Even I don't know how good I'm going to be, Pouncey! Credit: Charles LeClaire-US PRESSWIRE

I would have to say that the AFC North had one of the more interesting drafts of all the divisions in the NFL.  Each team made key (or head scratching) moves directly involving offense.  Each team is primed to have either a great offense or one that quickly swirls down the toilet bowl.  Each quarterback also has a chance to have the season of a lifetime.  For us to jump down this rabbit hole, we’re going to have to make a few assumptions.

First we’ll have to assume that nothing will happen to Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger or Bengals QB Andy Dalton.  Ben appears to be flying the straight and narrow these days, and Andy Dalton has about an exciting life as a three-toed sloth – no chances for any events that will steer them away from the football field.  We must also assume that Joe Flacco and the Baltimore Ravens will tidy up the contract dispute currently on the table.  Flacco wants the big money and the Ravens are biting… yet.  Joe doesn’t appear that he’ll be a hold out as he attended the OTA’s and mini camps.  Now there’s about 10 (maybe he has 9?) Joe Flacco fans out there who will argue that there’s no way he’ll hold out.  And perhaps that’s true – he has the lack of spine to show up in camp.  But I’m not convinced that Uni won’t try and pull a power play right before camp – after all, he is ‘the best’ right?  But for now, we’ll assume that he’ll be taking the snaps.  Our last assumption is the hardest one to make, but we’ll have to go on blind faith in order for this poll to work.  We’re going to have to assume that Brandon Weeden will be the starter for the Cleveland Browns.  Although it may seem easy to think that Weeden will be the starter, Colt McCoy and Seneca Wallace are the other men competing for that job.  And while it may also be easy to write off McCoy, cause boy the analysts sure did on draft night, he will still have some fight in him.  The Browns will be going for broke as they always do since they have no fighting chance of taking the division.  If they feel Weeden is the guy to inject some type of pulse into that offense, then he’ll be the one to start.  Ok, I’m game.  Weeden it is.

The Steelers added a ton of weapons to the offense, and that includes the offensive line as being a weapon.  With the addition of great run blockers like David DeCastro and Mike Adams, the tallest TE in the business Leonard Pope, and new offensive coordinator Todd Haley, the Steelers have the potential of blowing up the scoreboard.  Can’t forget to mention NFL record setting receiver Antonio Brown and the other pass catchers, Heath Miller, and Isaac Redman primed to carry this team to the playoffs.  Big Ben has the potential of the best season of his career.  But will it be the best among the AFC North?

Is he wearing his helmet? Oh wait that's just his.... never mind. Credit: Frank Victores-US PRESSWIRE

Andy Dalton proved that ginger can be cool.  He had a great rookie season, and connected with star receiver A.J. Green.  Were he to have one good game against the Steelers last season, the Bengals could have had the Steelers on the outside looking in come playoff time.  But with any rookie season came highs and lows.  Now it’s time for Dalton to settle in with his offense once again (that surprisingly ranked 20th in the passing game) and make another push for the playoffs.

Joe Flacco and the rest of the Ravens have quite a bit to deal with going into camp.  Holdouts, injuries, etc.  All distractions, and all things that can affect the overall chemistry of the team.  Ray Rice, should he continue his hold out, could throughly screw this team by taking any semblance of a running game.  No running game means more responsibility and pressure on Joe Flacco.  And well, sometimes that just doesn’t work out to well for our friend Bert.  He does have plenty of weapons still at his disposal – none more electric than Torrey Smith.  Smith proved numerous times, including several against Pittsburgh, that he has amazing speed.  Should he improve his ability to catch the football, Flacco could have TD after TD bomb.

Do I have to talk about the Browns offense?  Wait.  Is there even a Browns offense?  Well, if there is, then Weeden has his work cut out for him.  He’ll have to …. ummm….. weed out (sorry just couldn’t help myself) the bad from the good in the huddle and hope for the best.  Who know, this kid and the rest of the dogs could surprise us come mid season – although the Homers will tell you the Browns are playoff bound and rulers of the North!

