Ray Lewis looking up to heaven following the Ravens 34-31 victory over the 49ers in Super Bowl XLVII, or the ceiling of the Super Dome. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

What We Learned in the Super Bowl XLVII Weekend:

• Jerome Bettis snubbed from HOF for another year
• Adrian Peterson wins the Orange Peanut…MVP
• Ray Lewis talks murders before Super Bowl
• Lights go out in Super Bowl for everyone and then just for the 49ers

To all those Steeler fans that thought it would be better to root for the Ratbirds so that the 49ers wouldn’t tie the Steelers for the most Super Bowl wins, how’s that working out this morning?  Not as satisfying as you thought it would be maybe?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  The worst possible scenario for a Steelers fan has come true, the Ravens are the Super Bowl Champions and Joe Flacco is the MVP.  Ew.  Grab your big gulp of haterade and take some cheap shots with me.

Another Super Bowl weekend has passed and yet again the NFL’s 6^th all-time leading rusher has not been voted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  Jerome was snubbed yet again in favor of a HOF class that included Warren Friggin Sapp as a first ballot HOF’er.  Nice connections with the NFL Network huh Sapp?  How on Earth Sapp is a first ballot HOF’er and not even Michael Strahan is I have no idea, but I can guess that Sapp is probably already having his bust appraised to be pawned to cover his debts.  The 2013 Pro Football Hall of Fame class is as follows: Warren Sapp, Cris Carter, Jonathan Ogden, Larry Allen, and Bill Parcells.  The two senior selections were Curley Culp and Dave Robinson.

The NFL Honors awards show has gone the way of any typical awards show now for some reason.  It was held Saturday night and has finally settled the debate over the MVP for the league.  Adrian Peterson took home the award along with the award for Offensive Player of the Year.  Whoever was in charge of this shindig really dropped the ball by not presenting Peterson with an orange peanut for either of those awards.  That would have been comic gold.  Peyton Manning took home the NFL Comeback Player award and naturally the NFL Play of the Year was the Ravens converting the 4^th and 29 against San Diego.  So officially nothing has gone the way of Pittsburgh this sports year.  Some things have been self-inflicted and the rest just seems like we’re being punished for something doesn’t it?

The coverage of Ray Lewis and his last ride has been disgustingly constant like a bad case of diarrhea and the crescendo naturally was the Super Bowl.  Ray Lewis sat down with Shannon Sharpe for an interview prior to the Super Bowl on Sunday and for some reason decided to address the families of the murdered young men from that fateful night in Atlanta in 2000.  In what can be gathered from his otherwise mindless blubbering about God and his will, Lewis actually took the opportunity to inform the murder victim’s families that “God makes no mistakes.”  Seriously, he actually said that.  Also adding to the at the very least, insensitive comments Lewis said in response to how he would address the families who still hold him responsible for the slayings,

“If you knew, if you really knew the way God works, he don’t use people who commits anything like that for his glory.  No way.  It’s the total opposite.”

That makes sense.  Ray Lewis couldn’t have played a part in those murders because he’s now so Godly and God wouldn’t have let that happen if he was a murderer.  So that’s that I guess.  What an awful piece of vile trash to say something like that.  And that’s not the only Godly nonsense Lewis spewed during Super Bowl Sunday.  Naturally Lewis was for the most part invisible during the game because he rarely plays a part in any actual football plays anymore, but it still credited for half a million tackles in the playoffs.  Lewis is also taking credit for Jacoby Jones’ 108 kickoff return touchdown to start the second half.  Lewis said that he was told (by God presumably) to place his hands on Jones’ chest before the play and what followed was not by the skill of Jones or the missed tackles on the 49ers special teams, but the divine intervention brought on by Ray Lewis.  Awesome.

Thankfully for the 49ers, following that miraculous kickoff return touchdown the lights inexplicably went off in the Super Dome for a total 34 minutes.  The Ravens were holding onto a 22 point lead at the time and looked to be in total charge of the game.  In the first half Joe Flacco threw 3 touchdowns like it was nothing and Colin Kaepernick was off in his throws and running.  After the power was restored, the 49ers exploded on offense and defense scoring 17 unanswered points and forcing a Ray Rice fumble.  Unfortunately for the 49ers the refs’ purple was sticking out from under their jerseys the entire game.  I’m not saying the game was fixed, but it’s worth pointing out that of the total 7 penalties that were called in the entire game, 5 of them went against San Francisco.  The Ravens seem to be the only team that gets the benefit of defensive pass interference calls these days, which seems to cause their “just let Joe chuck it up in the air” offensive scheme to work so greatly.  Must to every Steeler fans dismay, Joe Flacco was named Super Bowl MVP and will now be paid an embarrassingly large amount of money this offseason by Baltimore to continue his “eliteness” for them for years to come.  If Flacco knows what’s good for him he’d be awful nice to his offensive line and wide receivers once he gets his big money because without them playing out of their minds and catching anything and everything almost in their reach, Flacco and the Ravens don’t get passed Indy in the first round.

