Legendary Steelers coach Bill Cowher announced on CBS’s Sunday Pregame Show that he will not return to the sidelines in 2009. Instead he plans on spending another year trying to decipher the Captain Caveman-like mumblings of Shannon Sharpe. This news is no doubt a shattering blow to pretty much every franchise that missed the playoffs and/or just plain sucks and thinks The Chin is the man to save them.

The past week saw Cowher linked to every coaching vacancy and even a few jobs which aren’t currently vacant. It began with the Cleveland Browns making an overture to which Bill responded LOL. Memo to Cleveland: the man wants to WIN and everybody knows the Browns will never win anything. Then the New York Jets put him on their wishlist. ESPN had a crawl all day Thursday noting “Cowher and the Jets show mutual interest.” This interest was so mutual that Cowher rejected their interest the next day, having not even bothered to MEET them. Only in NY do people seem to think everybody is just dying to be used and abused by their ignorant disloyal fans and douchebag media.

In any case, Cowher did leave the door open by saying he will re-evaluate his retirement on a year-by-year basis. So next year when the axe falls on a half dozen inept coaches the day after the season ends, expect to hear Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazer, and that Crypt Keeper-looking dude on ESPN bring up his name in connection with every opening. And also expect every blog or fansite which follows a lousy team to keep bringing his name up as the one true savior who can come along and make everything right again.

Here’s hoping he stays retired. No need to ruin his legacy by coming back to a bad situation like Kansas City or Jacksonville and then stumbling through several good but not great seasons before becoming a victim to the unrealistic expectations of the fans.

Besides, Joe Pa can’t stick around forever. Who wouldn’t want to see The Chin lead his Nittany Lions on to the field down in Happy Valley?

Wild Card Weekend Playoff Wrap-Up

Pittsburgh West Cardinals over Falcons 30-24: The Cards were playing possum the past month as a string of phoned in performances were replaced by an amped up intensity which the young Falcons couldn’t match. Former Pitt superstar WR Larry Fitzgerald made an incredible 42 yard TD catch for the first score of the game and Atlanta simply couldn’t keep up when the game turned into a shoot-out. NFL Rushing Leader Michael Turner was bottled up and Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan had several rookie moments as the Card advanced to face the Carolina Panthers next week.

Chargers over Colts 23-17 (OT): The best game of the weekend ended with yet another early playoff exit by the underachieving Colts and undeserving NFL MVP Peyton Manning. The Colts have made the playoffs something like 8 straight years but been one-and-done in half of them. In fact, if not for Steve McNair outchoking Pey-Pey back in 2006, he could very well be football’s version of A-Rod (minus the purple lipstick and washed up pop star girlfriend). I’ll have more on the Chargers later this week as they come to Pittsburgh for an AFC Divisional Playoff game.

Ravens over Dolphins 27-9: Baltimore laid a total whuppin’ on Goldie Hawn’s favorite team, utterly exposing Chad Pennington and humbling the Fins in Miami. Pennington threw 4 picks, topped off by one being returned 64 yards for a TD by notorious ballhawk Ed Reed. Former Pitt recruit Joe Flacco became the first rookie QB to win a road playoff game as his steady play aided by an excellent running attack advanced them forward to a rematch with the top seeded Tennessee Titans next Saturday in Nashville.

Eagles over Vikings 26-14: Minny QB Tarvaris Jackson proved overmatched for the Eagles defense while superstar RB Adrian Peterson was held mostly in check (except for a 40 yard TD scamper, he was pretty well contained). Donovan McNabb made enough big plays, mostly set up by the return abilities of WR Desean Jackson, to put the Eagles ahead. RB Brian Westbrook sealed the deal with a 71 yard TD which began as a 3 yard screen but he took all the way to the end zone. Philly heads to the Meadowlands next week for a third game against their hated divisional foe New York Giants.

