Despite not scoring a single offensive touchdown, the Pittsburgh Steelers cruised to an easy 23-7 victory over the hapless Cincinnati Bengals yesterday.  It was far from a pretty, at least offensively speaking, but this Steeler team has clearly learned from last year’s mistakes.  They find a way to win the games they should win instead of playing to level of their competition.

Although when it comes to the Bungles, it’s almost impossible to play that low.

Cincy scored on their opening drive which would be their one and only fleeting moment of competence.  And even that was tainted by massive assistance from a clearly biased officiating crew.  Had they not been gifted 20 yards and a spot on the 1 yard line thanks to a ridiculous pass interference penalty against Ike Taylor, the Bungles wouldn’t have crossed mid-field until late in the fourth quarter.  The only question was how long the Steelers sputtering offense would allow them to hang around before putting the game away.

Ben Roethlisberger is made of iron.  Or steel.  Or adamantium.  Whatever your super-strong metal of choice.  I don’t think even Ivan Drago could break him.

Big Ben took the kind of beating usually reserved for pinatas or Tom Cable’s ex-wives.  Cincy’s four sacks don’t begin to convey the number of hits this man absorbed, most of which were so very very late I could time them with an hourglass.  The amount of filthy and illegal shenanigans the Bengals got away with was absolutely disgraceful.  The Steelers got so fed up a mini-battle royal erupted after the game.  Although nobody was victimized more than Big Ben.  Following one sack, a cowardly Bengal attempted to knee his broken nose.  Later, another sacker fell on his broken-sprained ankle.  On just a single play, Ben was smacked upside the helmet (again), then horsecollared (again) when he escaped to discover not a single flag from the refs (again).

To prove they did indeed have yellow hankies in their pockets, the officials threw them quite often on the Steelers offensive line.  LT Jonathan Scott is now the 2nd most penalized linemen in the NFL.  Unfortunately, most of these flags are justified.  Even though I did appreciate Steeler Nation greeting the officials with a “Refs, You Suck!” chant.  That began shortly after two consecutive holding penalties turned a 1st and 10 at midfield into a 1st and 30 deep in our own end.

Naturally, the Bungles are who we thought they were and a leaping 29 yard snag by Hines Ward got us off the hook.  Hines had a fantastic game, catching 8 balls for 115 yards.  Guess local windbag Mark Madden will have to postpone his next “Hines is nearing the end!” rant for a couple weeks.  Mike Wallace (5/78) also made a nice catch later in the game although the highlight reel play was Antwaan Randle-El’s brilliant one-handed stab to set up the Steelers first FG.

Rashard Mendenhall redeemed himself for last week’s cowardly performance.  Although he finished with only 66 yards, they were tough yards.  As with Ben, the O-line did him no favors.  Instead of finding a hole, he just had to put his head down and plow forward.  Isaac Redman only had 1 carry which is kinda ridiculous since I don’t care how young or in shape Mendy is, he’s going to be a beaten-up shell unless they start splitting some of his workload.

Ben and Rashard combined on one of the best screen passes you’ll ever see.  It started as a flea-flicker, which was quickly blown up by a Bengal in the backfield.  Ben somehow managed to shot-put the ball back to Mendy, who took it 9 yards.  I understand trying to manufacture offense but as usual B.A. does it in the dumbest way possible.  He actually called a Dennis Dixon play with Banged-up Ben under center.

Seriously, who the hell calls a QB Draw with a guy who has a broken-sprained foot and surgically reconstructed snoot?   Bruce Arians, that’s who.

One coach who had a good day was Dick LeBeau.  Games like yesterday’s are exactly why I have little tolerance for armchair coaches who criticize him for “not making adjustments” or claim “the game has passed him by” or whatever nonsense.  LeBeau is the not only the best defensive mind in football, he may very well be the best D-coordinator ever.  If there is a breakdown, it’s because the players either aren’t talented enough or screw up an assignment.  With Arians or Mike Tomlin, it is fair to question their decisions.

