You better watch out.  You better not cry.  Better not pout.  Who cares if we get a fine.  Blitzburgh is comin’ to town…

I thought the drop of semen being collected from a certain bathroom in Georgia was a shoo-in for strangest picture I posted this year.  But it may have been edged out at the last minute by Santa Silverback and his merry men singing Christmas carols.  Seriously.  Click this link if you don’t believe me.  Prepare to have your mind blown.

And your ears, too.

The fact I’m talking about James Harrison performing the most badass version of Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town in history instead of last night’s game should be a clue to those of you busy wrapping gifts or putting the drunken moves on your boss at the office Christmas party that you didn’t miss anything.

The Pittsburgh Steelers laid a 27-3 beat down on the Carolina Panthers in a battle of teams moving in opposite directions.  The final score doesn’t begin to tell you how one-sided this truly was.  Put it this way, I’m as nervous as anybody when it comes to holding leads but when the Steelers went up 10-0 early in the second quarter, I had no doubt the game was over.

The Panthers are terrible.  Absolutely terrible.  The next time I moan about our offensive woes, remind me about this game.  As bad as things are at times, watching Carolina’s comical attempts at offense shows how much worse they really can be.   The Panthers had 119 yards of total offense last night.  I repeat, 119 YARDS FOR AN ENTIRE GAME!

31 of those yards came on their opening drive.  The Steelers D always starts slow until they get a chance to figure out what the other team is trying to do and make the necessary adjustments to thwart it.  In this case, Carolina tried to run (Big Mistake) while mixing in short sissy throws for Jimmy Clausen (Bigger Mistake).  Well, nobody runs on the Steelers so strategy #1 was doomed even though Jonathan Stewart’s 71 yards will cause our yards per game average to go up a little bit.  And Clausen is such a deer-in-the-headlights that once he was asked to face a rush and get the ball down field, strategy #2 headed to where number twos usually end up.

Despite facing a fairly untalented bunch, the Steelers D deserves kudos for a terrific game.  They finished with four sacks, including one by Harrison which didn’t draw a flag.  IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!  When they weren’t sacking the Pickle, they were smacking him around like he was Tiny Tim.  Ike Taylor bottled up Steve Smith to the tune of 3 catches for 17 lousy yards.  Bryant McFadden intercepted a ball Clausen overthrew by about five yards while the special teams forced a fumble on a kick return.  Even when the Carolina offense was gifted great field position thanks to a Steelers miscue, there was almost no danger of them scoring.

In fact, I seriously doubt they could have scored a touchdown even if we were playing with ten men.

Ben Roethlisberger got his security blanket back and put Heath Miller right to work catching 5 balls for 73 yards.  Anybody who doubts Heath’s importance to this offense needs only watch the vast improvement of the passing game over last week.  Once again, they spread the ball all over the field with five receivers making multiple catches.  Rookie Emmanuel Sanders continued to open eyes with several nice catches although his failure to catch a bullet in the end zone cost the team a score.  Mike Wallace only caught four passes but that was good for 104 yards.  The Flash’s highlight reel play came on a five yard slant he took 43 yards for a TD, blowing past four defenders along the way.  Big Ben had a statistically great game (22/32 for 320 yards) but he twice mishandled the ball leading to sloppy turnovers.

Rashard Mendenhall had 18 carries for 65 yards with 35 coming on his first carry of the game.  Three plays later, he was stopped for a 5 yard loss when Jonathan Scott whiffed on a block.  Scott was pulled from the game where first Sean Kugler then Mike Tomlin ripped him a new one.  After throwing his helmet and pitching a fit, Scott eventually went back out there and finished the game without further incident.  He’s still a major weak link.   The refurbished offensive line seems to be improving as pass blockers.  Ben was sacked three times (twice by budding star Charles Johnson) and had his magnificent nose re-broken although two of the sacks were because he ran around for thirty five minutes trying to make a play instead of just getting rid of it.

