Hines Ward said it best in the post-game press conference:  “They keep asking for us.  We keep knocking them out of the tournament.”  Some day, the Baltimore Ravens and their obnoxious fanbase will learn when you call down the thunder, you reap the whirlwind.  For once again, the Pittsburgh Steelers humbled the Ratbirds when it mattered most, overcoming a putrid first half to pull off a convincing 31-24 victory.  As someone who has watched every minute of every game this season, I can confidently say the first half was about the worst half of football the Steelers have played all season while the second half may have been the best.

Hopefully this game will be the last of the “Joe Flacco is a great young quarterback” talk for awhile.  He’s a game manager at best and wouldn’t even be the back up on the Steelers. Here was the Ratbirds game plan:  Screen, dumpoff, screen, run, checkdown, screen, run, screen, checkdown, run…   All Bert does is throw five yard dink and dunk passes.  Of his thirty attempts, maybe a handful were deep down field and the closest he came to completing one was when Anthony Madison got called for pass interference on a ball that hit him in the shin.  When the game was on the line and the pressure was on, well, it’s a good thing the Ravens wear black pants so we didn’t see the stains from Flacco crapping himself in fear.

Since the Ravens’ laughable offense wasn’t much of a threat, the only danger was shooting ourselves in the foot.  While the Black and Gold foot may still be intact, a few toes are surely missing (no doubt disappointing Rex Ryan).  Backed up in our own end, Ben Roethlisberger dropped back, pumped once, pumped twice, pumped…  THROW THE DAMN BALL!  No, he tried a third pump which got knocked out of his hands for a fumble.  Instead of falling on the fumble, everybody stood around with thumbs up their asses until Chris Redding decided to pick it up and score.  Why Mike Tomlin challenged what was on obvious fumble, I do not know.  Whoever sits in the booth and calls for challenges needs to be fired immediately because this was a huge gaffe which could’ve come back to bite the Steelers.  Hey, I have 20/20 vision and work cheap.

Shortly thereafter, Rashard Mendenhall fumbled the ball when Chris Kemoeatu’s left cheek brushed his hand.  The defense, who played man-sized all game, almost held them to a field goal but Troy Polamalu missed an open-field tackle on Ray Rice on third down.  On Rice’s earlier rushing touchdown, Troy was the last line of defense but tried to knock his block off instead of, you know, TACKLING him.  I don’t know if it was rust or he’s more injured than we know but this was a pathetic effort from Polamalu.

With that terrible first half behind them, the Steelers came out staring at a 21-7 deficit.  Somebody needed to make a play and when the Black and Gold need a spark, they usually find it on defense.  Quick, if I told you a Steeler safety would turn the game around, who would you think I was talking about?   If you said, “Ryan Clark,” purchase a lottery ticket immediately because you clearly have some freaky Nostradamus thing going on.

After yet another screen to Rice, Clark punched the ball free for a momentum changing turnover.  Mendy bulled over useless Ray Lewis, who was knocked around like a bowling pin convicted of murder all afternoon, for 14 yards to set up a beautiful TD pass to Heath Miller in the corner of the end zone.  Then “Renegade” played on the scoreboard and James Harrison went after Flacco like he was shot out of cannon for one of his three sacks on the afternoon.  On their next drive, Bert actually attempted a long pass but overthrew it by five yards right into Clark’s waiting mitts.

The Steelers converted that miscue into a touchdown thanks to tough running by Mendy and a bullet to Hines Ward.  At this point, dribbles of piss were running down Flacco’s leg which made his hands so slippy, he had trouble holding on to the QB-Center exchange.  Bret Keisel pounced on the fumble and what was a two touchdown deficit had become a three point lead.

