This may or may not be a picture of the Bengals fan in question - but more than likely is.

Shocker I know.  Here’s the link.  Discuss.  And let the discussion be something other than how stupid she is, or how stupid yahoo is for publishing this as ‘something’ on their site….. those are givens.

Ah, T.O, what would we do without your predictable buffoonery?  Clearly he hasn’t seen too many hockey games.  Yes, hockey players get into fights and are back on the ice five minutes later.  Except they are manly enough to square off face-to-face before any punches are thrown.  They don’t sucker-punch the other guy when he’s not looking.  Well, Sean Avery does but he’s an even a bigger bitch than Richard Seymour.

Speaking of which, Mario Lemieux recently paid Ben Roethlisberger the ultimate compliment by saying his rearranged schnozz made him “look like a hockey player.”  I kid Big Ben about being a Drama Queen but I would never call him soft.  Just because he plays up his injuries to sound more heroic doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  Besides, anybody who has his nose knocked sideways like a defective Mr. Potatohead and doesn’t miss a snap is pretty tough in my book.

Soft is a word best used to describe a headcase prima donna wide receiver who hasn’t thrown a block or made a catch in traffic his entire career.

Ben’s nose job has inspired one of the best product tie-ins in recent memory.   I haven’t done a “Pittsburgh Steelers Holiday Gift Guide” in a couple years but if I were to bring it back, this t-shirt would definitely be on it. It’s pretty much the ultimate gift for the female Steeler fan in your life.  Seriously, any guy with a wife or girlfriend cool enough to wear one of these should consider himself lucky for finding a keeper.

Are you ready for some football?

The 2010 NFL season gets underway on Sunday with the annual Hall of Fame Game in Canton, Ohio.   Speaking of which, if you’ve never been to Canton, I strongly suggest you make the trip at least once.  I’ve been to both the football and baseball shrines and while Cooperstown has a bit more historical value, walking amongst the busts honoring NFL legends is an absolutely incredible experience.   Plus, it’s like the Hall of Steelers because everywhere you turn, you’re staring at someone who wore the Black and Gold.

Speaking of which, one of the most beloved Steelers of all time is being inducted during Saturday evening’s Hall of Fame ceremonies.  So make sure you’re home tomorrow night (or set your Tivo) and tune into ESPN starting at 7:00 P.M. (ET) to witness the induction of our fabled defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau.

Yeah, I know Dick never actually played for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He played fourteen years for the Detroit Lions, recording  62 interceptions for 762 yards and three touchdowns.  That ties him for seventh all-time in NFL history, although he was fourth when he retired.  Considering teams threw the ball a lot less in the 60s, who knows how many he would’ve gotten in today’s pass happy league.  The Veteran’s Committee gets no argument from me for choosing him based solely on his playing career.

But as any member of Steeler Nation will tell you, LeBeau could just as easily be inducted based on his coaching resume.   Pittsburgh loves defense and nobody has done more to strike terror into the hearts of quarterbacks than Dick LeBeau.   He’s the father of the zone blitz, possibly the most innovative and widely copied defensive scheme in NFL history.  His defensive units have been dominant everywhere he’s coached.  The only reason he hasn’t been honored earlier is the Hall of Fame Committee is comprised of idiots who have some lame bias against coordinators.

In fact, you may be wondering why the HOF Game is between the Cowboys and Bengals.   Well, Emmitt Smith is one of the featured inductees (Conflagellations, Emmitt!) so that explains Dallas being there.  Jerry Rice is the other major name so you’d assume the 49ers would be the opponent but I guess the NFL decided San Francisco has appeared too often (just like the Steelers).   So they gave the Bengals the other slot because LeBeau’s one and only head coaching opportunity was with Cincinnati back in 2000.

He was fired in 2002.

I’m sure he’d rather have the Steelers represent his name than the buffoons who canned him.  However, since Cincy is too inept to find any players talented enough to actually get inducted on their own merits they get thrown a bone out of pity.   At least Mike Tomlin has decided to cancel Saturday’s practice so the entire team can be there when their beloved leader receives his long overdue honor.

Hall of Famer Dick LeBeau.   Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

DISCLAIMER:  I was on vacation when the AFC North team was chosen.

Very quickly, I am extremely embarrassed by some of the selections.   It’s a travesty.  A sham.  A mockery.   Clearly, there are still a ton of people jealous of the Pittsburgh Steelers. How else can you explain some of the perplexing choices?

Let’s see, Hines Ward as the third receiver.  Really?  Hines is a first ballot Hall of Famer.  Ochocinco is an overrated self-promoting media whore  whose never thrown a block in his life.  Oh, he catches the football?  Well, last year Hines had 1,167 receiving yards while Ochostinko had 1,047.   Guess some of my fellow bloggers bought this clown’s hype.

Shayne Graham as kicker?  I guess nobody heard Heinz Field is the hardest place to kick in the NFL.  Jeff Reed not only makes it look easy with his stunning accuracy, he’s one of the most clutch kickers in NFL history.

