But do they have kung fu grip?

Blah blah blah went Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin at his weekly grab bag of lies press conference.   At this point, Tomlin’s endless droning must sound like Charlie Brown‘s schoolteacher to his players.  It’s not as if they have to worry about repercussions for angering their coach.   After promising “schematic and personnel” changes last week, he delivered the exact same game plan and exact same lineup that has been sucking for over a month now.  Guess he never heard the story of the boy who cried wolf.

Tomlin did speak the truth in one regard.   This week’s opponent, the Green Bay Packers, are not to be taken lightly.  In fact, they trajectory of their season has been the polar opposite of the Steelers.  Where we started great then crashed with a THUD, the Pack had a tough start but have rebounded to win five straight.  GB is a tough, hungry, balanced team deep in the thick of the NFC Wild Card race.

The Pack went 6-10 last year through no fault of the offense, which averaged nearly four touchdowns a game.  In his first season at QB, Aaron Rodgers ran the show with confidence and precision.   He’s continued his superior play into this season, where his 25 TDs against only 7 INTs have cemented him as an emerging superstar.  Rodgers is helped by having two All-Pro caliber wideouts in Donald Driver and Greg Jennings, either of whom can be counted on to break a game open.  To add some balance, RB Ryan Grant is an effective downhill-style runner.  As Tomlin pointed out, their offensive line was a horror show early in the season but those issues seem to have dissipated lately as some of their injured OL returned to the starting lineup.

In other words, I’m not exaggerating when I say this is probably the most dangerous offense we’ll face this season.

Naturally, the fact that our secondary is absolutely pathetic doesn’t bode well for the Black and Gold.  One could hope inclimate weather at Heinz Field would help the home team although I doubt Green Bay is going to be caught off-guard by poor weather.  Or we could hope the Packers line regresses to early season form allowing James Harrison and company to tee off on him.  The problem there is Rodgers has shown good instincts and a quick release in addition to having 1,000 yard rusher Grant to fall back on.  Honestly, with Will.i.am Gay completely sucking and Ike Taylor phoning it in, if Rodgers doesn’t throw for at least 350 yards I’ll be shocked.

I hope Ryan Clark reads this post.  Feel free to print it out and tack it up on the team bulletin board for extra motivation, Ryan.  I’m here for you, man.

Last season, Green Bay had the Origami Curtain as they lost six games which they led in the fourth quarter. So they did what any team with a terrible defense would do, they hired a former Steelers defensive coordinator.  Dom Capers, who directed a #1 ranked Steeler D to Super Bowl XXX, installed a 3-4 scheme featuring a lot of gap control and zone blitzes.   They went out and used two first round draft picks on DT BJ Raji and LB Clay Matthews to augment this new scheme.  Both players have responded by having fantastic rookie campaigns.

Although no one is having a better year than CB Charles Woodson.  Woodson is the likely front runner to succeed Silverback as NFL Defensive Player of the Year.   He plays corner but has the size and physicality of a safety.  He currently has eight interceptions, two sacks, four forced fumbles, and has made 61 tackles.  In other words, Ben Roethlisberger would be wise to stay away from him or mush brain will add yet another drive-killing Pick Six to his resume.

On offense, the Steelers will be without LG Chris Kemoeatu.  Kemo played hurt last week which could be why our pass protection stunk except most of the stench came from the right side of Justin Hartwig, Trai Essex, and Willie Colon.  Still, Kemo’s been our best run blocking linemen and probably the best all-around performer which admittedly isn’t saying much.  His absence will be felt on the whopping 10-15 running plays Bruce Arians forces himself to call every game.

Hines Ward, who was limping badly and largely ineffective last week, practiced and is expected to play.   I admire the man’s grit and determination but I don’t see what he’s accomplishing by playing hurt other than showing his teammates how much gutsier he is than Whiny Ben.   Then again, 50% of Hines is probably preferable to 100% of Limas Sweed.   I concentrate on our passing game because lord knows no matter how much I scream and hollar about Stillers Football, we all know Big Ben will be chucking the ball 40+ times on Sunday.   As soon as the Pack hits one big play down the field, Arians will push the panic button and roll out the Flying Circus.  You know it, I know it, and I’m sure Green Bay knows it.

In fact, I’m sure they’re counting on it.

Beyond that, there’s isn’t much to say about this game.   You have two teams headed in total opposite directions.  By the law of averages, you’d think maybe a team that has lost five straight is due for a win while a team that has won five in a row is due for a loss.  But that assumes the Steelers are an average team.  At this point, all evidence points to contrary.

