Troy Polamalu and his hair will be back this season for football in shorts. Mandatory Credit: Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

What We Learned This Week in the NFL Offseason:

• Redskins fans buy out RGIII’s Bed Bath & Beyond wedding registry
• Chad Johnson has arrest warrant; also needs child support cut down
• Patriots visit Newtown, Connecticut
• Larry Foote still pissed about Steelers 8-8 season
• Steelers first OTA’s to begin this week

It’s the NFL offseason, still too soon for training camps, and too far from the draft to have any trades or deals come up to catch everyone’s attention.  Sometimes stories come up during the offseason that just leave you scratching your head, sometimes they make you angry, and sometimes they warm your heart even if you hate to admit it.  There’s always time to look back on the previous season, especially if it was a particularly frustrating one.  And there’s always time to look forward to the new season; to see what’s out there that can improve on the team you love so much.

Speaking of love, it appears that Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III has found love in his fiancée, Rebecca Liddicoat and the two have done what every other engaged couple does; they registered for their wedding at Bed Bath & Beyond.  Unlike every other engaged couple, the Griffins have already had their entire wedding registry bought out by fans of RGIII’s and the team.  Seriously?  Who are these people that buy wedding presents for their favorite athlete?  Now I’m sure not the type of fan who does the whole “I buy tickets and merch so I’m entitled to such and such” or “my money pays your salary so you owe me a good game and/or autograph” routines but I’m sure as hell not going out to spend my hard earned money on a stainless steel toothpick dispenser for a couple that I’m not likely to meet, nor attend their wedding.  Clearly I’m somewhere in the middle with the rest of the sane people.  At least RGIII was gracious about the gesture, tweeting a “thank you” to his fans with a pic of himself with a ton of boxes.

“Thank you to the Fans who are helping buy ALL the items from our wedding registry at Bed Bath & Beyond …” RGIII’s twitter feed.

I am a self-admitted, full-fledged Chad Johnson hater.  I don’t hate the man like in the violent sense of the word but back when he was relevant to the NFL and a rival to the Steelers I’d start a “Chad Johnson is overrated” argument with anyone who’d listen without even the slightest bit of provocation.  Nowadays, Chad makes it too easy for me.  Not only is he still looking for a team to take on his ehem, talents, and his baggage, but he’s also back in some legal trouble again.  He’s got a warrant out for his arrest in Miami for a probation violation stemming from his arrest for head-butting his reality D-list star wife, but now he’s headed back to court to have the $5,420 per month child support payments lowered because he claims he can’t afford them.  How pathetic can you get?  At least he’s still a big deal on Twitter.  Way to go buddy, really putting effort into what counts in life.

Now as much as it pains me to write anything positive about the New England Patriots, I have to give them credit for having roughly 30 current and former players, coaches, and cheerleaders host a football camp for kids in Newtown, Conn. this weekend.  Over 500 kids registered and attended the camp and even Pats TE Rob Gronkowski put down his Bud Lights and porn stars for the weekend to play with the kids.  The camp was held in the town that was shattered when 20 students and six teachers were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  Pats owner Robert Kraft hosted the event for the community to show support.  Well done Patriots.  Now I’ll go back to despising you.

On the topic of despising, Steelers LB Larry Foote said the Steelers have a chip on the shoulder still from not only going 8-8 and missing out on the playoffs, but also watching their rival, Baltimore, take home the Lombardi trophy.

“We’re pissed off we didn’t make the playoffs.  On top of that, our rival won the Super Bowl.  I know guys are taking it personally.  It’s just a whole different mindset to the offseason.  I know guys are ready to get back where we need to be.”

I’m glad Foote is pissed.  I hope the rest of the team is just as pissed; even the new guys need to be pissed.  Whatever the issues of the team were last season, wherever you like to place the blame, the whole picture is just as coach Tomlin usually states.  He was an 8-8 coach and the team was an 8-8 team.  If anyone on the Steelers is pleased with their 2012-13 contributions, I’d hope they’re no longer on the roster.  The Steelers haven’t had an actual losing season since 2003 (which lead to them being able to select Ben Roethlisberger at the 11^th pick of the 2004 draft) but an 8-8 season is a far cry from what the team is capable of and what’s expected of them.

