Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.  The Washington Redskins have acquired a veteran who was once a Pro Bowl caliber star but has since fallen victim to age and numerous injuries.   No, I’m not talking about Donovan McNabb.  Although congratulations, Philly, you’ve finally ran off the most successful signal caller in your franchise’s pitiful history so you can have a different quarterback to hate for no reason.   And he’s never even sexually assaulted anybody!

Back to things of interest to the Pittsburgh Steelers, former starting RB and Super Bowl XL hero Willie Parker has also signed with the Redskins.  Fast Willie joins a crowded backfield with Skins mainstay Clinton Portis and the also recently signed Larry Johnson.   I guess building a team with young hungry athletic players is for those fools who actually know what they’re doing.   Nobody wins the offseason like Danny Snyder wins the offseason!

Sadly, FWP leaves the Steelers with bitter feelings as this article illustrates. Willie has always been an angry person so this isn’t surprising.  Whenever the Steelers appeared on Monday Night Football, FWP always gave the name of his high school when introducing himself.  He actually went to North Carolina but they buried him on the bench which he always blamed for him going undrafted.  That he held on to that hate even after becoming the heir apparent to Jerome Bettis, scoring a big contract, and setting a Super Bowl record for longest TD run shows that he’s a man who knows how to hold a grudge.

Another Super Bowl hero, Santonio Holmes is now facing charges in the assault case I wrote about two posts down.   That case continues to get odder and odder by the day.  The police initially closed the case because the victim, Anshonae Mills, declined to press charges.  She says she was pressured by the cops to let the incident go.  Police accounts are she huddled up with ‘Tone and then told them she was not pressing charges, which sounds like he made some monetary promises he didn’t keep.  Meanwhile, Holmes is not only denying he threw a glass at her but claims another woman did the deed.

In the midst of this chaos, Santonio has become a Twitter addict.   Firing off dozens of messages every day, Holmes continues to show what a high quality education he received at THE Ohio State University.  If not for my trusty Ebonics-to-English dictionary, I wouldn’t be able to decipher half of his incoherent ramblings.   What I could decipher is the message above, wherein he tells somebody who scolded him for yet another brush with the law to go drink some Drain-O.   Classy guy.

Considering the character of people the Steelers have on the roster at the moment, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

When it rains, it pours. Especially in Western Pennsylvania.

Newly installed starting inside linebacker Lawrence Timmons is injured and will likely miss the season opener against Tennessee. As usual, the Pittsburgh Steelers give us the rosy prediction he’ll be out only a couple of weeks. Given the 10 day hiatus from their Thursday night opener until game 2, that means Timmons could be out only one game. Of course, it’s useless to depend on anybody wearing Black and Gold for medical updates because they always lie.

The report is Timmons suffered a high ankle sprain in the preseason whupping of the Bills. Uh-oh. High ankle sprains are notoriously slow healing injuries. They’re also most bothersome to players who rely on speed and quick movements to do their job. Fast Willie Parker missed almost half the season last year due to a nagging high ankle sprain and Santonio Holmes lost 3 games to the same injury the year before.  For a guy like Timmons, who depends almost entirely on his speed and athleticism to make plays, this isn’t something you want bothering him out on the field.

The starting LB duty will now fall to sixth-year backup Keyaron Fox.  This will be Keyaron’s first start for the Steelers, as he was signed mostly as a special teams ace.  Originally drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs, Fox did start some games for that team. He has a grand total of one sack his entire career.

All this agita over Timmons injury could’ve been prevented had the Steelers not cut ties with last year’s starter, Larry Foote. Unfortunately, Timmons being a 2007 1st round pick meant Mike Tomlin and company were somewhat obligated to give him every chance to make the starting line-up. And, to be fair, LT did play very well in limited duty last year. Once Foote saw the writing on the wall, he asked for his release. That may not be the “official” story but it’s pretty much what happened.

Come next Thursday, we’ll see if that decision comes back to haunt them.

While the Pittsburgh Pirates continue to be the biggest laughingstock in all of baseball, the Pittsburgh Steelers once again show why they are the NFL’s most elite franchise.

On a day when the Pirates traded a nine year defensive wizard and a multiple time All-Star for a bunch of guys nobody has ever heard of and nor they ever will, the Steelers were busy locking up one of their best players for the foreseeable future. Yeah, I know they’re different leagues and different sports but this pretty much sums up why one team is a first-class organization with a winning tradition and the other is an embarrassment to the championship city of Pittsburgh.

Heath Miller has agreed to a 6 year $35.5 million contract extension. That comes with a signing bonus of $12.5 million. The hefty bonus would indicate that only a small portion of that 6 year contract is guaranteed money. Still, Miller has been a solid top five TE when it comes to both blocking and pass catching so it’s a fair deal for both parties.

This also greatly ends any fear that the NFL’s uncapped year after next season will signal the dismantling of the Steelers. Miller’s extension means the only notable free agents the Steelers will have to worry about losing in 2010 are Fat Boy Hampton, Ryan Clark, and Fast Willie Parker.  All good players but even losing all three would hardly be a crippling blow to this team.

