Last week, Mike over at Bear Goggles On answered some of our questions about his team.  Since his words seemed tragically prophetic (I’m looking at you, Johnny Knox), I thought we’d go behind enemy lines once again to take a look at this week’s opponent, the Cincinnati Bengals.

Mickey over at WhoDeyFans agreed to answer some questions about this year’s squad.  Let’s take a look at his answers…

Has Carson Palmer rebounded from his injury plagued 2008?

As far as the injury, I think he is physically 100%. However, after having a whole season off, and then an ankle injury in the preseason, he needs to get back into game playing mode with his receivers. Palmer has made some great throws this season and some bad ones. I think as the season progresses he will get tighter and in better timing with the wide outs. He is not a major concern going into this game.

How are the thugs criminals reclamation projects (Cedric Benson, Chris Henry, Tank Johnson) on your team working out?

Cedric Benson seems to be the workhorse running back the Bengals need. His punishing running style also seems to fit in well in the AFC North. He looks to hit whoever is in his way, he had a great hit last weekend on a safety that got him an extra yard. Last season he blasted some guy with long hair in the Pitt secondary and knocked him silly. We at WhoDeyFans are big supporters of Chris Henry. While we don’t condone illegal activity, when the guy plays he is awesome. In 2006 when he faced the Steelers as the number 3 wideout he had something like 196yds and 3 td’s in two games. He has scored in every game but one this season (including preseason). Tank adds something else the Bengals have needed for a long time, defensive line depth. Just the ability to rotate guys in and out makes the defensive line stronger.

The Bengals lost in week 1 on a miracle last second play by, um, I forget what receiver ended up catching the ball…

Oh, that’s right, Stokley.   Anyway, was your reaction to the crazy turn of events anywhere near as vociferous as Gus Johnson’s?

Well, I was at the game and it sucked. My initial reaction is the same as my thoughts now. You are not going to win many NFL games when you don’t score until less than a minute remains. The Bengals defense kept the game winnable and the offense laid an egg. Last week against Green Bay the offense showed up and gave the Bengals fans some hope.

Carson Palmer’s unfortunate problems with injuries, that fluky last second loss, even your 2009 first round draft pick broke his foot after only one day of practice.  Why do these things always seem to happen to the Bengals?

Palmer never really had a problem with injuries until the one last season. Granted, he was injured in the playoff loss to Pitt in 2005 but I think that was a fluke play that would have had anyone out. He recovered and missed no time the next season. That being said, I don’t think the Bengals have any worse luck than any other NFL team. The Patriots last year lost Brady right off the bat and still managed to go 11 and 5. The major difference between the Bengals and these other teams starts at the top. The Bengals are terrible at scouting and finding players to fit the system. If ownership doesn’t realize this and make a change, any small misfortune will lead to major disappointment for Bengal fans.

Prediction (and no, you’re not eligible to win the $100 gift certificate from Dick’s Sporting Goods):

Ben has never lost in Ohio. The Steelers own the Bengals especially in Paul Brown, however, I think that all changes this week. In the past the Bengals have beat the Steelers with an explosive offense only. This year the Bengals boast a defense that is better than the offense. The Bengals should be able to handle the Steelers offense a little better than the past and the offense can put up around 21 – 24 points on anyone. Bengals win 27 – 24.

Don’t get excited.

Yesterday’s 11-10 (or was it 17-10?) victory over the San Diego Chargers was the very definition of a bad win. I’m sure some diehard members of Steeler Nation as well as the team’s fawning apologists in the Pittsburgh sports media will declare things are back on track. They’ll laud yet another stellar effort from the Blitzburgh defense. They’ll talk of a rejuvenated offense which featured a 300 yard passer, 100 yard rusher, and 100 yard receiver for the first time this year.

And they’d be missing the point.

The Steelers failed to score an offensive touchdown for the third time this season. QB Ben Roethlisberger’s stat line looks pretty (31-41 for 308 yards) but most of that was climate aided. Due to the frozen tundra of Heinz Field, the Charger defenders tried to combat the poor footing by playing well off the receivers trying to keep things in front of them. This allowed Ben to dink and dunk 5-8 yards passes all day long. Most of the passing yardage happened on runs after the catch. TE Matt Spaeth caught 6 balls for 55 yards while WR Hines Ward hauled in 11 for 124.

To his credit, Ben did avoid the game-altering mistakes which have plagued him in recent weeks. He made a couple dangerous throws but neither the INT bug nor his habit of holding on to the ball too long seemed to crop up. Of course, the weather dictated short passing game was an important factor. If we could run this offense every week, I could understand some optimism. Since this was a one time thing under very specific circumstances, you can’t expect them to be able to replicate it every week.