Well, there you have it Steeler Nation, the 2012-13 NFL season is a wrap.  Stay tuned to Nice Pick Cowher all offseason long to fulfill all of your Steeler needs with undeniably thorough draft coverage by Dom, breaking news by Craig, offseason storylines by Lori, and smart ass remarks by yours truly.  Here We Go Steelers!

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Is there anything likeable for Steeler Fans about Super Bowl XLVII? Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Everybody knows me at work as the “Steelers fan”. I have my Steelers Mr. Potato Head at my desk, my Steelers coffee mug, my Steelers lunch bag that I bring in everyday, not to mention that I have the Steelers logo tattooed on my leg. When asked my thoughts on the upcoming Super Bowl by a coworker I replied, “This is the worst possible scenario for a Super Bowl for a Steelers fan.” I don’t think that’s being too dramatic. We have to choose between watching another team match our unprecedented 6 Lombardi trophies or watch the Ratbirds covered in confetti. Those are the only options. Either way it’s going to blow. Either way a Harbaugh is going to win. What’s more the game is on CBS where we will be subjected to Phil Simms’ commentary during the game one last time before the NFL goes into hibernation. There are plenty of things not to like about this year’s Super Bowl so how do we keep them straight and how to we enjoy ourselves on what should be a football fan’s happiest day of the year?

The first thing not to like about this Super Bowl is the Harbaugh’s. Hey did you hear that the head coaches for each team in the Super Bowl are brothers? Did you know they grew up in the same house and everything? Amazing isn’t it? I wonder what their parents feel about it. Actually, the odds of two brothers ending up coaching against each other in the Super Bowl as head coaches is quite an impressive and unprecedented event considering in the entire world there are just 32 NFL head coaching jobs. It would be easier to stomach and admire, however, if the two brothers in question weren’t such total douche bags. The Harbaugh brothers throw so many temper tantrums on the sidelines during any given game that the actual term “temper tantrum” should be renamed “Harbaugh”. There are pretty much no redeeming qualities for either one, except maybe that one of them wears purple and the other doesn’t. The worst part is now that it’s late in the week and the “Bro Story” hasn’t really gotten that much press because of the other storylines that have popped up, I can guarantee we’re about to be hit with a tidal wave of Harbaugh-related commentary. (Pun intended)

The second undesirable quality about this year’s big game lies in the quarterbacks for each team. On one hand you have Colin Kaepernick kissing his own bicep and looks like one of those guys that calls everyone “bro” and still wears a collared shirt with the collar popped up. This kid is playing in his 10^th NFL game and it’s the Super Bowl. The endless debate on whether or not the pistol offense is the new way of the NFL is so annoying.  It wasn’t the new way of the NFL 15 years ago when Kordell Stewart was running around all over the place and it isn’t going to be the new way now.  I can’t wait till next season when “Kaepernicking” is synonymous with throwing interceptions or having injured ribs. On the other hand we have Bert “I’m totally elite” Flacco who, once upon a time wasn’t good enough to overtake Tyler Palko for the starting job at Pitt and now has chucked his way into a Super Bowl. Flacco and the Ratbirds ousted both Peyton and Brady from the playoffs thanks to the offensive plan of chucking the ball up in the air and the blown coverage from the defensive backs they’ve faced. To be fair, Baltimore’s offensive line as well as their receivers have been unstoppable during these playoffs but Flacco is getting all the credit that isn’t swept up into the Ray Lewis Last Ride party.

Quite possibly the most objectionable facet of this the pinnacle of all professional sporting events in our country revolves around one Ray Lewis. Lewis is probably one of the most hated athletes in all of Steeler Nation as well as other fandoms and probably more after the ridiculousness that has been surrounding Lewis and perpetrated by him since he announced before the playoffs began that this would be “his last ride” (insert breathy Ray Lewis voice). I find it comforting that not just Steeler Nation gives a synchronized eye-roll once Ray Lewis starts preaching, dancing, or crying for the cameras. First it was Patriots WR Wes Welker’s wife, who posted on her Facebook Page,

“Proud of my husband and the Pats. By the way, if anyone is bored, please go to Ray Lewis’ Wikipedia page. 6 kids 4 wives. Acquitted for murder. Paid a family off. Yay! What a hall of fame player! A true role model!”

