Fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers are everywhere. Even in Dallas as the above video shows. I love how the newspaper gave the entire family Cowboys jerseys (including, ugh, pink ones) to make it look like they follow the team. The look on Jason Witten‘s face when he walks into the kid’s room is hilarious.

One of the other cool things about Steeler Nation is how we take over other team’s stadiums. This Sunday, for example, I expect there to be a sea of Black and Gold amongst smatterings of red when we play the Kansas City Chiefs. After all, the Chiefs are a truly wretched franchise mired in yet another losing season. Fans looking to travel, ex-Burghers still loyal to their hometown, and the few intelligent Missourians (an oxymoron, I know) who’ve long since given up on their franchise will likely conspire to make this a home game on the road.

I just hope those outside of the ‘Burgh are careful because being a Steelers fan could be dangerous to your health.

Making the rounds of the internet has been this story about a Pittsburgh man who was in Chicago for the game against the Bears. Afterward, he got into a bit of friendly smack talking with the Bears fans at a local bar. Supposedly, this back-and-forth eventually escalated into a rather heated exchange. I’ll take a wild guess and say alcohol was involved. However, when the locals decided to buy the Yinzer a beer to put the issue to bed, things quickly went from bad to worse.

See, these upstanding citizens decided to slip something into his drink. Roofies most likely.  I wonder how many of these men were in a fraternity at Penn State.  Anyway, this incident tells us two things about Chicago. One, their fans are a bunch of scumbags. And two, if you’re a single woman in the Windy City, you should probably join Match.com.

Anyway, our ‘Burgh guy had a bad reaction to this spiked drink. He passed out and was rushed to the hospital. While there, his heart stopped FOUR TIMES. He was eventually stabilized but has been left blind and suffering brain damage. Mind you, this all was a result of a football game the Bears WON.

So please, Steeler Nation, continue to invade enemy territory. Continue to take over opposing stadiums. Continue to wave your Terrible Towels wherever you may go. Just be careful. The world’s a big ugly scary place full of bitter fans of shitty football teams. And that’s just Cleveland.

Reminder:  Get your guesses in for the NPC Crocs Giveaway Contest. They’re sweet looking shoes for you to wear or re-gift them to the Steeler Fan in your life.  Best of all, as of now, you stand a 1 in 4 chance of winning.

I love football.

I can sit down and watch any game any time.  High school, college, NFL, CFL…  I even went to an Arena game back when Pittsburgh still had the Gladiators.  So I’m not surprised when I receive emails me asking why I don’t cover the University of Pittsburgh.  Many of you probably don’t remember way back in September when I wrote my one and only post on Pitt, it was the day after I went to Heinz to see them play Bowling Green.

Yep, that game.

Don’t misunderstand.  It’s not that I don’t follow Pitt because I only follow teams that win.  I don’t follow Pitt because they’re like the smokin’ hot girlfriend who keeps promising tonight will be the night but when the date is over you always go home sad, angry, and incredibly frustrated.  They’re the ultimate tease.

If Pitt simply stunk, I could live with it.  But they always acquire a decent crop of talent which one expects to produce on the field.  Pretty much every year Pitt has a player taken in the first round of the NFL draft.  The best wide receiver in the league (Larry Fitzgerald) went to Pitt.  One of the best young shutdown CBs went to Pitt (Darrelle Revis).  A rookie (Jeff Otah) starting for one of the best OLs in football (300 total yards rushing last week), you get the picture.  This year they featured a future first round RB (Shady McCoy) and WR (Jonathan Baldwin) while playing in the weakest conference in the NCAA.  Yet the best they could manage was 9-3.

Dave Wannstedt is a terrible coach.  I realize the alumni love him because of his sexy NFL credentials but failing at a high level is not an accomplishment because failure is still failure.  He was wretched as head coach of the Chicago Bears.  He was even worse as head coach of the Miami Dolphins.  And then there’s Pitt.  I’ll give him credit for recruiting well but his glossy credentials should entice good players to come here.  His enduring failure is his continuing inability to coach the talent he puts on the field.  He and Bill Cowher are both local boys who made good, but where Bill always got the most out of players, Wannastache routinely gets less.  He’s the Anti-Cowher.

Which brings me to this week’s showdown with the Baltimore Ravens.  Since 2000, the Ravens have been known for two things:  a devastating defense and an inept offense.  Even when they won the Super Bowl back in 2000, it was in spite of their offense.  By all rights, that defensive unit should’ve won more than one Super Bowl.  Of course, good offense starts with a good quarterback and any team under the leadership of the likes of Tony Banks, Trent Dilfer, Anthony Wright, Elvis Grbac, Steve McNair, and Kyle Boller doesn’t fill that requirement.