While Ben avoided mistakes, the rest of the team was full of them. Now I know what it feels like to live in Oakland because this was like watching a Raiders game minus the crazy senile owner. I’ve never seen a Steelers team take so many penalties. The final tally was 13 for 115 yards, many of the drive killing variety. It’s fun to bitch about the refs but perhaps it backfired as Hines Ward (who got nabbed twice for holding) seems like he’s being singled out by the zebras.

One of the penalties, a ridiculous holding call on CB Ike Taylor, set up a SD touchdown. The receiver cut left as Ike was arm jousting with him while QB Philip Rivers threw the ball 10 yards in the opposite direction. The other penalties were a smorgasbord of holding calls, mostly against the offensive line, although one was on a kickoff return which negated a nice run back by RB Gary Russell. Russell, by the way, seems to finally be the solution to the team’s never-ending search for a capable return man.

The line, which to their credit only surrendered 4 sacks on 41 pass plays, had an up and down afternoon. Penalties killed them, particularly on a nice drive that reached the red zone only to see two consecutive holding calls saddle them with a 2^nd and 30. RG Darnell Stapleton was carted off the field and replaced by Trai Essex which by my count means Tony Hills is our last backup left. Pray to whatever god you believe in he never has to take the field. The run blocking was mostly good as Fast Willie Parker returned with a 115 yard performance. He looked completely healthy as the burst was back and seemed to have no problems with either his shoulder or balky knee.

The team did have problems once again on short yardage situations. Mewelde Moore was stonewalled once again on a goal line stand. Parker fared no better on a third and short later in the game. Exasperated, head coach Mike Tomlin gave Russell a try and he promptly converted two of ‘em. So that’s two valuable roles he seems to fill. Good thing we used our #1 pick on a RB last year, huh?

Of course, we’d all be talking about how the Steeler ship has finally hit the iceberg if not for the defense, particularly the work of one James Harrison. The Silverback accounted for roughly half of the Steelers points. Swatting the ball out of Rivers’ mitts in the endzone scored us a safety while his INT return set us up for a Skippy Reed FG. Harrison’s partner-in-destruction, LaMarr Woodley, also returned to play well, particularly on a third and long play where he prevented a big first down by knocking down the ball in coverage(!). Speaking of coverage, despite 2/3 of the Three Amigos being injured, their backups did a pretty decent job. Unfortunately named William Gay was picked on all day and mostly rose to the challenge. Anthony Madison performed capably. The only blight was recently signed Fernando Bryant, who got all kinds of turned around on the handful of plays I saw him for. Luckily, his miscues didn’t cost us. Oh, and speaking of secondary play, the INT by S Troy Polamalu will deservedly take a place amongst the best plays of the season by anybody anywhere.

Since we’re talking about Troy, I guess we need to discuss what happened on the final play. It’s enormously frustrating that players get fined for things that aren’t called weeks after the fact while refs blow calls, sometimes even affecting the outcome of the game, and nothing is ever done. It’s also frustrating that the people in charge of enforcing the rules don’t seem to know them. I tried to read the various explanations but there’s less bullshit at Phipps Conservatory. The main point seems to be the initial pass was ruled an illegal forward pass, thus ending the play there. Except the initial pass was Rivers throwing the ball to a receiver which has been legal in the NFL since about 1938. The WR then lateraled to another player who tried a third lateral only to have Troy jump the play and knock the ball toward the end zone where he picked it up and scored. Somewhere along the line, the refs forgot you’re allowed one forward pass per play. What’s worse, they took 5 minutes to review the play and still blew it. Who was he talking to under the hood, his bookie? Either that or maybe he went to the Dave Hebner School of Refereeing.

In any event, until Herr Roger Goodell decides to reach down with his god-like hand and wipe away the mistakes made by the zebras, it goes down as an ugly 11-10 victory for the good guys. The G-Men returned the favor from the gift we gave them a few weeks back by beating the Ravens so we now have a two game cushion in the division. There will be no rest for the wicked as it’s a short week with the Bengals on tap for Thursday night on the Channel Nobody Gets. The Bengals managed to tie (Tie? A freakin’ tie?) the same Philly team which crushed us and have been playing like an actual professional football team as of late. We’ll have to wait and see if the Steelers can say the same.

