Ben Roethlisberger held roughly his fifty-seventh Super Bowl XLV interview session yesterday afternoon.  A reporter from Dallas, after drying the tears from his eyes, asked Ben if it irked him that the Cowboys are called “America’s Team.”  Ah, Big D, keep grasping tightly at whatever straws you can in order to avoid the fact your team has become totally irrelevant because they haven’t won a damn thing in almost twenty years.  Ben’s response was perfect, noting people can proclaim themselves whatever they’d like but he knows there is no larger or more passionate fan base than Steeler Nation.

Unfortunately, the Nation may find themselves in the minority this coming Sunday.  Despite an infinitely larger national following than the Green Bay Packers, recent trends have shown a larger percentage of neutral football fans siding with the Cheeseheads over the Pittsburgh Steelers.  The Hollwood Reporter magazine released its first ever Super Bowl Poll in the issue hitting newsstands today and the results are quite disheartening.   Once upon a time, this country embraced greatness and looked up to their heroes with admiration while today they seem overcome by jealousy towards those who are wildly successful.

Then again, these same people said Fox was their favorite NFL broadcaster and Troy Aikman was their favorite analyst.  Clearly we’re dealing with folks of dubious taste.  Unless your idea of top-notch coverage is a break dancing robot.

According to the poll by Penn Schoen Berland, Americans are rooting for the Packers by a 45% to 39% margin.  The spread is likely heavily influenced by the general unpopularity of Big Ben.  Muckraking Georgia DAs and skanky college girls everywhere can rejoice because their disreputable behavior and character assassinations have succeeded in making Ben the fourth most disliked player in football.  The three ahead of him are Bret Favre (proven pervert), Mike Vick (convicted animal abuser), and Tom Brady (uh, he’s just a dick).  Which goes to show how media types with hidden agendas, aided by a biased commissioner, can convince the great unwashed to believe just about anything they tell them.

In a way, though, I’m kinda glad the Steelers are being underestimated this time around.  Despite holding a number two seed and playing through a much tougher conference than the Pack, Las Vegas has maintained the Black and Gold as 2.5-3.5 point underdogs since the match-up was set.  While Green Bay has wisely avoided providing any bulletin board material to fire up the proud Steelers, this gives Mike Tomlin plenty of fuel to fire the blast furnace.  When these guys are written off like they have been all season, it only serves to make them want it more.

And, hey, at least one “expert” is picking the Steelers.  The Madden NFL 11 video game, which I’ve passed up booty calls in order to continue playing because I’m a dork, predicts the Steelers will win by a score of 24-20.  If you look over this history of Madden Super Bowl simulation, you’ll see the game is remarkably accurate.  It missed the final score of our victory in Super Bowl XLIII by only two points.  So let’s hope this Reverse Madden Curse holds true once again.

In the meantime, I’ll proudly wear my team’s colors and wave my Terrible Towel this weekend as will millions of fans across the country.  Because at the end of the day, the Pittsburgh Steelers are and always will be “America’s Team.”

Oh and speaking of Steeler Pride, don’t forget my Stiller Pride Coveroo Contest running all the way through Friday.  I’ve received about two dozen fantastic submissions but there’s still plenty of time to submit your most unique, funny, touching, sweet, clever, frighteningly obsessive, or (dare I say it?) sexy photo for a chance to win some awesome Steelers swag.   Full details and how to enter by clicking here.

If you listen closely, you can hear the hearts of millions of women breaking.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback and uber-bachelor Ben Roethlisberger is reportedly engaged to Ashley Harlan (pictured above).  The news began circulating online yesterday but I dismissed it as local gossip in the same vein of Bill Cowher having an affair with Kordell Stewart’s sister.  He doesn’t have a sister, people.  However, the story picked up steam when KDKA’s John Shumway questioned Ben and the Post-Gazette added more credence when they did what any respectable newspaper would do; send a reporter out to ambush the alleged fiancee’s family.

My natural reaction to this story was, “That’s the best he could do?”  Then I remembered he’s a goofy looking lug.  My next thought was, “How gullible do they think we are?”  According to the PG article, Harlan’s mother was introducing Ben as her daughter’s boyfriend last summer.  We are to believe they began dating four months after he got in trouble for banging a drunk skank in a bathroom stall and now they’re engaged less than six months after that?  Maybe if they met on the super-secret website used by Charlie Sheen, Michael Jackson, and Tom Cruise specializing in conveniently timed sham marriages.

In hindsight, I guess the shenanigans in Milledgeville could be viewed a bachelor party.  Sure would have been a whole lot safer (and smarter) to just hire a stripper instead of seeking free entertainment from loose sorority girls.