By rights, this game should have been a 45-3 blowout.  The only reason the score doesn’t reflect the lopsided nature of play was the Steelers continued to misfire in the red zone.  Six trips netted only two touchdowns.  Mendy banged one home while the other score required Big Ben to sneak it in after the line repeatedly failed to get enough push to power in from the 1.  It’s funny, Bruce Arians and Ben have said in recent weeks they think the problems inside the 20 result from being too impatient to score instead of taking what the defense is willing to give you.  Well, sure enough, every time they cracked the red yesterday, they’d start bombing passing in to the end zone.

You do realize identifying the problem is only HALF the battle, right B.A.?

Anyway, a win is a win, especially when that win puts the Steelers exactly where they want to be with one game left to play.  If the Browns were to upset the Ravens, the second seed would be clinched with a week to spare.  Although the chances of that happening are about as high as finding an attractive woman in Cleveland.  So more than likely, we’ll have to play out the string in order to earn our bye which, believe it or not, is probably for the best since teams which coast into the playoffs tend to go out early.

Finally, on a personal note, I would like to thank all my readers, new and old, for riding along with me this year.  I started this blog because I enjoy talking Steelers and, whether we agree or not, I thank each and every one of you who left a comment for taking part in the fun.  I’m off next week for holiday vacation and while I plan on updating my site at least a couple times, I may not have as much content up as you’re used to seeing.  So please bear with me until we get back to normal in 2011.  In the meantime, Happy Holidays and Go Steelers!

Despite not scoring a single offensive touchdown, the Pittsburgh Steelers cruised to an easy 23-7 victory over the hapless Cincinnati Bengals yesterday.  It was far from a pretty, at least offensively speaking, but this Steeler team has clearly learned from last year’s mistakes.  They find a way to win the games they should win instead of playing to level of their competition.

Although when it comes to the Bungles, it’s almost impossible to play that low.

Cincy scored on their opening drive which would be their one and only fleeting moment of competence.  And even that was tainted by massive assistance from a clearly biased officiating crew.  Had they not been gifted 20 yards and a spot on the 1 yard line thanks to a ridiculous pass interference penalty against Ike Taylor, the Bungles wouldn’t have crossed mid-field until late in the fourth quarter.  The only question was how long the Steelers sputtering offense would allow them to hang around before putting the game away.

Ben Roethlisberger is made of iron.  Or steel.  Or adamantium.  Whatever your super-strong metal of choice.  I don’t think even Ivan Drago could break him.

Big Ben took the kind of beating usually reserved for pinatas or Tom Cable’s ex-wives.  Cincy’s four sacks don’t begin to convey the number of hits this man absorbed, most of which were so very very late I could time them with an hourglass.  The amount of filthy and illegal shenanigans the Bengals got away with was absolutely disgraceful.  The Steelers got so fed up a mini-battle royal erupted after the game.  Although nobody was victimized more than Big Ben.  Following one sack, a cowardly Bengal attempted to knee his broken nose.  Later, another sacker fell on his broken-sprained ankle.  On just a single play, Ben was smacked upside the helmet (again), then horsecollared (again) when he escaped to discover not a single flag from the refs (again).

To prove they did indeed have yellow hankies in their pockets, the officials threw them quite often on the Steelers offensive line.  LT Jonathan Scott is now the 2nd most penalized linemen in the NFL.  Unfortunately, most of these flags are justified.  Even though I did appreciate Steeler Nation greeting the officials with a “Refs, You Suck!” chant.  That began shortly after two consecutive holding penalties turned a 1st and 10 at midfield into a 1st and 30 deep in our own end.

Naturally, the Bungles are who we thought they were and a leaping 29 yard snag by Hines Ward got us off the hook.  Hines had a fantastic game, catching 8 balls for 115 yards.  Guess local windbag Mark Madden will have to postpone his next “Hines is nearing the end!” rant for a couple weeks.  Mike Wallace (5/78) also made a nice catch later in the game although the highlight reel play was Antwaan Randle-El’s brilliant one-handed stab to set up the Steelers first FG.