Now, being the attention-seeking buffoon that Chad is, he can’t simply follow his plan and fade from the limelight for one measly year.   Nope.  Since he’s not catching TDs, he needed some other gimmick to make people notice him.   So what did he do?

He legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.”  Unfortunately, the NFL hasn’t let him wear it on the back of his uniform just yet because they have a deal with Reebok who doesn’t want to eat the cost of thousands hundreds dozens of obsolete jerseys.  Really, is Bengal paraphernalia that in demand?   How much money would they truly be losing if they gave them all to poor kids in Zimbabwe?  The only people who’d care to buy a Cincinnati jersey are people who live in Cincinnati and even then they’d be embarassed to wear it.

In any case, since the name change hasn’t been officially sanctioned by the NFL yet, there is still time to come up with something better.  I mean, there has to be a catchier nickname than your uniform number, right?   So, Mr. Cinco, I humbly propose the following alternate names for your consideration:

Despite making the transition from long time head coach Bill Cowher to first time head coach Mike Tomlin, the Steelers had a solid freshman campaign in 2007 led by a stingy, attacking defense, a good running game, and quality QB play from Ben Roethlisberger.

However, the team went 3-5 down the stretch and repeatedly played poorly when matched against other quality teams.  Those three wins came against the Dolphins, Bengals, and the Rams, who combined for a 13-35 record last season.  The loss of superstar RB Willie Parker can’t be entirely to blame as he wasn’t lost until week16.  Facts are, the Steelers played like one of the NFL’s elite teams in the first half of the year, taking advantage of a softer schedule, then stumbled through the second half when injuries and quality of opposition began to catch up with them.

Let’s break the team down into three areas (Offense, Defense, and Special Teams/Coaching) and preview what to look forward to in 2008.

Part I:  The Offense

Projected Starters:

QB: Ben Roethlisberger
RB: Willie Parker, Rashard Mendenhall
FB: Carey Davis
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Hines Ward
TE: Heath Miller
LT: Marvel Smith
LG: Chris Kemoeatu
C: Justin Hartwig
RG: Kendall Simmons
RT: Willie Colon

The loss of Ken Wisenhunt to Pittsburgh West (Phoenix) led to an even more productive year under new O-Coordinator Bruce Ariens, an offensive assistant with the team since 2004. The Steelers pounded the ball with the run and then used play action, short routes to Hines Ward and Heath Miller, and occasionally went deep over the top to emerging star Santonio Holmes. It’s a simple scheme/philosophy that I prefer and the Steelers have the talent suited for it given their running game, their speed at receiver, and Roethlisberger’s ability to throw the deep ball.

These days when you think of the Steelers offense you think of Roethlisberger given he’s the biggest offensive name they have. Early in his career the Steelers wanted to limit his throws and he was basically a one read QB, then he would scramble and make plays if that read wasn’t open. They did like to throw the ball early on with Big Ben, then run the clock out in the second half. Here’s a look at Roethlisberger’s pass attempts per games started throughout his career:

2004……………22.7
2005……………22.3
2006……………31.3
2007……………26.9

So it’s obvious the Steelers are getting more comfortable with him throwing the ball more often. A lot of idiots in the national media undervalue Roethlisberger, frequently heaping undeserved praise on lesser talents like Tony Romo or Carson Palmer, while Ben chugs along with a career 92.5 QB rating and career .700 winning percentage. He throws a pretty accurate ball and has a good arm, and his strength and elusiveness in the pocket has saved the Steelers countless sacks and led to many big plays.

However, his biggest issue is that he gets sacked quite often, 93 times in the past two seasons. Sure our atrocious line is mostly at fault but Ben is also not the greatest reader of defenses.  Coupled with his overconfidence that he can escape any jam, some of those sacks he saves he gives right back because of his tendency to hold on to the ball a bit too long. 

I like Willie Parker a lot. He’s not a great between-the-tackles runner, but he puts up an effort and is better than most given a guy with his speed. He’s also a capable blitz pickup and receiver out of the backfield. I’d imagine the injury would slow him down a bit, but as per usual the Steelers do a great job of picking up somebody in the draft who will flourish. I liked Mendenhall quite a bit out of Illinois. The big thing that should hold him back as a rookie is blitz pickup, which most rookies struggle with and with Big Ben’s weakness in recognizing blitzes, they’ll probably keep him away from passing downs early on.  But now that they have a Mr. Inside (Rashard) and a Mr. Outside (Fast Willie), their running game might be the best it’s been in over a decade.