Whatever the case, Ms. Harlan is certainly a PR person’s dream.  She’s a local, having graduated from Laurel High School in New Castle and went to college at St. Francis.  She currently works as a Physician’s Assistant, which puts her somewhere between highly educated nurse and undereducated doctor.   So despite her plain-jane appearance, you can certainly sell her to the gullible media as a bright young woman not at all interested in Big Ben’s monopoly money.

While I certainly applaud Ben’s efforts to become a better man after the debacle last March, part of me hopes this news is not true.  Despite his dickish behavior, I always appreciated the fact Ben was true to himself.  Tom Brady is a deadbeat dad who pretends to be everybody’s dreamy All-American.  Bret Favre is an unfaithful pervert who texts his junk to random women while pretending to be a loyal husband to his unbearable shrew of a wife.

Ben never pretended to be anything but a big goof who loves getting hammered, banging sluts, and playing football.  He wasn’t a Christian gentleman like Tim Tebow or an overrated famewhore like Tony Romo.  For better or worse, Ben was Ben.   And far be it for me to question the power of true love (which no doubt blossomed over a beer bong) but I guess I’m a little sad he decided to sell out like so many others before him.

Preach on, Ryan Clark.

A day after the Baltimore Ravens unrelenting thuggery was on full display for a national television audience yet was somehow missed by the stripe-shirted men actually paid to watch the action, the NFL has levied fines for their goonish behavior.  Of course as Clark points out, it’s too little, too late.  The entire point of protecting quarterbacks or banning helmet-to-helmet blows is to discourage them from occurring during the game.

If players knew they wouldn’t suffer any consequences until 24 hours after the fact, I’m sure a few of them wouldn’t mind footing the bill for mussing up Tom Terrific’s pretty boy looks.

The major fine came in the form of a $40,000 debit for Jameel McClain’s attempted decapitation of Heath Miller.   Apparently beheading is legal according to Sunday night’s officiating crew.  I’m shocked McClain was fined at all since the last couple helmet-to-helmet blows (including the filthy cheap shot which knocked Hines Ward out of the Patriots game) went unpunished.   I see the key to getting in serious trouble is to commit your malicious actions in prime time.

Or play for the Black and Gold.

The other fine was a pitiful $15,000 slap on the wrist to serial punk Haloti Ngata for smacking Ben Roethlisberger in the face.  Big Ben underwent minor surgery yesterday to restore his herculean nose to its former glory.  Ngata’s in the wrong line of work.  There are tons of airhead Hollywood celebutards who’d pay ten times that amount to have their coke-lined honkers reconstructed.

Besides wishing Ngata was penalized by the two refs WHO WERE STARING RIGHT AT HIM when he smashed Ben’s snoot, I was hoping for a real fine.  James Harrison writes check in $25,000 increments for far less because he’s “a repeat offender.”  Meanwhile, Ngata is a well-known goon, among the league’s dirtiest players, having been fined $10k less than two weeks ago for a late hit.

Why has his amount gone up a mere $5,000 while Silverback’s jumped from $5k for his german suplex on Vince Young to $75,000 for the sweet annihilation of Mohammed Massaquoi back down to $25k for the bogus flag on Ryan Fitzpatrick?

Because the Ginger Dictator has no freakin’ clue, that’s why.  Everything the league does is based on the random whims of this power-hungry despot.  Actually, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he has his big-boobed secretary personal assistant spin a color-coded Wheel of Justice and wherever it lands, that’s your fine.  I can just picture him jumping up and down and shouting, “Big money!  C’mon, big money!” whenever a Pittsburgh Steeler comes up for judgment.

Now that I think about it, no wonder Bret Favre hasn’t been punished for eye-raping a Jets employee with vile pictures of his love gun water pistol.  Despite a mountain of evidence he sexually harassed that poor out-of-work ho, the league has dragged their feet for almost three months.  Clearly, Ginger promised Jenn Sterger she could be the league’s secret Vanna White if she keeps quiet long enough for #4 to pack up his Wranglers and fade off into the sunset.

It finally makes sense!

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Greg Warren.

Every week my game previews make note of which key players are injured. I’m sure many of you check to see if Fatboy Hampton has made weight or if Willie Parker had an unfortunate run in with some crab grass and is out for the week. I’m also pretty sure if I mentioned Greg Warren very few of you would care. In fact, I bet only the most diehard members of Steeler Nation even knew we had a Greg Warren on our team.

Looks like Greg’s a lot more important than we thought.