The city of Pittsburgh is known for many things. Pierogies and Iron City Beer. The Three Rivers and steel mills. Being named both Friendliest City and City of Champions. And it’s quickly gaining another reputation.

Home to the worst offensive coordinators in all of football.

Members of Steeler Nation are already familiar with the various crimes against offensive football committed by Bruce Arians. His schemes and game plans are positively Wile E. Coyote-like in their elaborate design and penchant for failure. But there’s another inept playcaller roaming the sidelines in Pittsburgh. His name is Matt Cavanaugh and he’s OC for the University of Pittsburgh.

Perhaps you had nothing better to do but tune into the Sun Bowl on New Year’s Eve. If you did, what you witnessed was football being set back roughly fifty years. That’s not a joke. The last time a game ended with a score of 3-0 was approximately fifty years ago in a game which may or may not have been coached by Pop Warner.

The point is it was an embarrassing performance which disgraced the team, the university, and the city of Pittsburgh. I’ve been hard on head coach Dave Wannstedt on these pages before but this game made me realize what it must feel like to be a Raider fan. The game plan was slightly less crazy than pissing in the wind, the adjustments were non-existent, and smart coaching decisions were totally absent. In short, I’d like to know what Wannstache was doing on the sideline because it doesn’t appear he was watching the game.

In a game plan which was about as useful as a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts, the Panthers decided to run superstar RB Shady McCoy left, then right, then left again, then up the middle for good measure. Unfortunately, Oregon State was aware of this ingenious strategy and stacked the line to stop him. Here is where it gets good. Instead of, oh, throwing some short passes and/or screens to loosen things up, Cavanaugh kept dialing up long bomb after long bomb. Great idea if you have a strapping rifle-armed gunslinger under center…a slight problem when you have noodle-armed Bill Stull and a howling wind.

No offense to Stull because I’m sure he tried his best but when you go 7 for 24 in a bowl game, you have no business starting. Pittsburgh is home to many great quarterbacks and I can’t figure out why Pitt hasn’t been able to find a decent one since Dan Marino back in 1982. Seriously, Rod Rutherford? Tyler Palko? Dirty Pete Gonzalez?

Two seasons ago, I remember counting not one not two but THREE QBs starting for NFL teams who went to high school in the Pittsburgh area. This season there’s rookie sensation Joe Flacco, who transferred out of Pitt due to recruiting politics. Local legend Terrell Pryor didn’t even CONSIDER Pitt which is embarrassing when you learn his final choices came down to Ohio State and Penn State. How inept is Wannstache that he can’t out-recruit a 98 year old man?  I mean, if he’s not a great recruiter and we’ve seen he’s not a brilliant game strategist, why exactly did they hire him?

I can’t understand why, with all the attention given to high school football and Friday Night Lights around here, Pitt year in and year out suffers from mediocre to downright rotten QB play. Last year when Stull was hurt, two highly touted recruits got a chance to play and both proceeded to blow. Of course the freshman, Pat Bostick, did play well in limited work this year so maybe there’s some hope on the horizon. The fact Wannstedt didn’t put him in the game at the beginning of the second half was both an insult to him and to any fan who paid hard earned money to travel to Arizona only to see the Stache make zero effort to win the game.

Unless you count a 58 yard FG attempt an honest attempt at victory.

So ends another college football season around these parts. Pitt finishes with 9 wins which means they fell short of the double digit plateau yet again. In fact, the last time they had 10 wins was… 1982! Funny how that works, huh?

Christmas arrived early for members of Steeler Nation as they watched their team come from behind to pull out a thrilling last minute victory over the arch nemesis Baltimore Ravens, 13-9.  This win is truly the gift which keeps on giving as the Steelers have now clinched both an AFC North title and a guaranteed first round bye.  Also, thanks to Yuletide favors from the Houston Texans, next weekend’s tilt with the Titans is set to determine who has home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

I’m not one to say “I told ya so.”  Okay, I am.  But in this case, you have to trust me when I say I knew after Baltimore’s second offensive series the Steelers were going to win the game.  For all the praise heaped upon rookie QB Joe Flacco, much of it well-deserved, it was clear when the Ravens chose to run the ball on 3^rd and long that they had zero confidence in Flacco’s ability to do anything more than manage the game.  You can’t hide your quarterback in the NFL because sooner or later they all have to make plays.

