Hines Ward said it best in the post-game press conference:  “They keep asking for us.  We keep knocking them out of the tournament.”  Some day, the Baltimore Ravens and their obnoxious fanbase will learn when you call down the thunder, you reap the whirlwind.  For once again, the Pittsburgh Steelers humbled the Ratbirds when it mattered most, overcoming a putrid first half to pull off a convincing 31-24 victory.  As someone who has watched every minute of every game this season, I can confidently say the first half was about the worst half of football the Steelers have played all season while the second half may have been the best.

Hopefully this game will be the last of the “Joe Flacco is a great young quarterback” talk for awhile.  He’s a game manager at best and wouldn’t even be the back up on the Steelers. Here was the Ratbirds game plan:  Screen, dumpoff, screen, run, checkdown, screen, run, screen, checkdown, run…   All Bert does is throw five yard dink and dunk passes.  Of his thirty attempts, maybe a handful were deep down field and the closest he came to completing one was when Anthony Madison got called for pass interference on a ball that hit him in the shin.  When the game was on the line and the pressure was on, well, it’s a good thing the Ravens wear black pants so we didn’t see the stains from Flacco crapping himself in fear.

Since the Ravens’ laughable offense wasn’t much of a threat, the only danger was shooting ourselves in the foot.  While the Black and Gold foot may still be intact, a few toes are surely missing (no doubt disappointing Rex Ryan).  Backed up in our own end, Ben Roethlisberger dropped back, pumped once, pumped twice, pumped…  THROW THE DAMN BALL!  No, he tried a third pump which got knocked out of his hands for a fumble.  Instead of falling on the fumble, everybody stood around with thumbs up their asses until Chris Redding decided to pick it up and score.  Why Mike Tomlin challenged what was on obvious fumble, I do not know.  Whoever sits in the booth and calls for challenges needs to be fired immediately because this was a huge gaffe which could’ve come back to bite the Steelers.  Hey, I have 20/20 vision and work cheap.

Shortly thereafter, Rashard Mendenhall fumbled the ball when Chris Kemoeatu’s left cheek brushed his hand.  The defense, who played man-sized all game, almost held them to a field goal but Troy Polamalu missed an open-field tackle on Ray Rice on third down.  On Rice’s earlier rushing touchdown, Troy was the last line of defense but tried to knock his block off instead of, you know, TACKLING him.  I don’t know if it was rust or he’s more injured than we know but this was a pathetic effort from Polamalu.

With that terrible first half behind them, the Steelers came out staring at a 21-7 deficit.  Somebody needed to make a play and when the Black and Gold need a spark, they usually find it on defense.  Quick, if I told you a Steeler safety would turn the game around, who would you think I was talking about?   If you said, “Ryan Clark,” purchase a lottery ticket immediately because you clearly have some freaky Nostradamus thing going on.

After yet another screen to Rice, Clark punched the ball free for a momentum changing turnover.  Mendy bulled over useless Ray Lewis, who was knocked around like a bowling pin convicted of murder all afternoon, for 14 yards to set up a beautiful TD pass to Heath Miller in the corner of the end zone.  Then “Renegade” played on the scoreboard and James Harrison went after Flacco like he was shot out of cannon for one of his three sacks on the afternoon.  On their next drive, Bert actually attempted a long pass but overthrew it by five yards right into Clark’s waiting mitts.

The Steelers converted that miscue into a touchdown thanks to tough running by Mendy and a bullet to Hines Ward.  At this point, dribbles of piss were running down Flacco’s leg which made his hands so slippy, he had trouble holding on to the QB-Center exchange.  Bret Keisel pounced on the fumble and what was a two touchdown deficit had become a three point lead.

By this time, I was confident the Steelers were going to win.  My only concern was trying to figure out which play the whiny Ravens and their crybaby fans will use as incontestable evidence that the league has rigged things for Pittsburgh.  I soon had my answer as Webb ran a poor punt back for a touchdown which was called back on a clear and obvious holding penalty.  And this is what we’ll be hearing about, Steeler Nation.  Never mind the Ratbirds got away with a clip on the play before the Todd Heap TD catch.  Never mind the Steelers were actually penalized nine times for almost 100 yards by the horrible officiating crew.   And never mind that Anquan Boldin dropped a ball off his chest in the end zone three plays later.   Always blame others for your overrated team’s predictable choking.  IT’S THE BALTIMORE WAY!

So we had a tie game with four minutes left.  You can have your Bradys and your Mannings.  When faced with that situation, nobody is more clutch than Big Ben.  NOBODY.

Once again, Big Ben came through with a drive for the ages.  Facing a third and ten deep in our own end, Ben drilled a pass to Hines for a first down.   Later, in a play which will long live in Steeler lore, Ben converted a 3rd and 19 with a 58 yard bomb to rookie Antonio Brown.  In the first meeting of the season, the Ravens won thanks to Bryant McFadden letting TJ Housadroppah run right by him.  This time, the Ratbird secondary let ‘Tone run free down the field and make a spectacular David Tyree-style helmet catch.  After an ill-conceived pass where I was ready to strangle Bruce Arians, Mendy finally powered in for a touchdown.

