For fifteen minutes during yesterday’s 31-0 destruction of the hapless Cleveland Browns, the world stood still.

Steelers’ quarterback Ben Roethlisberger lay motionless on the sloppy tundra of Heinz Field with a crowd of trainers, teammates, and medical personnel around him.  When I say motionless, I mean not so much as his pinky finger appeared to be moving.  Then, in a scene reminiscent of Jason Street’s ill-fated tackle on “Friday Night Lights,” they slowly removed his facemask before carting him off the field.  Ben did manage a weak Thumbs Up to the crowd as he disappeared into the tunnel but I doubt anybody was feeling very optimistic at that point.

In the aftermath of this colossal disaster, tests revealed Ben suffered a mild concussion.  To which I call B.S.  Minor concussions are when you stumble off the field thinking you’re back at Miami of Ohio, not when you’re immobilized and ambulanced to the hospital.  Not to mention this is Ben’s third or fourth concussion since his motorcycle accident.  It’s a known fact that once you have a serious head injury, it becomes easier to be concussed in the future.  At this point, you have to be concerned about his long term durability when you’re only in year five and already have four concussions.   Steve Young retired due to concussion syndrome after only suffering from three (that he knew of).

The Steelers are circling the wagons on this one.  The team shills doctors are claiming Ben could possibly be at practice this week.  They appear to have no doubt he’ll be ready for the playoffs in two weeks.  Mike Tomlin has already come out saying he has absolutely no regrets about playing his starters.  To which I have to ask:

ARE YOU INSANE?

I like Tomlin.  I think he’s a smart coach.  But he has a disturbing habit of refusing to admit mistakes.  Like, oh say, putting your franchise quarterback in peril in a meaningless game right before the playoffs are about to begin.  Let’s review the logic at play here.

BEN IS A WALKING INJURY REPORT WITH A BAD HAND, SEPARATED SHOULDER, AND SPRAINED KNEE.

THE GAME MEANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

THE OFFENSIVE LINE IS LEAKIER THAN THE LOUSIANA LEVEES AFTER KATRINA.

Sorry for all the shouting but I am totally baffled by the reasoning behind playing Ben in the first place.  Where is the upside?   It worked for the Giants last year but they had a healthy quarterback and an O-line that didn’t allow 8 sacks per game.  Use your damn head, Tomlin.

Anyway, the rest of the game was only slightly above a preseason game in Tijuana in terms of excitement and intensity.  When QB Dennis Dixon gets in a game, you know it means less than nothing.  Fast Willie Parker finally looked like Fast Willie Parker in rushing for 116 yards, highlighted by a sweet 34 yard scamper in the first quarter.  The defense had 3 sacks and 2 INTs (one returned for a TD by Tyrone Carter) in limiting the mighty Browns to 126 yards of total offense.

But the story of this game begins and ends with #7 lying motionless on the turf.  Let’s hope that’s not some sort of omen of things yet to come.

What would we do without Philly?   Between their dumbass wide receiver spiking the ball a yard before he reached the end zone, their drug hoarding deadbeat dad of a coach, and their tubby quarterback who can’t run a hurry up offense without puking his guts all over the sideline, that team continues to be the NFL equivalent of an older brother who is fun to invite to parties but sadly still lives in our mother’s basement.

Anyway, in news related to the one team Pennsylvanians can be proud of, it’s the first double-dip of the season for the beloved Pittsburgh Steelers as the hated Cincinnati Bengals come to town for the second half of our annual two game set. Let’s hope it doesn’t end in a tie.

Since I already previewed the two teams, there’s no sense in repeating my brilliant and usually spot-on analysis. Instead, I’ll simply touch on issues relevant to the upcoming game.

Of course, the picture above is in reference to the Bengal’s tie against the Philadelphia Eagles, the first since the Steelers drew with the Dirty Birds back in ’02. I caught a bit of the game and it was less a hard fought battle and more a cripple fight. Philly didn’t seem too eager to win (although in Donavan McNabb’s case, he probably thought he had two or three more OTs to get the job done) while Cincy snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by shanking a 47 yard FG to win the game. Still, the fact the same fearsome Iggles team which handed us our worst loss of the season was battled to a standstill by Cincy should fill us with both fear and shame.