Rashard Mendenhall redeemed himself for last week’s cowardly performance.  Although he finished with only 66 yards, they were tough yards.  As with Ben, the O-line did him no favors.  Instead of finding a hole, he just had to put his head down and plow forward.  Isaac Redman only had 1 carry which is kinda ridiculous since I don’t care how young or in shape Mendy is, he’s going to be a beaten-up shell unless they start splitting some of his workload.

Ben and Rashard combined on one of the best screen passes you’ll ever see.  It started as a flea-flicker, which was quickly blown up by a Bengal in the backfield.  Ben somehow managed to shot-put the ball back to Mendy, who took it 9 yards.  I understand trying to manufacture offense but as usual B.A. does it in the dumbest way possible.  He actually called a Dennis Dixon play with Banged-up Ben under center.

Seriously, who the hell calls a QB Draw with a guy who has a broken-sprained foot and surgically reconstructed snoot?   Bruce Arians, that’s who.

One coach who had a good day was Dick LeBeau.  Games like yesterday’s are exactly why I have little tolerance for armchair coaches who criticize him for “not making adjustments” or claim “the game has passed him by” or whatever nonsense.  LeBeau is the not only the best defensive mind in football, he may very well be the best D-coordinator ever.  If there is a breakdown, it’s because the players either aren’t talented enough or screw up an assignment.  With Arians or Mike Tomlin, it is fair to question their decisions.

In LeBeau We Trust.

The defense played absolutely lights-out, forcing three turnovers while holding Cincy under 200 yards of total offense.  As I predicted in Know Thy Enemy, they switched Ike to T.O. which allowed Ochocinco to have his best game against the Steelers in forever.  However, neither Tweedledumb nor Tweedledumber were much of threat with a complete lack of running game (34 total yards!) and inept QB play holding them back.  Oh, Carson Palmer, how far you have fallen.

Funny thing was, Troy Polamalu narrowly missed an interception by jumping a route early in the game.  So on THE VERY NEXT DRIVE they run the exact same play and this time Troy gets the Pick-Six.  Soaring into the end zone on a wing and a prayer wasn’t exactly the best move for Troy’s gimpy ankle but given our lousy offense, I don’t blame him.  Early in the fourth quarter, LaMarr Woodley also jumped a route for an almost identical looking Pick-Six.  Then to close out the game, Troy picked off his former USC roommate one last time as a farewell present.

On the attempted run-back, or in this case limp-back, Troy looked around for somebody to lateral to.  He spotted Bryant McFadden by himself about half way across the field and launched a silly pass to him which B-Mac was luckily able to fall on before disaster ensued.  Despite being up 16 with the game sealed, LeBeau, channeling Clint Eastwood in “Gran Torino,” grabbed Troy by the shoulder pads and gave him an earful.  Again, how many coaches would chew out any player, let alone the team’s biggest star, after they basically win the game for you?   That’s Dick LeBeau and that’s why the players call him Coach Dad (He did give him a hug a few moments later.  Troy is a sensitive young man.).

Shaun Suisham continued to be the Anti-Skippy, steady and dependable with 85% less peroxide.  Good thing since he has been our most consistent weapon as the Steelers have now scored two offensive TDs in three games.  Don’t buy any of this stupidity about the Bengwads D playing a good game.  The line is a complete mess with Ben getting harassed and/or smashed every time he drops back and precious little running room for Mendy.  And now the Jets come to town!

Buckle up your chin strap, Big Ben.  It’s going to be another looooong afternoon.

A quick reminder: NPC and Hatchette Book Group are giving away two copies of Merril Hoge‘s fantastic autobiography, “Find A Way.” Check out the post below for details on how to enter.

