Pittsburgh has a long history of athlete-endorsed food products. There were Louis Lipps‘ uber-delicious Lippsmacker cookies. Bubby Brister had the Bubby Bar. Not to be outdone, Mario Lemieux countered with his unfortunately named Mario Bun. I even remember Terry Bradshaw Peanut Butter. My mother claims it was the only PB I’d accept with my J back when I was a wee lad.

I’ve been a diehard Steelers fan a loooooong time.

City of Champions Cereal is the newest entry on that list. The box, featuring Hines Ward and Max Talbot on alternate sides, will be available exclusively at local Giant Eagle stores in mid November.  For the out-of-towners, you can also order this fine product directly from the PLB Sports website beginning November 9th.  Heck, order some Big Ben Beef Jerky while you’re at it.  You can never have enough beef jerky.

Now, let’s get down to the reason I’m giving PLB Sports this free publicity.  First, they’re a well-respected company probably most famous for producing Flutie Flakes.  And more importantly, they’re having a contest.  Everybody knows I love a contest.

Anyway, PLB Sports will be having a press conference on November 24th to promote City of Champions Cereal.  The are giving YOU a chance to attend this press conference.  Why is that a prize?

How about because both box boys, Hines and Max, will be at this press conference. Live and in person. And you are guaranteed to receive a box of cereal autographed by both of them!  In addition, Hines and Max have a reputation of being two of Pittsburgh’s nicest athletes so, time permitting of course, you’ll get a chance to have a few moments of face time with them after the press conference is over.

Unfortunately, there will be no guessing of a score to win this awesome opportunity.  PLB Sports is running the contest themselves, I am merely a humble messenger. If you’d like to enter, first make sure you’re either in Pittsburgh or able to get to the ‘Burgh on November 24th.  Mooch off your relatives if you have to, that’s what they’re here for.

All the official rules and legal mumbo jumbo can found here. Once you know you can make it, there are two ways to enter the contest.  You may enter both ways, but only ONCE each.

1. Send an email to info@plbsports.com with the headline (City of Champions Cereal). The entrant should write their name, age, telephone number, and how you found out about the Contest.

2. Follow PLB Sports on Twitter (@plbsports) and send them a reply which states “enter me in the contest #cityofchampions”

The contest will run from today until November 19th so get those entries in!  PLB has generously extended me the chance to cover the press conference so, work permitting, I may be there to fulfill my bloggy duties.  In fact, I feel a cold coming on as we speak.  Hope to see you there!

I have nothing against the Post-Gazette. I joke from time to time about them being the unofficial PR Department for the Pittsburgh Steelers but that can be said of every media outlet in this city. Truth is, I read their online site (printed newspapers are so 1992) almost every day because they have access to things, like press conferences and player interviews, us lowly bloggers still aren’t privy to.  Plus, I think there’s room for us both to co-exist; I write from the fan’s point of view, while they approach subjects through the eyes of a trained journalist.

Every once in awhile, I come across a story which is so patently ridiculous, my Smart Ass Meter hits the red.  Being a model of restraint, I usually resist the urge to make fun of it here.  But Holy Llama Dung, Batman, did anybody read this column? It’s a story about the Steelers annual Ladies Night Out and it’s terrible. It’s awful. It deserves my unbridled sarcasm in full. Let’s begin…

For $95, nearly 500 women of all ages and from all walks of life got the chance to eat dinner, ask questions of Steelers, visit the inner sanctum of the locker room and attempt field goals while their images were shown on the scoreboard.

Ninety-five dollars?  500 women were willing to pony up ninety-five dollars for the privilege of touring the Steelers locker room?  I’ve been in locker rooms.  Many times I would’ve paid $95 to LEAVE one.  I have no idea why women would be that eager to get a whiff of the stank left behind by 53 large sweaty men.

And I can’t imagine what this so-called “tour” might entail.  “This locker here with the full-length fold out mirror belongs to Jeff Reed.”  “Over here, you’ll see Santonio Holmes‘ jock strap.  Feel free to pass it around but be careful.  Drop it on your foot and you’ll break a toe.”

In a figurative sense, it was a Cinderella-like outing. But instead of dancing at a ball with a handsome prince, they got to kick a ball and become immersed in football. And a Steelerella never has to worry about glass slippers.

Fun activity for the ladies or auditioning Skippy’s replacement?  YOU DECIDE!

And let us never speak the word “Steelerella” ever again.

Speakers for the evening were rookie defensive lineman Ziggy Hood and backup quarterback Charlie Batch.

So for your ninety five clams, you get to hear from a rookie who’s never started a game and our lowly backup quarterback.  I don’t know for sure but I have a strong hunch Ziggy got handed the job as some sort of rookie hazing ritual.