In fact, since we last saw the Bengals, they’ve actually started to play like a professional football team. They got crushed by Houston after losing to us but then went down to Jacksonville and beat the sissies in teal for their first win. Earlier in the year, they took the Giants team with only 1 loss and who beat us up into OT.  Despite the fact they’re a punchline to many jokes and this season will probably cost Marvin Lewis his job, they’re nowhere near as pathetic as say Oakland or Detroit.

To be fair, the 38-10 final score in our first game looks like a blowout but the game was a much closer battle than that. The Steelers were nursing a slim 3 point margin at halftime despite the fact Cincy QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was sacked every other play and they didn’t get into positive total yardage until the final drive of the half. Our offense didn’t perform much better until they figured out CB Jonathan Joseph couldn’t cover his mouth on a sneeze and beat him deep with Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington.

It’s a little perplexing how the Bengals have managed to stay in games. Harvard alum Fitzpatrick, frankly, stinks. He’s got the lowest QB Rating in the league (71.3!) and considering the talent this team has at WR, it’s amazing he only has 5 measly TD passes. They’ve all but given up on RB Chris Perry and handed main backfield duties to Bears castoff Cedric Benson. Chad Ocho Cinco has only quatro scoreos and is on pace for only about 500 total receiving yards. T.J. Houshalottaletters is one of the elite WRs in the league but that shouldn’t be enough to keep them competitive. But they have been.

The game will present an interesting match-up for the Steelers as 2/3 of the Three Amigos (Bryant McFadden and Deshea Townshend) will once again be inactive. Manly William Gay and Anthony Madison did a good job against San Diego last week although the weather helped a bit in that the Chargers speed in the vertical passing game was limited on the slippy chewed up field. Fernando Bryant looked shaky but he only had about 3 days of practice so if he does play on Thursday, let’s hope he’s a bit more up to speed. It looks the rest of the Blitzburgh D will be ready to go which is good news for those of us who enjoy seeing James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley chase QBs like a dog chasing a bone.

Offensively, it appears RG Darnell Stapleton will be good to go which means it’ll be the usual gang of idiots manning the OL. Well, LT Marvel Smith is listed as out, too, but at this point I think it’s safe to just give up on him permanently. Fast Willie Parker managed to play an entire game without incurring another injury so we might just have him in the starting line up for two consecutive games. Hooray for modern medical science and/or Oxycontin! FWP will be a big addition because Cincy has a horrible run defense which should allow him to pile up a good amount of yardage.

Despite the Bengals playing gamely in the face of certain doom and the historical fact of them tending to rise to the occasion when they play us, there really is no excuse for us to lose this game. A great offensive performance won’t mean much but it would be a baby step in the right direction. As the Steelers gear up for the final month of the season and, hopefully, a playoff run, bringing that offense along one baby step at a time should be one of the main goals each and every week.

Don’t get excited.

Yesterday’s 11-10 (or was it 17-10?) victory over the San Diego Chargers was the very definition of a bad win. I’m sure some diehard members of Steeler Nation as well as the team’s fawning apologists in the Pittsburgh sports media will declare things are back on track. They’ll laud yet another stellar effort from the Blitzburgh defense. They’ll talk of a rejuvenated offense which featured a 300 yard passer, 100 yard rusher, and 100 yard receiver for the first time this year.

And they’d be missing the point.

The Steelers failed to score an offensive touchdown for the third time this season. QB Ben Roethlisberger’s stat line looks pretty (31-41 for 308 yards) but most of that was climate aided. Due to the frozen tundra of Heinz Field, the Charger defenders tried to combat the poor footing by playing well off the receivers trying to keep things in front of them. This allowed Ben to dink and dunk 5-8 yards passes all day long. Most of the passing yardage happened on runs after the catch. TE Matt Spaeth caught 6 balls for 55 yards while WR Hines Ward hauled in 11 for 124.

To his credit, Ben did avoid the game-altering mistakes which have plagued him in recent weeks. He made a couple dangerous throws but neither the INT bug nor his habit of holding on to the ball too long seemed to crop up. Of course, the weather dictated short passing game was an important factor. If we could run this offense every week, I could understand some optimism. Since this was a one time thing under very specific circumstances, you can’t expect them to be able to replicate it every week.