By this time, I was confident the Steelers were going to win.  My only concern was trying to figure out which play the whiny Ravens and their crybaby fans will use as incontestable evidence that the league has rigged things for Pittsburgh.  I soon had my answer as Webb ran a poor punt back for a touchdown which was called back on a clear and obvious holding penalty.  And this is what we’ll be hearing about, Steeler Nation.  Never mind the Ratbirds got away with a clip on the play before the Todd Heap TD catch.  Never mind the Steelers were actually penalized nine times for almost 100 yards by the horrible officiating crew.   And never mind that Anquan Boldin dropped a ball off his chest in the end zone three plays later.   Always blame others for your overrated team’s predictable choking.  IT’S THE BALTIMORE WAY!

So we had a tie game with four minutes left.  You can have your Bradys and your Mannings.  When faced with that situation, nobody is more clutch than Big Ben.  NOBODY.

Once again, Big Ben came through with a drive for the ages.  Facing a third and ten deep in our own end, Ben drilled a pass to Hines for a first down.   Later, in a play which will long live in Steeler lore, Ben converted a 3rd and 19 with a 58 yard bomb to rookie Antonio Brown.  In the first meeting of the season, the Ravens won thanks to Bryant McFadden letting TJ Housadroppah run right by him.  This time, the Ratbird secondary let ‘Tone run free down the field and make a spectacular David Tyree-style helmet catch.  After an ill-conceived pass where I was ready to strangle Bruce Arians, Mendy finally powered in for a touchdown.

Baltimore still had a minute and a half left.  And they were gifted fantastic field position thanks to Kemo’s idiotic personal foul on the touchdown.  Kemo must really hate the Ravens because he was scuffling with them after every play.  His Tongan Temper might’ve cost us dearly if we were facing a team with a halfway decent offense.  However, Bert ran around like a scared little girl for three plays, then hit TJ Housyourdropsalot, who let the ball fall right between his hands.

Steeler receivers catch it with their helmets and Ravens can’t catch it when they are gifted with five yard cushions.  That pretty much sums up why we’ll always be better than them.

What a game.  What a win.  The Ratbirds can take Bert Unibrow, Stabby McStabberson, and the rest of that gang of dirty thugs and crawl back to their hellhole of a city.  Oh and attention Jay, Matt, Bmore Bob, and the rest of you obnoxious Raven fans who infested my blog.  When you sober up from that drunken stupor you no doubt went into after your team’s epic choke-job, I have a Terrible Towel here for you.  Feel free to use it to wipe away those sweet tears of defeat.

The classy individual pictured above is linebacker Terrell Suggs.  T-Sizzle has been running his mouth, as usual, nonstop since a date for the rubber match between the Baltimore Ravens and Pittsburgh Steelers was set.  He recently appeared on ESPN’s First Take program where he told sexy co-host Dana Jacobson, “This is Armageddon.”  He would later refer to the third chapter in the best rivalry in all of sports as “World War III.”

I will give credit where it’s due, Suggs is a helluva player.  He was a one-man wrecking crew for the Ratbirds in our previous meeting.  He’s the total opposite of washed up Ray Lewis, who still brags and swaggers like he’s twenty-five years old then goes out and does his best impression of the Invisible Man.  And I will agree with one thing he said:  the winner will go to the Super Bowl.

And can you really blame Sizzler for being a little bitter?  I hate the Patriots primarily because they always beat us.  Naturally, the Ravens have to be a little peeved about the fact they always get owned by the Steelers.  The Ravens have always been the little sisters of the poor compared to the vast riches enjoyed by the most successful franchise in NFL history.

Lame t-shirt, though.  I’m surprised he found one under 2XL considering the rampant obesity in Baltimore.  They have to import those cheerleaders from out of state because I’ve never seen a female from Charm City tip a scale under a buck fifty.  So in the spirit of reciprocation, here are a few t-shirts I find much more attractive.

And of course, my personal favorite:

After last year’s Bengals anomaly, sanity has been restored to the AFC North.  The Pittsburgh Steelers face their first rematch of the season Sunday night with division supremacy hanging in the balance.  Across the field will be our bitter rivals, the Baltimore Ravens.