In LeBeau We Trust.

The defense played absolutely lights-out, forcing three turnovers while holding Cincy under 200 yards of total offense.  As I predicted in Know Thy Enemy, they switched Ike to T.O. which allowed Ochocinco to have his best game against the Steelers in forever.  However, neither Tweedledumb nor Tweedledumber were much of threat with a complete lack of running game (34 total yards!) and inept QB play holding them back.  Oh, Carson Palmer, how far you have fallen.

Funny thing was, Troy Polamalu narrowly missed an interception by jumping a route early in the game.  So on THE VERY NEXT DRIVE they run the exact same play and this time Troy gets the Pick-Six.  Soaring into the end zone on a wing and a prayer wasn’t exactly the best move for Troy’s gimpy ankle but given our lousy offense, I don’t blame him.  Early in the fourth quarter, LaMarr Woodley also jumped a route for an almost identical looking Pick-Six.  Then to close out the game, Troy picked off his former USC roommate one last time as a farewell present.

On the attempted run-back, or in this case limp-back, Troy looked around for somebody to lateral to.  He spotted Bryant McFadden by himself about half way across the field and launched a silly pass to him which B-Mac was luckily able to fall on before disaster ensued.  Despite being up 16 with the game sealed, LeBeau, channeling Clint Eastwood in “Gran Torino,” grabbed Troy by the shoulder pads and gave him an earful.  Again, how many coaches would chew out any player, let alone the team’s biggest star, after they basically win the game for you?   That’s Dick LeBeau and that’s why the players call him Coach Dad (He did give him a hug a few moments later.  Troy is a sensitive young man.).

Shaun Suisham continued to be the Anti-Skippy, steady and dependable with 85% less peroxide.  Good thing since he has been our most consistent weapon as the Steelers have now scored two offensive TDs in three games.  Don’t buy any of this stupidity about the Bengwads D playing a good game.  The line is a complete mess with Ben getting harassed and/or smashed every time he drops back and precious little running room for Mendy.  And now the Jets come to town!

Buckle up your chin strap, Big Ben.  It’s going to be another looooong afternoon.

Pittsburgh Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall spent his off day in Monroeville helping fans over at the FedEx Office get their packages out in time for the holidays.  It’s part of FedEx’s national “Pack and Ship” promotion giving customers a chance to win 2011 season tickets by simply going online and registering at www.fedex.com/packwiththepros. Given Mendy’s occasional butterfingers, I sure hope none of those boxes were marked “Fragile.”

After playing the Cincinnati Bengals this Sunday, perhaps Rashard can share a few packing tips with Marvin Lewis. When this season is over, he’ll be boxing up his belongings as he seeks gainful employment elsewhere.  Hey, I hear Pitt is in the market for a new head coach.  Once he’s finished babysitting immature clowns like Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco, dealing with nineteen year old frat boys will seem like a walk in the park.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. BENGALS OFFENSE

Credit where credit is due:  Owens absolutely tortured the Steelers in the first meeting between the two teams.  Since then, the Bengals have lost four straight as T.O. thinks of new and creative ways to throw his team under the bus.  He’s only signed for this year so it’ll be interesting to see who’s the next sucker to take him.  Despite being more cancerous than an asbestos jock strap, somebody will give him a contract.   Hello, Dan Snyder!

Cedric Benson has completely fallen off the map while Carson Palmer has struggled to the point there are whispers in Cincy that it may be time to take a quarterback with what appears to be a top 5 draft pick.  I think Palmer would benefit greatly by getting away from the stench of failure which follows this franchise.  Put him on a team like Minnesota or San Francisco and I wouldn’t be surprised if he wins Comeback Player of the Year.  There seems little point in keeping a 30 year old QB who’s never won a playoff game around when the entire team is need of rebuilding.

Remember, the Steelers had a Comeback Player of the Year of their own by the name of Tommy Maddox on their roster when they drafted that Ben Roethlisberger fella.  Smart teams always plan two steps ahead.  Then again, the Black and Gold are the ideal for how to run a franchise while the Bengwads are pretty much the poster boys for what not to do.