While Ben avoided mistakes, the rest of the team was full of them. Now I know what it feels like to live in Oakland because this was like watching a Raiders game minus the crazy senile owner. I’ve never seen a Steelers team take so many penalties. The final tally was 13 for 115 yards, many of the drive killing variety. It’s fun to bitch about the refs but perhaps it backfired as Hines Ward (who got nabbed twice for holding) seems like he’s being singled out by the zebras.

One of the penalties, a ridiculous holding call on CB Ike Taylor, set up a SD touchdown. The receiver cut left as Ike was arm jousting with him while QB Philip Rivers threw the ball 10 yards in the opposite direction. The other penalties were a smorgasbord of holding calls, mostly against the offensive line, although one was on a kickoff return which negated a nice run back by RB Gary Russell. Russell, by the way, seems to finally be the solution to the team’s never-ending search for a capable return man.

The line, which to their credit only surrendered 4 sacks on 41 pass plays, had an up and down afternoon. Penalties killed them, particularly on a nice drive that reached the red zone only to see two consecutive holding calls saddle them with a 2^nd and 30. RG Darnell Stapleton was carted off the field and replaced by Trai Essex which by my count means Tony Hills is our last backup left. Pray to whatever god you believe in he never has to take the field. The run blocking was mostly good as Fast Willie Parker returned with a 115 yard performance. He looked completely healthy as the burst was back and seemed to have no problems with either his shoulder or balky knee.

The team did have problems once again on short yardage situations. Mewelde Moore was stonewalled once again on a goal line stand. Parker fared no better on a third and short later in the game. Exasperated, head coach Mike Tomlin gave Russell a try and he promptly converted two of ‘em. So that’s two valuable roles he seems to fill. Good thing we used our #1 pick on a RB last year, huh?

Of course, we’d all be talking about how the Steeler ship has finally hit the iceberg if not for the defense, particularly the work of one James Harrison. The Silverback accounted for roughly half of the Steelers points. Swatting the ball out of Rivers’ mitts in the endzone scored us a safety while his INT return set us up for a Skippy Reed FG. Harrison’s partner-in-destruction, LaMarr Woodley, also returned to play well, particularly on a third and long play where he prevented a big first down by knocking down the ball in coverage(!). Speaking of coverage, despite 2/3 of the Three Amigos being injured, their backups did a pretty decent job. Unfortunately named William Gay was picked on all day and mostly rose to the challenge. Anthony Madison performed capably. The only blight was recently signed Fernando Bryant, who got all kinds of turned around on the handful of plays I saw him for. Luckily, his miscues didn’t cost us. Oh, and speaking of secondary play, the INT by S Troy Polamalu will deservedly take a place amongst the best plays of the season by anybody anywhere.

Since we’re talking about Troy, I guess we need to discuss what happened on the final play. It’s enormously frustrating that players get fined for things that aren’t called weeks after the fact while refs blow calls, sometimes even affecting the outcome of the game, and nothing is ever done. It’s also frustrating that the people in charge of enforcing the rules don’t seem to know them. I tried to read the various explanations but there’s less bullshit at Phipps Conservatory. The main point seems to be the initial pass was ruled an illegal forward pass, thus ending the play there. Except the initial pass was Rivers throwing the ball to a receiver which has been legal in the NFL since about 1938. The WR then lateraled to another player who tried a third lateral only to have Troy jump the play and knock the ball toward the end zone where he picked it up and scored. Somewhere along the line, the refs forgot you’re allowed one forward pass per play. What’s worse, they took 5 minutes to review the play and still blew it. Who was he talking to under the hood, his bookie? Either that or maybe he went to the Dave Hebner School of Refereeing.

In any event, until Herr Roger Goodell decides to reach down with his god-like hand and wipe away the mistakes made by the zebras, it goes down as an ugly 11-10 victory for the good guys. The G-Men returned the favor from the gift we gave them a few weeks back by beating the Ravens so we now have a two game cushion in the division. There will be no rest for the wicked as it’s a short week with the Bengals on tap for Thursday night on the Channel Nobody Gets. The Bengals managed to tie (Tie? A freakin’ tie?) the same Philly team which crushed us and have been playing like an actual professional football team as of late. We’ll have to wait and see if the Steelers can say the same.