Baltimore still had a minute and a half left.  And they were gifted fantastic field position thanks to Kemo’s idiotic personal foul on the touchdown.  Kemo must really hate the Ravens because he was scuffling with them after every play.  His Tongan Temper might’ve cost us dearly if we were facing a team with a halfway decent offense.  However, Bert ran around like a scared little girl for three plays, then hit TJ Housyourdropsalot, who let the ball fall right between his hands.

Steeler receivers catch it with their helmets and Ravens can’t catch it when they are gifted with five yard cushions.  That pretty much sums up why we’ll always be better than them.

What a game.  What a win.  The Ratbirds can take Bert Unibrow, Stabby McStabberson, and the rest of that gang of dirty thugs and crawl back to their hellhole of a city.  Oh and attention Jay, Matt, Bmore Bob, and the rest of you obnoxious Raven fans who infested my blog.  When you sober up from that drunken stupor you no doubt went into after your team’s epic choke-job, I have a Terrible Towel here for you.  Feel free to use it to wipe away those sweet tears of defeat.

Quick, name the greatest rivalry in all of sports.  Michigan and Ohio State?  Yankees and Red Sox?  Celtics and Lakers?  The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin?

Excellent choices.  However, for my money, nothing can compare to the Baltimore Ravens and Pittsburgh Steelers.  Let’s face facts, football is not only the national pastime but the national obsession.  And the marquee match-up is undoubtedly Ravens-Steelers.

You want competitive games?  Since 2008, six of the seven matchups have been decided by four points or less.  The last four regular season games have been decided by a field goal.  The combined score (including playoffs) of the two teams since 2004 is Steelers 232 Ravens 238.  It doesn’t get much closer than that.

Let’s talk big stages.  In 2000, the Ravens won their one and only Super Bowl.  The following year, the Steelers knocked the defending champions out of the playoffs.  In 2006, the Steelers were coming off their sixth Lombardi Trophy.  The Ravens crushed them twice, including a 31-7 thrashing on the next-to-last week of the season which effectively ended any post-season hopes.

Competitive games?  Check.  Big stakes?  Check.  Best rivalry in all of sports?  Check.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. RAVENS OFFENSE

Joe Flacco must wake up in a cold sweat screaming when he thinks about facing Troy Polamalu.  When you evaluate these games, each team’s strength pretty much cancels out  the other team’s strength.  Both defenses dominate, neither team runs the ball, one or two crucial mistakes make the difference.   And those mistakes have usually been made by Bert.  Against the Steelers, he has only 6 touchdowns against 11 turnovers and has been sacked a whopping 23 times.

The Ravens have a fantastic receiving corps.  T.J. Housyourdaddy won the first meeting with a last second TD catch, Anquan Boldin had the Ravens lone touchdown in their last meeting.  Derrick Mason and convicted murderer Donte Stallworth also had big catches in each of the first two meetings against a suspect Steelers secondary.  Despite all that, it still wasn’t enough.

Baltimore upgraded the receiving talent but at heart they remain a conservative offense.   That’s because Bert Flacco, for all his improvement, is still a glorified game manager.  He still relies on a strong running game led by Ray Rice and short safe dump-offs to Rice and Todd Heap.  Heap was injured in the last meeting between the two teams so handling him will be of tantamount importance for a speedy linebacking group led by Lawrence Timmons and James Harrison.

Last week against the Chiefs, the Ravens offense came out chucking the ball.  And that resulted in a sputtering offense which held a slim 10-7 halftime lead.  In the second half, Kansas City mistakes and a two-pronged attack of Rice and Willis McGahee exploded for 20 points.  Can the Ravens run on the Steelers?   62.8 says no.  That’s how many rushing yards per game the D allowed this season, the lowest mark in over thirty years.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. RAVENS DEFENSE

If Bert has been the Ratbirds albatross in the rivalry, Ben Roethlisberger has been our rabbit’s foot.   Over the last nine meetings (including playoffs) between the two teams, the Steelers are 6-3.  The two headed monster of Darlie Baxon is 0-3.   Big Ben is 6-0.

While the Ravens finished with the 10th overall ranked defense, they are no where near as dominant as in their heyday.  During the regular season, they gave up big passing plays on an alarming basis.  Against KC, they showed a distinct weakness against the run.  If you don’t turn the ball over, you can drive on them.  Coming off his best TD-INT ratio of his career, Ben’s last pick came against the Ravens way back in week 13.

While Baltimore has two fast young corners, Mike Wallace is faster.  He got open in both games only for our patchwork line to break down or Ben fail to connect on that big pass play.  Also, we saw how the Steelers offense sputtered when Ben’s favorite target, Heath Miller, was injured.  Heath missed a large part of the last game thanks to an attempted decapitation.  Barring yet another Ravens cheap shot, he’ll be there in full force this week.