Last week, I noticed a bunch of sites doing mid-season reviews. Great except week eight isn’t really the mid-way point any more. With the bye, most teams don’t play their eighth game until week nine. Since I’ve always been a stickler for details, here are my Pittsburgh Steelers Mid-Season Awards, which we’ll call The Chinnys.

Chinny For Most Pleasant Surprise of the Year:  Maurkice Pouncey

From Mike Webster to Dermontti Dawson to Jeff Hartings, the Steelers have a tradition of excellence at center. Since Hartings sudden retirement in 2006, the position has been in disarray. And as the center has floundered, so has the entire offensive line. If the O-line is the brick wall which protects the fortress, then the center is the keystone which holds the whole thing together.

Yes, Pouncey was a first-rounder. Yes, he was the eighteenth pick in the entire draft. But expecting a rookie to start, let alone play at an All-Pro level, was asking a lot. The center has to recognize the defense and change protection schemes accordingly. It’s a lot of responsibility beyond simply snapping the ball and blocking your man. Pouncey has handled it all and then some.

Chinny For Most Unpleasant Surprise of the Year:  Bryant McFadden

I live-blogged the draft this past April and other than Pouncey in the first round, the biggest buzz from Steeler Nation was over the trade bringing B-Mac back from Pittsburgh West Arizona.  With good reason as William Gay plays corner about as well as he raps.

Unfortunately, the expected improvement hasn’t materialized.  In fact, it’s gotten worse.  The Steelers are currently ranked 24th against the pass as opposed to last year when the much-criticized secondary finished 16th.   B-Mac played well during the Super Bowl run of 2008 but that is looking more and more like an anomaly as time goes on.

The Steelers should have made a play for Antonio Cromartie, a legit shutdown corner who the Jets stole for a lousy 3rd round draft pick.  I mean, let’s not pretend like the Steelers really give a crap about character any more.  Cro hasn’t committed any crimes except banging groupies while riding bareback, anyway.   Think what an unbelievable defense we could’ve had for a middling draft choice and a box crate of Trojan Ultra-Thins.

Chinny for Coach Of the Year (Steelers staff only):  Sean Kugler

When your previous O-line coach’s biggest claim to fame is sending links to Japanese bukkake videos to Dan Rooney, your bar is pretty low.  And having a superstar rookie like Maurkice Pouncey doesn’t hurt.  But when a line which gave up 50 sacks last year cuts that number to 16 half way through this season, the offensive line coach must be doing something right.  Especially considering all the injuries Kugler has had to deal with.

Willie Colon was lost during OTAs.  Flozell Adams was brought in and switched positions.  Trai Essex has missed significant time with an ankle.  Kemo has battled injury.  And I’m sure you’ve all heard Max Starks was placed on injured reserve yesterday, ending his season.

The line has been absolutely decimated to the point Matt Spaeth was practicing his blocking technique last Monday in case they needed him to come in and play tackle.  And yet no matter who shuffles in and who shuffles out, the line play has remained pretty steady.

Chidi Awouma Memorial Special Teams Chinny:  Jeff Reed

Chidi was a special teams ace who seldom failed to deliver.  I was going to go positive with this award, giving it to Emmanuel Sanders for averaging 26 yards yards per kick return and causing that pivotal fumble on Monday’s opening kickoff.  However, Stefan Logan, now with the Lions, is averaging 30 yards per return and has a 105 yard TD to his credit so I can’t really say we upgraded in that area.

Therefore, I’m going negative and giving the Chidi Chinny to Jeff Reed as his farewell present.  I suppose he may be back next season but I wouldn’t count on it.   Skippy was tagged as the team’s Franchise Player during the off-season, then whined about wanting to be one of the game’s highest paid kickers, then whined some more when the season started and he didn’t receive a long-term contract.  He’s only hit 70% of his FGs this season, a career low, while missing clutch kicks in the Baltimore, New Orleans, and Cincy games.