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Greg Warren.

Every week my game previews make note of which key players are injured. I’m sure many of you check to see if Fatboy Hampton has made weight or if Willie Parker had an unfortunate run in with some crab grass and is out for the week. I’m also pretty sure if I mentioned Greg Warren very few of you would care. In fact, I bet only the most diehard members of Steeler Nation even knew we had a Greg Warren on our team.

Looks like Greg’s a lot more important than we thought.

The injury to long-snapper Greg Warren set in motion a series of tragic events which turned a narrow victory for the Pittsburgh Steelers into a crushing 21-14 defeat at the hands of the New York Football Giants. It was a bruising game filled with hard hits and numerous injuries on each side. Both teams were 5-1 but needed to prove themselves against top flight competition. Now that it’s over both teams might be left with more questions than answers.

Thanks to a superior defensive effort and two big plays on offense, the Steelers clung to a 14-12 edge until late in the 4^th quarter. Forced to punt from their own 8, LB James Harrison stood under center replacing Warren, who had been carted off the field with a season ending ACL tear earlier in the half. The Mighty Silverback launched the pigskin between his legs, whistling the ball over the head of P Mitch Berger and anybody else who isn’t named Yao Ming. It sailed out the back of the endzone for a safety, tying the score. The ensuing free kick set the Giants up at mid-field where they took advantage of a tired Steeler defense to score their first TD of the day with 3:00 left on the clock. A few minutes of brutally bad offensive football later, Pittsburgh had their second defeat of the season.

The defense didn’t create any turnovers and the G-Men took the Blitz out of Blitzburgh by holding the top pass rush in the NFL to zero sacks. However, the Steelers did a great job of bending but not breaking as they limited the damage to field goals. RB Brandon Jacobs knocked over puny S Ryan Clark like a bowling pin several times early on but at the end of the day none of the NY backs broke 40 yards.  DE Brett Keisel had his best game as a Steeler in coming up big as an effective run stuffer.

WR Plaxico Burress didn’t start the game, thus proving a new multimillion dollar contract and Super Bowl winning TD catch is not the cure for being a moron. Head coach Tom Coughlin held him back until the 2^nd quarter when he evidently decided winning the game was more important than disciplining his players. Not that it mattered much as CB Ike Taylor rendered Burress a non-factor. Other than a clutch catch by Amani Toomer on the final game winning drive, none of the receivers made any impact.

Honestly, the only reason the Giants managed to put any points up on our defense was because they were stuck in a hole pretty much all day long. For one, every single NY scoring drive started at mid-field or in Steelers territory. Even the most mediocre offense can usually get into field goal range when they begin on the opponent’s 45 yard line. The other major problem was the D seemingly spent the entire game out on the field. When our offense scored, they scored quickly. Every other time they were 3 and out. There was no rest for the weary warriors in the Black and Gold.

And definitely no help from our offense. The Steelers have fallen into this disturbing trend where things are feast or famine. We either rip off huge chunks of yardage in big play fashion or we bumble and stumble through three poorly designed and poorly executed plays then punt. The first TD was on a 32 dash by RB Mewelde Moore. The second was a 65 yard bomb to WR Nate Washington. Everything else was one or two series and out. There were no long time-consuming drives. No sustained offense. They were 1 for 10 on 3^rd down conversions. Feast or famine.

The O-Line is going to take more heat because they gave up 5 sacks and allowed about 18 QB knockdowns in only 30 pass attempts. Max Starks and Chris Kemoeatu had especially poor games. That right side of the line was like a leaky dam allowing Big Blue defenders to pour in on almost every pass play. I especially enjoyed Starks clever technique of pushing the on-rushing defender like a little girl on a swing hoping the gentle nudge would be enough to derail the 320 freight train steaming toward our quarterback. $7 million well spent. But, to be fair, I don’t think they were what cost us this game.