Of course, Flacco didn’t exactly inspire confidence right out of the gate.  His third pass of the afternoon was batted skyward volleyball-style by Can’t See Me Ike Taylor where it was snatched out of the air by S Ryan Clark.  Flacco only completed 1 out of his first 8 passes and finished the game a miserable 11 for 28 for only 115 yards with no TDs.  Although Blitzburgh only had 2 sacks, he was clearly bothered by the pressure as he danced around the pocket while repeatedly rushing passes or overthrowing his targets.  He may be a good one for many years to come but now is not his time.

The Ravens defense lived up to their billing.  They are a hard-hitting bunch who make you scratch and claw for every inch of turf you gain.  They created two turnovers and did a good job stopping the run while preventing any big plays in the passing game.  The one surprising thing is despite blitzing at least 75% of the time, Baltimore managed only 3 sacks, one of which was due to the only dumb play QB Ben Roethlisberger made all game.  He ran around for way too long and by the time he decided to throw it away, Terrell Suggs was all up in his grill causing a sack-fumble.

In fact, the Steelers played a pretty sloppy game for the first three quarters.  They were losing the battle for field position (as is usually the case because of their horrid punters, although Mitch Berger did manage to break the magical 40 yard average and made a sweet tackle on a long return.).  WR Santonio Holmes fumbled to kill one drive.  Ben fumbled to end another.  Several of their best runs were called back on holding penalties.  The only thing keeping the game close was the beautiful violence of their defense repelling Baltimore at every turn, limiting them to three FGs despite excellent field position.

Today’s defensive standout was last year’s first round draft pick LB Lawrence Timmons.  He made the two most important plays of the game in the fourth quarter.  After the Roethlisberger fumble, Baltimore was on their 30 with a chance to drain valuable time off the clock.  Two runs went nowhere and then on third down Flacco hit Derrick Mason between the numbers.  Timmons obliterated him at roughly the same time causing the ball to go flying through the air where Deshea Townshend narrowly missed his second huge INT in two weeks.  Still, forcing a punt and the subsequent Steeler drive which netted 3 points was where the momentum of the game shifted.

Timmons second big play, and pretty much the play of the game, was his strip-sack of Flacco with four and a half minutes left.  Even though Baltimore recovered, the loss of yardage took them out of field goal range.  Had they gotten three, all they would’ve needed was another FG to pull out a win at the end.

Despite their understandable struggles against a really good defense, the Steeler offense actually looked decent this week.  I already mentioned the line, which afforded Big Ben ample protection considering he chucked 40 passes.  They put together one of their nicest drives of the season in the first half, mixing pass and run in a possession which chewed up six and a half minutes and resulted in a FG.  Bruce Arians clearly wanted to get the ball into Fast Willie Parker‘s hands as he called a number of runs and screens for him.  We all like Mewelde Moore and he may have saved our season by stepping up like he did but when you watch FWP make his darting cuts, turning 3 yard gains into 7, you realize what a major weapon he can be.  Although they fell away from running in the 2^nd half, Arians did show a bit more patience and desire to mix up the playcalling.

Speaking of mixing things up, one of the awesome things about our receiving corps is you never know who is going to have a big game.  Last week, Heath Miller and Santonio Holmes were the go-to guys.  This week, Hines Ward (8 for 107) and Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington (5 for 76) stepped up.  Of course, none of them would’ve done anything without Ben putting the ball right on the money.  He isn’t flashy and it’s not always pretty but the man is CLUTCH.  As I said earlier, in the NFL you need a QB to make the throws when you need them made and Big Ben does that.

