The Pittsburgh Steelers continued their dominance over the hapless Cleveland Browns on Sunday, handing them a 27-14 defeat. The ever-generous Steelers tried to hand the Browns a lot more than a loss, committing four turnovers and playing awful special teams. Our Black and Gold have developed a nasty habit of playing to the level of their opposition. These brief fits of stupidity hurt what was otherwise an outstanding effort on both sides of the ball.

Let’s start with the record-setting day by Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben passed for 417 yards, only the fourth time in Steelers history a QB has surpassed four bills through the air.  He already had one of the other 400 yard games so he’s the first to do it twice.  Ben finished the day with two TD passes, which should’ve been three if Hines Ward hadn’t dropped a ball while doing a Stop-Drop-and-Roll demonstration in the end zone.  I wonder if the fan in the #86 jersey he gave the ball to gets an IOU since their souvenir is kinda worthless.

Hines did have a great game, amassing 159 yards, including a fantastic 52 yard deep catch and run for a TD. Not to be outdone, Santonio Holmes chipped in with 104 yards on only 5 catches. His day was highlighted by a 41 yard play where he caught a deep pass down near the sideline, then cut all the way across the field, leaving a pile of white jerseys in his wake. The offense ended up with an astounding 540 yards of output yesterday, the majority of which came from Bruce Arians‘ Flying Circus.

The running game, however, had some issues. Rashard Mendenhall got the majority of carries, finishing with 76 yards and a TD. Fast Willie Parker returned to action and it may have been a little too soon. FWP looked awful, running tentatively and having a lot of problems making his cuts. The announcers seemed to think his spiffy new Titanium Reinforced Twinkle Toe Shoes might be too cumbersome for him. I’ve seen Buster Browns cause some tragic wipe outs in the church parking lot so there may be something to that. However, the image of Parker bumbling and stumbling to the ground after catching a screen pass in the flat with nothing but 15 yards of green grass ahead of him is going to be hard to forget.

Equally hard to forget will be the miscues by our offense. Ben Roethlisberger, despite his virtuoso passing performance, had some turnover issues. He mishandled a snap, leading to a turnover. He also threw a terrible interception into TRIPLE coverage. But his sins were nothing compared to those committed by our Dynamic Duo. Late in the third quarter, Arians tried to kill the clock with some running plays. Give the man credit for learning from past mistakes. Unfortunately, his faith was rewarded with Willie Parker fumbling the ball away like it was coated with AstroGlide. On the next possession, they handed the rock to Mendy, who proceeded to carry it looser than a sorority girl after a Jager bomb, leading to another fumble.

This lead to the humorous situation at the end of the game when the Steelers took the ball on their 1 yard line following a Ryan Clark pick. Who did Mike Tomlin call on to close the game out?  Who had the unwavering faith of our Super Bowl winning coach?  Was it FWP, our highly paid superstar? Was it Mendenhall, our highly paid first round draft pick?

Of course not! It was third down back Mewelde Moore!

Speaking of turnovers, the Steelers D also caused a smorgasbord of miscues by Browns. Troy Polamalu got a “Welcome Back” pick thrown right to him. Troy’s return shored up the secondary a bit, although he seemed to be noticeably slower than usual. The Steelers linebackers, lead by Lawrence Timmons, harassed poor Anderson all day. Timmons, it should be noted, had a dominant performance, recording 2 sacks and causing 2 fumbles. When QB Derek Anderson did manage to get a pass off, it didn’t matter since the entire Browns receiving corps seemed to be infected with Sweeditis.

There was much debate in the comments section over what to do about replacing injured DE Aaron Smith. The Steelers answer appears to be a heavy dose of Travis Kirschke with a sprinkle of Nick Eason. Those of you pining for some Ziggy Hood will be disappointed to know his crust hasn’t risen or something because he didn’t take the field at all. The plan seems to be Kirschke plays in the base defense while Eason comes in on obvious passing downs. They looked decent enough although next week will be the real test.

The defense limited the Browns to a little less than 200 yards of total offense. Two turnovers, two sacks, and numerous pressures all amounted to a pretty good effort on that side of the ball. They only gave up 7 points so it’s nice to see the stinginess coming back to Blitzburgh. If not for Joshua Cribbs‘ 98 yard kickoff return TD, this game would’ve been the blowout we all hoped for.  Speaking of which, it was sad to see the Steelers run up the White Flag on special teams after that fiasco, squib kicking the rest of the game.

So what did we learn this week? Not much, I’m afraid. The Browns are a wretched awful team that would be lucky to win the Arena Bowl.  Next week, we face Brett Favre and his undefeated Fighting Wranglers Minnesota Vikings. If you wanted a measuring stick to gauge exactly where this team is at this year, that will be it. If they can find a way to clean up this week’s sloppiness while managing to keep the explosiveness on both sides of the ball, the sun may be coming out in Steeler Nation.

