Steve Smith has some of the best hands in the NFL. Could Mike Wallace really replace someone like Smith? Credit: US-Presswire

Mike Wallace takes off at the snap of the ball, goes long, and catches a 50 yard bomb in the endzone from…. Cam Newton?!

Last week I found a crazy article from Gather.com by a writer by the name of Erik Lambert.  He actually ponied up the idea that the Steelers could be thinking about trading within their own division to get Colt McCoy on their squad.  Seeing that the Steelers news cycle is slow these days, I decided to give it a full read and then rip it apart in one of my own post.  Well folks, he’s at it again.  This time, Lambert argues that Mike Wallace is a viable trade from Pittsburgh to Carolina.

While a trade isn’t completely off the table for Wallace at this time, it’s very highly unlikely.  Why give something up in return for something you may not really want when you can still get a draft pick (and therefore a younger and potential better value) from a team that desires Wallace?  In a way, that is the trade the Steelers are ‘asking’ for if someone wants Wallace – a pretty good receiver for a first round pick.  I highly doubt the Steelers would take anything less for that.  I also question the validity of a team willing to trade at this point for a receiver like Wallace.  If they didn’t want the guy bad enough to give a up a first pick prior to the draft, or haven’t yet since before the OTA’s started, then I doubt they will do it now.  If somehow a player trade could be worked out, the Panthers wouldn’t release a good player or two before camp even starts.  These kinds of player moves are pretty much done for the off season.  The only way a player will join a team these days is if he’s still a free agent with no strings attached.  Oh, and who would the Steelers be willing to take?  According to Lambert, the offensive line is still in shambles (even though the Steelers just had one of the best drafts for offensive linemen) and would need a guy or two like Jordan Gross and Ryan Khalil.  I understand that David DeCastro and Mike Adams are untested in the NFL.  But has Lambert ever seen our offensive line block… or lack thereof?  They are indeed ‘bad’ (or were) and these two rookies are a huge improvement, even if they have mediocre rookie seasons.  Sorry Erik, no trade for linemen.

I think the other thing Lambert misses the boat on is the type of player Mike Wallace is and what the Panthers need.  The base of his argument for the Panthers wanting a guy like Wallace is to act as a predecessor to Steve Smith.  Even though Smith says he’s got about another three years in him and mind boggingly has no signs of slowing down, somehow Lambert believes the Panthers need another speedster wideout.  I disagree with that.  Smith piled on the numbers last season and made his way to another Pro Bowl.  He’s still one of the fastest guys out there, and at age 33 is somehow still doing it all.  The problem with equating Wallace with Smith is that Wallace isn’t even near the skill level of Smith.  Smith has two big advantages over Wallace – his route running and hands.  Us folks over in Steeler Nation fully understand the limitations that come with Wallace.  Sure, his route running has improved but he’s got a long way to go in that department.  If the Panthers want a replacement for Smith, they will need someone who can run an ‘in and out’ in his sleep.  Not really a strong suit for Wallace.  Lambert mentions the up and comings in Carolina, such as Brandon LaFell and David Gettis.  But, he says they are fan favorites and discredits their skills in a way.  The funny thing is is that Gettis and LaFell are a lot like Antonio Brown and Emanuel Sanders when they were in their 1sr and 2nd seasons.  They are very close to being very good and this season could be their breakout.  Are the Panters willing to quash one of their young up and coming receivers in order to get snaps to a player who has still yet to develop in his own ways?  Seems like a pretty expensive investment for a guy who could share time on the bench with other young guys.  I just don’t see this as a good fit.  As long as Smith is healthy (and even if he isn’t) and the younger receivers keep producing and improving at a good pace, then the Panthers are in a great position to improve to well over .500.

Ike Taylor could be right, and Wallace could be in camp by the time it starts.  If not, this thing will drag out to the bitter end.  Unfortunately for Wallace, the Steelers don’t like holdouts and are some stubborn folks.  If he is using Hines Ward’s turn at holding out, perhaps he should also put into context the fact that the Steelers had no other good receivers at the time.  They needed Ward.  Bad.  They don’t need Wallace to be good.  They don’t need Wallace to be great.

Wallace to Carolina?  I guess anything is possible.  But I’d hate for Erik Lambert to be my GM.  Otherwise, I’d probably end up having Mark Sanchez playing safety for my team.  Maybe third time will be a charm?