The injury to long-snapper Greg Warren set in motion a series of tragic events which turned a narrow victory for the Pittsburgh Steelers into a crushing 21-14 defeat at the hands of the New York Football Giants. It was a bruising game filled with hard hits and numerous injuries on each side. Both teams were 5-1 but needed to prove themselves against top flight competition. Now that it’s over both teams might be left with more questions than answers.

Thanks to a superior defensive effort and two big plays on offense, the Steelers clung to a 14-12 edge until late in the 4^th quarter. Forced to punt from their own 8, LB James Harrison stood under center replacing Warren, who had been carted off the field with a season ending ACL tear earlier in the half. The Mighty Silverback launched the pigskin between his legs, whistling the ball over the head of P Mitch Berger and anybody else who isn’t named Yao Ming. It sailed out the back of the endzone for a safety, tying the score. The ensuing free kick set the Giants up at mid-field where they took advantage of a tired Steeler defense to score their first TD of the day with 3:00 left on the clock. A few minutes of brutally bad offensive football later, Pittsburgh had their second defeat of the season.

The defense didn’t create any turnovers and the G-Men took the Blitz out of Blitzburgh by holding the top pass rush in the NFL to zero sacks. However, the Steelers did a great job of bending but not breaking as they limited the damage to field goals. RB Brandon Jacobs knocked over puny S Ryan Clark like a bowling pin several times early on but at the end of the day none of the NY backs broke 40 yards.  DE Brett Keisel had his best game as a Steeler in coming up big as an effective run stuffer.

WR Plaxico Burress didn’t start the game, thus proving a new multimillion dollar contract and Super Bowl winning TD catch is not the cure for being a moron. Head coach Tom Coughlin held him back until the 2^nd quarter when he evidently decided winning the game was more important than disciplining his players. Not that it mattered much as CB Ike Taylor rendered Burress a non-factor. Other than a clutch catch by Amani Toomer on the final game winning drive, none of the receivers made any impact.

Honestly, the only reason the Giants managed to put any points up on our defense was because they were stuck in a hole pretty much all day long. For one, every single NY scoring drive started at mid-field or in Steelers territory. Even the most mediocre offense can usually get into field goal range when they begin on the opponent’s 45 yard line. The other major problem was the D seemingly spent the entire game out on the field. When our offense scored, they scored quickly. Every other time they were 3 and out. There was no rest for the weary warriors in the Black and Gold.

And definitely no help from our offense. The Steelers have fallen into this disturbing trend where things are feast or famine. We either rip off huge chunks of yardage in big play fashion or we bumble and stumble through three poorly designed and poorly executed plays then punt. The first TD was on a 32 dash by RB Mewelde Moore. The second was a 65 yard bomb to WR Nate Washington. Everything else was one or two series and out. There were no long time-consuming drives. No sustained offense. They were 1 for 10 on 3^rd down conversions. Feast or famine.

The O-Line is going to take more heat because they gave up 5 sacks and allowed about 18 QB knockdowns in only 30 pass attempts. Max Starks and Chris Kemoeatu had especially poor games. That right side of the line was like a leaky dam allowing Big Blue defenders to pour in on almost every pass play. I especially enjoyed Starks clever technique of pushing the on-rushing defender like a little girl on a swing hoping the gentle nudge would be enough to derail the 320 freight train steaming toward our quarterback. $7 million well spent. But, to be fair, I don’t think they were what cost us this game.

I place the blame squarely on the sore shoulders of QB Ben Roethlisberger. He had by far his worst game of the season and other than the first few post-motorcycle & spleenectomy games in 2006, possibly his worst game as a pro. He threw 4 interceptions. 2 of them were Favre-ian “toss it up and hope your guy comes down with it” prayers, one was thrown with no Steeler within 5 yards, and one was not his fault (hit Nate in the hands but the defender knocked it loose and it caromed into a LB’s big paws). He repeatedly missed wide open receivers. Washington was open on that deep pattern on at least two other plays, one was negated due to a penalty but Ben missed him on the other chance by throwing the ball late which allowed the CB to break up the play.

In fact, that was Ben’s biggest problem all day. Holding the ball. I can’t get upset about a lot of those sacks/knockdowns because at least HALF of them were caused by Big Ben himself. He took “waiting too long” to a whole new level. One-two-three-THROW. How hard is that to understand? You can’t sit back there and survey the field for 10 seconds and expect not to get hit. The line would hold the fort for a good 3-4 seconds but he’d start dancing around as soon as he took his drop. Every play it was hike, step up, shuffle left, skitter right, cock his arm… Then eat grass. You can’t do that in the NFL on a regular basis and expect to succeed. Or survive without injury for that matter. Memo to Roethlisberger: You’re not Kordell Stewart.