So – who’s it going to be?  Big Ben, Andy Dalton, Joe Flacco or Brandon Weeden?  They all have the potential (except maybe Weeden) to have a great statistical season.  But who will come out on top as the best?

No need to rub your eyes. That's what these three dudes predicted.

Jag’ville is a fairly populated place these days.  Well three new citizens signed up for their residency cards today when they decided to place the Steelers as placing third in the AFC North.  Who, you may ask, are these lucky clowns?  Herman Edwards, Marcellus Wiley and Bill Polian.

ESPN, fishing from a very dry well of analyst talent, brought these three clown on to do predictions – well before any completion of OTA’s or training camp.  I have no problems with predictions.  We do them here all the time – mainly for fun and to stir conversation.  What’s really annoying with these three jags is the air of authority with which they speak – no surprise there.  But we should all really know by now the predictive prowess of Edwards, Wiley, and Polian, right?  Masters of the crystal ball.  So what was the big reason why they consistently placed the Ravens and the Bengals over the Steelers?

Change.

Yes.  That’s right.  Change.  If you just asked yourself, ‘Of what?’ you, my friend,  you are already light years ahead of these three magnificent boneheads.  Aside from losing Ward, Aaron Smith, Chris Hoke, James Farrior, Chris Kemoeatu, and Willie Gay, the team is is mainly intact from last season.  Let’s look at that for a sec…..

Ward: Retired after team DIDN’T WANT HIM BACK.  Production was that of a 3rd or 4th receiver.  No big deal

Smith: A fairly big hit to the defensive line.

Hoke: A great backup who, with the combo of losing Smith, makes it a bigger loss.

Farrior: The defensive leader of the team in the locker room.  Production wasn’t that great, and is replaceable.

Kemoeatu: Worthless from day one.  It was already like he wasn’t playing on the team.  So no loss there.

Gay: The #2 corner.  Which Gay was going to show up this year, nobody knew.

So in essence, the Steelers lost 2-3 significant contributors to their team.  And, that all of a sudden means that they go from 12-4 and placing 2nd (only after losing a tiebreaker to the Ravens) to 3rd in the division?  Where in the hell is the logic in that?  Where’s the big change they speak of?  It’s crazy.  If anything, the Steelers went through some huge changes after the draft was over, and it was a change for the better.  If anything, the Steelers improved their chances significantly in winning the AFC North.  The team addressed some significant needs on the offensive and defensive lines, as well as added depth to linebacker and running back.

I’m no homer, and I always call it the way I see it.  Even if that means having to dig into the Black and Gold a bit to prove a point.  There’s no way the Steelers have been shaken up in a negative way that causes this team to falter.  I think what these ‘boys’ are really banking on is the new offensive schemes of Todd Haley no jiving well with an offense that had visions of bubble screens in their dreams on a nightly basis.  Yes, the team will have its bumps and bruises over the course of the season.  At times it won’t look pretty.  But, the Steelers know how to win and still have a defense mainly in tact that will always give them a chance at winning no matter what the offense is like.

Lastly, there was mention of Tomlin being on the hot seat this season.  Excuse me while I grab my list entitled ‘Most Asinine Things People Say.’  Tomlin, as his two predecessors proved before him, has proven to be a strong coach and knows how to run a football team.  Seems like Stooges Inc. (Edwards, Wiley and Polian) needs a refresher on their Steelers history.  The Steelers just don’t drop coaches after a stumble.  Tomlin’s won a Super Bowl since arriving.  They’ve made the playoffs 3 out of 4 seasons and Super Bowls twice since Tomlin joined the team.  Hot seat?  I think not clowns gentlemen.  Oh it should also be noted that the Steelers don’t usually can their guys after one bad season.  They gave Cowher a contract extension after the team went 6-10 the previous season.  So yeah… there’s that.

Quick get these guys some different drugs.  I think they just announced that they think Colt McCoy is going to win the league MVP because he ‘deserves’ it after so much adversity.

Despite not scoring a single offensive touchdown, the Pittsburgh Steelers cruised to an easy 23-7 victory over the hapless Cincinnati Bengals yesterday.  It was far from a pretty, at least offensively speaking, but this Steeler team has clearly learned from last year’s mistakes.  They find a way to win the games they should win instead of playing to level of their competition.