I place the blame squarely on the sore shoulders of QB Ben Roethlisberger. He had by far his worst game of the season and other than the first few post-motorcycle & spleenectomy games in 2006, possibly his worst game as a pro. He threw 4 interceptions. 2 of them were Favre-ian “toss it up and hope your guy comes down with it” prayers, one was thrown with no Steeler within 5 yards, and one was not his fault (hit Nate in the hands but the defender knocked it loose and it caromed into a LB’s big paws). He repeatedly missed wide open receivers. Washington was open on that deep pattern on at least two other plays, one was negated due to a penalty but Ben missed him on the other chance by throwing the ball late which allowed the CB to break up the play.

In fact, that was Ben’s biggest problem all day. Holding the ball. I can’t get upset about a lot of those sacks/knockdowns because at least HALF of them were caused by Big Ben himself. He took “waiting too long” to a whole new level. One-two-three-THROW. How hard is that to understand? You can’t sit back there and survey the field for 10 seconds and expect not to get hit. The line would hold the fort for a good 3-4 seconds but he’d start dancing around as soon as he took his drop. Every play it was hike, step up, shuffle left, skitter right, cock his arm… Then eat grass. You can’t do that in the NFL on a regular basis and expect to succeed. Or survive without injury for that matter. Memo to Roethlisberger: You’re not Kordell Stewart.

In the midst of the terrible offense, noble defense, and crushing defeat came a whole slew of injuries. Despite the dire predictions by the Post-Gazette, most of our starters did return for the game, including Fatboy Hampton, Aaron Smith, and Troy Polamalu. However, in addition to Warren’s game-altering injury, we also lost S Ryan Clark to what appeared to be a dislocated shoulder. Ike Taylor and Nate Washington were both banged up although both manned up enough to return to the game. Speaking of which, Mitch Berger proved that punters are indeed men as he looked to have either torn a hammy or a groin in his non-punting leg because he was hopping around in obvious pain after every kick. He might need replaced as a one-legged punter is roughly as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Many of the so-called experts called this game a preview of Super Bowl XLIII. If the Steelers hope to make these predictions come true, there needs to be a whole lot of improvement on the offensive side of the ball over the next nine weeks.

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Her name is Kate Mara.

This Sunday, her loyalties will be divided like those of nobody else. Kate, you see, is the perfect fusion of two of football’s greatest families. Her father, Chris, is the son of legendary New York Giants owner Wellington Mara. Her mother, Kathleen, is the daughter of Tim Rooney, one of Pittsburgh Steelers founder Art’s boys.

Kate is an actress. She’s probably best known for playing a nutjob analyst on the greatest show in the history of television “24.” The reason I chose that picture of her is besides the fact she’s hot (duh), it perfectly sums up her mixed heritage. You have the pretty, stick-thin actress aspect which represents her New York side and she’s toting a big-ass shotgun which has Pittsburgh written all over it.

I know this doesn’t have much to do with football but would you rather read the 528th article about the Class of 2004 QB Draft or gawk at Kate? Anyway, on to my preview of this week’s tilt between the New York Football Giants and our Pittsburgh Steelers.

STEELER DEFENSE vs. GIANTS OFFENSE

They changed the offense under coordinator (and Steeler castoff) Kevin Gilbride by getting rid of so many deep pass patterns and utilizing more short patterns and come back routes. These safer throws help cover QB Eli Manning’s greatest weakness, his accuracy, which is key to his sudden emergence as an elite quarterback.

Nevertheless, the strength of this offense is the running game. Brandon Jacobs is far better than given credit for since he averaged 5.0 yards a carry and is very unfun to tackle because of his size. He’s not Reggie Bush by any stretch, but he’s far more elusive than say Christian Okoye was. Derrick Ward was supposed to be featured on passing downs and as a change-of-pace back but his explosive ability has many saying he should be given equal chance to carry the ball. This two-headed monster is complimented by a third excellent back in Ahmed Bradshaw.  They will be coming at the Steelers all day so Blitzburgh better be ready to clamp down on the run or the entire playbook opens up to the Giant offense.

Their O-Line deserves a lot of credit for their success running the ball as they have quality run blockers at four of the five positions. Rich Seubert is a severely underrated left tackle. Chris Snee is really good, although he does struggle with penalties. Plus he’s married to head coach Tom Coughlin’s daughter so he knows if he doesn’t play well, he’ll likely be sleeping on the couch when he gets home.