You better watch out.  You better not cry.  Better not pout.  Who cares if we get a fine.  Blitzburgh is comin’ to town…

I thought the drop of semen being collected from a certain bathroom in Georgia was a shoo-in for strangest picture I posted this year.  But it may have been edged out at the last minute by Santa Silverback and his merry men singing Christmas carols.  Seriously.  Click this link if you don’t believe me.  Prepare to have your mind blown.

And your ears, too.

The fact I’m talking about James Harrison performing the most badass version of Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town in history instead of last night’s game should be a clue to those of you busy wrapping gifts or putting the drunken moves on your boss at the office Christmas party that you didn’t miss anything.

The Pittsburgh Steelers laid a 27-3 beat down on the Carolina Panthers in a battle of teams moving in opposite directions.  The final score doesn’t begin to tell you how one-sided this truly was.  Put it this way, I’m as nervous as anybody when it comes to holding leads but when the Steelers went up 10-0 early in the second quarter, I had no doubt the game was over.

The Panthers are terrible.  Absolutely terrible.  The next time I moan about our offensive woes, remind me about this game.  As bad as things are at times, watching Carolina’s comical attempts at offense shows how much worse they really can be.   The Panthers had 119 yards of total offense last night.  I repeat, 119 YARDS FOR AN ENTIRE GAME!

31 of those yards came on their opening drive.  The Steelers D always starts slow until they get a chance to figure out what the other team is trying to do and make the necessary adjustments to thwart it.  In this case, Carolina tried to run (Big Mistake) while mixing in short sissy throws for Jimmy Clausen (Bigger Mistake).  Well, nobody runs on the Steelers so strategy #1 was doomed even though Jonathan Stewart’s 71 yards will cause our yards per game average to go up a little bit.  And Clausen is such a deer-in-the-headlights that once he was asked to face a rush and get the ball down field, strategy #2 headed to where number twos usually end up.

Despite facing a fairly untalented bunch, the Steelers D deserves kudos for a terrific game.  They finished with four sacks, including one by Harrison which didn’t draw a flag.  IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!  When they weren’t sacking the Pickle, they were smacking him around like he was Tiny Tim.  Ike Taylor bottled up Steve Smith to the tune of 3 catches for 17 lousy yards.  Bryant McFadden intercepted a ball Clausen overthrew by about five yards while the special teams forced a fumble on a kick return.  Even when the Carolina offense was gifted great field position thanks to a Steelers miscue, there was almost no danger of them scoring.

In fact, I seriously doubt they could have scored a touchdown even if we were playing with ten men.

Ben Roethlisberger got his security blanket back and put Heath Miller right to work catching 5 balls for 73 yards.  Anybody who doubts Heath’s importance to this offense needs only watch the vast improvement of the passing game over last week.  Once again, they spread the ball all over the field with five receivers making multiple catches.  Rookie Emmanuel Sanders continued to open eyes with several nice catches although his failure to catch a bullet in the end zone cost the team a score.  Mike Wallace only caught four passes but that was good for 104 yards.  The Flash’s highlight reel play came on a five yard slant he took 43 yards for a TD, blowing past four defenders along the way.  Big Ben had a statistically great game (22/32 for 320 yards) but he twice mishandled the ball leading to sloppy turnovers.

Rashard Mendenhall had 18 carries for 65 yards with 35 coming on his first carry of the game.  Three plays later, he was stopped for a 5 yard loss when Jonathan Scott whiffed on a block.  Scott was pulled from the game where first Sean Kugler then Mike Tomlin ripped him a new one.  After throwing his helmet and pitching a fit, Scott eventually went back out there and finished the game without further incident.  He’s still a major weak link.   The refurbished offensive line seems to be improving as pass blockers.  Ben was sacked three times (twice by budding star Charles Johnson) and had his magnificent nose re-broken although two of the sacks were because he ran around for thirty five minutes trying to make a play instead of just getting rid of it.

By rights, this game should have been a 45-3 blowout.  The only reason the score doesn’t reflect the lopsided nature of play was the Steelers continued to misfire in the red zone.  Six trips netted only two touchdowns.  Mendy banged one home while the other score required Big Ben to sneak it in after the line repeatedly failed to get enough push to power in from the 1.  It’s funny, Bruce Arians and Ben have said in recent weeks they think the problems inside the 20 result from being too impatient to score instead of taking what the defense is willing to give you.  Well, sure enough, every time they cracked the red yesterday, they’d start bombing passing in to the end zone.

You do realize identifying the problem is only HALF the battle, right B.A.?