Then it was former Giants WR Amani Toomer commenting on the hoopla involved around Lewis during the playoffs and how he always seems to be the center of attention in spite of his contributions to the team.

“If you single yourself out after you make a play, that’s one thing. But to walk out on the field reminds me of the WWE, like The Rock coming out. You’re becoming a caricature of yourself.  It’s exhausting.  I don’t know why somebody would want that.”

Thank you Amani, it is exhausting. The hypocrisy that is Ray Lewis, especially given that now he’s being linked to PED’s and is denying it as if the public has never heard an athlete deny PED use (Hello Lance Armstrong?) is exhausting for lack of a better word.  Then there is former Steelers LB Chad Brown who made the observation that most of us who don’t wear purple camo pants already know and that’s that Ray Lewis is severely overrated as a player.

“I would say 10-15 percent of his tackles he wasn’t actually involved in, and I’d say another 10 percent he was the last guy in and got credit for them.  There were folks behind Ray trying to make him seem bigger and better than he actually is.”

I know it’s not just Steeler fans that are sick of Ray Lewis, everyone else is sick of him too.  I’d like to think that after this game, no matter the outcome, we won’t hear from him again but that’s sadly not the case.  The World Wide Leader has already offered Lewis a lucrative deal to be their newest “analyst” and no doubt they’ll excuse the accusations that he came back from his triceps tear in October to play in these playoffs under the benefit from PED’s just as they’ve excused the fact that he was involved in a double murder for the past 13 years to kiss his ass and act as if every word that comes out of his mouth is gold.

So with all of these undesirable qualities that are surrounding the Super Bowl what is a Steeler fan to do?  Well if you’re an NFL junkie like me you can’t just not watch the game, although I’ll most likely be watching the game playing the role of both of the old guys in the balcony of the Muppets Show.  I doubt I’ll have any good things to say during the entire game aside from, “Huh, that commercial was funny.”  I suggest if you’re going to tough it out and watch the game you set yourself up a Super Bowl spread that will satisfy you.  Use the city of New Orleans, which is where the Super Bowl is being held, as your inspiration.  Order yourself a King Cake, fry up some shrimp and throw some beads across the room to get in the mood.  Hopefully, Steeler Nation will be celebrating the newest Steeler inducted into the Hall of Fame as Jerome Bettis should be announced in the class of 2013 on Saturday.  The Super Bowl is a football fan’s Christmas so we shouldn’t deprive ourselves the joy of celebrating it just because of the douche bags playing in it.   Otherwise there are about 218 days until the Steelers 2013 season will kick off.  What are your thoughts?  Can you watch without rooting for either side?  Would you rather have the 49ers match our 6 Lombardi’s or watch Ray Ray go out with a ring?  Have your voice heard!  Here We Go Steelers!

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Tom Brady is sad. That helps a little. Mandatory Credit: Stew Milne-USA TODAY Sports

What We Learned in the NFL Conference Championship Weekend

• Steeler Nation is being punished
• Atlanta Defense fails to stop Kaepernick and Davis
• Falcon fan stabbed following NFC Championship game
• Tom Brady blows it and Belichick pouts
• Ray Lewis nothing but humble
• Harbowl already turning people off of SB XLVII

Clearly we’re being punished, Steeler Nation.  We all know we’re spoiled, we expect the Steelers to be in the Super Bowl every year because that’s what we’ve grown accustomed to.  I’m not sure what the egregious offenses were exactly but the Football Gods are clearly not pleased with us and now we must suffer the consequences.  It was bad enough to have to watch another AFC Championship between the Ratbirds and Patriots but now we’re staring down our worst nightmare as we’ll be flooded with nonstop coverage of Ray Lewis and his dancing/crying/preaching farewell tour and the Jagoff vs. Jagoff that will be the Super Bowl between the two Harbaugh brothers coaching.  Ugh.  I’m disgusted already.  Let’s throw out some cheap shots.

Last week we saw Seattle and their offense pick apart the Falcons defense in their comeback from a 20-0 deficit.  This week we saw Atlanta jump out to another easy 17-0 lead, only to blow every chance defensively to stop Kaepernick, Gore, and Vernon Davis collectively.  Also, apparently Randy Moss is still alive and well in the NFL and actually caught a few passes on his way to his first Super Bowl appearance with the 49ers.  While the top seeded Falcons managed to win their first playoff game under head coach Mike Smith and quarterback Matt Ryan, they didn’t seem to have enough gas left in the tank to stop the surging 49ers.  Jim Harbaugh goes from throwing toddler-like temper tantrums on the sidelines to rejoicing over a Super Bowl berth.  Clearly his move to bench Alex Smith following his concussion in favor of Colin Kaepernick has paid off.  A risky move considering Smith was not playing badly and the team was succeeding.  But Harbaugh made his choice and now he’s doing as a coach what he was a Hail Mary batted down in the endzone of Three Rivers Stadium away from doing as a quarterback, he’s going to the Super Bowl.