The Steelers have once again showed us how a successful team gets it done. Of course all they have to do is look across to glorious PNC Park for a textbook example of what not to do.

Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin‘s weekly Q&A was interrupted by Old Saint Nick yesterday.  Actually, it was a beat writer by the name of Bill Di Fabio impersonating the jolly elf in what is evidently a yearly tradition.  Like any good mall Santa, Di Fabio apparently performed his duties after imbibing a generous quantity of spiked egg nog.  Allegedly his schtick amused ex-coach Bill Cowher but watching his incredibly lame attempts at humor make me applaud Tomlin’s decree that Santa will slide down press conference chimneys no more.

Yep, you can see how seriously we’re taking this week’s 2008 season finale against the Cleveland Browns.

Another reason I’m impressed with Tomlin is he obviously learns from history.  Last year, the Steelers had a meaningless game against the Baltimore Ravens the final week of the season.  He chose to rest all his starters and play only the B team.  This strategy paid off in a one-and-done playoff exit at the hands of the blind referees Jacksonville Jaguars.  Meanwhile the New York Giants, with a similarly meaningless game and facing a long three road game march through the playoffs, played all their starters in a valiant bid to ruin the Patriots’ perfect season which the did four weeks later in the Super Bowl.

With that in mind, Tomlin has said every able-bodied player will suit up and play this Sunday.  That means Ben Roethlisberger, Willie Parker, and James Harrison will likely all see action.  The only serious injury to a starter I’m aware of is S Ryan Clark, who has a separated shoulder and probably won’t return until the playoffs.  Obviously, I expect Harrison and Parker to be rotated with Lawrence Timmons and Mewelde Moore a bit more than usual but it doesn’t look like anybody will be getting the week off.

Not that we need an all-star lineup to deal with the Brownies.  They’re dealing with their own little incident this week when backup DE Shaun Smith decked smug metrosexual QB Brady Quinn.  They allege this incident took place in the weight room but personally, I suspect it began in the showers and had something to do with a soap being dropped.  But I could be wrong.

What I am right about is the Browns will be starting their fourth QB this year, Seton-La Salle High product Bruce Gradkowski.  With both Quinn and Derek Anderson out with season-ending injuries, Ken Dorsey has proven woefully ineffective even by Cleveland standards as they’ve failed to score a touchdown for something like four games.  Cue the Pittsburgh-native cavalry, who started 11 games for Tampa Bay as a rookie back in 2006, posting a rather pitiful 3-8 record (including a whooping by the Steelers where he tossed three picks).

My cousins, Lexi and Taylor, actually met Gradkowski a couple years back when he was giving motivational speeches to local middle schools.  Knowing I love football, they thoughtfully decided to ask for his autograph for me.  While I appreciate their sentiment, I expect my personalized Bruce Gradkowski rookie card will continue to be worth slightly less than my Kevin Polcovich signed mini-bat for many years to come.

Then again, this is Christmukkah.  The season of giving.  And everybody knows the spirit of giving is far more important than the actual product being gifted.  Or at least that’s what Christmas specials tell me.  So as I sit down on Sunday and watch the miserable Browns play this miserable game which means nothing to either team, I’ll remember to be thankful for all the joy and excitement the Steelers have given me this year.

And to all my readers, even those of you who never leave comments (I know who you are), thank you for reading and best wishes for Happy Holidays and a great New Year.

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How would you like those pointed at you?

Evidently those tricky Washington Redskins use their cheerleaders for more than simple team spirit. It has been reported that the Redskins have their cheerleaders bend and stretch in the visitor’s tunnel prior to the start of each home game. Obviously they think the sight of scantily clad gals in compromising positions is enough to mentally throw their opponents off their game. Okay, it’d probably work on me.

I have to give Washington credit. No other team has thought to whore out their women like this. Sure, several use them as goodwill ambassadors within the community and several produce swimsuit or lingerie calendars but this is the first time I’ve heard of them being utilized as actual on-field weapons. I’d imagine the Philadelphia squad is also used as a distraction although they confine their work to the players’ hotel rooms and money usually changes hands afterwards.

STEELER DEFENSE vs. REDSKINS OFFENSE

First year head coach Jim Zorn has worked miracles with third year quarterback Jason Cambell. He’s adapted very well to the Seattle Seahawks style West Coast offense his coach brought with him. This is the offense that made a mediocre QB like Matt Hasselbeck into an All-Pro so it does have its advantages. The offense leans toward dinking and dunking and when it’s firing on all cylinders even the deep ball is working. So expect the typical WCO stuff, with zone run blocking, bootlegs, quick slants, etc.

Campbell has a big arm, pretty decent pocket presence, and is tough to bring down. Last year he struggled badly with his accuracy, particularly on short and intermediate passes and pretty much got by through throwing the ball to TE Chris Cooley or going deep. In fact, the Redskins didn’t have a wide receiver catch a touchdown until week 10. Fortunately, Campbell played in a West Coast offense in Auburn his final year and had a great season so people should’ve known he’d thrive in the new system. This year he’s the only full-time NFL starter to have not thrown a single interception.