Before I wrap this up, I have to mention two controversial plays which no-nothing sportscasters and whiny Baltimorons will no doubt cry about for weeks to come.  On the Steelers first FG drive, they converted a 3^rd and 1 which looked iffy.  Unfortunately, unless you’re standing on the field exactly parallel to the line of scrimmage, it’s hard to tell exactly where the markers are.  The Magic Yellow Line is not official and is oftentimes a good half yard off.  The second and most discussed call was Holmes’ game winning TD.  The refs blew it.  I’d like to justify their explanation but it seemed to be “his feet were in the end zone so it’s a TD” which I believe is wrong as you’re supposed to go by where the ball is.  However, Ray Lewis of all people made the most reasonable comments on the situation; the call may have cost them those last 7 yards but the allegedly super-awesome D giving up 90 yards prior to that is where the blame should lie.

Well, my fellow Black and Gold fans, it’s been a long road but we have accomplished what many thought was impossible.  Despite the toughest schedule in NFL history, we’ve amassed 11 wins, won our division, and earned a first round bye.  Best of all, this team seems to be peaking as we move into the final two games of the season.  I don’t want to sound greedy but I’m starting to believe the Steelers’ list of accomplishments isn’t finished yet.

Reminder:  Get your guesses in for the NPC Crocs Giveaway Contest. They’re sweet looking shoes for you to wear or re-gift them to the Steeler Fan in your life.  Best of all, as of now, you stand a 1 in 4 chance of winning.

I love football.

I can sit down and watch any game any time.  High school, college, NFL, CFL…  I even went to an Arena game back when Pittsburgh still had the Gladiators.  So I’m not surprised when I receive emails me asking why I don’t cover the University of Pittsburgh.  Many of you probably don’t remember way back in September when I wrote my one and only post on Pitt, it was the day after I went to Heinz to see them play Bowling Green.

Yep, that game.

Don’t misunderstand.  It’s not that I don’t follow Pitt because I only follow teams that win.  I don’t follow Pitt because they’re like the smokin’ hot girlfriend who keeps promising tonight will be the night but when the date is over you always go home sad, angry, and incredibly frustrated.  They’re the ultimate tease.

If Pitt simply stunk, I could live with it.  But they always acquire a decent crop of talent which one expects to produce on the field.  Pretty much every year Pitt has a player taken in the first round of the NFL draft.  The best wide receiver in the league (Larry Fitzgerald) went to Pitt.  One of the best young shutdown CBs went to Pitt (Darrelle Revis).  A rookie (Jeff Otah) starting for one of the best OLs in football (300 total yards rushing last week), you get the picture.  This year they featured a future first round RB (Shady McCoy) and WR (Jonathan Baldwin) while playing in the weakest conference in the NCAA.  Yet the best they could manage was 9-3.

Dave Wannstedt is a terrible coach.  I realize the alumni love him because of his sexy NFL credentials but failing at a high level is not an accomplishment because failure is still failure.  He was wretched as head coach of the Chicago Bears.  He was even worse as head coach of the Miami Dolphins.  And then there’s Pitt.  I’ll give him credit for recruiting well but his glossy credentials should entice good players to come here.  His enduring failure is his continuing inability to coach the talent he puts on the field.  He and Bill Cowher are both local boys who made good, but where Bill always got the most out of players, Wannastache routinely gets less.  He’s the Anti-Cowher.

Which brings me to this week’s showdown with the Baltimore Ravens.  Since 2000, the Ravens have been known for two things:  a devastating defense and an inept offense.  Even when they won the Super Bowl back in 2000, it was in spite of their offense.  By all rights, that defensive unit should’ve won more than one Super Bowl.  Of course, good offense starts with a good quarterback and any team under the leadership of the likes of Tony Banks, Trent Dilfer, Anthony Wright, Elvis Grbac, Steve McNair, and Kyle Boller doesn’t fill that requirement.