But there also were questions never asked by the football writers, like this inquiry from Devona Edmond of the North Side.

“Ziggy, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yes, she’s seated right over there.”

“Do you want another one?”

Translation:

“Hi, I’m Devona Edmond and I’m a shameless whore.”

Being a guy and all, I know Man Code backwards and forwards.  Perhaps one of my female readers can help me out with Woman Code.  Are there any rules or regulations about handling some hootchie hitting on your man right in front of you?

If not, there should be.

Ms. Edmond has the team logo tattooed on her back along with her date of birth — June 2, 1986.

The Hypocycloid turned into Tramp Stamp?  I don’t know if I should be aroused or offended by this sacrilege!

Women love the Steelers for a variety of reasons. Everybody loves a winner. Families get together to watch and talk football. The uniforms and the color scheme make a bold fashion statement.

Um, what?  Are they seriously claiming a portion of the Steelers female fan base exists solely because Black and Gold matches their shoes and purse?

“The Steelers officially don’t have cheerleaders. They don’t need them,” said Robin Thomas of St. Clairsville. “They have a million of them.”

We don’t need a mascot, either.  Yet Steely McBeam sadly exists.  Yes, we do need cheerleaders.  You know why?  Because Pittsburgh’s Polish-Italian-German flavor produces some of the most attractive women in the United States.  And I’m sick of people thinking they all look like this:

Besides, the Steelers did have cheerleaders once upon a time.  In fact, they had the first cheerleading squad in NFL history.

“He said his mother had a problem with us getting married because I wasn’t a Catholic. He didn’t have a problem with that, but he did have a problem with me wearing a Cowboys jersey. Once I took that thing off and converted to being a Steelers fan, things worked out fine. That was over 20 years ago,” Ms. Thomas said.

I have nothing funny to add.  Mostly because the same thing happened to me.  It’s 1994 and I’m a freshman at Carnegie Mellon University.  Sitting across from me in Introductory Statistics was this gorgeous green-eyed blonde, whom I’d later discover was a Colts fan.  We dated for close to two years and her dubious taste in football teams never bothered me because this was Indianapolis before Peyton Manning, when they were just a ragtag bunch of lovable losers.

In the 1995 playoffs (played in January of 1996), Indy came out of nowhere to score two major upsets before facing the Steelers in the AFC Championship game.  Up until this point, I had let this girl meet my parents but kept her away from major family gatherings.  On this occasion, I felt it was time to invite her to watch the game with my entire family, consisting of three uncles, two aunts, my grandma, and my folks.  When she walked in wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey, I knew it was the beginning of the end.   We broke up six weeks later.

The moral of the story is this:  religious, ethnic, even age differences can be overcome.  But root for different teams and the relationship is doomed.

There were a few of the pink jerseys in the audience, but the overwhelming majority of women prefer to wear black and gold.

STOP BUYING PINK JERSEYS!!!!!   Only ditzy airheads who watch to stare at Heath Miller‘s ass wear pink jerseys.  Real football fans wear real football jerseys!!!

“Being a Steeler fan truly does span generations,” Mrs. Reinhard said. “It’s bred into you.”

There’s a joke there but…   Nah.  Too easy.

Lynn Kelley, originally from Upper St. Clair. She married a man from Sandusky, Ohio, and they had two sons. But when the marriage soured, he wanted the boys to follow the Browns. To rescue them from such a bleak future, she sought the intercession of Ziggy Hood.

This man should have all visitation rights revoked immediately.  Kids need a strong male role model and this guy is clearly a man of questionable character.  I’m not Judge Judy and I’ve never been in Family Court but his subtle brainwashing has to constitute some form of abuse.  Who in their right mind would encourage anybody to follow the Browns?

I’ve watched this video twenty times and you know what? It never gets old!

Don’t get me wrong. When it happened, I was not happy. On the contrary, I was concerned because the Pittsburgh Steelers were only up by a field goal. It definitely appeared that the undefeated Minnesota Vikings were closing in on the tie if not the go-ahead touchdown. Then the Steelers defense rose to the occasion, picking off Brett Favre and leading the Black and Gold to glorious victory.

So now I can gloat.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know I’m not a fan of Will.i.am Gay. For one thing, he acted like a complete moron at the Super Bowl Victory Parade. But what really grills my cheese is the way he poses and celebrates after making the most ordinary of plays. I’m not some old geezer. I don’t mind guys celebrating, say after catching the winning TD pass in the Super Bowl. However, Gay seems to think tackling somebody for a two yard loss is worthy of a choreographed dance straight out of an episode of Glee.

