The Pittsburgh Steelers handed the Minnesota Vikings their first defeat of the season with an incredible 27-17 victory. That sentence may seem self-explanatory but it doesn’t even begin to cover what happened. In all my years of watching football, I don’t remember a crazier fifteen minutes of football than what occurred in the fourth quarter. Even for a team which seems to make a habit of the thrilling last second comeback, this one will be remembered by Steeler Nation for a long long time.

Things went well for the Steelers in the early going. Adrian Peterson was held to negative yardage in the first quarter, a first for him. He finished the game with only 69 yards (although he did have another 60 on catches), which is an accomplishment for any defense, let alone one playing without their best run-stopper. They ran right at Travis Kirschke on several occasions and he held his ground, while our linebackers attacked him like a Kit Kat bar at a Jenny Craig meeting.

The first quarter was a punt-fest which the Steelers got the better of thanks to a Mitch Berger impression by the Vikings’ punter. Mike Wallace had a 10 yard catch and then a 13 yard reverse to set the Steelers up at the Vikings thirteen yard line. Ben Roethlisberger, who was a fairly mediocre 14/26 for 175 yards, hit Santonio Holmes for a TD.

Unfortunately, the score was negated by a pass interference penalty against Heath Miller. Evidently, you can interfere with a pass that you not only didn’t catch but was thrown to another receiver 15 yards away. I understand you’re not allowed to run into DBs to prevent them from covering their man. However, it looked to me like the two, yes TWO, DBs Heath ran over bumped into each other first. And there’s still the little fact they were FIFTEEN YARDS AWAY FROM THE PLAY!

The Steelers settled for a FG. After more punts, the Vikings began a methodical drive down the field featuring a 28 yard pass to Percy Harvin and capped by a Peterson blast.  With 1:39 left in the half, the Vikes went to some soft zone type defense and Big Ben methodically picked them apart. A 22 yard pass to super-rookie Wallace (Who deserves a cool nickname. Suggestions please.) was followed up with a 40 yard bomb for a TD. Black and Gold up 10-7 at halftime.

The third quarter saw an exchange of FGs.   The Steelers wasted a great opportunity to score a knockout blow with a first and goal from the Minny 8. Three consecutive pass plays resulted in a near INT, a busted play, and an incompletion. This team leaves the barn door open more often than Matt Spaeth after an all-night bender.

Then came the unbelievable fourth quarter. The Steelers drove downfield, mixing pass and run quite effectively. First down at the Minnesota 9 and it appeared they were finally going to club that baby seal.  A hand-off to Rashard Mendenhall and…and…

…and what the f*#k happened?? I saw what happened but can’t quite believe it. In over two decades of watching football, I’ve never seen a dumber play. Mendenhall launched himself skyward, unfortunately failing to take the ball with him. The Vikes pounced on his horrendous fumble while I literally screamed at my television. Rashard, you see, attempted what looked like perfect goal line dive.  Problem was, he jumped from the SEVEN YARD LINE!! Does he think he’s Michael Jordan!? Who attempts an endzone dive from SEVEN FREAKIN’ YARDS AWAY?!?

Predictably, Brett Favre took this gift and marched the Vikes right down the field. Our secondary fell apart as Troy Polamalu was way out of position several times and they picked on Will.i.am Gay mercilessly all game long. To make matters worse, Kirschke and Lawrence Timmons both left the game with injuries during the drive.  In Timmons’ case, that would come back to haunt the Vikings later, much like the movie Paranormal Activity haunts my dreams on a nightly basis.  A tripping call on Minnesota nullified a TD pass to Sidney Rice, momentarily saving the Steelers from yet another 4th quarter choke.

Still, with a third and 8 from the Steelers 8, it looked like the Vikes would get the tying FG. Then Brett Keisel darted up the middle and swatted the ball out of Favre’s mitts. Mister Woodley rescued the pigskin from the evil clutches of Captain Wrangler and a whole convoy of Steelers escorted him 77 yards the other way for a TD.