Chinny For Anti-MVP:  Troy Polmalu

I love Troy.  He’s a great player and a true gentleman.  However, something has gone terribly awry with him this season.  After the Titans game where he made that incredible flying tackle on Kerry Collins at the goal line, I was ready to start a Troy4MVP campaign on Facebook.  Where has he been since then?

He’s been a non-factor.  Troy’s made a career fooling QBs into thinking he was doing one thing when he was doing another.  He’s not fooling anybody this year.   In fact, his guessing in the New Orleans game left guys wide open on several big plays.   You know how many sacks he has this year?   NONE.  ZERO.  ZIP.  BUPKISS.

But the crowning moment of suck was Monday when he got his ass hair handed to him by Peko on that goal line stand.  I hope Head & Shoulders gets tire tracks out ’cause he got trucked.

Once upon a time, you could count on Troy making one or two big game-changing plays every week.  This season, I can’t think of any since the second game of the year.  I grant you part of it is offenses staying away from him and part of it is him dropping into coverage a lot more to help our crappy secondary.  But we spent an entire off-season thinking, “If we only had Troy, we wouldn’t give up fourth quarter leads.”  Troy’s back and guess what?  We’re still struggling in the fourth quarter.  This defense is very good but for it to be great, we need Troy to be Troy.

Chinny For MVP:  Lawrence Timmons

NPC readers picked Timmons and I wholeheartedly agree.   It’s funny, last season many of us were discussing if Timmons could be considered a bust.   He certainly had a rough first year as a starter.  When the Steelers re-signed Larry Foote, many (including myself and the legendary Stan Savran) felt Foote should start in the base defense with Timmons playing on passing downs.

This year, Timmons has been an absolute beast.   He leads the team with 58 tackles, including 3 sacks and a forced fumble.   In addition, he has 2 INTs and 6 passes defensed, thus proving he’s as valuable dropping back as rushing the passer.  He’s been stout against the run and is so fast that he’s capable of covering tight ends and slot receivers.   Clay Matthews, who most feel is the front-runner for Defensive Player of Year, is a fantastic player but compare their stats.  Matthews racked up 10.5 sacks but only has 28 tackles and 2 passes defensed.

There isn’t a linebacker in the league who can do what Timmons does.  In a way, Timmons is almost the new Troy Polamalu.   Troy used to be the guy who played all over the field and you never knew where he was going to attack from.   Now it’s Timmons who lines up like he’s going to blitz but falls back into coverage or moves like he’s been fired from a cannon in running a RB down from behind.  When someone as dense as Peter King acknowledges that LT is the best linebacker on a team filled with great linebackers, you know he’s something special.

Of course, the best thing to happen this weekend may not even be any of the players who were selected.  The Steelers sent one of their extra 5th round picks to Pittsburgh West Arizona in exchange for CB Bryant McFadden.  I can feel my blood pressure dropping as I type that sentence.  B-Mac, you may recall, was our starter during the 2008 Super Bowl run before leaving for a 2 year/$10 million contract with the Cards last season.  While I admit he’s hardly a Revis in the secondary, this is a huge upgrade over the inept play of Will.i.am Gay.

Anyway, on to the draft.   Let’s take a look at every pick in the Steelers class of 2010.

ROUND 1:

(Yes, they’re chanting “She said no!” when Goodell is introducing the kid.  Sure makes you proud to be a Steeler fan, huh?)

(more…)

After playing the Baltimore Ravens three times last season, including an epic AFC Championship game, it’s safe to say the Pittsburgh Steelers know this enemy quite well.  And if familiarity breeds contempt, these teams must outright hate each other by now.  Pittsburgh sports has a number of great rivalries, including Pitt-WVU who meet later today in their annual Backyard Brawl.   But I dare say none can compare to the Ravens and Steelers.