Anyway, a win is a win, especially when that win puts the Steelers exactly where they want to be with one game left to play.  If the Browns were to upset the Ravens, the second seed would be clinched with a week to spare.  Although the chances of that happening are about as high as finding an attractive woman in Cleveland.  So more than likely, we’ll have to play out the string in order to earn our bye which, believe it or not, is probably for the best since teams which coast into the playoffs tend to go out early.

Finally, on a personal note, I would like to thank all my readers, new and old, for riding along with me this year.  I started this blog because I enjoy talking Steelers and, whether we agree or not, I thank each and every one of you who left a comment for taking part in the fun.  I’m off next week for holiday vacation and while I plan on updating my site at least a couple times, I may not have as much content up as you’re used to seeing.  So please bear with me until we get back to normal in 2011.  In the meantime, Happy Holidays and Go Steelers!

Why I'm Glad I Didn't Go To Notre Dame

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, the Pittsburgh Steelers will be blushing when they face the Carolina Panthers.  What?  Know Thy Enemy on Thursday?  Must be an NFL Network special event for those of us in the Steel City and the five other places which get that channel!

Anyway, Panthers owner Jerry Richardson has long admired Dan Rooney and his attempts at molding the Kitty Kats in the Black and Gold’s image go as far back as when they hired our defensive coordinator, Dom Capers, as the franchise’s first head coach.  Current coach John Fox was a secondary coach for both the Steelers and Pitt so you see the pattern continuing to this day.  In fact, if Richardson wasn’t such a cheapskate, I’m pretty sure Bill Cowher would have been more than happy to take over when Fox is shown the door after the season.

This has been a rough season for the first expansion franchise of the modern era to reach the Super Bowl.  The Panthers let some key personnel go after last season, resulting in a 2-12 record and massive rebuilding project for their next coach.  The low point of the Steelers miserable season last year was definitely the Thursday debacle against the Cleveland Browns.  However, this year’s squad seems to have learned their lessons, taking no games for granted and winning the games they should win.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. PANTHERS OFFENSE

Carolina’s primary offensive weapons are in the running game.  Jonathan Stewart and second year man Mike Goodson make for a potent ground attack.  When the Panthers, currently ranked dead last in total offense, manage any sort of threat, it’s usually due to their running backs.  That’s the good news.

Good because the Steelers continue to put up some historic numbers in run defense.  They’re average per game rose by two yards after last week.  However, the #2 ranked team rose by five which means Blitzburgh’s average is a whopping 26 yards per game less than the next best unit.  Absolutely astounding.

If the Panthers can’t run, and the outlook is hardly positive, the game will be put in the hands of rookie QB Jimmy Clausen.  If the NFL is a quarterback driven league, the Panthers have a Volvo sitting in the garage.  Clausen has 1300 yards to his credit but only 2 touchdown passes against 7 interceptions.  It appears Jimmy won’t figure into Carolina’s future plans as the Andrew Luck Watch seems to be in full effect down in Charlotte.

The Steelers will be playing without Troy Polmalu for the second straight game. Troy has said he’s feeling much better and he very well may be on the field for the season finale against Cleveland.  I don’t believe in taking any opponent lightly but I have to agree with the idea of resting him for another week.  The defense didn’t play terribly against the Jets, they just didn’t get that one big play Troy always seems to provide.

If Ike Taylor can’t keep a lid on Steve Smith while guys like James Harrison or Lawrence Timmons make a couple plays against Clausen and that inept offense, they’re not as good as we think they are.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. PANTHERS DEFENSE

Emotional leader Jon Beason has moved from MLB to OLB to replace Thomas Davis as Penn Stater Dan Conner went to the middle until he was lost for the season.  The Panthers lost even more pass rush when they allowed Julius Peppers to escape to the Bears during the off-season.  Although his replacement, fourth year pro Charles Johnson, has registered 9.5 sacks.  Despite Johnson’s solid play, the team is still in the bottom third of the league in total sacks.

Last week, our much maligned offensive line kept Ben relatively clean in the face of the Jets hellacious blitz packages.  There may be another change as Trai Essex is rumored to be taking over at LT for human pylon Jonathan Scott.  Scott was the bozo whose blocking “technique” of falling flat on his face led to the crucial safety late in the game.  He’s been various shades of awful since taking over for Max Starks so a switch to Essex would be more than justified.