Thanks to Brett and his Fighting Wranglers, I have a new reason to dislike Gay. He sucks at football. If you saw the game, you probably noticed they targeted him all day. He blew one play where he was supposed to blitz but stopped long enough for the ball to go lofting over his peabrained head. On a crucial third and long, Gay totally whiffed on trying to tackle Percy Harvin. He misses a lot of tackles because he doesn’t wrap people up so much as dive desperately at their feet hoping an ankle falls into his mitts.

I didn’t worry much when Bryant McFadden left to join the Arizona Cardinals Pittsburgh West. After all, B-Mac only started one year and was routinely beaten out by ninety-five year old Deshea Townshend. Hindsight being 20/20, I realize we’re going to miss him. Gay has blazing speed but is a lousy tackler with mediocre coverage skills. Maybe Mike Tomlin, who started out as a secondary coach, can coach him up but I’m not holding my breath. We’ll have to make due until next year when either rookie Joe Burnett is ready to start or we take a better corner in the draft.

In the meantime, I’ll relish the irony of the above play. Gay has spent this season trying to draw attention to himself and his meager accomplishments. Well, he’s got attention now. From this point forward, whenever a “Best Plays of 2009″ highlight package airs, I’m sure you’ll see the clip of young Will.i.am getting JACKED UP by Purple Jesus. Be careful what you wish for…

This Sunday, the Pittsburgh Steelers face their first true test of the season.  We’ve played a few good teams but in the Minnesota Vikings we will be facing our first legitimate Super Bowl contender.  If you wanted a measuring stick as to where this team stands, here is your stick.  By Sunday afternoon, we’ll have have some answers concerning what to expect from the Black and Gold in 2009.

With RB Adrian Peterson rumbling behind one of the best offensive lines in the league, Minnesota has ranked in the top five in rushing the past two seasons.  Their problem has been at quarterback.  You can only hide your QB for so long before top-notch NFL defenses figure out ways to force him to win the game.  Tarvaris Jackson could not win games.   So, this off-season, the Vikes flirted with Brett Favre, wining him, dining him, slipping him roofies until he ended his second third fourth retirement.  Favre can win games, in fact he’s already pulled a couple out this season.  They picked up a little bonus when they drafted hybrid RB/WR Percy Harvin at #22 overall.  He’s been a help to the offense and great returning kicks, where the Steelers had issues last week.  When he’s on his game, he dramatically improves an otherwise middling set of receivers.

The question for the Steelers defense will obviously be stopping Peterson.  Aaron Smith was by far our best run stopper and he’s gone for the year.  If Dick LeBeau can’t figure out some way to put the breaks on Purple Jesus, the game is going to go downhill real fast.  Hopefully, the law firm of Kirschke, Eason & Hood will be up to the task.  In other news, Troy Polamalu has not practiced regularly this week.  Usually not practicing indicates not playing but I can’t imagine Troy missing the biggest game of the year.

On defense, Minnesota’s group has been the stingiest in the league against the run for three straight seasons.  Yes, even stingier than the Steelers.  DTs Kevin and Pat Williams are twin brothers of different mothers.  These two behemoths simply negate any action in the middle while DE Jared Allen causes havoc all over the field.  All three made the Pro Bowl last year.   One Pro Bowler who won’t play Sunday is CB Antoine Winfield.  His injury last week seemed to coincide with the Ravens making a furious comeback so I’m guessing losing him has the same effect on their secondary as losing Troy had on ours.

Which means prepare for Bruce Arians’ Flying Circus to be in high gear this Sunday.  Rashard Mendenhall, who has been officially declared our first string running back, will get enough carries to keep the Vikes honest.  But I have to believe our fortunes in this game will rise and fall on the arm of Ben Roethlisberger.  Look for the NFL’s leading receiver, Hines Ward (yes, a Steeler WR leads the league in yardage) and company to see a lot of pigskin headed their way.

When two evenly matched teams play, little things such as special teams often make the difference.  Baltimore battled all the way back last week only to lose when their inept kicker shanked a game-winning FG attempt.  Despite his ill-fated tussle with the po-lice this past weekend, Jeff Reed will be suiting up for the Steelers.  Skippy and his partner in urinary misadventures TE Matt Spaeth apologized to Steeler Nation for their actions.  If he truly wants to redeem himself, he should do it on the field.  Kicking well that is, not taking a piss.

The Steelers have played to the level of their competition this season.  This week would be a good time to continue that trend since their opponent is actually good for once.  Playing to that level would be a compliment rather than a criticism.   And if the Steelers hope to hand the Vikings their first loss of the season, anything less will not be good enough.