Since I already wrote a comprehensive Know Thy Enemy post earlier this season, I figured we’d change things up the second time around.  Conoon Kim over The Purple Chaos agreed to answer some questions about his beloved Ratbirds.  Just like last week, my questions in bold, his answers in italics.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. RAVENS OFFENSE

When last we left Pitt reject Joe Flacco, he had thrown more picks (5) than touchdowns (4).  Since then, our pal Joey has gotten his act together enough to bring his ratio up to a fairly impressive 18/8.  Of course, Flacco always seems struggle against the Steelers and, until Bryan McFadden decided to let TJ Housyourdaddy sprint right past him, did so once again earlier this year.

So, Conoon, how would you assess the progress of your third year QB?

Flacco certainly didn’t meet the expectations that I had for him at the beginning of the season, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t progressed well. From a stand point of seeing how Flacco was a no-name quarterback from Delaware less than 3 years ago, I think he’s progressed tremendously well. The greatest thing is that he’s still young, so there is many years for him to continue improving. Yes, he has struggled against the Steelers, but I think it’s a little hump he will eventually get over.

Flacco will have a full complement of weapons at his disposal, including frequent nemesis Ray Rice. With the addition of so many talented receivers, Rice is having a bit of an off year with only 3 TDs (all rushing) to his credit.   He was terrible in our first meeting, mustering only one catch (where he usually does his damage) and a measly 20 rushing yards.

One thing of note, LT Michael Oher left last week’s game against Tampa after having his knee grotesquely contorted while caught up in a play.  He practiced with it heavily taped although is expected to play.  The Ravens did a good job keeping Flacco clean during the first meeting so a gimpy tackle protecting his blind side could be a break for the Black and Gold.  As we saw in that heartbreaking final drive, when the Steelers can’t get to the QB, bad things happen.

If by some unfortunate turn of events the Ratbirds manage to pull another win out of their ass, who on offense needs to come up big?

Offensively, it will be on the shoulders of Joe Flacco. As you mentioned above, Flacco has struggled against the Steelers. So he needs to step up, analyze the defense, recognize the blitz, quickly go through his progressions, and most importantly, not turn the ball over.

Defensively, the Steelers appear to be all hands on deck.  For three weeks now I’ve been saying Bret Keisel is ready to return and I’m pretty sure he’s going to give it a go this week.  He may have to since his replacement, Nick Eason, sprained his MCL against Buffalo.  B-Mac is nursing a sore hamstring which isn’t exactly the ideal injury for a pitifully slow corner.  He already provides comfy 5 yard cushions to everybody so slightly hobbled he may start backpedaling before the snap.

If for some reason he can’t go or is ineffective, Willie Gay will take his place with Anthony Madison taking over in the nickel.  We saw how well that worked out last week.  Although if Dick LeBeau decides to roll out his dime package again, I’d rather see Troy or Ryan Mundy line up as the fifth DB than the inept Kennan Lewis.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. RAVENS DEFENSE

Since week 4, the Ravens have also lost twice.  Once to the Falcons and once to the hated Patriots.  In both cases, they held leads only to see them vanish thanks to stunning defensive breakdowns.  Against Atlanta, Matty Ice took his team 80 yards in less than a minute, capped by a 33 yard TD to Rowdy Roddy White.  Naturally, Ratbird fans whined about a push off that didn’t occur because they can never lose with dignity.  Meanwhile, the Patriots made up a 10 point deficit in the 4th quarter as Brady-to-Branch hooked up seven times, including twice in OT to set up the game winning field goal.

What aspect of your team has been the biggest disappointment this season?

The biggest disappointment about the Ravens is their lack of shut-down ability in the defensive backfield. Our corners are a huge weak link of the team, and it’s no secret. Luckily, Ed Reed has returned to give the corners some much-needed support. Still, even with Reed and the signing of CB Josh Wilson, the big pass plays have killed the Ravens all season long.