The Panthers actually have a fairly decent defense, 12th overall in total yardage.  If there is a strength, it’s their secondary.  Perhaps their biggest playmaker is safety Charles Godfrey, who has five picks this year.  Corners Richard Marshall and the awesomely named Captain Munnerlyn have three each for what is the eighth best pass defense in the league.  Their weakness is in run defense, where they’ve replaced three of last year’s starting front four leading to a bottom ten standing and over 126 yards per game given up.

Heath Miller has been cleared of all concussion related symptoms so he should be good to go.  I’m sure Ben Roethlisberger will be happy to have his safety blanket back.  Emmanuel Sanders had a bit of a break out game last week so in addition to Hines and Mike Wallace, we should have all hands on deck.  Despite my analysis above, we may need to throw more than the match-up would dictate because Rashard Mendenhall tweaked his shoulder against the Jets which probably explains why Mewelde Moore got that ill-fated draw in the end zone instead of Mendy.

Of course, I prefer my explanation:  Bruce Arians is a dumbass.

The Steelers are pretty much where you want to be this time of year.  Sure, it would be nice to have everything clinched but the Colts have done that how many times with nothing to show for it?  We have our destiny in our hands.  Win out and the second seed and first round bye are ours no matter what anybody else does.  Not much more you could ask for than that.

Every spring, there comes a wonderful day when the Pittsburgh Steelers announce their schedule for the upcoming season.  I have a ritual where I first scan the list for any of our most hated rivals (Patriots, Iggles, Cowboys).  Then I go through each game and mentally evaluate my team’s chance of victory.  Of course, this is not an exact science as my preliminary prediction of going 15-1  in 2009 demonstrates.

I bring this up because when I saw the Minnesota Vikings on this year’s schedule, I immediately marked that one down as a W.  At the time, the Vikings were being quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson.  The only time Jackson was able to drive the team downfield was when the ball was snapped, he took three steps backwards, handed it off superstar RB Adrian Peterson, and stood there as Purple Jesus bulldozed over the opposing defense.  I figured the Steelers would feast on this one-dimensional team.

Enter Brett Favre.  Favre had retired for third or fourth time (I lost track) but this time it appeared he really had thrown his last NFL interception pass.  Unfortunately, as spring turned to summer and summer into fall, the Favre Saga took on more TWISTS than a M. Night Shyamalan movie.  Until, finally, the dust settled and Favre was the new quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings.

I should have known better.  I am a movie buff, after all.  What is the first rule of the horror movie?   The bad guy never dies!   Every time you think they’re finished, they pop back up to menace the nerdy kid with a heart of gold and big-breasted yet misunderstood cheerleader one last time before the credits roll.  And for those of us who are sick and tired of Favre and his wishy-washy attention whoring ways, the entire Favre Saga was nothing if not a horror movie.

Which reminded me, Halloween is right around the corner.  I was going to do a post suggesting appropriate costumes for our favorite Steelers.   You know, LaMarr Woodley as the Invisible Man, Santonio Holmes as Dirk Diggler, Skippy Reed as Lindsay Lohan.  Then I watched Friday The 13th and it dawned on me, Favre doesn’t just remind me of Jason Voorhees.  He IS Jason..

Let’s look at the ways each have come back from the dead.  In the original film, Jason doesn’t really “die”  but he is supposedly already dead, having drowned as a child attending Camp Crystal Lake.  In Part II, the stupid oversexed pot-smoking teenagers think he’s dead after driving a machete though his shoulder, only to watch him come back for one final surprise.  In Part III, an axe to the head fails to stop him, although it does leave him with a splitting headache.  Thank you, I’m here all week.  The Final Chapter (an underrated gem, in my opinion), he’s once again hacked with his own machete.  Jason Lives sees him sort of drown, although his dramatically clenched fist in the final shot indicates more mayhem to come.  Jason Takes Manhattan sees the toxic waste in a New York sewer fail to stop him.  Next time, try using the “food” sold at one of Manhattan’s toxic hot dog vendors.   You get the point.

Now let’s look at Favre’s “resurrections.”   He was originally drafted by the Atlanta Falcons, who allowed him to waste away on the bench.  He was saved when the Packers traded for him.  He eventually took over as their starter, leading them to their best record in 30 years.  He also developed an addiction to painkillers and alcohol.  Vicodin is a bad drug, folks (except when it’s really really good).  Checking into rehab was, in essence, another comeback.  Years later, Hurricane Katrina blew through Mississippi, causing extensive damage to his home.  Favre seriously contemplated taking a year off so he could be there to shake their hands, to be there to share the land, I’m talkin’ ’bout together now!  He played anyway.