The Pittsburgh Steelers travel out to the Show Me State this weekend to take a gander at the new look Kansas City Chiefs.  Unfortunately for long-suffering Chiefs fans, what they’ll see is more of the same losing football they’ve seen for more than a decade.  KC is a text book example of how not to run a franchise.  Unless you’re trying to run it into the ground.  The Chiefs have won exactly four of their past thirty four games and that trend doesn’t look like it’s about to reverse itself anytime soon.

Let’s start as we always do with the offensive side of the ball.  Their best weapon was TE Tony Gonzalez.  He was traded during the offseason because he wanted to play for a winner.  Then there is Larry Johnson.  Johnson put up incredible numbers for the Chiefs (on an incredible amount of carries) in two consecutive seasons.  He also displayed an O.J. Simpson-esque touch with the ladies as he was arrested on four separate occasions, all of them involving violence against women.  KC rewarded this misogynist with a 6 year $45 million contract.  Only after insulting his head coach on Twitter was he finally released a couple weeks back, eventually finding a new home with every criminal’s favorite hideout, the Bengals.

Although those players are gone, there are still plenty of mistakes on the team.  Following a season when he played exactly one month of decent football, the Chiefs traded for Patriots backup Matt Cassel.  Before taking a single snap, they rewarded Cassel with a 6 year $63 million deal.  Geniuses.  Of course, the only remotely decent WR he has to throw to is Dwayne Bowe. But Bowe will not play this Sunday because he’s sitting out a four game suspension for steroid use.  Todd Haley coached a high-powered Cardinals offense all the way to the Super Bowl last season but he’d have to be Miracle Max to improve on the 18 points per game average the team had last year.

For the Steelers, it appears to be all systems go on the offensive side of the ball.  Bruce Arians allegedly plans to rein in his Flying Circus in favor of a more balanced attack. I’ll believe that when I see it.  Still, a heavy dose of Rashard Mendenhall would be exactly what this team needs to get back on a winning track.  Especially since KC is ranked down near the bottom of the league in rush defense.

Which brings us to yet more bad news for the Chiefs.  Only 0-16 Detroit gave up more yardage last year as KC set a new record for futility by recording a total of only 10 sacks.  This year they’ve switched over to a 3-4 and used their first two draft picks on stud defensive prospects, Tyson Jackson and Alex Magee. They also took on more Patriots garbage by taking ancient LB (and former Steeler) Mike Vrabel in the Cassel trade and signing the equally ancient Zach Thomas away from the Cowboys. With no pass rush, the secondary got picked on last year and yet it’s probably the strength of this unit.

For the Steelers, there are injuries aplenty to worry about.  Troy Polamalu remains “questionable” but is definitely not playing Sunday.  Look, if we can’t beat the Chiefs without Troy, just forfeit the rest of the season because we’re done.  In other injury news, Travis Kirschke‘s sprained calf is now torn because Mike Tomlin is a filthy liar.  He did try some individual drills this week but evidently he’s still a few weeks away.  Shockingly, I’m okay with his absence because his backup (or the backup to the backup if you’re keeping score), Nick Eason, has done a fairly solid job.  Last year, the Steelers D sacked Cassel seven times as they dazed and confused him all afternoon. While he’s now a year more experienced, I still expect James Harrison and company to be after him like a school of sharks tasting blood in the water.

Although they say “Any Given Sunday” for a very legitimate reason, this weekend should be little more than a tune-up.  I expect a professional, tidy effort from the Steelers in taking care of business like good teams do when they play the dregs of the NFL.  Get in, get your win, and get out without anybody getting hurt.  Next week we have the first of two games against the Ratbirds which may very well decide our season.  No time like the present to start playing winning football.

Fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers are everywhere. Even in Dallas as the above video shows. I love how the newspaper gave the entire family Cowboys jerseys (including, ugh, pink ones) to make it look like they follow the team. The look on Jason Witten‘s face when he walks into the kid’s room is hilarious.

One of the other cool things about Steeler Nation is how we take over other team’s stadiums. This Sunday, for example, I expect there to be a sea of Black and Gold amongst smatterings of red when we play the Kansas City Chiefs. After all, the Chiefs are a truly wretched franchise mired in yet another losing season. Fans looking to travel, ex-Burghers still loyal to their hometown, and the few intelligent Missourians (an oxymoron, I know) who’ve long since given up on their franchise will likely conspire to make this a home game on the road.