Anyway, back to the match-up.  The Steelers have a crappy secondary.  Bryant McFadden is coming off his worst game of the year and Willie Gay was the guy T.O. repeatedly torched the first time.  When the Steelers play a good QB capable of getting the ball off quickly, problems ensue.  Which is why despite a 20 point fourth quarter deficit, Palmer was able to bring the Bengals to within a completion on 4th and 5 from likely pulling ahead.   Hopefully, Dick LeBeau will learn from his prior mistakes, stick Ike Taylor (our only decent corner) on Owens, and then dial up enough pressure to cover everybody else’s shortcomings.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. BENGALS DEFENSE

The first game saw the Steelers build a huge lead thanks to a fumbled kickoff, a blocked punt, a Palmer pick, a missed Bengals FG, and a TD pass by Antwaan Randle-El.  While you can certainly count on the fact a gutless team like Cincy will always find a way to lose, you can’t expect they’ll make that many mistakes.  Then again, the Steelers played an uncharacteristically sloppy game with Hines Ward fumbling, Big Ben throwing a lazy INT, and Skippy missing a crucial boot.  If both teams bring their “A” games, I don’t like Cincy’s chances since that match-up is roughly the equivalent of bringing a knife to a bazooka fight.

Our offensive issues in that first meeting were largely due to the fact the offensive line was absolutely decimated as the game progressed.  The bad news is the O-line is still a mess.  The good news is Flozell Adams, despite a high ankle sprain, practiced the past couple days and is expected to play.  The even better news, particularly if your name is Jonathan Scott, is the Bungles rank dead last in team sacks with a pitiful 14 all season.

Heath Miller, still suffering from post-concussion symptoms thanks to the dirty cheap shot by Jameel McClain, is not expected to play.  Ginger Dictator, if you’re reading, I would like to propose a simple rule change.  Instead of random fines or the Wheel of Justice, how about when a player is concussed thanks to a helmet-to-helmet hit, the guy who hit him is suspended until the injured player is cleared to return?   McClain losing $40,000 while we lose Heath for an extended period of time is hardly a fair trade.

Big Ben has practiced after the emergency nose job and other than wearing a plastic nose guard should be good to go.  By “good to go,” I mean “beaten to hell.”   I’ve seen pinatas suffer less abuse than Ben did last week.  But he’s a gamer and after a quarter or two, I expect he’ll be right back into the groove he found last week.  The Bengals give up points in bunches (fifth worst in the league) so scoring shouldn’t be a problem.

In many ways, this game is the key to the rest of the Steelers season.  Pittsburgh has only one tough game remaining after Sunday (the Jets next week) with two gimmes against the Panthers and Browns to finish out the year.  And if anybody watched that debacle Monday night, you know the Jets are far from unbeatable.  So I fully expect a 3-1 record down the stretch.

That would put the Steelers at 12-4 and almost certainly ensure a first round bye.  With the injuries this team has suffered, I believe they need a week off if they hope to make any noise in the postseason.  While on paper the Black and Gold are clearly the better team, Cincy always seems to find a way to play the Steelers tough.  A loss here and the Jets game becomes almost a must-win (which, as I said, isn’t impossible but far from a sure thing) as does playing out the string against the two bottom feeders.  So, for once, let’s hope the Steelers do things the easy way, win the game they should win, and turn their attention to next week’s battle of the titans.

Last season, the Cincinnati Bengals finally got it.   They stopped being the Bungles and started copying the Pittsburgh Steelers.   And it worked.  With a strong pounding running game and a solid athletic defense, Cincinnati unexpectedly won the AFC North.  Even though they disgraced themselves in the playoffs, many still thought they had a legitimate shot at making noise in 2010.

