The Pittsburgh Steelers held on to defeat the Miami Dolphins by a score of 30-24. At approximately the same time, the New England Patriots were experiencing a fourth quarter implosion of their own.  Bernard Pollard, Tom Brady‘s personal kryptonite, picked off an errant pass, setting up the score which brought the Houston Texans from 14 points down to a touchdown ahead. Later in the afternoon, the Steelers postseason hopes were officially finished when Oakland QB Charlie Frye was knocked out of their game against the Ravens and replaced by uber-bust Jamarcus Russell. All told, it wasn’t even close as only one of the four teams the Steelers needed to lose actually lost. Which means yesterday’s game against the Dolphins was an exciting if ultimately meaningless victory.

For the sake of posterity, I’ll offer a recap anyway.

The game began well for the Steelers.  As painful as this is to admit, Bruce Arians has devised mostly excellent game plans the past two weeks.  I have no idea what he was thinking the previous 14 weeks but it took him all this time to realize our offense needed balance (33 rushes vs 28 passes yesterday) and that short quick patterns like screens and slants weren’t a bad thing.  The first drive of the game was a perfect example of this as a quick out pass to Heath Miller went for 37 yards after a great catch-and-run.  Rashard Mendenhall (20 carries 94 yards) ripped off a 12 yard gain setting up a quick slant to Santonio Holmes for the TD.

Miami answered right back with Rickey Williams blasting right up the middle when the Steelers D parted like the Red Sea.  I’d like to blame this on the lack of Aaron Smith and Brett Keisel but both our inside linebackers got totally taken out on the play.  James Farrior has lost about three steps while Lawrence Timmons gets pushed around the field on rushing plays.  I realize they’re paying Timmons first round money and he’s been pretty good as a third down/pass rushing LB but next year they really have to give Keyaron Fox more playing time in the base defense.  At least he can play the run.

Anyway, the Fins also completed several 10 yard passes on that drive as our CBs decided to give every reciever an 8 yard cushion yesterday.   Literally, they were in full back pedal mode the second the ball was snapped.  It was ridiculous.  Chad Henne took advantage by tossing an 11 yard TD pass to tie the score.

Stefan Logan, who had a terrific day returning kicks, brought the ball back 30 yards to start the next drive.  Our special teams have been horrific this year but I think Logan has earned himself a job next season.  It took him about half the season to get going but he’s the best return man the team has had since Rod Woodson.   The Steelers scored a TD on this drive when two Dolphins collided with each other and Mike Wallace ran right by the trainwreck for a 54 yard bomb.

In the second quarter, Henne continued to take the ten yard chunks the Steelers secondary seemed happy to give him.  The drive stalled and they settled for a FG.  Fast Willie Parker, who chipped in with 91 yards on 12 carries in what may be his last game with the Steelers, started with a 12 yard gain.  After Ben Roethlisberger had a fumble reversed on replay, he tossed a screen pass to Mendy which netted 26 more yards.  As happened too often this season, the drive stalled at the Miami 6 as a short FWP run was followed by two incompletions. Skippy Reed kicked a FG to make it 17-10.

This set up a wild series of events.   Henne’s very next pass was picked off by Deshea Townshend.   That’s the first INT by a Steelers CB this season.   I repeat, FIRST PICK BY A  DB ALL SEASON.  If that doesn’t tell you how bad they’ve been, I don’t know what does.   On the Steelers first play following the turnover, Arians went insane.  He inexplicably called for a lateral and pass by the WR.  Now, I don’t have a problem with trick plays but the WR he chose to throw the ball wasn’t college QB Hines Ward or experienced halfback passer Mewelde Moore.   It was Santonio Holmes, who I don’t believe has ever thrown a pass in his life.   So of course ‘Tone throws a duck into double coverage which is easily picked off.

Miami answered with another drive which pretty much summed up how utterly pathetic our secondary has been this year.  On a 2nd and 20, Deshea watched Henne complete a 24 yard pass in front of him.   Later on 3rd and 12, Will.i.am Gay was five yards off the WR when he caught a 21 yard pass.  A snap launched over Henne’s head took the Fins out of FG range.  Mister Woodley, who’s been an absolute beast the last half of the season, put an end to this nonsense by sacking him for the second time in the drive.