Although when it comes to the Bungles, it’s almost impossible to play that low.

Cincy scored on their opening drive which would be their one and only fleeting moment of competence.  And even that was tainted by massive assistance from a clearly biased officiating crew.  Had they not been gifted 20 yards and a spot on the 1 yard line thanks to a ridiculous pass interference penalty against Ike Taylor, the Bungles wouldn’t have crossed mid-field until late in the fourth quarter.  The only question was how long the Steelers sputtering offense would allow them to hang around before putting the game away.

Ben Roethlisberger is made of iron.  Or steel.  Or adamantium.  Whatever your super-strong metal of choice.  I don’t think even Ivan Drago could break him.

Big Ben took the kind of beating usually reserved for pinatas or Tom Cable’s ex-wives.  Cincy’s four sacks don’t begin to convey the number of hits this man absorbed, most of which were so very very late I could time them with an hourglass.  The amount of filthy and illegal shenanigans the Bengals got away with was absolutely disgraceful.  The Steelers got so fed up a mini-battle royal erupted after the game.  Although nobody was victimized more than Big Ben.  Following one sack, a cowardly Bengal attempted to knee his broken nose.  Later, another sacker fell on his broken-sprained ankle.  On just a single play, Ben was smacked upside the helmet (again), then horsecollared (again) when he escaped to discover not a single flag from the refs (again).

To prove they did indeed have yellow hankies in their pockets, the officials threw them quite often on the Steelers offensive line.  LT Jonathan Scott is now the 2nd most penalized linemen in the NFL.  Unfortunately, most of these flags are justified.  Even though I did appreciate Steeler Nation greeting the officials with a “Refs, You Suck!” chant.  That began shortly after two consecutive holding penalties turned a 1st and 10 at midfield into a 1st and 30 deep in our own end.

Naturally, the Bungles are who we thought they were and a leaping 29 yard snag by Hines Ward got us off the hook.  Hines had a fantastic game, catching 8 balls for 115 yards.  Guess local windbag Mark Madden will have to postpone his next “Hines is nearing the end!” rant for a couple weeks.  Mike Wallace (5/78) also made a nice catch later in the game although the highlight reel play was Antwaan Randle-El’s brilliant one-handed stab to set up the Steelers first FG.

Rashard Mendenhall redeemed himself for last week’s cowardly performance.  Although he finished with only 66 yards, they were tough yards.  As with Ben, the O-line did him no favors.  Instead of finding a hole, he just had to put his head down and plow forward.  Isaac Redman only had 1 carry which is kinda ridiculous since I don’t care how young or in shape Mendy is, he’s going to be a beaten-up shell unless they start splitting some of his workload.

Ben and Rashard combined on one of the best screen passes you’ll ever see.  It started as a flea-flicker, which was quickly blown up by a Bengal in the backfield.  Ben somehow managed to shot-put the ball back to Mendy, who took it 9 yards.  I understand trying to manufacture offense but as usual B.A. does it in the dumbest way possible.  He actually called a Dennis Dixon play with Banged-up Ben under center.

Seriously, who the hell calls a QB Draw with a guy who has a broken-sprained foot and surgically reconstructed snoot?   Bruce Arians, that’s who.

One coach who had a good day was Dick LeBeau.  Games like yesterday’s are exactly why I have little tolerance for armchair coaches who criticize him for “not making adjustments” or claim “the game has passed him by” or whatever nonsense.  LeBeau is the not only the best defensive mind in football, he may very well be the best D-coordinator ever.  If there is a breakdown, it’s because the players either aren’t talented enough or screw up an assignment.  With Arians or Mike Tomlin, it is fair to question their decisions.

In LeBeau We Trust.

The defense played absolutely lights-out, forcing three turnovers while holding Cincy under 200 yards of total offense.  As I predicted in Know Thy Enemy, they switched Ike to T.O. which allowed Ochocinco to have his best game against the Steelers in forever.  However, neither Tweedledumb nor Tweedledumber were much of threat with a complete lack of running game (34 total yards!) and inept QB play holding them back.  Oh, Carson Palmer, how far you have fallen.

