” Manning had his usual one-and-done.

So what we’ve learned is one of his teams usually does make the playoffs but gets bounced out fairly quick.  The other team doesn’t make it all.  And he’s never ever right on either pick.  Not exactly the most inspiring of track records.

Let’s hope the Blind Squirrel Theorem holds true for once.  After all,  that nut must be found some day, right?

Troy Polamalu is the best defensive player in the NFL.  Some might dispute that but they would be wrong.  In 2008, James Harrison was Defensive Player of the Year.  Last season, he hardly missed a snap.  Yet that same defense went from being one of the all-time greats to being fairly terrible primarily because one unit had Troy and the other did not.

When you’re more important than the DPOY, you have to be the best.

The sight of those flowing locks waving as he hones in on the ball carrier like a heat seeking missile is quickly becoming an iconic image.   A sight I’m sure every member of Steeler Nation hopes to see in sixteen games this season.  Damn you, Madden, and your vile curse.

In what is one of the most unusual publicity stunts in recent memory, Head & Shoulders has taken out a one million dollar insurance policy on Troy’s hair.  Now, I know some might think, “What the hell?”  It actually makes sense if you crunch the numbers.  His shampoo contract probably pays in the high six figures.  Other commercial deals probably net him a few bucks more.  Even though he’s a great player, his unique look is a major part of his marketing appeal.

In other words, chicks dig the hair.

Besides, insurance policies on body parts aren’t uncommon.  College athletes insure their arms or legs in case some catastrophic injury costs them a professional career.  Celebrities and models take them out, too.   Singers insure their voices.  Professional wrestlers insure their bodies.  JLO has even insured her ass for $27 million.  Yes, somebody has a twenty-seven million dollar rump.  I’d be afraid to sit down.   And why one insures their behind, I’m not sure.  Nobody has ever had their butt removed due to complications from bootyliciousness, have they?

Then again, I’m not sure how Troy’s insurance policy works either.  Is there a time limit?  Does he have to try a course of rogaine before any benefits are paid out?  Is he covered against male pattern baldness?

If so, Terry Bradshaw should’ve taken out a similar policy years ago.  He would’ve made a mint.