However, it appears Baltimore’s decade long drought has ended this year when the Ravens became one of the prime beneficiaries of Wannstedt’s stupidity.  They’re currently led by a tall, strong-armed kid named Joe Flacco.

Flacco was drafted in the latter half of the first round, mostly because scouts questioned if he had big time ability coming out of a small time program at Delaware.  It didn’t have to be that way, though.  Flacco, you see, began his college career at Pitt.  Unfortunately, the thrilling heroics of Tyler Palko and Bill Stull were too much for him to overcome leading him to transfer out.

Had Wannstedt not been absolutely inept at constructing a winning football team, he might’ve played Flacco.  And maybe Pitt, with some decent QB play for once, might’ve won a few games.  Maybe even went to a real Bowl and not the Summer’s Eve Maxi Bowl or wherever mediocre teams end up.  Most importantly, if Flacco had played well for Pitt, he might’ve been a top ten (perhaps even top five) draft pick, where the Ravens couldn’t get him.  So in a beautiful non-Wannstedtian world, Flacco is slinging passes for Detroit right now while the Ravens are 6-7 under the leadership of Troy Smith.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world.  In our world, Flacco is a Raven.  And his Ravens are 9-4, one game behind the Steelers in the AFC North.  In their first meeting this season, it was a brutal affair which resembled the opening scene in “Saving Private Ryan” more than a professonal football game until coming to a merciful end in OT.  This will be a similarly hard-hitting affair, although whatever the outcome the Ravens appear to have reestablished themselves as a force to be reckoned with.

You’re welcome, Baltimore.

With the New England Patriots lacking the services of franchise QB Tom Brady and being far from the undefeated juggernaut which rampaged through the NFL last season, I thought it might be useful to provide my fellow members of Steeler Nation a few reminders why we should still hate the Fighting Belicheats.

5) Tom Brady is a dandy.

Kordell Stewart had his sexuality questioned when he cried bitter manly tears after Coach Bill Cowher benched him during a poor performance. What would people think if there were pictures of him carrying a man purse? Also, note the hat. Even their star quarterback can’t stand the Bosox.

“Hey Silvio, look at Jerry here, prancing around in his coat with his purse. Yup, he’s a dandy. He’s a real fancy boy!”

- Kramer, from “Seinfeld”

4) Everybody needs a break from hating the Red Sox.

Sure we all felt sorry for them when they hadn’t won in 90 years but now that they’ve taken two in the last five years, they’ve quickly wore out their welcome. Cub fans are the worst but at least you can laugh at them when they experience their inevitable failure.

Watching Jason Bay get game-winning hits for the Bosox was a little like watching the end of Star Wars when Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader for the first time.

3) They need six states to have a fan base.

In the beginning, they were known as the Boston Patriots. The problem was they always finished a distant fourth in the fans’ eyes to the Celtics, Bruins, and Sox. So in order to beef up their fan pool, they decided to represent all of New England. Who’s to say Vermont or Rhode Island even want to root for the Pats? Kind of presumptuous, isn’t it?

It’s all good, though. The Patriots can have the six New England states; the Steelers will have to settle for being the favorite team of the other 44 (and District of Columbia).

2) Coach Bill Belichick is still a douchebag.

With his team up 41-20 against the Dolphins last week, Spycam Bill had his first team offense out there throwing long passes and trying to score instead of doing the sportsmanlike thing and taking a knee. Maybe he confused the NFL with the BCS and thought he needed to pile it on in order to be invited to the post-season. This was neither the first time, nor will it be the last, Belichick has run up a score showing the lack of character and class which has epitomized his reign of terror.

By the way, Rashard Mendenhall looks way better in a hoodie.

1)  ‘Nuff Said

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That’s a Lionel Richie reference, son.

You know, ‘cause he kinda looks like Nicole’s dad. Too old for you kids? I’ll try to be a little more hip.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

And I feel fine.

What could possibly have a member of Steeler Nation thinking about the end of the world? What catastrophe could turn a person’s outlook so bleak? What disaster would lead to such depths of despair?

QB Ben Roethlisberger was seriously injured in last night’s 23-6 victory over the Washington Redskins. Preliminary reports are he fully separated his right shoulder on a goal line dive at the end of the first half. He rushed to the locker room, hip checking a defenseless and slightly anorexic Redskin cheerleader in the process, then stood on the sidelines for the rest of the game, his right arm hanging limply at his side. Ben’s a tough guy who plays through a lot of pain but I’m pretty sure he’s missing at least one game considering he couldn’t even lift the arm above his waist when congratulating teammates.