Looking forward to the new season once the draft is complete starts with OTA’s and those will begin Tuesday on the South Side.  “Football in shorts” is what is typically referred to as there will be no pads or equipment during the workouts.  The Steelers have some adjustments to make for the upcoming season which include adjusting to life without James Harrison and Mike Wallace, discovering the running back situation, and welcoming two new position coaches in Jack Bicknell Jr and Richard Mann who will coach the offensive line and wide receivers respectively.  Early reports are that safety Troy Polamalu will attend OTA’s for the second straight season.  Troy attended last year for the first time but did end up missing 9 games due to injuries.  I say bring on the OTA’s, let’s start this friggin season already!  I have such an uneasy feeling about it all, but my optimism will always prevail when the Steelers are concerned.  Go Steelers!

What are your thoughts, Steeler Nation?  Would you buy wedding presents for your favorite athlete?  What do you think the goals are of the OTA’s?  Are you still pissed at going 8-8 like Larry Foote is?

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Rough weekend buddy? Chad Johnson's mug shot following his domestic violence arrest.

What We Learned This Week in the NFL Preseason:

• Replacement Referees making friends all across the league
• The NFL goes nuts over Andrew Luck’s first game
• Chad Johnson catches a domestic violence case; his first catch in 2 years
• Injuries/Fights dominate Steelers camp (more…)

Thanks, Ryan.

The Pittsburgh Steelers continued their unfortunate habit of making games closer than they have any right to be, holding on to defeat the Cincinnati Bengals 27-21.  Can we please stop leaving “The Steelers should win easy this week.” type messages in the comments?   NOTHING is ever easy for this team.   The Black and Gold held a 27-7 lead IN THE FOURTH QUARTER and came within one James Harrison shellacking of blowing it.

The Bengals seemed hellbent on giving the game away from the opening kickoff.  Emmanuel Sanders put a nice hit on Bernard Scott and Jason Worilds pounced on the fumble.   Three plays later, Rashard Mendenhall bulldozed his way into the end zone.  On Cincy’s next drive, the Bungles continued their comical special teams play by getting the punt blocked.  This time, the Steelers had to settle for a Skippy Reed FG.

Spotted a ten point lead, you’d think the Steelers would cruise to an easy victory.  As soon as those foolish thoughts entered my head, sure enough Hines Ward fumbled away a WR screen pass (which Bruce Arians called approximately 195 times last night).  Terrell Owens torched Gay for a 21 yard TD and the game was on.

But wait…never underestimate the Bungles desire to lose.   Carson Palmer threw an ill-advised pass into triple coverage where it was intercepted by NPC reader’s pick for Mid-Season MVP Lawrence Timmons (good call).   Ben Roethlisberger hit Mike Wallace streaking down the sideline with a beautiful 35 yard strike and three plays later a dump over the middle to Hines scored a TD.  Actually, Hines was about half a yard short of a TD but inept Marvin Lewis had already wasted a challenge on the Wallace catch and didn’t want to blow his wad early.

While all this was going on, Steelers were falling by the wayside left and right.  I was watching the Bengals and a Ravens game broke out.  Brett Keisel’s balky hamstring acted up, Chris Kemoeatu had some sort of ankle problem, and the man who should be Rookie of the Year, Maurkice Pouncey, went down with a sprained knee.  It was like a preseason game with Doug Legursky at center and Jonathan Scott at guard.

Meanwhile, the Bengals injuries continued to be self-inflicted.  After a long return by Scott, Cincy missed a 51 yard field goal.   Starting almost at mid-field, Ben was able to hit The Flash for 24 yards.  This set up another Skippy boot to close out the half 20-7.

For those keeping score at home, that’s five huge Bengal-blunders resulting in all our points.

The Steelers tried running the ball in the second half but weren’t having much luck behind a banged up line.  When they did throw, Ben ran around like his pants were on fire (although in his case, that burning sensation is probably a gift from the loose women he associates with).  When he finally decided to throw after breaking four tackles and surveying the field for 35 seconds, it was mostly short stuff.  The Steelers had a golden opportunity to break the game open early in the third when Wallace blew past the entire secondary but Ben underthrew him by 2 yards.  In fact, the nicest deep ball all night was Antwaan Randle-El‘s 39 yard TD bomb to Wallace, who still had to come back for it.