Good to know the Steelers aren’t the only ones with that problem.

How about what part of the team/player has been the most pleasant surprise?

The biggest surprise has been the dominant play by Ray Lewis. This season, he was a part of 4 different plays that sealed a “W” in 4 different games. Yeah, Lewis is a future Hall of Famer, but the guy is 35 years old and still making plays today. Just a couple weeks ago, he caught an interception and returned it for a touchdown. I never expected him to do what he’s done this season. 15 seasons in the NFL, and he’s still doing things that never fails to amaze me.

The fact that Ratbird fans love to call the never tried, never charged, never convicted Ben Roethlisberger a rapist yet refer to convicted murderer Ray Lewis as “God’s Linebacker” never fails to amaze me.

The Steelers have been getting crushed by zebras since the NFL’s crackdown on vicious hits.  As painful as it is to admit, the Ravens play a similar brand of smash mouth hard-hitting football.  How has your team fared?

I think the NFL has targeted a single player on the Steelers rather than the entire team itself. And it’s pretty obvious I’m referring to LB James Harrison. I think the biggest thing the NFL is concerned with is trying to avoid helmet-to-helmet collisions, which Harrison has been a part of on numerous occasions. So it’s not too much of a surprise that the NFL is after the player that tends to frequently lead with his helmet. Not many Ravens lead with their helmet, so it hasn’t been too much of a concern on our side.

Uh-huh.

Wonder how much he was fined for that… *Fires up the Google* Ngata, er, Nada.  Shocking.

Hmm…  I’m sensing a pattern.  Fine?  *Fires up the Google*  $10,000.  Yep, sounds about right.

If by some unfortunate series of events, the Ravens are to win, who on defense do you expect to have a big game?

Terrell Suggs. It’s going to come down to the pass rush, and Suggs needs to get to the QB. Even if he can’t get sacks, putting the pressure on Roethlisberger and keeping him in the pocket will be key to winning this game.

Of course, the big news on Big Ben is his foot injury.  News media are saying it’s broken.  The Steelers, who would never ever lie, say it’s not.  They claim it WAS broken some time in the past and he just broke some scar tissue.  The bottom line is he’s spent the week walking around in a boot and has a super duper steel plated reinforced shoe he’s going to wear on Sunday.

Ben is saying he will play and the Steelers are saying he will play.  Then again, his symptoms may magically worsen 48 hours before kickoff like they did last year when he bailed on a crucial season-altering Sunday night game with some phony made-up concussion.  Although I wouldn’t be surprised if his vagina foot injury became crippling hours before game time, I think the Big Drama Queen realizes he owes it to his team to man up after what he’s put them through the past two off-seasons.

The story of the first meeting was missed chances.  The Ravens turned it over twice and both drives ended when brand new 49er Skippy Reed missed FGs.  If the Steelers convert either of those, the outcome is radically different.  With Rashard Mendenhall and Hines Ward coming off their best games of the season and the Ravens giving up big pass plays (Hello, Mike Wallace), all we need is a QB capable of taking advantage of those opportunities.

According to the annoying ticker which runs along the bottom of ESPN’s screen, the winner of this game has almost a 90% chance of winning the AFC North.  So unlike in past weeks when I’ve said a game is big, this game really is BIG.  With only one tough game on the horizon (Jets), the Steelers would have the inside track to a division title and possible first round bye with a victory.  A loss and they’d need to basically run the table and hope for a Baltimore stumble just to win the division.

After playing the Baltimore Ravens three times last season, including an epic AFC Championship game, it’s safe to say the Pittsburgh Steelers know this enemy quite well.  And if familiarity breeds contempt, these teams must outright hate each other by now.  Pittsburgh sports has a number of great rivalries, including Pitt-WVU who meet later today in their annual Backyard Brawl.   But I dare say none can compare to the Ravens and Steelers.