Funny thing was, Troy Polamalu narrowly missed an interception by jumping a route early in the game.  So on THE VERY NEXT DRIVE they run the exact same play and this time Troy gets the Pick-Six.  Soaring into the end zone on a wing and a prayer wasn’t exactly the best move for Troy’s gimpy ankle but given our lousy offense, I don’t blame him.  Early in the fourth quarter, LaMarr Woodley also jumped a route for an almost identical looking Pick-Six.  Then to close out the game, Troy picked off his former USC roommate one last time as a farewell present.

On the attempted run-back, or in this case limp-back, Troy looked around for somebody to lateral to.  He spotted Bryant McFadden by himself about half way across the field and launched a silly pass to him which B-Mac was luckily able to fall on before disaster ensued.  Despite being up 16 with the game sealed, LeBeau, channeling Clint Eastwood in “Gran Torino,” grabbed Troy by the shoulder pads and gave him an earful.  Again, how many coaches would chew out any player, let alone the team’s biggest star, after they basically win the game for you?   That’s Dick LeBeau and that’s why the players call him Coach Dad (He did give him a hug a few moments later.  Troy is a sensitive young man.).

Shaun Suisham continued to be the Anti-Skippy, steady and dependable with 85% less peroxide.  Good thing since he has been our most consistent weapon as the Steelers have now scored two offensive TDs in three games.  Don’t buy any of this stupidity about the Bengwads D playing a good game.  The line is a complete mess with Ben getting harassed and/or smashed every time he drops back and precious little running room for Mendy.  And now the Jets come to town!

Buckle up your chin strap, Big Ben.  It’s going to be another looooong afternoon.

Pittsburgh Steelers kicker Jeff Reed celebrated Sunday’s victory over the Browns by getting his drink on. Of course, this ended the way Skippy’s drunken escapades usually end. Handcuffs, and not the good kind, for our wayward kicker and embarrassment for the Steelers organization. With his contract set to expire at the end of the season, this latest foolishness probably seals his fate as far as remaining in the Black and Gold is concerned.

This has been a weird year for the Steelers when it comes to running afoul of the law. They can’t just get in trouble, it always has to be some odd situation or crazy set of circumstances. First, it was Reed’s vicious assault on a paper towel dispenser. Then came the Ben Roethlisberger lawsuit, filled with disturbing accusations and a nutjob of an alleged victim. Now we have Skippy fighting for his right to urinate.

Reed, his father (?), and Steelers TE Matt Spaeth were out carousing on the North Shore. Spaeth evidently decided to relieve himself right on the street next to their SUV.  Believe me, female readers, when I say this is not an uncommon thing for men to do.  *Ahem*  The ever vigilant Pittsburgh Police, who evidently wiped the city clean of all robberies, rapes, and murders because whizzing has now taken top priority, were on the scene! SIR, PLEASE UNHAND YOUR JOHNSON AND STEP AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE!!

Good thing that wasn’t Santonio Holmes. The insipid police would’ve thought he was packing heat instead of packing, uh, something else and opened fire.

Anyway, while Spaeth was being ticketed, Skippy went nuts. He jumped out of the vehicle to protest this outrage.  His father was driving, by the way. I point that out for two reasons. One, it shows Skippy is responsible enough to bring along a sober companion as a designated driver. And two, that’s a pretty good son to use his athletic fame to hook his dad up with some groupies.

As Skippy defended Spaeth’s right to pee wherever he wants, the story becomes a bit weird. To quote the cop, “he got into a fighters stance.” Now, I have several really close friends. And I’ve been part of a team. However, I never liked anybody enough to get into a pissing contest, er, physical confrontation over their urinary freedom.

Well, this “fight” went about as you’d expect. Skippy is a kicker, after all. The cop put him in some sort of Brazilian jujitsu arm lock while his partner cuffed him. Good thing that cop wasn’t a paper towel dispenser. Reed would have kicked his ass.