That was the first play of the fourth quarter and put the Steelers up by 20.   The Bengals quickly responded with a 57 yard TD drive which took all of a minute and a half.  This time, T.O. was matched up against B-Mac and McFadden didn’t fare any better than Gay.  Perhaps giving every receiver an 8 yard cushion isn’t the brightest idea, Bryant.

On our next drive, Ben threw a crappy lollipop late into traffic and was picked off.  Although his final numbers weren’t horrible (17-27 for only 163 yards 1/1), they weren’t great either.  Four games into his comeback, something still seems off with him.  At times, like the fantastic over-the-shoulder throw to Wallace, you see flashes of last year’s Ben but the consistency isn’t there.   I suspect he’s trying so hard to be the hero his teammates and Steeler Nation already view him as that the pressure is rattling him.

The Bengals took the gift and scored another TD by gaining 1 yard.   Did I forget to mention they returned the INT to the 1 yard line?   No, I did not.   They took possession at Pittsburgh’s 36.   But first there was a bogus roughing the passer call on Casey Hampton then a phantom pass interference flag on Ike Taylor.  So Cincy managed to move the ball 35 yards without actually doing anything except looking at the refs and crying for a penalty.

Wait, I thought the Steelers got all the calls?

A twenty point lead had shrunk faster than Bret Favre in an ice bath.   With the score an uncomfortably close 27-21, the Steelers went Old School.   Defying all logic (Legursky was at LG, for crying out loud), they started pounding the ball down their throats.  Mendy ripped of runs of 8, 9, and 18 yards in rapid succession.  A lame draw play on 3rd and 6 (Why isn’t our superhero behind center throwing in that situation?), set up a 46 yard field goal.  Skippy shanked it as the Steelers were suddenly trying to out-bungle the Bungles.

You suck, Skippy.  I could put up with your whiny troll-doll lookin’ drunken idiocy when you made all your kicks.  Now, not so much.  Where’s Piotr Czech?

The Bengals moved down the field with little resistance.  Palmer was an equal-opportunity exploiter as he picked on all our inept corners.  A 20 yarder over the middle to a wide open T.O., who held on despite getting steamrolled by Troy, moved them down to the Steelers 17.   I’ve been very critical of T.O. but I have to give big props for yesterday’s performance.  He’s proven to be the clutch, gutsy veteran receiver Ochocinco has never been.

A penalty and three plays later and we were at 4th and 5 from the 12.  Palmer completed a first down pass to Jordan Shipley, who had the ball dislodged by a crushing blow from the Silverback.  Had Shipley held on to that pass, I have no doubt the Bengals would’ve scored the go-ahead touchdown.  And we would’ve had another fourth quarter collapse.

I don’t understand what goes on with this team at the end of games.  It’s like as soon as the scoreboard switches to Q4, everybody goes on auto-pilot.  It’s a disturbing trend on defense which began last season and continues to this day.  We thought no Troy and no B-Mac and no Smith explained the problem but there’s more to it than that.   And on the flip side, the offensive explosion we had last season and we expected with Ben’s return still hasn’t materialized.  Yes, we’re 6-2 and, yes, we’re as  good as anybody in the NFL but at this point I don’t think I’d be surprised if any of the Jets, Ravens, Steelers, Colts, Patriots, Chargers, or Chiefs went to the Super Bowl or didn’t win a playoff game.

Last season, the Cincinnati Bengals finally got it.   They stopped being the Bungles and started copying the Pittsburgh Steelers.   And it worked.  With a strong pounding running game and a solid athletic defense, Cincinnati unexpectedly won the AFC North.  Even though they disgraced themselves in the playoffs, many still thought they had a legitimate shot at making noise in 2010.