Earlier this week, the FOX medical drama “House” made a joke of the fact Omar Epps is a dead ringer for head coach Mike Tomlin.  In an ironic twist, Tomlin probably spent a lot of time this week thinking he was trapped in a medical drama.  The Steelers are getting absolutely hammered by injuries to key personnel.  Where’s Dr. House when you need him?

For those keeping score at home, Travis Kirschke continues to nurse a torn calf although he practiced this week and will probably play Sunday.  Of all the guys we could get back, Kirschke is the least important since Nick Eason and Ziggy Hood were doing a pretty good job in his absence.  LG Chris Kemoeatu sprained his MCL and looks to be out one, possibly two, weeks.  Undrafted rookie Ramon Foster will make his first NFL start.  Ben Roethlisberger has been monitored all week and seems to have practiced normally so should be cleared to play.  Finally, Troy Polamalu will reportedly miss a month with his knee injury which probably rules him out of at least the next two games.

The Ravens will be dealing with some injuries of their own.  Their best LB (sorry Ray Ray), Terrell Suggs, is out with a knee injury thanks to a heroic chop block by fabulous Brady Quinn.  One of their main corners, Fabian Washington, tore his ACL and is gone for the year.  Keep in mind this defense no longer has LB Bart Scott or S Jim Leonard, who went to the Jets this off-season along with mastermind D coordinator Rex Ryan, their new head coach.  The Ravens are going to be a hard-nosed football team no matter what but they are definitely weakened and depleted on the defensive side of the ball.

Offensively, Joe Flacco has taken another giant step forward from his already highly successful rookie campaign.  Last season, they tried to protect Flacco and keep him out of situations where the game rode on his shoulders.  This year, he’s been asked to shoulder more of the load and responded to the challenge.  Still, the Ravens remain a run-first and ask-questions-later team.  Flacco has the ability but Baltimore is lacking in quality targets for him. Last year’s top receiver, Derrick Mason, is 35 and coming off shoulder surgery.  If a team can effectively stuff the run, the Ravens run into trouble because their passing game seems limited to big play threat Mason and short safe outlet throws to emerging superstar RB Ray Rice.

Offensively, the story will be how Big Ben rebounds from last week’s brain rattling hit.  I would hope the Steelers try to lean a bit more on the running game to spare him unnecessary abuse.  Baltimore will have no qualms about dialing up the pressure and considering we’re playing with a banged up offensive line, one would think this is a good time for Bruce Arians to rein in his Flying Circus.  Of course the words “logical playcalling” and “Arians” seldom belong in the same sentence.

Finally, heads have rolled on the Steelers special teams unit.   CB Keiwan Ratliff and LB Donovan Woods have been cut.  Woods was just promoted from the practice squad as an alleged upgrade to the kick coverage but his only notable achievement last week was to get flagged to nullify a beautiful 35 yard punt return by Stefan Logan.  With the injury to Troy, they’ve used Ratliff as a safety in nickel and dime packages in addition to special teams.  Regardless of where he’s played, he’s constantly out of position and missing tackles.

Your newest Steelers are LB Rocky Boiman and CB Corey Ivy.  Boiman is an eight year vet who won a Super Bowl with the Colts back in 2006.  I don’t know anything else about him except he’s got a cool name.   Ivy played the past three seasons for the Ratbirds so we know him.  He was someone the Steelers repeatedly picked on as well as being the doofus that Limas Sweed obliterated in the AFC Championship game.  Regardless, their primary job will be to run down the field and make a lousy freakin’ tackle.  Hopefully they’ll succeed where others have failed miserably.

Believe me, the Steelers will need to be on their game in all three phases Sunday night if they want to escape with a win.  I know I’ve typed the words “Biggest game of the season” several weeks in a row but in all seriousness, this game is the season.  If the Steelers lose, they fall into a tie with the Ravens (one game behind with the tiebreak) and will be tied or a game behind three or four teams in the Wild Card race.  More importantly, a loss and I fear the team will mentally pack it in for the year.  Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.