To say everybody was excited is like saying Megan Fox kinda looks like a stripper.  Even Dick LeBeau was celebrating!  Steeler nation was excited.  Heinz Field was rocking. I was doing my patented Snoopy Dance of Joy.

Then we kicked off.

Percy Harvin took the ball and without the slightest hesitation streaked the other way for an 88 yard TD. He was barely touched. And I never EVER want to hear how kickers are football players again because Skippy Reed‘s attempt to “tackle” him was laughable. After apologizing to Steeler Nation this week, you’d think he’d at least try to make up by throwing his body at Harvin. Instead he just gave him a dainty little push like he was afraid to break a nail.  Way to go, dipshit.

The Steelers got the ball back and at this point I was just hoping we could somehow run out the clock.  Naturally, Bruce Arians answers my prayers by dialing up a SHOTGUN PASS.  This ends in epic failure as Ben gets the ball stripped and the Steelers are lucky to swat it out of bounds.  Which left Brett Favre with the ball, down 3, with three minutes left. In other words, exactly where we didn’t want to be.

And Favre immediately makes our nightmares come true by leading his team down the field.  The key play here was Purple Jesus SMITING William Gay on a short dump pass before rumbling 30 yards. Minnesota had the ball at the Steelers 19 and at this point I was just hoping for OT. Then Favre floated a screen pass to Chester Taylor who got his fingertips on it enough to deflect it into the waiting hands of Keyaron Fox. Fox was escorted 82 yards for the second thrilling defensive TD in the quarter.

I don’t know what else to say about this one.  We played a legitimate Super Bowl contender and held them to one offensive TD.  We also squandered several chances to put the game away on offense, continuing the disturbing trend of not finishing teams when they have the chance.  On the other hand, our defense playing without three starters had four sacks, a ton of pressures, held the league’s best RB pretty much in check, and scored two TDs.  Sure our secondary isn’t nearly as good as it was last year but this was the first time I felt our defense matched 2008′s level.  And we all know how last year ended.  If the Steelers could figure out how to stop sabotaging their efforts with dumb mistakes on offense and special teams, this team would really be dangerous.

The beleaguered Pittsburgh Steelers defense was dealt a crippling blow yesterday when it was announced DE Aaron Smith is likely gone for the next three months. Head coach Mike Tomlin at his Tuesday cliche-fest press conference said Smith suffered a torn rotator cuff during Sunday’s game against the Lions. No specifics were given on exactly when or how this injury occurred. A torn rotator cuff is an odd injury as outside of quarterbacks and Pittsburgh Pirates #1 draft picks, this is the first time I’ve heard of it in football.

In fact, I neglected to mention anything being awry during my obnoxiously long post-game recap because, well, nobody knew Smith was hurt. Evidently, he was injured sometime in the third quarter but other than missing a handful of snaps here and there, he continued to play. I suffer indescribable pain from a pebble in my shoe so I can’t imagine engaging in trench warfare with a blown out shoulder. Aaron Smith is officially a man’s man.

The loss of Smith comes just as the Steeler D is expecting superstar safety Troy Polamalu back. Although Troy should help solidify what has become a horror show of a secondary, losing Smith creates a brand new set of problems for Dick LeBeau and company. The saying, “If it wasn’t for bad luck…” comes springing to mind.

Smith is universally considered the best 3-4 end in the league. In normal speak, he’s really good at creating gaps for the linebackers to make plays. More importantly, he’s the key to our run defense. Before Smith tore his bicep in 2007, the Steelers were the #1 team against the rush. Shortly thereafter, they gave up over 200 yards to the Jaguars duo of Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. I’m not so much worried about the running game this week but the week after that the Black and Gold plays this dude up in Minnesota, I forget his name, Adrian whatshisface…

We’re in trouble.