Hines Ward gets more name recognition, but Santonio Holmes is the better receiver. Ward finished 33rd in DPAR last year to Holmes’ 11th. Holmes is a rare receiver because he’s great at getting the YAC and can burn defenders deep. Ward is pretty much a short route receiver these days as he only averaged 10.3 yards a catch in the Pittsburgh scheme which likes to throw the ball deep. Heath Miller is a greatly underrated TE who finished 4th in DPAR last season. He’s also a great blocker. The only thing preventing Miller from being a Tony Gonzalez type of TE is his lack of speed. Still, this is a pretty solid group of receivers.

The O-Line was a mess as they really missed C Jeff Hastings and couldn’t find a suitable replacement in undersized Sean Mahan. They’ll want to give the starting center position to Justin Hartwig, who was a bust for the Panthers, and I can’t see him losing the job unless his left leg gets replaced by a broomstick and he gets a role in the next “Pirates of the Carribean” movie. Marvel Smith has been a solid left tackle over the years, although was lost last year to a serious back injury which often signals the end of a career.  He has looked pretty good so far in the preseason but we’ll have to see how he holds up over a 16 game schedule.  Willie Colon beat out Max Starks at right tackle and appears to once again have the inside track for the job this year, despite Starks having the Transition tag slapped on him making him the team’s 2nd highest paid player.  Kendall Simmons is more or less serviceable. They let Alan Faneca go, mainly due to the organization being ridiculously cheap bastards not giving out big contracts to players in their 30′s.  Faneca’s play did appear to drop off last year, so perhaps the decision was a wise one. 

I wanted to be a scientist when I grew up. Don’t ask me to specify which science. I just knew “scientist” sounded like a pretty cool job. Plus, there was always the hope I would some day get accidentally bombarded by gamma radiation. Then came calculus and I quickly realized “scientist” might not be my intended career path after all.

I still admire what they do. When I was at Carnegie Mellon, I was always eager to hear about their advancements in robotics and artificial intelligence. When our evil metallic overlords rise up to enslave us all, you can safely direct a large amount of the blame toward that fine institution. I also enjoyed hearing about how their robotic creations were used to find and explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before…

Of course, some scientists do their exploring the old fashioned way. They use a big ass telescope. Recently, a Dr. Eric Mamajek , clearly a man of high moral character and good taste in an oasis of Massholes, peeked through his big ass telescope and saw something between Mars and Jupiter. They call it a “minor planet” although that sounds like calling something a “minor groin pull.” Ain’t nothing minor about either one.

The International Astronomical Union, an organization which no doubt purchases pocket protectors in bulk, has officially named it 7835 Myroncope.

Yes, Myron Cope has a freakin’ planet named after him. A minor planet, but a planet nonetheless. No word yet on whether they plan to send a space probe over to plant a Terrible Towel in the soil. But they should.

Other football related news:

–Taking a cue from Carlton Haselrig, several Steelers decided to turn mini-camp practices into an MMA event last week. “I don’t know, maybe they’ve been watching Georges Laraque,” said OL Max Starks. No Max, if they’d been watching Laraque, they would’ve stood around watching other people start shit while waiting for the coach to tap them on the shoulder and remind them they’re supposed to be an enforcer.

–The Post-Gazette thinks Marvel Smith is in the same boat as Alan Faneca. I guess they’re doing P.R. work for agents now. Sure, they’re in the same boat. Unless you count the fact Faneca is a five-time Pro Bowler while Smith made it once and Faneca is relatively healthy while Smith is coming off major back surgery which caused him to pretty much miss the entire season last year.

–Franco Harris spoke at Brashear High School. Meanwhile over in Hampton, Ben Roethlisberger visited Wyland Elementary. Luckily for Wyland, their second choice, Roger Clemens, declined their invitation. He already had a date for the weekend.

—Ex-Steeler/Super Bowl Champion Plaxico Burress is holding out for more money. Who didn’t see this one coming? He’s an elite player when he’s not missing every other game over some injury or totally disappearing in the playoffs. Burress did come up man-sized in bringing down the hated Patriots, though, so he’ll always get my respect for that.

–“Raven For Life,” Jonathan Ogden retires. Know what that means? Whichever talentless scrub Baltimore decides to trot out there this season just got a little easier for us to sack.

–The Bengals released both WR Chris Henry and LB Odell Thurman. If Cincinnati continues to remove all the criminals from their roster, they might not have enough players to field a team.

–Bills RB Marshawn Lynch is in trouble over an alleged hit-and-run incident. The Curse of O.J. Simpson, perhaps?