The Pittsburgh Steelers continued their dominance over the hapless Cleveland Browns on Sunday, handing them a 27-14 defeat. The ever-generous Steelers tried to hand the Browns a lot more than a loss, committing four turnovers and playing awful special teams. Our Black and Gold have developed a nasty habit of playing to the level of their opposition. These brief fits of stupidity hurt what was otherwise an outstanding effort on both sides of the ball.

Let’s start with the record-setting day by Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben passed for 417 yards, only the fourth time in Steelers history a QB has surpassed four bills through the air.  He already had one of the other 400 yard games so he’s the first to do it twice.  Ben finished the day with two TD passes, which should’ve been three if Hines Ward hadn’t dropped a ball while doing a Stop-Drop-and-Roll demonstration in the end zone.  I wonder if the fan in the #86 jersey he gave the ball to gets an IOU since their souvenir is kinda worthless.

Hines did have a great game, amassing 159 yards, including a fantastic 52 yard deep catch and run for a TD. Not to be outdone, Santonio Holmes chipped in with 104 yards on only 5 catches. His day was highlighted by a 41 yard play where he caught a deep pass down near the sideline, then cut all the way across the field, leaving a pile of white jerseys in his wake. The offense ended up with an astounding 540 yards of output yesterday, the majority of which came from Bruce Arians‘ Flying Circus.

The running game, however, had some issues. Rashard Mendenhall got the majority of carries, finishing with 76 yards and a TD. Fast Willie Parker returned to action and it may have been a little too soon. FWP looked awful, running tentatively and having a lot of problems making his cuts. The announcers seemed to think his spiffy new Titanium Reinforced Twinkle Toe Shoes might be too cumbersome for him. I’ve seen Buster Browns cause some tragic wipe outs in the church parking lot so there may be something to that. However, the image of Parker bumbling and stumbling to the ground after catching a screen pass in the flat with nothing but 15 yards of green grass ahead of him is going to be hard to forget.

Equally hard to forget will be the miscues by our offense. Ben Roethlisberger, despite his virtuoso passing performance, had some turnover issues. He mishandled a snap, leading to a turnover. He also threw a terrible interception into TRIPLE coverage. But his sins were nothing compared to those committed by our Dynamic Duo. Late in the third quarter, Arians tried to kill the clock with some running plays. Give the man credit for learning from past mistakes. Unfortunately, his faith was rewarded with Willie Parker fumbling the ball away like it was coated with AstroGlide. On the next possession, they handed the rock to Mendy, who proceeded to carry it looser than a sorority girl after a Jager bomb, leading to another fumble.

This lead to the humorous situation at the end of the game when the Steelers took the ball on their 1 yard line following a Ryan Clark pick. Who did Mike Tomlin call on to close the game out?  Who had the unwavering faith of our Super Bowl winning coach?  Was it FWP, our highly paid superstar? Was it Mendenhall, our highly paid first round draft pick?

Of course not! It was third down back Mewelde Moore!

Speaking of turnovers, the Steelers D also caused a smorgasbord of miscues by Browns. Troy Polamalu got a “Welcome Back” pick thrown right to him. Troy’s return shored up the secondary a bit, although he seemed to be noticeably slower than usual. The Steelers linebackers, lead by Lawrence Timmons, harassed poor Anderson all day. Timmons, it should be noted, had a dominant performance, recording 2 sacks and causing 2 fumbles. When QB Derek Anderson did manage to get a pass off, it didn’t matter since the entire Browns receiving corps seemed to be infected with Sweeditis.

There was much debate in the comments section over what to do about replacing injured DE Aaron Smith. The Steelers answer appears to be a heavy dose of Travis Kirschke with a sprinkle of Nick Eason. Those of you pining for some Ziggy Hood will be disappointed to know his crust hasn’t risen or something because he didn’t take the field at all. The plan seems to be Kirschke plays in the base defense while Eason comes in on obvious passing downs. They looked decent enough although next week will be the real test.

The defense limited the Browns to a little less than 200 yards of total offense. Two turnovers, two sacks, and numerous pressures all amounted to a pretty good effort on that side of the ball. They only gave up 7 points so it’s nice to see the stinginess coming back to Blitzburgh. If not for Joshua Cribbs‘ 98 yard kickoff return TD, this game would’ve been the blowout we all hoped for.  Speaking of which, it was sad to see the Steelers run up the White Flag on special teams after that fiasco, squib kicking the rest of the game.

So what did we learn this week? Not much, I’m afraid. The Browns are a wretched awful team that would be lucky to win the Arena Bowl.  Next week, we face Brett Favre and his undefeated Fighting Wranglers Minnesota Vikings. If you wanted a measuring stick to gauge exactly where this team is at this year, that will be it. If they can find a way to clean up this week’s sloppiness while managing to keep the explosiveness on both sides of the ball, the sun may be coming out in Steeler Nation.