Naturally, the fools running the Bengals learned absolutely nothing from last season’s success.  Instead of continuing to follow the Steelers model and hoping to taste just a bit of our success, they went in the exact opposite direction.  Instead of concentrating on the running game, they went out and brought in overrated prima donna Terrell Owens.  Instead of improving team chemistry by eliminating players of low moral character, they brought in Adam “Pacman” Jones.   And where has this left the team which last year’s AFC North champions?

2-5 and hopelessly out of playoff contention.  Couldn’t happen to a more deserving franchise and more obnoxious fan base.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. BENGALS OFFENSE

Watching Cincy last year was like looking through a magic mirror at the 2006 Steelers.  They ran the ball effectively with powerful straight-ahead runner Cedric Benson.   Benson is having another good season, totaling almost 550 yards while averaging 3.8 yards per carry.  Complementing him is Bernard Scott, an elusive speedy back who has only 20 carries but is averaging an impressive 5.7 yards per.

Unfortunately, the running game hasn’t been the focus of their offense.  Carson Palmer is averaging 40 passes per game through the first 7 games of the year.   Has the clone of Bruce Arians’ been hired by the Bungles?   Nope.  This team simply has whiny crybabies like T.O. and Chad Ochocinco on the roster so can you imagine if they only threw 15-20 times a game?

Rookies Jordan Shipley, who has Spider-man sticky hands, and 6’6 rookie TE Jermaine Gresham are actually the best recievers on the team but they don’t get the looks or touches because Tweetledum and Tweetledumber have to be appeased.

Hijacking of the team by overhyped media whore wide receivers has hastened the downfall of the always overrated Carson Palmer.  Some may remember 3-4 years ago when “NFL experts” would routinely rank Palmer as a top QB, ahead of far more deserving players such as our own Ben Roethlisberger.  Thankfully, that is no longer the case.  Palmer has been dreadful this year, completing less than 60% of his passes with a 12/7 TD-to-INT ratio.

Memo to Carson and delusional Bungles fans:  You are not better than Ben, you have never been better than Ben, and you will never ever win anything because you’re not good enough.

Now on the Steelers side of the ball, we have some interesting match-ups.  If a sudden bout of sanity overtakes the Bengals soon-to-be-fired coaching staff and they try running the ball, we’ll get to see how our revamped run defense looks.  Last week wasn’t a real good test since New Orleans was down to their practice squad running back.  Cincy ran all over the Steelers last year without Aaron Smith.

Brett Keisel has been practicing this week so let’s hope he’s finally healthy enough to return.  If he does, that allows the Steelers to rotate Ziggy Hood and Nick Eason on the other side.  I was positive about Ziggy in my game recap but did note Eason played a far better game.  With the Diesel healthy, the Steelers can use Eason in the base defense since he plays the run extremely well and just sub Ziggy in obvious passing downs since that’s the only time he’s consistently effective.

If the Bengals do choose to throw, let’s hope Troy Polamalu plays better than he did last week.  After holding it together through three quarters, the secondary totally fell apart in the fourth last week.  Of course, Palmer is no Drew Brees and none of the Bengals’ receivers are in the same class as those of the Saints’.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. BENGALS DEFENSE

Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones was lost for the season returning an INT a few weeks back.  So the Bungles need to find somebody else to pick passes, run back kicks, and beat up strippers.  They were already a middle-of-the-pack secondary with him, averaging about 221 yards passing allowed/game, so we’ll see how they do without him.

The Bengals have a nice young linebacking corp led by world traveler Dhani Jones.  Rey Maualuga and Hines Ward victim Keith Rivers round out a defense which ranks ninth from the bottom against the run.   They also don’t generate much pressure, totaling a pitiful six sacks on the season.

What can I say about the Steelers’ offense?  It’s a frustrating experience watching these guys because there is immense talent at every position (yes, even the O-line) yet they seem to be getting worse by the week.  Last week was a calamity of errors as it was later revealed the team was unprepared to handle the crowd noise at the SuperDome.  This offensive confusion no doubt led to inexcusable mental errors such as receivers not going to hot routes on blitz audibles or Trai Essex blocking the wrong man on the goal line failure.