Their playmaker on offense is Santana Moss. He still scares opposing D-Coordinators to death, but teams with somewhat disciplined Cover 2 packages can negate him. He has always had problems with staying healthy or he’d be talked about in the T.O. or Randy Moss category for sure. Old friend Antwaan Randle El is a mediocre threat at receiver and is best as the #3 guy who can return punts. I miss having him on the Steelers but they’re paying him #2/borderline #1 WR money for a guy not at that level. Both guys are threats on special teams which is worth noting as this week the Steelers are going with a good Polish boy by the name of Jared Retkofsky as their new long-snapper and allowing gimpy Mitch Berger to punt with a sore hammy. Hopefully these guys won’t factor in the outcome of the game.

The left side of the O-Line is extremely strong. I like to refer to Chris Samuels as the “Jay Bell of Left Tackles” as he’s not flashy nor does he have eye popping athleticism, but’s he’s just a great left tackle. Pete Kendall continues to be excellent and is a great technician. Randy Thomas is good if he’s healthy. He just doesn’t have that unbelievable athleticism, which prevents him from being the best guard in the business.

Last week, our run defense held strong against a very good ground team. Aaron Smith was his usual dominant run-stuffing self and the return of Fatboy Hampton helped clog up the middle. They’ll need another good game as the Redskins lean heavily on the run in the form of superstar RB Clinton Portis. One reason Campbell has managed to stay out of trouble this year is support on the ground. Remove that support and let’s see if the kid can carry the team all by himself.

Of course, the danger there is our secondary will be weaker than it has been all season. CB Bryant McFadden is still nursing his broken arm and S Ryan Clark is out indefinitely with a separated shoulder. The good news is Tyrone Carter will start in place of Clark, much to the chagrin of Anthony Smith. Somebody should tell Anthony that when it comes to starting for the Steelers, there are no guarantees. *cough*

STEELER OFFENSE vs. REDKSINS DEFENSE

In 2004 and 2005, the Skins blitzed an absurd amount of the time and it created a defense that reeked havoc on opposing offenses. Then in 2006 the Skins had to stop blitzing as the secondary was getting torched. In 2007, Gregg Williams went to an extremely conservative Cover 2 scheme with the safeties playing 20-25 yards away from the line of scrimmage. However, it worked out quite well as the Skins actually finished 14 spots higher in overall pass defense than in the previous year.

The Skins big problem on defense is their inability to sack the QB. They only had 19 sacks in 2006 and improved to 33 sacks in 2007. To that end, they made the trade to bring in Jason “Twinkle Toes” Taylor in order to provide even more firepower to an already stacked D-line. Unfortunately, spinning the babely Julianna Hough around and around must’ve taken too much out of ‘ol Jason because he’s battled injuries all season and is currently listed as doubtful for Monday.

That’s great news for the Steelers as without him, their pass rush goes from mediocre to almost non-existent. Pass protection, as we all know, is to the Steelers what Kryptonite is to Superman. With this match-up, there appears to be a good chance Ben Roethlisberger will have the time to give the field his usual thorough look-see before he decides to part with his precious football.

The Steelers expect Pothole Willie Parker to finally take the field after setbacks the past two weeks.  He’s practiced regularly this week and looks good to go.  The team seems to be hedging a bit on his return, likely due to the excellent work turned in by backup Mewelde Moore but the time has come for FWP to get back into the swing of things.

Also helping will be the return of WR Santonio Holmes. Holmes will be back in the starting lineup after being sat for a week over a bogus pot bust. What’s amazing to me, besides the hypocrisy of the situation, is that no other team sits their players over issues like that. The Jaguars started Matt Jones the same week he was inducted on COCAINE charges. Jerry Jones was happy to have Pacman take the field days after he beat up his babysitter. Damn those Rooneys and their morality.

Washington’s corners did pretty well against the #2 and #3 WRs, but finished 20th against #1 WRs last year. The starters are Fred Smoot and Shawn Springs. Springs should be fine, but he does have an injury history and is 34 years old. I’m not a big fan of Smoot and if they change the style of defense and have Smoot play further off the line of scrimmage it will be a disaster. Carlos Rogers is supposed to come back during the middle of the season after suffering a bad knee injury. Reed Doughty is serviceable, but they lose a lot of range with him in there in place of the late Sean Taylor. Laron Landry didn’t have the greatest pass defense statistics last year but he came along well as the season progressed and should be a keeper.

They say you can’t go home again. A cliché, sure, but that statement held true of the Washington Redskins under the return of legendary head coach Joe Gibbs.  After a quick playoff exit last year, Gibbs went back to cheating at Nascar.  It was thought that Gibb’s Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams would be the replacement, but he had burned some bridges with the higher ups and went to Jacksonville to take over the same position. The reality is that owner Danny Snyder wanted former Giants head coach Jim Fassel but Skins fans were outraged by the pick. The Skins then looked towards Steve Mariucci, who was also widely rejected by the fans. With no other options and Bill Cowher not interested in working for a tool, they wound up taking the man they hired as the offensive coordinator, Jim Zorn, gave him the “young brilliant assistant coach” line and made him the head coach.

On Monday night, I guess we’ll see how brilliant he actually is. Oh, and a few shots of the cheerleaders would be nice too.