While run blocking is a strength, the line does have questions when it comes to protecting the quarterback. One of the key players last season was Kareem McKenzie. McKenzie has always been known as a run blocker over a pass protector. However, last season he put it all together in time for their stretch run. If McKenzie had struggled in pass protection like he had in previous years, it would’ve been nearly impossible for their offense to do anything with two offensive tackles needing help. David Diehl, the other weak link, is a good run blocker, but led the league in sacks allowed as he simply can’t keep up with good speed rushers.

The Black and Gold Wrecking Crew of LaMarr Woodley and James Harrison should get some pressure on Eli. This will be key as in their embarrassing loss to the hapless Browns they reverted back to their pre-Super Bowl form of Manning running around ragged, forcing things, and making bonehead mistakes.

Because he knocked off the hated Patriots, I’ll always be a fan of Eli. But realistically, he only played really well in week 17 last year, was about average against Tampa, and then only attempted 18 passes in the Dallas game. He was terrific against the Packers but if you watch the Super Bowl, he started making those bad decisions again and was just incredibly lucky. His highest season QB rating is only a 77.

Manning’s big weapon in the passing game is another old friend, Plaxico Burress. If you remember all the reasons we weren’t sorry to see him go they still apply here. Yes, he came up really big in the playoffs last year but considering how many big games for the Steelers where he pulled a disappearing act, it’s almost too little too late. He’s Eli’s favorite target and with his size, he should give our smallish corners fits. CB Bryant McFadden has a broken forearm and will be out several weeks so the nickel corner will now be the unfortunately named William Gay.

STEELER OFFENSE vs. GIANTS DEFENSE

The G-Men run a 4-3 scheme that is based on the scheme that the Eagles use as D-Coordinator Steve Spagnuolo was a longtime assistant under Jim Johnson. This means lots of blitzing, stunting, and changes in coverage. This also means we’re facing nearly an exact copy of the defense which sacked QB Ben Roethlisberger approximately 37 times in our only loss of the season.

Except the Giants D has more talent. They held opponents to an 83.4 QB rating last year. They were solid against the run (3.8 yards allowed per carry) and led the league in sacks. We’ll learn if our revamped offensive line has really improved since the Philly debacle or if it has simply been a result of playing sub-standard teams. LT Marvel Smith is still recovering from the back spasms he experienced three weeks ago so his return is uncertain. If he can’t go, the $7 Million Dollar Man Max Starks will actually have to earn his grossly inflated pay. He looked decent last week against Cincy but c’mon, it’s the Bungles. RG Darnell Stapleton continues to impress but he will be tested against the Giants excellent DTs.

Of course, I again refer to the Browns game where immobile statue Derek Anderson had all day and night to throw the ball. The Giants have suffered a lot of loss on defense, notably the retirement of Michael Strahan and the season-ending injury to every hooker’s nightmare Osi Umenyiora. Whether or not these losses have finally caught up to them or if that game was just a fluke will deteremine what happens on offense for Steelers.

Barring any last second incidents such as walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror, Pothole Willie Parker should finally return from his sprained knee. Mewelde Moore has been nothing short of spectacular in his place so I wouldn’t expect a heavy workload for FWP. In fact, I’m sure they’ll split the carries until he works himself back into game shape.

Loosening up the Giant D will likely fall to Big Ben and his receivers. One reason the Pats were such favorites last year was on paper the biggest weakness for NY is their corners. Sam Madison is a gamer. He was supposedly done 3 years ago and he doesn’t have nearly the quickness or athleticism he had back then but somehow manages to hold his own. Corey Webster was horrible last year but then played the game of his life against Randy Moss. Aaron Ross didn’t put up good pass defense stats either although he’s a great blitzer.

Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, and the Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington should be able to work against this secondary. The Browns passing game had little problem and even pathetic Cincy kept their game competitive because they could throw on them. As long as our line keeps Ben upright, there will be plays to be made. That’s one big “if” though.

Both teams are currently 5-1.  Both teams also have yet to play any real stiff competition.  This week will be a huge gauge of exactly how good they truly are.