The third quarter started with WVU’s Pat White assuming QB duties for an injured Chad Henne.  White showed excellent poise in throwing every pass directly at his receiver’s feet.   Meanwhile, Mendy was busy ripping off another long run (36 yards) to set the Steelers up at the Miami 6.  Big Ben scrambled out of danger and connected with Heath at the back of the endzone for a TD.

Before the quarter expired, a scary moment occurred when White scrambled toward the sideline trying for a first down.  He collided helmet-to-helmet with Ike Taylor and took the worst of it.  While Ike seemed to suffer no ill effects, White lay motionless on the turf for several minutes.  He was given the backboard and cart treatment.  Thankfully, medical reports are he only suffered a concussion and has full movement in his extremities.

A good punt return by Logan and a 26 yard pass interference call on an attempt to Holmes set the Steelers up at the Miami 11 as the dreaded fourth quarter began.  Once again, the Black and Gold failed inside the red zone and settled for a Skippy FG.  Still, up 27-10 with less than a quarter remaining seemed to put this one in the bag.

But we know better, don’t we? Tyler Thigpen entered the game and the Steelers D promptly set about making him look like the second coming of Dan Marino.  Two long passes added to a pass interference penalty on the useless Gay moved the ball to the Pittsburgh 16.  A tricky reverse totally fooled the defense allowing WR Brian Hartline to reach the endzone almost untouched.

Following a three and out by the Steelers, Miami marched right down the field for another touchdown.  This drive, engineered by Tyler Thigpen by the way, lasted all of three plays and went for 67 yards.   Yes, Tyler Thigpen went 67 yards on THREE PLAYS.   Both our corners and safeties pretty much stood by helplessly as TT moved the Fins down the field with ease.   The 17 point lead was down to 3 in about three minutes of game time.

On the Steelers next possession, more disaster struck when Big Ben was sacked and fumbled the ball.   Joey Porter recovered the fumble which was bad enough.  To add injury to insult, Peezy landed on Ben’s arm when diving for the loose ball.  Ben managed to finish the game with his arm hanging limply at his side in between every play.  Nice of him to finally show some guts although we could’ve used this new found courage about six weeks ago against the Ravens.

Miami had the ball at the Steelers 21 and it appeared a tie was imminent.   Thankfully, Tyler Thigpen WENT ALL TYLER THIGPEN and forced a terrible throw into double coverage.  Ryan Clark put a period on his Steeler career with a well-timed INT.   The Steelers were still backed up on their 2 yard line and needed to make some plays to at least make Miami work to get back into FG range.

Ben bravely completed a few passes to move the chains.  Then FWP gave Steeler Nation a farewell present in the form of a 34 yard run.  Several plays later, he scored an 8 yard TD which would’ve been the best way to end his Black and Gold career but the score was nullified by a holding penalty on Hines.   Still, his heroics set up yet another FG which all but put the game out of reach.

The game officially ended when Face Me Ike intercepted a desperation throw by Thigpen.  Yes, I can’t belive I just typed those words either.   The only time I use the terms IKE TAYLOR and INTERCEPTION in the same sentence, the word “dropped” is usually sandwiched in between them.  Figures the secondary, although mostly playing a terrible game, would still wait until week 17 to come up with some turnovers.   Where was this at ten weeks ago?

Of course, I could say that about a lot of things.   The 2009 season will long be remembered as one of the more frustrating in Steeler history.   From the high of a 6-2 start to the low of a five game losing streak against the dregs of the NFL, it was definitely a year of extremes.  What makes me shake my head is the fact Baltimore, Minnesota, San Diego, and Green Bay are all in this year’s playoffs and all were beaten by the Steelers.  I don’t know what to think when we may have defeated this year’s Super Bowl winner yet couldn’t defeat the lowly Cleveland Browns.  Hopefully, next year the team gets a few of their personnel issues sorted out and comes back more focused and more importantly hungry for another championship.

I’m already counting the days.

Nice to know Dino Tomlin was as confused by the onside kick as most of Steeler Nation.