Following the NFC Championship in Atlanta, a Falcons fan is now recovering in the hospital from stab wounds received in a fight with a 49ers fan outside of the stadium.  If you’re thinking that the most incidents we hear about regarding fan violence sending someone to the hospital stemming around the 49ers, you’d be right.  There have been several incidents of stabbings and fights outside of Candlestick Park in San Francisco following 49ers game against the Giants and Raiders.  The Falcons fan is reportedly in stable condition and there is no truth to the rumors that Ray Lewis was involved in this stabbing although if the police in New Orleans know what’s good for them, they’d be on high alert next week, for all parties concerned.

Speaking of Ray Lewis, how humble is this man?  Just unassuming, going about his business not wanting any attention or praise kind of hard working guy huh?  If you’ve gotten sick of the entire Ray Lewis last ride BS, you’re going to take a turn for the worse before you get any better.  If you like your football without a side of religion, you might not want to follow any part of these purple guys.  Apparently God likes them the most and that’s why they got to finally win and beat Tom Brady and the Patriots.  The Godly Terrell Suggs was heard screaming at reporters to tell the Patriots to “Have fun in the Pro Bowl” and then added, “Arrogant f*****s” just for good measure.  Meanwhile, Lewis was probably leading a prayer circle or a Soul Train dance line in the middle of the Patriots field.

Can’t get away from the fact that the Ratbirds beat the Patriots and beat them soundly.  Tom Brady managed only one touchdown and two interceptions after leading an offense that scored 557 points this season.  Flacco’s policy of chucking the ball in the air and seeing if either his receiver will catch it or if they’ll be the benefactor of a pass interference call is still working apparently.  In all fairness though Anquan Boldin has been catching everything this post season and for his sake I hope he’s gotten his flu shot.  The Ratbirds defense held the Patriots scoreless in the second half of the game.  Following the loss, the hoodie pouted and refused to do the obligatory “we just didn’t make enough plays” interview with CBS on the field but did give his usual emotionless press conference following the game.

For the first time since 2003 the Super Bowl will not have a quarterback named Brady, Manning, or Roethlisberger playing.  Does this make Flacco elite now?  You bet your ass his agent will think it does as Flacco will be renegotiating for a new contract this offseason regardless of the outcome of the Super Bowl.  Make your plans now Steeler Nation, are you going to watch just for the commercials and hope to stomach though the jagoffery or are you going to boycott all together and finally clean that garage out?  Super Bowl XLVII is less than two weeks away and it’s going to blow.

Follow me on Twitter @Kimmy_KimKimM and follow all of NPC’s posts @NicePickCowherC

Like riding a bike right Peyton? Mandatory Credit: Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports

What We Learned in the NFL Divisional Playoff Weekend:

• Peyton is truly back to his old self
• Harbaugh’s risk on Kaepernick might just pay off
• Atlanta outlasts Seattle for first playoff win for Ryan
• Patriots win, big whoop

Ever have that kind of morning where nothing seems to go right?  Yeah that was me this morning which is why you’re reading my Monday Morning Quarterback much later in the day than you’re accustomed to.  My apologies for the delay.  Anyhow if anyone is wondering what that icky feeling you’ve been feeling since Saturday evening is that is the feeling of getting hosed for the second year in a row in an overtime game in Denver.  I’m not sure when it’s going to go away.  Being a football junkie and apparently a glutton for punishment, this weekend, which is usually one of the best weekends of the year, didn’t disappoint the appetite for football with some nail-biting games.  Being a Steeler fan and having to watch these games knowing the Black & Gold couldn’t get the job done to even get into the post season makes me saltier than a bag of potato chips.  Let’s get on with some cheap shots, shall we?

Going into Saturday afternoon’s game against the Broncos, the Ravens were the biggest “underdog” according to Vegas for the whole weekend.  No one was giving them a shot against Peyton and that stellar Denver defense, especially given the fact that the Broncos had already worked the Ratbirds in the regular season in Baltimore.  Unfortunately, those odds makers in Vegas didn’t account for Champ Bailey blowing his coverage every friggin chance he got.  Also, Peyton is back to his old ways of blowing it in the big games.  I remember vividly watching him blow game after game way way back when he was at Tennessee.  That old Peyton popped up again in the second possession of the second overtime when Peyton made one of those “you just know this is going to get intercepted” throws and sure enough landed in the arms of Ravens CB Corey Graham.