In the midst of the terrible offense, noble defense, and crushing defeat came a whole slew of injuries. Despite the dire predictions by the Post-Gazette, most of our starters did return for the game, including Fatboy Hampton, Aaron Smith, and Troy Polamalu. However, in addition to Warren’s game-altering injury, we also lost S Ryan Clark to what appeared to be a dislocated shoulder. Ike Taylor and Nate Washington were both banged up although both manned up enough to return to the game. Speaking of which, Mitch Berger proved that punters are indeed men as he looked to have either torn a hammy or a groin in his non-punting leg because he was hopping around in obvious pain after every kick. He might need replaced as a one-legged punter is roughly as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Many of the so-called experts called this game a preview of Super Bowl XLIII. If the Steelers hope to make these predictions come true, there needs to be a whole lot of improvement on the offensive side of the ball over the next nine weeks.

(Image courtesy of One From The Other Thumb)

Today, at approximately four o’clock in the afternoon, football season officially begins in western Pennsylvania. No longer will Pittsburgh have to suffer through yet another season of pitiful baseball, lousy management, and idiotic trades by our inept Pirates. Tucked safely along the rolling hills of Westmoreland County, the Pittsburgh Steelers will convene their 42nd training camp as the eyes of the Burgh’s true sports fans turn to their one true major league franchise. Until the Penguins drop the puck in Sweden at least.

Sure, the preseason is more or less a sham. A cheap ploy designed to give greedy owners four more games with which to line their pockets. And yes, the first real meaningful game won’t take place for more than a month. But that doesn’t matter to the members of Steeler Nation. We take our football seriously.

How serious, you may ask? Seriously enough that not dozens, not hundreds, but thousands of people will make a pilgrimage to Latrobe in order to stand around in 90 degree heat and watch sweaty behemoths do sit-ups. The preseason is usually a long-winded way of deciding who is going to be a team’s 5th receiver or what undrafted rookie will make it as a special teamer. The crazy thing about Steeler fans is we actually care about such things.

This will be Mike Tomlin’s second training camp as head coach. Let’s hope his decision making process has improved this year as he made several choices last year which turned out badly as the year played out. He decided that FB Carey Davis would supplant Dan Kreider, long considered one of the best blocking fullbacks in the league. His reasoning was Davis was more athletic and could catch the ball out of the backfield, which is great except Davis went on to catch a whopping total of 12 passes. Tomlin also claimed that good special teams would be one of his priorities and he’d work tirelessly to make sure we were solid in that area, even going so far as trading a draft pick for KR Allen “Fair Catch” Rossum. This resulted in the Steelers having one of the worst special teams units in the NFL.

The major undercurrent to this season is, of course, the very real possibility it will be the last under the ownership of the Rooney family. The Post-Gazette recently published an embarrassing article agreeing with Tomlin’s statement that the ownership situation might be “a distraction” to the players. Are they serious? That is the most laughable bit of excuse making I’ve ever heard. We all know the Pittsburgh media is in bed with the Steelers but at least try to be reasonable. If Big Ben launches a bomb down the sideline to a streaking Santonio Holmes, I very much doubt the ball will slip through his arms because he’s worried about who’ll sign his checks next year. I don’t think Mike Tomlin’s ability to analyze game tape on Tuesday morning will suffer because he’s depressed over strife in the Rooney family.

A few other notes of interest:

–Diane Battiste Zinkham passed away at the age of 62. She was a major part of our cheerleading team, the Steelerettes, from 1961-70. Take note, Cowboy fans, the Steelers and the Cleveland Browns were the first two NFL teams with cheerleading squads. Which I guess means we were the first NFL team with attractive cheerleaders.

–Bret “Look at me! Look at me!” Favre is threatening to report to Green Bay Packers camp, whether they want him or not. He’s quickly turning into the Bill Murray character from the movie “What About Bob?”

–Pittsburgh native Jason “Twinkle Toes” Taylor was traded to the Washington Redskins.

–Top draft picks Rashard Mendenhall and Limas Sweed are signed, sealed and delivered. Sweed has a four year deal for some undisclosed amount. Mendenhall is inked for five years/$12.55 million. He’ll likely use some of that money to replace the cell phone and Rolex that got jacked when he was mugged up in Chicago.

–Finally, also on the sad news front, Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch lost his battle with cancer at the age of 47. This doesn’t have much to do with football, although one of his final wishes was granted when the Steelers invited him to participate in training camp last year. I am a CMU graduate and although I didn’t have any classes with Professor Pausch, I recall reading about him and his accomplishments while there. That he inspired so many people during his remaining years is something nobody should ever forget.