I just hope those outside of the ‘Burgh are careful because being a Steelers fan could be dangerous to your health.

Making the rounds of the internet has been this story about a Pittsburgh man who was in Chicago for the game against the Bears. Afterward, he got into a bit of friendly smack talking with the Bears fans at a local bar. Supposedly, this back-and-forth eventually escalated into a rather heated exchange. I’ll take a wild guess and say alcohol was involved. However, when the locals decided to buy the Yinzer a beer to put the issue to bed, things quickly went from bad to worse.

See, these upstanding citizens decided to slip something into his drink. Roofies most likely.  I wonder how many of these men were in a fraternity at Penn State.  Anyway, this incident tells us two things about Chicago. One, their fans are a bunch of scumbags. And two, if you’re a single woman in the Windy City, you should probably join Match.com.

Anyway, our ‘Burgh guy had a bad reaction to this spiked drink. He passed out and was rushed to the hospital. While there, his heart stopped FOUR TIMES. He was eventually stabilized but has been left blind and suffering brain damage. Mind you, this all was a result of a football game the Bears WON.

So please, Steeler Nation, continue to invade enemy territory. Continue to take over opposing stadiums. Continue to wave your Terrible Towels wherever you may go. Just be careful. The world’s a big ugly scary place full of bitter fans of shitty football teams. And that’s just Cleveland.

Looks like Terry Bradshaw can’t believe it either.

In the wake of the Pittsburgh Steelers crushing defeat by the Cincinnati Bengals this past Sunday, Steeler Nation is awash in a sea of negativity. The Steelers are 6-3 and in good shape for a playoff berth yet the general feeling is that Sunday’s loss basically ended the season. While I advise you to put away the knives and remove your belts and shoelaces, I’d be less than truthful if I didn’t admit to believing the doomsayers speak a bit of truth. Two teams in 43 years have won the Super Bowl as a Wild Card and, let’s face it, anything less than a repeat makes this year a failure.

Over the past couple days, there’s been good news, bad news, and so-so news out of the Black and Gold.

In the good news category, Mike Tomlin is clearly upset with our shitacular special teams and has set about making changes. He sent a clear message to others on that unit by cutting backup LB Arnold Harrison. In a way, I feel sorry that Harrison is the fall guy for our kickoff fiascos as he’s been on the team since 2005, battling his way back from a torn right ACL in 2006 and then tearing his left in 2008. They’ve signed Donovan Woods off the practice squad to replace him. Woods is supposedly a good special teams player but we’ll have to see about that. Personally, I think they need to bite the bullet and put starters like Brett Keisel or Lawrence Timmons out on coverage. Tomlin has also indicated Mike Wallace will see more action returning punts as preseason sensation Stefan Logan has been a bust so far.

In so-so news, Troy Polamalu is listed as “questionable” for Sunday’s game. Considering Tomlin is a filthy liar, I wouldn’t put much stock in anything he says regarding injuries. For what it’s worth, they’re saying this injury was a PCL strain, not a re-aggravation of the MCL sprain that kept Troy out earlier this season. Regardless of how much faith you put in these medical reports, it seems likely Troy will play again in 2009.  Although his reckless style of play has to make you wonder how long he’ll be back before he’s injured again. One thing is for certain, the Steelers would be insane to let him play in this week’s demolition of the hapless Chiefs.

Finally, in the bad news, all this talk of injured knees and lousy special teams has covered for a truly terrible performance by our offense. Ben Roethlisberger has owned up to playing a bad game but I think he was put in position to fail. He threw 40 passes, was sacked 4 times, and scrambled out of danger twice. For those keeping score, that’s 46 throws against a measly 18 runs. I’m sorry but that is abysmal playcalling. When you look at our three biggest wins of the year (San Diego, Denver, and Minnesota), Rashard Mendenhall had over 150 yards in two of them. The Minnesota game was decided by a pair of Pick Sixes.

In other words, anybody who tries to argue Bruce Arians’ Flying Circus is working this season has not been watching these games. Yes, Ben is an excellent quarterback. Yes, we have good receivers. However, we are not the Patriots or the Colts. The Steelers simply cannot win at a high level by putting the ball in Ben’s hands and saying, “Here, do it all by yourself.” Arians needs to be called out for his game plans and made to realize we are winning in spite of him, not because of him. Until some balance is returned to this offense, I foresee some frustrating days ahead.

Frustrating for me. Frustrating for you. And frustrating for Terry Bradshaw.