Unless of course somebody steps up in his place. The Steelers invested their 1st round draft pick this year in a defensive end by the name of Ziggy Hood. Unfortunately, in the words of Tomlin, “he’s not quite ready to come out of the oven yet.” Which means Ziggy is either still learning LeBeau’s defense or he’s the Muffin Man. Do you know the Muffin Man?

What made the Steelers defense special last season was the fact none of their key players missed any significant time.  This year, it’s been one catastrophic injury after the other.  Losing Casey Hampton or Willie Parker for a game or two isn’t that big of a deal because the drop-off with their backups isn’t so steep.  When you go from a stud like Smith to a platoon featuring the law firm of Kirschke, Eason, and Hood, that’s the Grand Canyon.

Yep, we’re in trouble.   Big trouble.

I asked for babes in bikini tops. Instead we get crazies in Lucha masks. I love Steeler Nation.

And Steeler Nation loves their Pittsburgh Steelers, who convincingly defeated the San Diego Chargers 35-24 in yesterday’s Divisional Playoff. The game wasn’t nearly as close as the final score indicates as the Steelers were in cruise control for almost an entire quarter. In fact, San Diego didn’t show much beyond their opening possession, a brilliant one-handed catch by WR Vincent Jackson who had CB Ike Taylor sticking to him tighter than a wet t-shirt on Scarlett Johansson.

Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians was possessed by the spirit of Ron Earhardt as the Steelers’ game plan completely reverted back to classic Steeler Football instead of the pass happy pseudo-West Coast attack that had been sputtering all season. They ran the ball, you may want to sit down for this, a whopping 46 times. Fast Willie Parker looked like the FWP of old while rushing for 146 yards and 2 touchdowns. They even went back to the I Formation, which Fast Willie whined about several weeks back drawing criticism from head coach Mike Tomlin. Looks like FWP was right.

QB Ben Roethlisberger showed no ill effects from having his brains scrambled in the season finale against Cleveland. He was sharp and accurate with his passes, throwing for only 181 yards but making the plays when they needed to be made. His performance in the third quarter when he made several big third-and-long conversions was a perfect example of his steady leadership. Everybody contributed on the receiving end with Heath Miller scoring the back-breaking touchdown, Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington drawing a big pass interference penalty, and Hines Ward (who really needs to be recognized as a Big Game Player) hauling in 4 for 70, all of which were key catches to keep drives alive.

And then there’s Santonio Holmes. The Steelers return game is below average at best but Holmes picked his spot well. His punt return TD was Pittsburgh’s first score of the game and it appeared to be a very deflating blow to a San Diego team which had been quietly confident up until that point. It was only his second return TD of his career but it was the match which ignited the blast furnace.

Let’s also give some props to the much maligned offensive line. Ben wasn’t so much as coughed on yesterday. The Chargers had 1 sack but that came on a blitz where RB Mewelde Moore failed to pick up the extra pass rusher. The five big boys up front provided a perfect pocket, plenty of time to throw the ball, and gaping holes for the run game.

The third quarter of yesterday’s game was one of the most amazing things you’ll ever see as a football fan. The Chargers ran one play. That’s it. Fifteen minutes, one play. The Steelers, utilizing a ball control grind-it-out offense that we’ve been clamoring for, pounded out an 8 minute drive resulting in a TD. The Chargers got a great return out of midget Darren Sproles and looked like they got some momentum back starting at the Steelers 35. The one and only play was a ball batted skyward by Brett Keisel (who is emerging as a very good player) and picked off by both James Harrison and Larry Foote. The Steelers then ground out another drive which took them to the 4th quarter.

Speaking of the defense, what can I say? Simply the most devastating unit in the NFL. They took media darling Sproles and held the shrimp to a measly 15 yards rushing. FIFTEEN YARDS! He had 300+ last week! They sacked Philip Rivers four times, two of which were courtesy of Mister LaMarr Woodley. Silverback only had one but that was likely because they were mugging him on every play. The Chargers had 280 yards of total offense but close to 100 of that was amassed after the Steelers went up 28-10 and started playing a semi-prevent defense.