That year, the Packers took Aaron Rodgers with their first round pick.  Thus began the annual “Will he retire?” idiocy.  In 2007, Favre had one of his best seasons ever, leading the Pack within a game of the Super Bowl.  The Packers rewarded him by jettisoning him in favor of Rodgers.  Favre announced his retirement.  Two months later, he un-retired to play for the New York Jets.  Those toxic sewer hot dogs weakened Favre as a hot start quickly fizzled into a disappointing injury-plagued year.  The Jets released Brett and he retired again.  This time, he stayed on the shelf for close to four months before un-retiring to suit up for the Vikes.

By my count, Jason has come back from the dead something like fourteen times.  Favre, on the other hand, has made around eight figurative or literal comebacks.  Advantage Voorhees.  However, Brett has also made 271 consecutive starts.  Jason has only made 11 movies, 12 if you count that hideous Freddy Vs. Jason crapfest.  Advantage Favre.  Hopefully when Friday the 13th comes this Sunday the 25th that advantage won’t be enough to deny the Steelers the victory I predicted for them many months ago.

In 1985, the Chicago Bears won their one and only Super Bowl Championship.  One of the stars of that team was a 370 pound defensive tackle named William “The Refrigerator” Perry.  In addition to playing on one of the greatest defenses of all-time, Perry was also used as a fullback in short-yardage situations.  He even scored a touchdown in the Super Bowl.  The combination of his size, affable personality, and versatile play transformed The Fridge into a pop culture icon.

Also during the 80′s, one of the most popular afternoon cartoons was G.I. Joe.  Until Hollywood decided to bastardize my childhood by turning it into a crappy movie, G.I. Joe was among my all-time favorites.  I read the comic books, watched the show, and bought every toy that came out.  I even sent away for the figures you could only get via mail order.

One of those figures was a special edition William “The Refrigerator” Perry.  Yes, The Fridge was a member of G.I. Joe.  As you can see by the picture above, they did a pretty nice job of capturing his likeness.  Although I was always perplexed by his choice of weapons, which appears to be a football on a stick.  I realize Cobra was a gang of idiots who couldn’t shoot straight but is the best way to combat laser fire really a FOOTBALL ON A STICK!?!?

Anyway, this got me to thinking.  If G.I. Joe came out today and they wanted to make a football player their newest recruit, who would they pick?  Of course, I’m sure they’d choose a member of the Pittsburgh Steelers because that is by far the most popular and successful team in the NFL.  The only question is who?

Let’s take a look at some possibilities:

Ben Roethlisberger – If you’re familiar with the G.I. Joe cartoon, you know that every episode followed pretty much the same pattern.  The good guys were cruising along, then the evil Cobra would strike back, backing the Joes against a wall.  Then, as time was about to expire on the free world, the Joes would mount a furious comeback to deal their enemy a decisive defeat.

Who’s better at engineering a comeback than Big Ben?

The only downside to this choice is the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.  I’d be a little worried about Ben getting fresh with some of his fellow Joes.

Dick LeBeau - G.I. Joe is America’s daring, highly trained special mission force.  As a military outfit, they need strong leadership to create strong plans of attack.   Who devises more ingenious strategies than Dick LeBeau?

Fast Willie Parker – He’s strong, fast, and extremely tough.  Although the one downside is he’d probably keep getting caught behind the enemy line.

James Harrison - I’m not sure what physical skills he’d bring to the table besides the obvious of being a world class athlete.  I’d just pick him ’cause he scares the bejeezus out of me.  I don’t know for a fact but I’d wager he has “BMF” stamped somewhere on his wallet.

Casey Hampton - Somebody has to carry the heavy artillery.  Although I do worry about him making it through boot camp.  If he thought Mike Tomlin liked wind sprints, wait until he met his drill instructor.  Hey, I’ve seen Full Metal Jacket.

However, all the Joes had really cool codenames like Tripwire, Mainframe, Chuckles, and Quick Kick.  You can’t deny “Big Snack” would be a fitting addition to that list.  I also considered Skippy Reed for this slot but I seriously doubt he’d be able to pass the V-D test.

Now, making a member of the Pittsburgh Steelers a member of G.I. Joe may seem like a crazy idea.  And maybe it is.  But I am on the right track.  You see, during the 80′s, every Joe figure came with a card that gave their biographical information.  One of the figures was said to hail from Pittsburgh.  What was his codename?