If the Pittsburgh Steelers wish to defend their Super Bowl championship in the postseason, they must win their two remaining games.  Step one of that plan puts them on a collision course with the Baltimore Ravens .   People forget that in 2006, even with the horrid 2-6 start, the Steelers rallied in the second half of the season to have an outside shot at the playoffs.  Those dreams were soundly crushed by the Ratbirds in the second to last game of the season.  Let’s hope history doesn’t repeat itself on Sunday.

Since we’re all too familiar with the Ravens, I’ll give a brief offensive/defensive breakdown.   Defensively, Baltimore is a perfect example of why I caution people not to blame injuries for the Steelers poor play.   They’ve had numerous players go down in their secondary to the point they just resigned Corey Ivy, who was a Steeler for about thirty seconds about a month back.   Considering the Ratbirds played almost an entire season without their best defensive player (and Hines Ward‘s favorite victim), Ed Reed, it’s amazing they’re still a top ten pass defense.  In fact, despite losing a number of key players, they’re second in the league in fewest points given up per game.  Injuries are never an excuse for sucking.

Offensively, Baltimore depends heavily on emerging superstar RB Ray Rice.  Rice is a dual threat running the ball and catching passes out of the backfield and when he gets on track, the Ravens usually roll.  QB Joe Flacco hasn’t exactly had a sophomore slump but he’s still more of a game manager at this point.   Of course, it doesn’t help that the Ravens are very thin at wide reciever with only old man Derrick Mason as a major gamebreaking threat.

When these teams last met, it marked the beginning of the death spiral which derailed the Steelers entire season.  Ben Roethlisberger came down with “concussion related headaches” out of nowhere, prompting him to bail on his team at the last minute.   Hines was interviewed by Hobbit Costas and threw his QB under the bus on national television.   First time starter Dennis Dixon came off the bench to perform above and beyond the call of duty.  Behind a running game that rushed 38 times for 156 yards, Dixon played well enough to pull the team ahead 17-14 with about five minutes left.  Of course, the Origami Curtain pissed away the lead and Dixon’s only stupid mistake cost them the game in OT.

This time, Big Ben will be on the field, fresh off his epic 500 yard passing performance against the Green Bay Packers.  Somehow, I doubt we’ll run the ball 38 times on Sunday.   Actually, despite the statistical evidence, I may be in favor of rolling out the Flying Circus since the Ratbird secondary appears to be their most vulnerable area.  Ben will once again be without the protection of LG Chris Kemoeatu, who is nursing a variety of ailments.  He’ll also have a new target in veteran Joey Galloway.  Galloway, who played well for Tampa last year but was cut by the Patriots earlier this season when he ended up in Brady’s doghouse, takes the place of uber-bust Limas Sweed.   Sweed is gone for the season with a “non football-related illness.”

Good job, Limas.  Dude can’t catch a pass but somehow manages to catch swine flu.  Or the clap.

Defensively, FREE AT LAST!!  Yes, Mike Tomlin has finally figured out that Will.i.am Gay is possibly the worst CB ever to wear the Black and Gold and has removed him from the starting lineup. Only about twelve weeks too late in my book.  Surprisingly, the man taking his place is ninety-seven year old Deshea Townshend.   I guess Joe Burnett still needs a little more time in the oven.  Somebody get Dick LeBeau a microwave, please!  Anyway, Gay will go back to playing in nickel packages, where he appeared semi-competent last year.

Finally, my Christmas wish went unfulfilled as Troy Polamalu will not be suiting up for this game.  He underwent an MRI hoping to be cleared but it appears the results were not as positive as we all had hoped.  He remains determined to get back on the field for the Miami game, although I’m beginning to doubt we’ll see his Head ‘N Shoulders fortified locks again this season.  Perhaps that’s for the best.

I know many of my loyal readers live outside of the ‘Burgh.  As such, you may not have the chance to watch this game because of the NFL’s stupid coverage rules.  However, you can still contribute to the Steelers cause by rooting for the teams they need to win to help their playoff chances.  We caught a break on Christmas when San Diego dropped coal in the Titans stocking, eliminating them from the race.   Here’s what else we want.   Miami knocking off Houston.  The Patriots beating the Jags.  Indy dumping the Jets.  And, hold your nose for this one, Philly defeating the Broncos.  Yes, we must root for those illiterate mouthbreathers back east.

I know…  I feel dirty, too.