However, it appears Baltimore’s decade long drought has ended this year when the Ravens became one of the prime beneficiaries of Wannstedt’s stupidity.  They’re currently led by a tall, strong-armed kid named Joe Flacco.

Flacco was drafted in the latter half of the first round, mostly because scouts questioned if he had big time ability coming out of a small time program at Delaware.  It didn’t have to be that way, though.  Flacco, you see, began his college career at Pitt.  Unfortunately, the thrilling heroics of Tyler Palko and Bill Stull were too much for him to overcome leading him to transfer out.

Had Wannstedt not been absolutely inept at constructing a winning football team, he might’ve played Flacco.  And maybe Pitt, with some decent QB play for once, might’ve won a few games.  Maybe even went to a real Bowl and not the Summer’s Eve Maxi Bowl or wherever mediocre teams end up.  Most importantly, if Flacco had played well for Pitt, he might’ve been a top ten (perhaps even top five) draft pick, where the Ravens couldn’t get him.  So in a beautiful non-Wannstedtian world, Flacco is slinging passes for Detroit right now while the Ravens are 6-7 under the leadership of Troy Smith.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world.  In our world, Flacco is a Raven.  And his Ravens are 9-4, one game behind the Steelers in the AFC North.  In their first meeting this season, it was a brutal affair which resembled the opening scene in “Saving Private Ryan” more than a professonal football game until coming to a merciful end in OT.  This will be a similarly hard-hitting affair, although whatever the outcome the Ravens appear to have reestablished themselves as a force to be reckoned with.

You’re welcome, Baltimore.

Suzy Kolber has a potty mouth.

Then again, I’m pretty sure every member of Steeler Nation who watched Pittsburgh defeat the Baltimore Ravens 23-20 in overtime last night directed a few cuss words at their television screens.  Yes, we managed to hand the Ravens their first loss.   Yes, this puts us in a fairly commanding position in the AFC North.  And yes, there were a few individual performances which stood out.

Chief among them was the play of Mr. Monday Night James Harrison.  Harrison absolutely wrecked the Miami Dolphins last year during the MNF Sod Bowl debacle.  Tonight, he played even better.  11 tackles, 2.5 sacks, and a caused fumble resulting in a defensive TD.  He was all over the field, causing havoc wherever he went.  I know he drew at least 2 holding penalties but from what I saw, he could’ve easily drawn a half-dozen more.  He was literally a runaway freight train and the Ravens couldn’t hope to stop him, only contain him, which they were barely able to do.

Overall, the defense didn’t quite play as well as in previous games although there are a lot of mitigating factors which I’ll get to in a minute.  The line, minus starters Bret Keisel and Fatboy Hampton, held their own in the running game.  I loved how the Worst Commentators Ever™ criticized the lack of Ravens running plays.  I guess they never bothered to read their own obtrusive graphics which showed at one point they gained 9 yards on 8 carries.  Plus, RB Willis McGahee was gutting it out when he was clearly injured.

They did have some problems with rookie QB Joe Flacco, though.  For a guy who is supposedly a statue back there, he scrambled around like Kordell Stewart on a crucial first half scoring drive.  The secondary, particularly S Troy Polamalu (who had another outstanding game), was one step away from an INT on numerous plays but never came up with the big pick.  Flaccos’s cannon arm really gave them problems as he moved the offense by repeatedly rifling passes into tight spaces.  S Ryan Clark had a tough game in missing a number of tackles and CB Deshea Townshend looked very rusty in his first game back from injury.

Thankfully, the linebackers were like daytraders on Wall Street, an angry, snarling, drooling bunch who almost single-handedly kept the Steelers in the game when it looked like they could possibly be blown out.  I already mention Mr. Monday Night but his partner in crime, Mister Woodley, had another fantastic game.  He chipped in with 2 sacks and returned the poor sad unwanted football Flacco carelessly discarded to the endzone for the aforementioned TD.  James Farrior and Larry Foote also showed up in force.  Even Lawrence Timmons looked good in limited action, although he got absolutely flattened by Baltimore RB Le’Ron McLain from the planet Melmac on the crucial game-tying TD.