The Pittsburgh Steelers were handed a devastating loss by the improbable score of 18-12 yesterday afternoon.  This defeat completes a shocking sweep of both divisional games by the Cincinnati Bengals.  Barring a monumental collapse, the Bengals have all but assured themselves of winning the AFC North title.  On a day when both a game and a division were lost, perhaps the worst loss for the Steelers came in the form of Troy Polamalu, who re-injured his knee on the first series of the game and may be lost for the season.

This is where I usually launch into an obnoxiously detailed analysis.  Unfortunately, there isn’t much to talk about with this one.  Most of the action seemed to follow the same script over and over again.  There were no offensive touchdowns scored.  Pittsburgh punted five times while the Bengals had four boots.  Neither team was able to reach 250 total yards of offense for the entire game.  The offensive heroes were Cincy’s Shayne Graham (4 for 5 on FGs) and Skippy Reed (who split the uprights on all 4 of his attempts).

Skippy also figured prominently in the key play of the game.  The final margin of victory was primarily owed to rookie Bernard Scott and his 96 yard kickoff return for a touchdown.  Skippy did another fantastic job on kickoff coverage, running past Scott without so much as laying a finger on him.  Although let’s be fair and remember Reed is paid to make kicks not tackles.  The 10 other guys who by and large don’t do anything except play on special teams should be embarrassed by their work this season.  This is the worst kick coverage I’ve seen in close to ten years.

A badly depleted Steeler defense managed to bend but not break all day long.  Subtracting the kickoff TD and one FG that was set up by a Ben Roethlisberger interception returned deep in to our territory, the D held up quite well.  Of course, it helped that the Bengals played most of the game without the red hot Cedric Benson, also lost to injury.  Still, when you hold a high-powered offense featuring the likes of Carson Palmer (178 yards passing) and Ochocinco (2 catches for 29 yards) to a handful of field goals, you’ve pretty much done your job.

Which is more than I can say for our offense.  This week really exposed the weakness of Bruce Arians’ Flying Circus.  When it clicks, it’s great.  But when you have one of those days where things just aren’t firing on all cylinders, everything falls apart.  And, brother, not even superglue could’ve put it back together.

Big Ben sucked yesterday.  Every throw was high or low or a little to the right or a little to the left or overthrown or underthrown or directly into a defender’s paws.  Ben had so many passes swatted down at the line of scrimmage that I lost count.  And even though Ben’s throws were wild and erratic, his receivers didn’t provide him much help.  Santonio Holmes let a sure TD go right through his arms in the end zone and Mike Wallace dropped a crucial third and long conversion.

Then we have the offensive line.  It surely didn’t help Ben’s cause that his boys had a hard time keeping him upright, surrendering a season high 4 sacks and many other knockdowns/pressures.  The bookends, Max Starks and Willie Colon, were repeatedly getting beaten off the edge by the Bengals speedy pass rushers.  And when they did manage to provide a sliver of protection, the Bengals secondary was able to keep things covered long enough to prevent Ben from doing any damage.

Despite this laundry list of shortcomings, the Steelers managed to move the ball into the Cincinnati red zone no less than four times.  In fact, they got as deep as the Bengals 16, 10, 8, and 17 yard lines before settling for FGs on each occasion.  A disturbing pattern soon emerged where the Steelers would look lost, somehow pull a couple nice plays out of their asses to get into Cincy territory, then proceed to shoot themselves in the foot.  On three of those drives, what started as a 1st and goal from around ten yards out became a 2nd and goal from the 25-30 yard line because of a penalty or sack.  The playcalling was beyond atrocious.  I realize the Bengals are the #2 team against the rush and Rashard Mendenhall only had 36 yards on the day but lining up in a five WR set from the 8 yard line????   If we can’t pound it in from that distance Steeler Football is truly dead.

Much like our hopes for a championship repeat may be.  This loss drops the Steelers to 6-3 and creates a scenario where the only way we can win the division is by finishing a full game ahead of the Bengals.  With that scenario highly unlikely to happen, it appears the Black and Gold are now relegated to Wild Card status.  Last year, the New England Patriots missed out on the Wild Card despite an 11-5 record.  In other words, not only is that route to the Super Bowl extremely difficult because you have to play three games all on the road but it’s a huge crapshoot just to get the spot in the first place.   But this is where having lost twice to a team we should have beaten has left the Steelers.  They’re going to have to play their best football from here on out because as of now the margin for error is officially zero.