Skippy was given a citation for simple assault, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness although he was released to his father’s custody. They said he smelt of alcohol. NO SHIT!? A crazy belligerent dude with Troll Doll hair who just stumbled out of a bar had been DRINKING!?! Herr Goodell and the NFL Gestapo is reviewing the case so I fully expect the Steelers to be without their kicker for at least one game.

The larger picture here is Skippy’s future. The Steelers won’t change kickers mid-stream but the future is very much in doubt. Reed turned down a token contract offer at the end of preseason. With Piotr Czech waiting in the wings, I have a feeling this incident will be the breaking point for the Steelers. Prepare to see Reed suiting up for a different team in 2010, a team more tolerant of imbecilic behavior.

I’m guessing the Cincinnati Bengals.

Last week, the Pittsburgh Steelers faced off against a downtrodden franchise struggling to climb out of the abyss.  This week, the Steelers face another downtrodden franchise, albeit one that seems to be moving in the opposite direction towards rock bottom.  The stunning ineptitude of the Cleveland Browns has transformed what used to be one of the greatest rivalries in NFL history into the football version of whack-a-mole.

The Browns featured the second-most anemic offensive attack in the league last year.  So what did they do?   They traded Joey Porter‘s BFF Kellen Winslow to Tampa, lost Donte Stallworth to a season-long suspension for killing somebody in a DUI accident, and just recently swapped star WR Braylon Edwards to the Jets for a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts.  That was the second time the Jets took advantage of ex-coach Eric Mangini‘s new team.  They were also the ones who swapped first round picks with Cleveland, allowing them to move up and take rookie sensation QB Mark Sanchez.

QB is one spot the Browns could sorely use right now.  They started the season with the league’s most fabulous quarterback, Brady Quinn.  Quinn was terribly ineffective as, surprisingly, any man-on-man contact seems to make him play like a scared little girl.  Last week, they turned to Derek Anderson, who led the team to a 10-6 record and made an appearance in the Pro Bowl back in 2007.  Anderson responded by leading the team to their first victory of the season despite passing for…   No.  Words cannot justify how pathetic he was last week.  Take a look at his stats for yourself and keep in mind he played a 60 minute game and WON!

The Steelers offense will likely be the same maddening mix of too many passes and not enough runs with a sprinkling of Ben Roethlisberger heroics.  Speaking of the running game, Rashard Mendenhall was ill part of this week while Willie Parker returned to practice.  FWP has a special shoe designed to protect his Turf Toe so he is likely to play on Sunday.  Man, I can’t even get my Chuck Taylor’s in black unless I custom order them.

The defense they will be working against ranked in the bottom quarter of the league each season under former coach Romeo Crennel.  Mangini decided to copy the Steelers switch to a 3-4.  His boneheaded trades brought over a handful of former Jets, including DE Kenyon Coleman and LBs Eric Barton and David Bowens, to upgrade the defensive side of the ball.  They are currently near the bottom in points given up per game and dead last in rushing yards allowed so whomever carries the ball for us is in line for a good day.  At least until Bruce Arians decides to throw 40 yard bombs on every play.

The Steelers D will be welcoming back Troy Polamalu.  Polamalu, who’ll play with a brace on his injured knee, seems confident the injury won’t have any noticeable affect on either his play or shiny full-bodied hair.  The sad state of Cleveland QB play won’t be much of a test.  What will be tested is our suddenly questionable run defense.  With Aaron Smith gone for the year, our best run-stopper is no longer available.  Jamal Lewis piled up 117 yards last week and despite getting up there in years, shows little sign of slowing down.  This will be an interesting warm-up for the law firm of Kirschke, Eason, & Hood before the main event next week in Minnesota.

Last year, the Steelers narrowly defeated a terrible Browns team 10-6 very early in the season.  They did obliterate them in the rematch but as last week in Detroit has shown, “any given Sunday.”   And while I don’t think this Sunday will be given to Cleveland, I do hope to see a good effort from the Steelers.  The schedule only gets tougher from here so if this team has championship potential in them, now is the time to start showing it.