Shaun Rogers at nose tackle?  This one really upsets me.  Rogers is fat lazy piece of crap.  He takes plays off with regularity and the next time I see him hustle across the field to make a play, it’ll be the first.  Casey Hampton is a FIVE TIME Pro Bowler and almost universally accepted as the finest nose tackle in the game.  Except among my fellow AFC North bloggers evidently…

And finally, the biggest trashamockery of them all, Carson Palmer at QB?  Huh?  Last time I checked, Carson has no problem passing through airport metal detectors because he ain’t wearing any rings.   In fact, Palmer has appeared in all of two playoff games with zero wins.  Meanwhile, Ben Roethlisberger has nine wins and TWO SUPER BOWL VICTORIES.  You can’t even argue Palmer is better statistically since Ben had 26 TDs and 4,320 yards last season to Carson’s meager 21/3,094.   And we all know Palmer pads his stats with a lot of garbage time yardage while Ben’s stats are usually compiled in the midst of thrilling last second comebacks.

Whatever.  Haters gonna hate.  If you want to vote for the AFC North “All-Star” team (or do as I encourage you to do and vote for the AFC West out of spite) you can click here and make your voice heard. Do not let these injustices stand!

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

This year, HBO featured the Cincinnati Bengals on their Hard Knocks series.  The show was pretty much mind-numbingly with two exceptions.  The first being whenever owner Mike Brown or his equally clueless daughter (who, inexplicably, negotiates contracts) were demonstrating how ineptly they run their franchise.  The other was whenever Ochocinco had his weekly spotlight, such as in the clip above. I defy anybody to watch that and tell me he doesn’t come across as one of those rare athletes who is legitimately funny and entertaining like Shaquille O’Neal.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

Recently, I was offered the chance to review a copy of Chad’s new book, Ochocinco What Life and Football Have Thrown My Way.  I agreed because I needed to know if I was losing my mind.  I needed to know if the Chad on Hard Knocks was an optical illusion or a figment of my imagination. As a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I needed my hate back.

The book begins with a highly detailed description of Ocho’s luxurious Florida mansion.  Then it began describing all the expensive cars parked in the driveway of this luxurious Florida mansion.  Now, I don’t begrudge anybody their success but when you go out of your way to stress exactly how well off you are, it either means you’re extremely shallow or have a small penis.  I began to regret my decision to review this book.

After a few pages devoted to his fleet of high-priced automobiles, Chad mentioned the car he has up in Cincy. It happens to be a Dodge Charger painted to look like the General Lee.  Of course, it says “General Ochocinco” across the top but let’s give a brother a break. That’s exactly what I would buy if I could run, jump, catch, and do the Riverdance. It’s still really cool. And just like that, I was sucked right back in.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

The rest of the book is a unique combination of a biography and The World According to Chad.  At 272 pages, they easily could have lopped about thirty pages off that total.  Chad has a tendency to chew his cabbage not just twice but six or seven times.  Some things, such as the rumor he punched a coach during halftime of the 2005 Steelers-Bengals playoff game, must really bother him because he bring it up in order to deny it almost every chapter.

Which brings me to the best part of the book.  Even though it’s Chad’s story, he invited others to present their points of view.  Some might add that to the category of “padding” but I thought it made for the most interesting reading.  For example, another of Ocho’s frequent protests is he doesn’t want to hurt/offend anybody, he just wants to have fun.  This is why he’s so proud of his elaborate touchdown celebrations (in fact, he devotes an entire chapter to them), including the one where he put on a “Future Hall of Famer” cape.  Well, Bengals coach Marvin Lewis didn’t appreciate that antic one bit and I commend Chad for printing his no punches pulled rebuttal.

Actually, in many ways Lewis is as much the star of this book as his star receiver.  You may not have heard but earlier this week, Chad was planning to send a case of mustard to the Steelers.  Lewis got wind of  it and put the kibosh on his plan, because you don’t step on Superman’s cape and you don’t piss off the Steelers D.  Anyway, the book is full of stories similar to that, with Ocho playing the mischievous kid and Marvin channeling Cliff Huxtable  Those two should really have their own sitcom.

At this point, I’m sure some of you are wondering why a Steelers fan, perhaps one still not won over by Ochocinco’s personality, would be interested in this book.  For one, Chad has a lot of choice criticisms of the Bengals organization (this was written back when he was desperately trying to get traded).  Most notable are his comments regarding the decision to fire Dick LeBeau, who was their head coach early in his career.  Secondly, Chad shares a lot of observations about the NFL in general, including several Steelers.  His spirited defense of the “NFL’s Dirtiest Player” Hines Ward may surprise you.  He also has a number of great Joey Porter quotes for those of us who miss seeing Peezy in the Black and Gold.

No mentions of Ike Taylor, though.  I guess it makes sense, since yet another of his beaten horses is nobody can cover him (ever) and he’s always open (always).  He rationalizes his poor season last year by claiming the Bengals QBs were told not to throw him the ball as punishment for trying to get traded.  I guess that’s one way of looking at things but I still would’ve liked to see him explain why Face Me Ike always seems to shut him down.  Hey, there’s no shame in being stopped by the Steelers.

Whatever you think about Ochocinco, this book won’t do much to change those feelings one way or the other.  Every chapter, you get a brief glimpse of the real Chad, the funny likable personable guy you saw in that video clip.  The Chad who had a long hard road to the NFL from humble beginnings raised by his grandmomma in Liberty City, Florida.  When you’re raised the same place they set a Grand Theft Auto game, you know you’ve come far.  It’s just too bad he feels the need to switch back into the Ochocinco character so frequently.

Still, I can’t help liking Chad Johnson.  But I still want him to suck against the Steelers.