Considering Art Rooney was ready to run Arians out of town after last year’s fiasco, I have to think no amount of begging by Ben and/or Tomlin will save him if things don’t start improving.  This team has the option of effectively attacking through the ground or air.  Not many teams in the NFL can say that.  Pass to set up the run, run to set up the pass…   Either way, they have the talent to pull it off.   Let’s hope everybody is on the same page this week.

Although the Bengals are a total non-factor this season, divisional games are always tough.  The Steelers must take care of AFC North business if they want to go places.  November is the most crucial month of the season.  Good teams go 3-1 or 4-0 to separate themselves from the pack while bad teams falter and need a late surge and a lot of help to make a run at the postseason.  Let’s not repeat the folly of last season.

Only a little over half way through the 2009 season, the Pittsburgh Steelers face their first truly pivotal contest of the year against the Cincinnati Bengals. When the NFL crafted the schedule, it certainly appears they didn’t expect this to be the year the Orange Empire Strikes Back. Otherwise, I doubt they would’ve blown through both Baltimore games and the season series against the Steelers by such an early date. Nevertheless, that’s where we find ourselves this week, facing the Bengals in a game which may very well decide the AFC’s North Division champion.

In their first meeting, the Steelers held a 20-9 lead in the fourth quarter.  Then came a stunning collapse, mistakes on both sides of the ball contributing to an eventual 23-20 loss. Of course, the Steelers were without the services of Troy Polamalu in that game. Then again, they had the presence of Aaron Smith to help contain the scorching hot Cedric Benson. Not only is Smith not playing this Sunday, but his capable replacement Travis Kirschke is also out.  Let’s hope Nick Eason and Ziggy Hood can keep the resurgent ground game of the Bengals under control or it’s going to be a long afternoon.

For more answers as to what we might expect this week, let’s talk with our old friend Mickey, lead blogger over at WhoDeyFans.

1. Last week, the Bengals whupped up on the Ravens 17-7 to sweep their season series. Where did this Cincy defense come from?

I think you are seeing a great Cincinnati defense for a few reasons. One, the Bengals have had pretty high draft picks for a while now and you are seeing that talent pay off with guys like Rivers, Maualuga, Joseph and Hall. Two, there have been some great free agent pickups that allow depth in the defense like Dhani Jones, Roy Williams and Tank Johnson. Lastly, I think Mike Zimmer is the best coordinator we have had here in a long time.

2. Can we expect to see anything different from your team this time around?

I think you will see more running. Especially to the right. With Smith being out and his backup questionable I think the Bengals overload that side of the line and run behind it. This can accomplish two things. One it brings Troy in and cheating to that side and that allows the receivers the opportunity for single coverage and two it allows Benson to hit the crease or roll outside with blockers in front. I fully expect Benson to break 100yds this weekend.

3. If the season were to end today, give me the team’s MVP.

Has to be Cedric Benson, he has acclimated well to the AFC North style of play and is the second leading rusher in the NFL.

4. Last year, two AFC North teams met in the AFC Championship game.  Do you think history could repeat itself in 2009?

I assume you mean the Bengals and Steelers. That would be awesome. This would mean not only do the Bengals make the playoffs they manage to win a game or two. If this happens, no matter where the game is, I will be in attendance.

5. Give me a prediction.

I am going to go bold here. I predict that Benson has around 140 yds rushing. I also think the Bengals win by more than a touchdown. 28-20

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

This year, HBO featured the Cincinnati Bengals on their Hard Knocks series.  The show was pretty much mind-numbingly with two exceptions.  The first being whenever owner Mike Brown or his equally clueless daughter (who, inexplicably, negotiates contracts) were demonstrating how ineptly they run their franchise.  The other was whenever Ochocinco had his weekly spotlight, such as in the clip above. I defy anybody to watch that and tell me he doesn’t come across as one of those rare athletes who is legitimately funny and entertaining like Shaquille O’Neal.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

Recently, I was offered the chance to review a copy of Chad’s new book, Ochocinco What Life and Football Have Thrown My Way.  I agreed because I needed to know if I was losing my mind.  I needed to know if the Chad on Hard Knocks was an optical illusion or a figment of my imagination. As a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I needed my hate back.