I’d advocate running the ball to shorten the game and keep things close but Rashard Mendenhall had a pathetic effort last time against the Ravens.  He runs scared, no doubt influenced by Ray Lewis breaking his collar bone in 2008.  If he shows the same lack of testicles this Saturday, I wouldn’t hesitate to give bruising Issac Redman some carries.  Red Zone has proven to be a more than adequate change of pace back.

Of course, everything hinges on the play by the big boys up front.  Last time, LT Jonathan Scott was owned by Terrell Suggs.  Pro Bowl backup Maurkice Pouncey also had his worst game of the year trying to deal with Haloti Ngata.  The line has been playing better of late albeit against less-than-stellar pass rushes.  I wouldn’t presume to think they’ll keep Ben completely clean but if they can improve on their previous effort by even a bit, it will pay huge dividends.   The Ravens rely on pressure to cover for their weakness on the back end so if the line can provide more than one millisecond of protection, there should be plays to be made.

T-Sizzle called this game “World War III.”  And, loath as I am to agree with him, the description is apt.  These aren’t the kind of games you win, they’re the kind you survive.  So sit back and enjoy another chapter in this classic rivalry.  Just don’t sit too close to the television or you might end up with a nose as crooked as Big Ben’s.

There are certain things you can count on in life.  The Liberty Tubes will be jammed when you’re already twenty minutes late for work.  The old lady in front of you will take forever counting out exact change for skim milk and a banana at Giant Eagle.  A bird will poop on your windshield right after you finish washing your car.

And the Baltimore Ravens will whine whenever they lose.

Ray Lewis went on the above rant after his team lost to the Bengals 15-10 in week two.  They went on to win this past weekend but I’m posting that video to prepare Steeler Nation.  When the Pittsburgh Steelers walk away with their fourth straight victory this Sunday, it will not be because the Steelers are the better team.  It’ll be because the Ratbirds got hosed by crooked refs.

You see, the Ravens never lose.  They never commit a penalty.  There is a vast conspiracy around the NFL.  A conspiracy which wants to see Baltimore suffer.  When Oliver Stone makes a movie to expose this injustice, one can only guess.

What’s worse, the whining from Ratbird players has seeped all the way through to their obnoxious fan base.  Every single Baltimore defeat is met with a borderline psychotic dissection of correctly made calls which only serves to reinforce the notion that Raven supporters are the most childish in sports.  They’re an unstoppable juggernaut headed to the Super Bowl when they win and they’re royally jobbed in defeat.  It never changes.

Think I’m kidding?  If you feel like killing a few brain cells without the aide of sweet sweet alcohol try typing “Baltimore Ravens” and “Whining” into the google box on your internet machine.   Literally hundreds of links will pop up.  I know, you might be saying, “But Chris, the Ray Ray tirade just happened two weeks ago!“   That would be fine except most of the links have nothing to do with that.  In fact, most don’t have anything to do with this season.  They go back years.

From this season:

Frankly, there was no absence of malice shown by NFL officials making those calls last Sunday, but what else is new? Through the years, considering how the Ravens have seemingly become the hunted in the eyes of NFL officials, there rarely is.

From 2009:

Funny, I haven’t even read any comments about pass interference on the last Ravens drive in the 4th quarter on 3rd down. It was blatant interference and no one called that. One thinks that the Pats either have the refs in their pockets or the NFL makes it clear that Tom Brady in the super Bowl will sell seats. Frustrating for other teams that don’t get the same level of consideration…”

and:

Except for middle linebacker Ray Lewis, most of the Ravens didn’t want to criticize the officiating, so I will. I’ve been covering the NFL since 1987, and no one will ever accuse me of being a Ravens’ homer, but this was one of the worst officiated games I’ve ever seen. Yes, the Ravens got hosed, to make it plain and simple. They didn’t get any good spots on short yardage situations either on offense or defense.

From 2007:

“It’s hard to go out there and play the Patriots and the refs at the same time,” Ravens cornerback Chris McAlister said. “They put the crown on top and they want them to win.”

Those are just a few examples.  The Ravens and their insipid fans always find a reason to whine and complain.  Last season, the Steelers beat the Ratbirds 23-20 and from the outcry you would’ve thought the ref tore off his zebra top and did Hulk Hogan poses at mid-field while wearing a “Sixburgh” t-shirt after the game.  If you recall, a Raven TD was wiped out due to a holding penalty which sent the conspiracy theories into overdrive.  Never mind that on THE VERY NEXT PLAY, Derrick Mason dropped an easy TD in the end zone.  Just like two weeks ago, never mind that Joey Flacco tossed FOUR INTS in the loss to Cincinnati.

Nope, it was all the referee’s fault.

So prepare yourself, Steeler Nation.   When we win on Sunday, it won’t be due to the steady play of Charlie Batch or the stifling presence of the best defense in the NFL.  It’ll be because the league wants the Ravens to lose.  They get to cry, we get the W.  Sounds like a fair trade to me.