Naturally, the fools running the Bengals learned absolutely nothing from last season’s success.  Instead of continuing to follow the Steelers model and hoping to taste just a bit of our success, they went in the exact opposite direction.  Instead of concentrating on the running game, they went out and brought in overrated prima donna Terrell Owens.  Instead of improving team chemistry by eliminating players of low moral character, they brought in Adam “Pacman” Jones.   And where has this left the team which last year’s AFC North champions?

2-5 and hopelessly out of playoff contention.  Couldn’t happen to a more deserving franchise and more obnoxious fan base.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. BENGALS OFFENSE

Watching Cincy last year was like looking through a magic mirror at the 2006 Steelers.  They ran the ball effectively with powerful straight-ahead runner Cedric Benson.   Benson is having another good season, totaling almost 550 yards while averaging 3.8 yards per carry.  Complementing him is Bernard Scott, an elusive speedy back who has only 20 carries but is averaging an impressive 5.7 yards per.

Unfortunately, the running game hasn’t been the focus of their offense.  Carson Palmer is averaging 40 passes per game through the first 7 games of the year.   Has the clone of Bruce Arians’ been hired by the Bungles?   Nope.  This team simply has whiny crybabies like T.O. and Chad Ochocinco on the roster so can you imagine if they only threw 15-20 times a game?

Rookies Jordan Shipley, who has Spider-man sticky hands, and 6’6 rookie TE Jermaine Gresham are actually the best recievers on the team but they don’t get the looks or touches because Tweetledum and Tweetledumber have to be appeased.

Hijacking of the team by overhyped media whore wide receivers has hastened the downfall of the always overrated Carson Palmer.  Some may remember 3-4 years ago when “NFL experts” would routinely rank Palmer as a top QB, ahead of far more deserving players such as our own Ben Roethlisberger.  Thankfully, that is no longer the case.  Palmer has been dreadful this year, completing less than 60% of his passes with a 12/7 TD-to-INT ratio.

Memo to Carson and delusional Bungles fans:  You are not better than Ben, you have never been better than Ben, and you will never ever win anything because you’re not good enough.

Now on the Steelers side of the ball, we have some interesting match-ups.  If a sudden bout of sanity overtakes the Bengals soon-to-be-fired coaching staff and they try running the ball, we’ll get to see how our revamped run defense looks.  Last week wasn’t a real good test since New Orleans was down to their practice squad running back.  Cincy ran all over the Steelers last year without Aaron Smith.

Brett Keisel has been practicing this week so let’s hope he’s finally healthy enough to return.  If he does, that allows the Steelers to rotate Ziggy Hood and Nick Eason on the other side.  I was positive about Ziggy in my game recap but did note Eason played a far better game.  With the Diesel healthy, the Steelers can use Eason in the base defense since he plays the run extremely well and just sub Ziggy in obvious passing downs since that’s the only time he’s consistently effective.

If the Bengals do choose to throw, let’s hope Troy Polamalu plays better than he did last week.  After holding it together through three quarters, the secondary totally fell apart in the fourth last week.  Of course, Palmer is no Drew Brees and none of the Bengals’ receivers are in the same class as those of the Saints’.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. BENGALS DEFENSE

Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones was lost for the season returning an INT a few weeks back.  So the Bungles need to find somebody else to pick passes, run back kicks, and beat up strippers.  They were already a middle-of-the-pack secondary with him, averaging about 221 yards passing allowed/game, so we’ll see how they do without him.

The Bengals have a nice young linebacking corp led by world traveler Dhani Jones.  Rey Maualuga and Hines Ward victim Keith Rivers round out a defense which ranks ninth from the bottom against the run.   They also don’t generate much pressure, totaling a pitiful six sacks on the season.

What can I say about the Steelers’ offense?  It’s a frustrating experience watching these guys because there is immense talent at every position (yes, even the O-line) yet they seem to be getting worse by the week.  Last week was a calamity of errors as it was later revealed the team was unprepared to handle the crowd noise at the SuperDome.  This offensive confusion no doubt led to inexcusable mental errors such as receivers not going to hot routes on blitz audibles or Trai Essex blocking the wrong man on the goal line failure.