The book begins with a highly detailed description of Ocho’s luxurious Florida mansion.  Then it began describing all the expensive cars parked in the driveway of this luxurious Florida mansion.  Now, I don’t begrudge anybody their success but when you go out of your way to stress exactly how well off you are, it either means you’re extremely shallow or have a small penis.  I began to regret my decision to review this book.

After a few pages devoted to his fleet of high-priced automobiles, Chad mentioned the car he has up in Cincy. It happens to be a Dodge Charger painted to look like the General Lee.  Of course, it says “General Ochocinco” across the top but let’s give a brother a break. That’s exactly what I would buy if I could run, jump, catch, and do the Riverdance. It’s still really cool. And just like that, I was sucked right back in.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

The rest of the book is a unique combination of a biography and The World According to Chad.  At 272 pages, they easily could have lopped about thirty pages off that total.  Chad has a tendency to chew his cabbage not just twice but six or seven times.  Some things, such as the rumor he punched a coach during halftime of the 2005 Steelers-Bengals playoff game, must really bother him because he bring it up in order to deny it almost every chapter.

Which brings me to the best part of the book.  Even though it’s Chad’s story, he invited others to present their points of view.  Some might add that to the category of “padding” but I thought it made for the most interesting reading.  For example, another of Ocho’s frequent protests is he doesn’t want to hurt/offend anybody, he just wants to have fun.  This is why he’s so proud of his elaborate touchdown celebrations (in fact, he devotes an entire chapter to them), including the one where he put on a “Future Hall of Famer” cape.  Well, Bengals coach Marvin Lewis didn’t appreciate that antic one bit and I commend Chad for printing his no punches pulled rebuttal.

Actually, in many ways Lewis is as much the star of this book as his star receiver.  You may not have heard but earlier this week, Chad was planning to send a case of mustard to the Steelers.  Lewis got wind of  it and put the kibosh on his plan, because you don’t step on Superman’s cape and you don’t piss off the Steelers D.  Anyway, the book is full of stories similar to that, with Ocho playing the mischievous kid and Marvin channeling Cliff Huxtable  Those two should really have their own sitcom.

At this point, I’m sure some of you are wondering why a Steelers fan, perhaps one still not won over by Ochocinco’s personality, would be interested in this book.  For one, Chad has a lot of choice criticisms of the Bengals organization (this was written back when he was desperately trying to get traded).  Most notable are his comments regarding the decision to fire Dick LeBeau, who was their head coach early in his career.  Secondly, Chad shares a lot of observations about the NFL in general, including several Steelers.  His spirited defense of the “NFL’s Dirtiest Player” Hines Ward may surprise you.  He also has a number of great Joey Porter quotes for those of us who miss seeing Peezy in the Black and Gold.

No mentions of Ike Taylor, though.  I guess it makes sense, since yet another of his beaten horses is nobody can cover him (ever) and he’s always open (always).  He rationalizes his poor season last year by claiming the Bengals QBs were told not to throw him the ball as punishment for trying to get traded.  I guess that’s one way of looking at things but I still would’ve liked to see him explain why Face Me Ike always seems to shut him down.  Hey, there’s no shame in being stopped by the Steelers.

Whatever you think about Ochocinco, this book won’t do much to change those feelings one way or the other.  Every chapter, you get a brief glimpse of the real Chad, the funny likable personable guy you saw in that video clip.  The Chad who had a long hard road to the NFL from humble beginnings raised by his grandmomma in Liberty City, Florida.  When you’re raised the same place they set a Grand Theft Auto game, you know you’ve come far.  It’s just too bad he feels the need to switch back into the Ochocinco character so frequently.

Still, I can’t help liking Chad Johnson.  But I still want him to suck against the Steelers.