Now I realize that we live in a “Now” society.  Whatever is newest and freshest is the best thing ever and I can get caught up in that just as much as the next person.  However, hearing Joe Flacco’s 70-yard touchdown pass to Jacoby Jones being compared to the “Hail Mary” or “Immaculate Reception” in terms of NFL immortality makes me want to puke.  The name it has been given is even worse.  Brace yourselves; they’re calling it the “Flacco Fling”.  Now after you’re done cleaning up maybe you’ll remember that pass was basically a rainbow Flacco threw up in the hopes someone could catch it and was more the inexplicable inability of Broncos safety Rahim Moore to stay in stride with Jones and jumping at the worst time possible than it was Flacco’s mastery and precision that made that catch possible.  Don’t be fooled into thinking this makes Flacco “elite” now no matter how much his agent rants on Twitter about it.  No one thought Tebow was “elite” for that throw to Thomas last year against the Steelers, besides Skip Bayless of course.  Busted coverage is busted coverage.  While we’re talking about things that will make us sick, let’s all have yet another week of the “Ray Lewis Retirement Tour” shall we?  I just haven’t gotten enough of that yet, gimme some more please!

How in the hell did we end up with a possible Harbaugh vs. Harbaugh Super Bowl ahead of us again?  Seriously?  Mid-season while the 49ers were already leading their division, Jim Harbaugh took the opportunity with Alex Smith going out with a concussion to switch to the kid Colin Kaepernick and he never looked back.  Well, he kind of didn’t officially commit to the switch immediately, with a couple of awkward press conferences, but you get the idea.  His decision to switch to Kaepernick is showing successful as the young QB had a record-breaking performance while beating the reigning MVP Aaron Rodgers and the Packers.  First things first, the Packers defense stinks.  They’ve stunk for years.  Their basic strategy has been to see if Rodgers can outscore the other team.  Not taking away anything from what Kaepernick did with 263 passing yards and 181 rushing yards but he did that against a really, really crappy defense.  Anywhoo while most of the NFL experts are spending the day congratulating Harbaugh for making the switch and sticking to it I just have two observations: 1. they’re in the exact same position they were last season with Alex Smith at quarterback so the switch didn’t exactly pay off yet and 2.  Kaepernick kissed his own bicep following scoring a rushing touchdown and I’d just like to say that I don’t know Kaepernick personally but if that’s not the international sign for being a douchebag, it should be.

Welcome to the gun show. Classic. Mandatory Credit: Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

The Falcons won their first playoff game under Matt Ryan in more than dramatic fashion.  In what initially looked like a rout, the Falcons saw their 20-0 lead over the Seahawks diminish to a 1 point deficit with 31 seconds left on the clock.  Just when you thought the show Russell Wilson and the Seahawks have been putting on would continue them onto the NFC Championship Matty Ice and the Falcons were getting themselves into field goal range.  Ryan connected a quick 29 yard pass to Harry Douglas and then a 19 yard pass to Tony Gonzalez before Matt Bryant got on the field to kick the game winner.  Naturally, Pete Carroll called a timeout just as Bryant was kicking in his attempt to “ice the kicker” and the kick sailed to the right.  Then when Bryant kicked again for realizes, the kick was good.  Attention NFL head coaches: stop doing that!  No one is going to say after the game, “Gee I don’t understand why they didn’t try to call a timeout and ice the kicker, it almost always works!”  Unfortunately Falcons fans can’t be too confident right now in their chances for the Super Bowl.  Sure they will host the NFC Championship, but they just barely survived the Seahawks and even though they came away with the victory, they did still blow a 20 point lead.

For the finale of the divisional weekend we were all treated to Phil Simms calling the Patriots game.  Aren’t we so lucky?  Not surprising the Patriots easily handled the Texans, who showed more signs of life than in their earlier regular season meeting, but didn’t make nearly enough plays to amount to a competitive game.  So now we’ll have a rematch of last year’s AFC Championship game with the Ratbirds heading to New England in the hopes the kick will be good this time.  Can anyone get ahold of that Bane guy to just blow up the stadium like he did in Batman?  Bring it on Conference Championship Weekend!

Follow me on Twitter @Kimmy_KimKimM and follow all of NPC’s posts @NicePickCowherC