And you want to hear something crazy? I don’t care.

Backup QB Byron Leftwich came on in relief and to say he looked good is a colossal understatement. Whereas other poorly run franchises have lost their star QBs and had to trot out the inept likes of Brad Johnson or Ryan Fitzpatrick, the Steelers turned the reins over to a guy who not only can play but play well. I have no idea what the 31 other GMs in the NFL were thinking when training camp rolled around with Leftwich out of work but that explains why a lot of lousy teams continue to be lousy year after year.

Let’s start at the beginning. Head coach Mike Tomlin began the game with an onside kick which went doubly awry as we didn’t recover and were offside on the play. That set the ‘Skins up on our 40.  I’m not really a fan of crazy gambles although in this case I applaud Tomlin’s call. When you have such a devastating force as the Blitzburgh Defense at your command, you can take a few chances. Indeed, Washington went three and out then kicked a chintzy FG for a quick lead.

This pattern continued throughout the first half as the Steeler D just absolutely stifled the vaunted Redskin offense. QB Jason Campbell was under duress every time he dropped back. Every one of our LBs and DE Aaron Smith had a sack, finishing the game with a season high 7. RB Clinton Portis, who had been averaging over 5 yards/carry this season, was stuffed like a fat kid on Halloween, finishing the game with a meager 51 yards (22 of which came on one bad play). Other than TE Chris Cooley being open on dinky-dunk short check down stuff, the WRs were blanketed all game.  At halftime, the Washington offense had amassed a whopping 71 total yards.

Which would’ve been great except our offense only amassed a whopping 71 total yards. To be frank, our offense in the first half was atrocious. Remember how I said our showings against the Eagles and Giants were bad? Next verse same as the first. Big Ben looked completely confused and out-of-sorts today. He had happy feet and never seemed comfortable with what he was doing. He’d miss wide open receivers, he’d shuffle back and forth unsure of whether to run or stay put, he made several poor throws (one of which should’ve been a Pick-6) and he’d hold on to the ball too long when given time. Only his touchdown plunge which came after a blocked punt by special teams ace Andre Frazier kept the first half from being a total loss.

But the offensive crappiness can’t all be placed on Ben’s sore shoulders. When he did manage to get the ball to the WRs, they kept dropping the passes. I’m not sure when this allergy to pigskin started but it contributed to Roethlisberger starting the game 1 for 9. Worse yet was our playcalling. I know bitching about O-coordinator Bruce Arians is getting old but so are his horrific game plans. Pothole Willie Parker finally returned to the field and looked good, made his cuts, and showed that burst he’s known for. Awesome except for the fact Arians seemed intent on passing every down instead of establishing any sort of running game. He’d give Parker a carry and unless he broke a 8-9 yard gainer, it was pass pass and then pass some more. Establishing a running game means giving your star RB more than 10 scattered carries per half, Arians.

Then the second half began and it was like a totally different team in Black and Gold emerged from that locker room. With the backup QB in there, Arians was forced to focus more on the run. This made the D cheat up more to counter Parker and opened up the Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington for one of his patented Long Bombers. Leftwich was coolly efficient as when he felt pressure he either stepped up and fired or stood in the pocket and absorbed the hit in order to deliver the ball down the field. Say what you want about his Carlos Zambrano-like delivery, the man has a cannon. With FWP and Mewelde Moore providing ground support and Lord Byron firing bullets all over the field, the offense finally clicked.

Two nice drives capped by TDs put the game out of reach for the overmatched Redskin offense.  Our defense held them to 200 total yards, at least 1/4 of which was gained during garbage time.  Honestly, it was like bringing an Uzi to a knife fight.  Best of all, our secondary picked off Lionel Jr. twice, finally putting an end to his Zero INTs streak so whatever terrible announcers work the game next week can shut up about that one.

Obviously, we’ll all be glued to the news and papers awaiting word on the severity of Ben’s injury. We owe a lot of this year’s success to his heroics and I wouldn’t for a second want to diminish his ability or what he means to our team. However, I think if he’s hurting and that is going to limit his effectiveness, then he should be willing to step aside for a week or two, get himself healthy (or healthier) and not come back until he can play up to his usual level. It’s pretty clear that Byron Leftwich is capable of filling in more than adequately and I don’t know about you but 100% of Lefty appears to be vastly preferable to 50% of Big Ben. Tomlin had the guts to call for the fake punt, let’s see if he has the grapefruits to do what Bill Cowher was never willing to do: tell Ben Roethlisberger to take a week off for the good of the team.