Last week, the Pittsburgh Steelers faced off against a downtrodden franchise struggling to climb out of the abyss.  This week, the Steelers face another downtrodden franchise, albeit one that seems to be moving in the opposite direction towards rock bottom.  The stunning ineptitude of the Cleveland Browns has transformed what used to be one of the greatest rivalries in NFL history into the football version of whack-a-mole.

The Browns featured the second-most anemic offensive attack in the league last year.  So what did they do?   They traded Joey Porter‘s BFF Kellen Winslow to Tampa, lost Donte Stallworth to a season-long suspension for killing somebody in a DUI accident, and just recently swapped star WR Braylon Edwards to the Jets for a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts.  That was the second time the Jets took advantage of ex-coach Eric Mangini‘s new team.  They were also the ones who swapped first round picks with Cleveland, allowing them to move up and take rookie sensation QB Mark Sanchez.

QB is one spot the Browns could sorely use right now.  They started the season with the league’s most fabulous quarterback, Brady Quinn.  Quinn was terribly ineffective as, surprisingly, any man-on-man contact seems to make him play like a scared little girl.  Last week, they turned to Derek Anderson, who led the team to a 10-6 record and made an appearance in the Pro Bowl back in 2007.  Anderson responded by leading the team to their first victory of the season despite passing for…   No.  Words cannot justify how pathetic he was last week.  Take a look at his stats for yourself and keep in mind he played a 60 minute game and WON!

The Steelers offense will likely be the same maddening mix of too many passes and not enough runs with a sprinkling of Ben Roethlisberger heroics.  Speaking of the running game, Rashard Mendenhall was ill part of this week while Willie Parker returned to practice.  FWP has a special shoe designed to protect his Turf Toe so he is likely to play on Sunday.  Man, I can’t even get my Chuck Taylor’s in black unless I custom order them.

The defense they will be working against ranked in the bottom quarter of the league each season under former coach Romeo Crennel.  Mangini decided to copy the Steelers switch to a 3-4.  His boneheaded trades brought over a handful of former Jets, including DE Kenyon Coleman and LBs Eric Barton and David Bowens, to upgrade the defensive side of the ball.  They are currently near the bottom in points given up per game and dead last in rushing yards allowed so whomever carries the ball for us is in line for a good day.  At least until Bruce Arians decides to throw 40 yard bombs on every play.

The Steelers D will be welcoming back Troy Polamalu.  Polamalu, who’ll play with a brace on his injured knee, seems confident the injury won’t have any noticeable affect on either his play or shiny full-bodied hair.  The sad state of Cleveland QB play won’t be much of a test.  What will be tested is our suddenly questionable run defense.  With Aaron Smith gone for the year, our best run-stopper is no longer available.  Jamal Lewis piled up 117 yards last week and despite getting up there in years, shows little sign of slowing down.  This will be an interesting warm-up for the law firm of Kirschke, Eason, & Hood before the main event next week in Minnesota.

Last year, the Steelers narrowly defeated a terrible Browns team 10-6 very early in the season.  They did obliterate them in the rematch but as last week in Detroit has shown, “any given Sunday.”   And while I don’t think this Sunday will be given to Cleveland, I do hope to see a good effort from the Steelers.  The schedule only gets tougher from here so if this team has championship potential in them, now is the time to start showing it.

Ben Roethlisberger – Nice

The offensive line has been terrible this year, and despite Faneca’s veteran status and belief that the Steelers owe him a big payday, he’s played as badly as anyone else on the line. The Steelers have allowed 47 sacks this year so far, one more than in 2006. The line seems to be getting worse as the season goes on, allowing four or more sacks in four of the last six games. No one associated with the offensive line this year has been anything but naughty.

What to get him anyway – A contract with another team like he desires. He was a distraction before the season, and he hasn’t played well anyway; it’s probably best for all involved for him to go.

Troy Polamalu – Incomplete

Troy hasn’t played much this year, and when he has played, he’s played hurt, and even early in the season when he wasn’t obviously hurt, he wasn’t playing well. He plays such a reckless, physical style of football that I’m not sure he’ll ever have a year where he’s not plagued by injuries. He goes to the Pro Bowl solely on reputation this year.

What to get him anyway – A speedy recovery and some adjustments in his style of play that allow him to continue to make big plays with less risk.

By the way, even though Santa sees everything, I’ve been kind of busy lately so I could be wrong on this one, but I heard that the Steelers approached Corey Dillon about signing on to replace Willie Parker, but Dillon wasn’t interested.

I hope you all had a great Christmas, or whatever other winter holiday you choose to celebrate.

Sincerely,

John