On a weekend when every home team coming off a bye lost, the Steelers took care of business on their home turf. Not only did they win, they won emphatically, showing improvement in areas they struggled with during the regular season while continuing to play well in the areas which they have always excelled. Get your bikini tops and Lucha masks ready because the AFC Championship game is coming to Pittsburgh next Sunday. The Steelers look ready, are you?

Too bad they can’t bring their cheerleaders.

The San Diego Chargers return to the sloppy tundra of Heinz Field in a rematch of a week 11 contest which ended by the improbable score of 11-10.  It actually should have been 17-10 but one of the refs got a call from his bookie wrong thus negating Troy Polamalu‘s last minute TD return of a fumbled lateral.  Let’s hope the NFL assigns a competent crew to the Divisional Playoff game this Sunday.  Last thing we need is a replay of last year’s playoff debacle against Jacksonville where the officials mysteriously missed three blatant holding penalties on the QB scramble which set up the game winning FG.

Regardless of the final score, anybody who thinks the Pittsburgh Steelers have a decided advantage because of their performance in their first meeting didn’t watch the game.  On paper, it looks like a one-sided slaughter.  QB Ben Roethlisberger threw for 308 yards, WR Hines Ward caught 11 balls for 124 yards (plus 6 for 55 by TE Matt Spaeth), and Fast Willie Parker had a rare 100 yard day.  The defense held San Diego to 218 total yards while picking off Philip Rivers twice.

However, the Steelers did not score an offensive touchdown the entire game.  How you may ask?  Penalties killed them.  They were flagged 13 times for an atrocious 115 yards. Several of these negated big plays, particularly the one which cost them a TD bomb to Nate Washington.  They also struggled badly on key short yardage conversions, getting stifled on third and shorts while also failing to punch it in on a big 4th and goal play.

Most importantly, the story of the game was the inclimate weather that day.  Playing in steady flurries on a frozen field, the San Diego defenders played well off the recievers.  They didn’t want to chance slipping and allowing them to run by for a big gain.  If the weathermen can be believed, and I don’t believe anyone not named Kudzma, the weather should be markedly better this weekend.

Without the climate advantage, this game could easily go very differently.  The Chargers showed good coverage against the pass happy Indianapolis Colts so thinking the game will follow the same script is unrealistic.  The Steelers better not fool themselves into thinking the running game will not be a huge factor.  Ignore the mantra of a good ground game always wins in the playoffs at your own peril, Bruce Arians.

Since I’ve already done a highly detailed breakdown of the two teams, I won’t bother to repeat it.  The key changes since then are both Chargers RB Ladainian Thomlinson and the Steelers’ Roethlisberger coming off injuries.   Thomlinson has his groin muscle separated from his pelvis (raise your hand if you just crossed your legs and grimaced) and probably won’t play (he may not even dress).   He’ll be replaced by a midget named Darren Sproles, a burner who Indy had no answer for.  Ben was concussed in the season finale against the hapless Browns.  He was apparently given a green light, although anybody who has been knocked loopy will tell you that the affects can last weeks or months.  If this concussion affects his decision making skills one iota, head coach Mike Tomlin’s season ending gambit will go down as one of the biggest blunders in Pittsburgh sports history.

The Chargers.  The Steelers.  Heinz Field.  The 2008 NFL Playoffs.  One team takes a step forward toward glory while the other has their season end in a hail of frustration and tears.  As the Joker said in the best movie of the year, “And…here…we…go…”

Over the previous three hours, the Tennessee Titans did something similar to the Pittsburgh Steelers, ending any hopes of a number one overall seed with a devastating 31-14 victory.  To call it the worst loss of the season would be a bit of an overstatement.  However, to say the game didn’t raise a number of alarms heading into the playoffs would also be a case of looking at the world through Black and Gold colored glasses.