]]> http://nicepickcowher.com/2008/11/04/week-9-recap-dancing-on-the-ceiling/feed/ 2 http://nicepickcowher.com/2008/10/02/davenport-plops-back-on-to-steelers-roster/ http://nicepickcowher.com/2008/10/02/davenport-plops-back-on-to-steelers-roster/#comments Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:37:08 +0000 chris http://nicepickcowher.com/?p=283 He’s baaaaack.   And no closet in Western Pennsylvania is safe from his dookie dropping Anus of Doom. Yes, ladies and gentlemen of Steeler Nation, Najeh Davenport has returned. In the wake of last Monday’s game with the Ravens, where the Steelers helmet logo should’ve been replaced by a Red Cross, Pittsburgh has resigned every coed’s [...]

Davenport Plops Back On To Steelers Roster - Nice Pick, Cowher - Nice Pick, Cowher - A Pittsburgh Steelers Fan Site - News, Blogs, Opinion and more.

He’s baaaaack.   And no closet in Western Pennsylvania is safe from his dookie dropping Anus of Doom.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of Steeler Nation, Najeh Davenport has returned.

In the wake of last Monday’s game with the Ravens, where the Steelers helmet logo should’ve been replaced by a Red Cross, Pittsburgh has resigned every coed’s nightmare.   Joining him in the backfield will be Gary Russell, who had been banished to the practice squad when head coach Mike Tomlin decided an extra special teams player was more important than a 3rd string running back.

I can’t really blame Tomlin, though.   One back getting injured?   Okay.  Two guys going down?  Alright.  Three RBs out of commission?  No way, no how.

Except that’s exactly the situation our favorite team currently find themselves in.  Fast Willie Parker hurt his knee and is out until after the bye.  Rashard Mendenhall broke his collarbone and is finished for the year.  FB Carey Davis sprained his ankle, which is being kept hush-hush but sounds a lot like the high ankle sprain which kept WR Santonio Holmes out for significant time last year.  Mewelde Moore, ostensibly our third-down back, is the last man standing.

Thankfully, the cavalry is on the way in the form of the Dumptruck.  Being familiar with the offense allows him to be put into a featured role right away.   Also, Davenport’s big enough to play either RB or FB, thus allowing him to fill in for Davis.   Don’t be shocked to see him and Moore share the backfield.  Sure, he didn’t show much last season when thrust into the featured back role but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Besides, what else is there?  The Cincinnati Bungles just signed Bears castoff Cedric Benson.   You know, the guy who was cut after getting busted for two DUIs.  Way to address that character issue, Cincy.   There’s the World’s Most Fertile Running Back, Travis Henry.  He could use the work, what with having to support 8 different kids from 8 different women.  But there’s the whole stealing stuff out of teammate’s lockers issue.  Finally, I guess we could sign former Super Bowl nemesis and league MVP, Shaun Alexander. You’d think someone would’ve taken a shot on him. I mean, not the Steelers, because they like players who run towards contact, but other, less interesting teams.

Other than the running back sitch-U, there are a few other injuries to report.  RG Kendall Simmons tore his ACL and is out for the season.   Darnell Stapleton looked halfway decent when pressed into emergency service against Baltimore.  It’s between him and veteran Trai Essex.   I think Stapleton has the inside track.   Tomlin seems to have a man crush on him as he’s been carrying him on the roster since last year when he made the team as an undrafted free agent out of Rutgers.  He was projected to be a center and his supposed potential was one of the big reasons Chukky Okobi was cut.  So far Tomlin has shown extraordinarily bad taste in personnel decisions so we’ll have to see how this one plays out.

If Darnell fails, Essex played capably in limited action last year.  He’s in the final year of his contract so he’d be extra motivated to prove his worth.   If he failed, and let’s face it, our O-line is one big bucket of FAIL, they could move RT Willie Colon inside to guard.  That would allow the $7 Million Dollar Man Max Starks to finally earn some of that grossly over-inflated salary.  However, this is only a disaster case scenario as Tomlin seems to really have a hate on for Bionic Max and pretty much refuses to play him unless the other linemen are crippled.

Anyway, for those keeping score at home, these are the fresh faces to keep a lookout for on your 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers starting line-up (and the player they’re replacing):  DE Travis Kirschke (Bret Keisel), NT Chris Hoke (Fatass Hampton), RB/FB Najeh Davenport (FWP, Mendenhall, Davis), RG Darnell Stapleton (Kendall Simmons).

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