Considering Art Rooney was ready to run Arians out of town after last year’s fiasco, I have to think no amount of begging by Ben and/or Tomlin will save him if things don’t start improving.  This team has the option of effectively attacking through the ground or air.  Not many teams in the NFL can say that.  Pass to set up the run, run to set up the pass…   Either way, they have the talent to pull it off.   Let’s hope everybody is on the same page this week.

Although the Bengals are a total non-factor this season, divisional games are always tough.  The Steelers must take care of AFC North business if they want to go places.  November is the most crucial month of the season.  Good teams go 3-1 or 4-0 to separate themselves from the pack while bad teams falter and need a late surge and a lot of help to make a run at the postseason.  Let’s not repeat the folly of last season.

As a loyal reader of TMZ, I’ve become familiar with the trend of celebrity power couples being given a uni-name.  It started when Ben Affleck dated Miami Dolphins co-owner Jennifer Lopez and they became known as Bennifer.  Then we had Tom Cruise + Katie Holmes = TomKat.   And who can forget Brad Pitt + Angelina Jolie = Brangelina?

Naturally, the two biggest divas in pro football are getting into the act.   The unholy union of Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco are now known as  T.Ocho.  How cute!  I sure hope T.O. is the top in the relationship because we all know Ocho has a hard time holding on to balls.

Anyway, the Versus Network decided to give Tweedledum and Tweedledumber their own show which airs weekly on Tuesday nights at 10:30 p.m. (ET).  Ordinarily, I’d question the wisdom of that move but this is the same network which decided a low-rent Sportscenter rip-off starring three clowns and Jenn Sterger’s rack was a good idea.  Plus, the .1 rating the program draws likely makes The T.Ocho Show the network’s highest rated series.

A couple weeks ago, Dopey and Dropsy decided to tackle the unfair, unwarranted, unjust suspension of Ben Roethlisberger.  Ordinarily I’d ignore their idiotic ramblings but this was too good to ignore.  I’ve never laughed harder in my life.  These guys take “meathead jock” to a whole new level.  I’d sooner invite Paris Hilton to be on my debate team than either of these two knuckleheads.

Let’s start with Terrell Owens, Attorney at Law.  Does he have any concept of the legal system or is he just throwing out terms he heard on Harvey Birdman?  First, a motor cycle accident isn’t illegal, especially since some senile old bat CRASHED INTO BEN.  Secondly, Ben doesn’t have “a rap sheet.”   A RAP SHEET?  Rap sheets are records of arrest.  Ben has never been arrested.

Then, of course, we get to the real crux of their argument.  Ben is white, Michael Vick is black.  Therefore, Vick has been treated unfairly while Ben was given a free pass.  Never mind that the FBI had cold hard concrete evidence that Vick was drowning, hanging, and mutilating poor defenseless animals while running an underground dog fighting ring.  A crime he pleaded GUILTY of and was sent to the slammer for far less time than he deserved.  Ben, meanwhile, was never arrested, never charged, never convicted, and never spent ten minutes in jail.  The two cases aren’t remotely the same.

Then we have Ocho, who up until this point was smart enough to shut his mouth on the subject.  His brilliant insight is all “conduct detrimental” should be the same.  Why isn’t this man President?  I would love a country where stabbing somebody outside a strip club was treated the same as speeding.

I actually agree with what Chad said in one sense.   Punishment should be uniform across the board.  You get convicted of a crime, you deserve to be suspended.  Except, once again, Ben wasn’t convicted of anything.  He was accused of “illegal sexual touching” (Thanks, Chad.  That’s my next band’s name) by a fruit loop in Reno and a drunk skank in Milledgeville.  Guess what?  So were Mark Sanchez, Matt Leinart, and Randy Moss.

Granted, they were supsended for…  Oh wait, they weren’t suspended at all.  Then we have Braylon Edwards who was nabbed for a DUI less than a month ago.   He was suspended for…oh wait.  He wasn’t suspended, either…  But myself and the other 74 people who watch your show look forward to you guys calling for their suspensions due to their “rap sheets” and “conduct detrimental to the league.”

In summation, what you’ve just watched is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen.  At no point in that rambling, incoherent segment were they even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.  Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having listened to it.  I award them no points and may the Football Gods punish the Bungles for employing them both.