So that’s the good.  The bad and the ugly can be summed up by one word:  OFFENSE.   Offense so bad, it led poor Suzy to utter a cuss word on national tv.   Too bad Joe Namath wasn’t around to ask if she kissed her her mom with that mouth…and if he’d kiss her, too.

Watching the Steelers attempt what can only loosely be classified as offensive football was roughly akin to losing your virginity on prom night:   you grasp around blindly hoping to stumble upon something that works but most of the time you just end up with an elbow in your eye and a quick but unsatisfying ending.

We had, no joke, 45 yards total offense in the first half.  The running game was not even given a chance.  Basically, it seems like O-coordinator Bruce Arians wants to see the back rip off a 24 yard gain on every carry.  If he should get stopped for a 2 yard gain, however, that’s clearly a sign all is lost and we should go back to passing every down.  Great plan, except our offensive line has more holes than Nevillewood, although they managed to limit the damage to 3 sacks last night.

Actually, I did notice a lot of the problems in terms of protection were exacerbated (made worse) by poor scheming and poor QB-WR play.  On a few of the jail breaks, the guy rushing in was unblocked because they had more guys rushing than we had O-lineman.  I don’t expect our guys to knock out two men each.  Likewise, on other plays, a clear pocket was formed for QB Ben Roethlisberger to step up and throw.  Instead, he steps up and looks and looks and looks some more…   One time the WR didn’t read the blitz and break off the route, another the RB either failed to stay back to block or didn’t turn around for a dump off.  This is all a sign of poor coaching which needs addressed.

Big Ben was in a funk the entire first half, throwing inaccurately, missing open receivers, making poor decisions, and/or running for his life.  I’d like to give the coaches credit for righting the ship in the 2nd half but they don’t deserve it.  They went to a no-huddle where Ben got to call his own plays and VOILA! we managed to move the ball.  What does it say about your offensive coordinator and/or his playcalling if your QB needs to run the offense by himself in order to get anything done?

Rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall, in his first pro start, had one nice run but didn’t move the chains much beyond that.  WR Hines Ward’s mouth contributed more than his hands as his smack-talking caused a crucial unsportsmanlike penalty on a pea-brained Raven linebacker which eventually lead to a TD.  WR Santonio Holmes scored that TD but, to be honest, it was a little slant play designed for 10-15 yards which the inept Ravens secondary miss-tackled into a score.  Mewelde Moore, the last healthy back on our roster, finally showed something when he was pressed into late game action.  Maybe these injuries will be a blessing in disguise as now they’re forced to use more Moore, giving Ben a chance to familiarize himself with his screen pass catching abilities

The story of this game, beyond Suzy Kolber saying naughty words (which in my book makes her all the more desirable), was the injuries.  To call this game a “war” would be like calling Vietnam a “spitball fight.”  Players were hitting the turf left and right.  Before Skippy Reed had nailed the game winner in OT, the Ravens were down to their 3rd string RB.  The Steelers lost special teams ace Andre Frazier in a scary moment right off the opening kickoff.  RG Kendall Simmons tore his ACL shortly before the half.  Then Sugar Rashard broke his collarbone on the first play after.  Both men are likely out for the season which means the injury situation is getting dire.

But not so dire is our record.  A loss tonight would’ve put the Steelers behind the eight ball early in the year and really opened the door for the division to be up for grabs.   This win solidified our hold on 1st place.  Never forget that last year we would’ve missed the playoffs but for two wins over the Brownies.  Should we find ourselves in a similar battle with the Ravens this year, the heroics of the two linebackers I call MISTER may very well have saved our season.