Earlier this week, the FOX medical drama “House” made a joke of the fact Omar Epps is a dead ringer for head coach Mike Tomlin.  In an ironic twist, Tomlin probably spent a lot of time this week thinking he was trapped in a medical drama.  The Steelers are getting absolutely hammered by injuries to key personnel.  Where’s Dr. House when you need him?

For those keeping score at home, Travis Kirschke continues to nurse a torn calf although he practiced this week and will probably play Sunday.  Of all the guys we could get back, Kirschke is the least important since Nick Eason and Ziggy Hood were doing a pretty good job in his absence.  LG Chris Kemoeatu sprained his MCL and looks to be out one, possibly two, weeks.  Undrafted rookie Ramon Foster will make his first NFL start.  Ben Roethlisberger has been monitored all week and seems to have practiced normally so should be cleared to play.  Finally, Troy Polamalu will reportedly miss a month with his knee injury which probably rules him out of at least the next two games.

The Ravens will be dealing with some injuries of their own.  Their best LB (sorry Ray Ray), Terrell Suggs, is out with a knee injury thanks to a heroic chop block by fabulous Brady Quinn.  One of their main corners, Fabian Washington, tore his ACL and is gone for the year.  Keep in mind this defense no longer has LB Bart Scott or S Jim Leonard, who went to the Jets this off-season along with mastermind D coordinator Rex Ryan, their new head coach.  The Ravens are going to be a hard-nosed football team no matter what but they are definitely weakened and depleted on the defensive side of the ball.

Offensively, Joe Flacco has taken another giant step forward from his already highly successful rookie campaign.  Last season, they tried to protect Flacco and keep him out of situations where the game rode on his shoulders.  This year, he’s been asked to shoulder more of the load and responded to the challenge.  Still, the Ravens remain a run-first and ask-questions-later team.  Flacco has the ability but Baltimore is lacking in quality targets for him. Last year’s top receiver, Derrick Mason, is 35 and coming off shoulder surgery.  If a team can effectively stuff the run, the Ravens run into trouble because their passing game seems limited to big play threat Mason and short safe outlet throws to emerging superstar RB Ray Rice.

Offensively, the story will be how Big Ben rebounds from last week’s brain rattling hit.  I would hope the Steelers try to lean a bit more on the running game to spare him unnecessary abuse.  Baltimore will have no qualms about dialing up the pressure and considering we’re playing with a banged up offensive line, one would think this is a good time for Bruce Arians to rein in his Flying Circus.  Of course the words “logical playcalling” and “Arians” seldom belong in the same sentence.

Finally, heads have rolled on the Steelers special teams unit.   CB Keiwan Ratliff and LB Donovan Woods have been cut.  Woods was just promoted from the practice squad as an alleged upgrade to the kick coverage but his only notable achievement last week was to get flagged to nullify a beautiful 35 yard punt return by Stefan Logan.  With the injury to Troy, they’ve used Ratliff as a safety in nickel and dime packages in addition to special teams.  Regardless of where he’s played, he’s constantly out of position and missing tackles.

Your newest Steelers are LB Rocky Boiman and CB Corey Ivy.  Boiman is an eight year vet who won a Super Bowl with the Colts back in 2006.  I don’t know anything else about him except he’s got a cool name.   Ivy played the past three seasons for the Ratbirds so we know him.  He was someone the Steelers repeatedly picked on as well as being the doofus that Limas Sweed obliterated in the AFC Championship game.  Regardless, their primary job will be to run down the field and make a lousy freakin’ tackle.  Hopefully they’ll succeed where others have failed miserably.

Believe me, the Steelers will need to be on their game in all three phases Sunday night if they want to escape with a win.  I know I’ve typed the words “Biggest game of the season” several weeks in a row but in all seriousness, this game is the season.  If the Steelers lose, they fall into a tie with the Ravens (one game behind with the tiebreak) and will be tied or a game behind three or four teams in the Wild Card race.  More importantly, a loss and I fear the team will mentally pack it in for the year.  Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.