The Steelers played a flat and listless game, showing little of the fire which ignited them to four straight victories over top ranked teams.  The first quarter was better suited to Halloween than Christmas as it was one horror after another.   First, LB James Harrison was lying on the ground with an injured hip.  Then QB Ben Roethlisberger was piledriven on a scramble which resulted in a fumble and backup Byron Leftwich loosening up on the sidelines.  Although Ben didn’t miss a snap and Silverback did return to the game later on (even collecting his 16^th sack, a new Steeler record), injuries to our star players were not what we needed this close to the post season.

Most disturbingly, we finally learned why Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians might not be patient with our long neglected running game.   The Titans, playing without key run-stoppers Albert Haynesworth and Kyle Vanden Bosch, were ripe to be run on.  Arians obviously read the injury report this week because he dialed up run after run.  Unfortunately, Fast Willie Parker only managed 29 yards on 18 carries.  Brutal.

Almost as brutal as the draw play Arians called at least three times yesterday and lost 5-8 yards EVERY TIME he tried it.  Does this numbskull react to what is happening in front of him at all?  He also tried his beloved Empty Backfield set several times and every time Ben ended up sacked or running for his life.  I don’t know if its arrogance or stupidity which compels him to keep trying plays which fail over and over again.

I’ll go with stupidity.

When we couldn’t run on a terrible Indianapolis run defense, I figured it was due to FWP just coming back from injury.  When we couldn’t run against the mediocre San Diego run defense, I figured it was due to weather conditions.   Now that we couldn’t run against a team missing their key run stoppers, I’m starting to think maybe we can’t run against anybody at all.  And one dimensional teams seldom last long in the playoffs.

Not that the passing dimension looked all that hot either.  Big Ben had a miserable game, fumbling four times (losing two) while throwing two picks for good measure.  Once again, he fell into the trap of thinking he had to do everything himself and in trying to be Superman he wound up looking like the Joker.  The fumble where he was concussed, for example, was a perfect example of this shortcoming.  From the Tennessee 7 yard line, Ben scrambled around trying to make a play.  Without even looking at the end zone (where Nate Washington stood wide open), he put his head down and tried to plow forward himself.  Moving slightly faster than a club-toed sloth, he got swarmed at the one.  His other turnovers were all similar in that he tried to force passes or make plays where plays weren’t there to be made.  Also, Ben scrambling to buy time for a big play is good, Ben scrambling to try and pick up first downs/TDs is NOT GOOD.

Previous weeks, our offense has been varying shades of bad but our magnificent defense has bailed them out.  This week, thanks to that idiotic cover by the fine folks over at Sports Illustrated, our defense was merely good when it needed to be great.   For the first time this year, they allowed over 300 yards of total offense.  The most egregious defensive lapse occurred in the third quarter when RB Chris Johnson blew by the entire defense for a 21 yard TD on Fourth and one.  A similar defensive lapse occurred in the second quarter when WR Justin Gage scored on a 31 yard bomb.  Single player stats for the Titans don’t look all that impressive but their inability to stop big plays was really the uncharacteristic weakness of the defense yesterday.

The 17 point loss was the worst defeat for the Steelers this season.  Next week is a bye week with a meaningless game against the Cleveland Browns and then a real bye week before hosting a divisional playoff game at Heinz Field.  At this point, it is too late to work on things we need to improve on or worry about correcting deficiencies we’ve seen all season long.  We have the team that for better or worse is what it is going into this year’s playoffs.  We have a great defense, as long as it stays healthy.  Injuries to Harrison and S Ryan Clark (who popped his bad shoulder out again) got banged up yesterday but will hopefully be okay in a couple weeks.  We can’t run the ball and that isn’t likely to change anytime soon.  We can pass the ball but letting Ben Roethlisberger chuck it 30+ times is an iffy proposition between his penchant for mistakes and the offensive line’s mediocrity (they gave up 5 more sacks yesterday).

Last minute miracles are great but it’s not something you can count on happening week in and week out.  Luckily for the Steelers, they only need three more to hopefully get where they want to go.