You gotta hand it to Bill Belichick.   Don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand the MILF-chasing, sneaky videotaping (thankfully, those hobbies don’t overlap) stone face.  But you have to appreciate his ability to spin straw into gold.  This is actually a rebuilding year for the New England Patriots as they attempt to inject fresh talent in to a team which has only a few remnants remaining from the glory teams of the past decade.   And, yet, they don’t seem to miss a beat, winning the AFC East last season and posting a 6-2 record thus far in 2010.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs. PATRIOTS OFFENSE

Coming off knee surgery, Tom Brady took a while to get back into the swing of things last season but rebounded to post one of his usual fantastic stat lines.   This year, not even his ridiculous Bieber-hair has interfered with his ability to get the ball where it needs to go.  A 14/4 TD-INT ratio puts to rest any worries that Tom Terrific is slowing down.   One concern, however, is a sprained foot which kept him out of practice this week.   Not that Brady has ever been mistaken for a Slash but the ability to slide around the pocket to buy the extra second or two may be something to look for when he faces the Pittsburgh Steelers hellacious pass rush.

WR Wes Welker, coming off a serious knee injury, remains one of the best slot receivers in the league.  Although without Randy Moss stretching the field and keeping the defense from clogging the middle, Welker’s numbers have declined sharply (36, 24, and 25 yards in the past three games).  Part of the slack is expected to be picked up by the returning Deon Branch and second year player Brandon Tate.  Although the Pats best receiving threats have been rookie TEs Aaron Hernandez and Woodland Hills alum Rob Gronkowski.

Shockingly, the Patriots actually rank higher in rushing offense (15th) than passing (17th).  The running back position is a motley crew of misfits.  Oft-injured Laurence Maroney has been shipped out of town in favor of a two-headed monster consisting of Benjarvis Green-Ellis and little Danny Woodhead.   If you watched HBO’s fantastic Hard Knocks this year, you’ll remember Woody as a Rex Ryan favorite.  The 5’8 195 runt has become a New England cult hero because he embodies all the qualities Massholes hold dear (ie:  He’s white).

Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Belichick takes a page from his own book and comes out throwing the ball 35 consecutive times like he did in a memorable Monday Night game many years back.  The Browns held them under 70 rushing yards last week while the Steelers remain the top ranked rushing D.  On the flip side, our pass defense continues to slide down the standings on a weekly basis.  Gay covering Welkah or B-Mac giving one of his patented 8 yard cushions to Branch is the stuff nightmares are made of.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs. PATRIOTS DEFENSE

Remember all that nice stuff I said about Billy boy in my introduction?  Well, despite my puke-inducing praise, one fact remains.  The current Patriots defense is garbage.  GARBAGE.

They’re 29th in total yards allowed, 29th in passing yards per game, and 21st in rushing yards per game.  We should’ve seen this coming after the Ravens absolutely humiliated them 33-14 in last year’s playoffs.   But the point was more than driven home last week when Browns RB Peyton Hillis gashed them for 184 yards while Colt McCoy directed a steady attack without throwing a single interception.  Belichick is reloading the defense but it’s very much still a work in progress.

The fly in the Steelers’ ointment is half the team is in desperate need of Tiger Balm.  The offense was decimated by injuries last week.   Heath Miller is battling a gimpy knee.   Mewelde Moore and Issac Redman were both concussed last week but have been cleared by team doctors.  Of course, one bell-ringing hit and Jon Dwyer is a step closer to toting the rock.

Naturally the biggest concern is an offensive line which has been left in shambles.  Max Starks has a herniated disk in his neck which requires season ending surgery.  The Steelers haven’t said exactly what their plan is for Sunday night but I have to think they’ll either move Flozell Adams back to his original LT position or insert Jonathan Scott who started there for Sean Kugler’s Buffalo Bills.  Personally, I’d leave the Hotel on the right side because they’ve been generating great push in the running game.

But wait, there’s more!  Chris Kemoeatu has a double whammy knee/ankle sprain which in his own words is “not good.”  Meanwhile, Maurkice Pouncey is battling a bruised tibia.  Mike Tomlin was hoping both would be good to go but it sounds like only Pouncey is expected to play.  If the line can hold it together with scotch tape and Bubble Yum, Ben Roethlisberger and the offense should have plenty of opportunities against a fairly porous defense.

One final note, I don’t usually mention special teams since I like talking about real football players.  However, Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski has a bum hip and is done for the year.  They’ve brought in former Bungle Shayne Graham to handle FG duties in his absence.

The Steelers were 6-2 at the mid-way point last year and we were saying, “Who cares how you win or how many injuries you have?   We’re 6-2!”   Then we fell into an epic swoon where we lost five straight games against some of the most pathetic teams in the NFL.  I hate to put too much emphasis on one particular game but I feel this is the tipping point for the entire season.  Win this game and I’ll feel a whole lot better about our chances going forward.  Lose or even have another 4th quarter like the one against the Bengals and the alarm bells will continue to grow louder.

Wide receivers. Of course, I’m talking about wide receivers and not Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger’s taste in the ladies. As an aside, after spending a whole week listening to Sean Salisbury and Tony Kornheiser discuss Tom Brady’s main squeeze, Brazilian supermodel Giselle Budchen, while also bemoaning the fact that Tony Romo has reportedly kicked Yoko Simpson to the curb, I’m extremely glad our quarterback limits his off-field activities to LPGA scrubs and WB starlets. Anyway, this week the national football media latched on to the story of an apparent riff developing between Ben Roethlisberger and Steelers WR Hines Ward.

It all started shortly after the season-ending soul-crushing loss to the Jacksonville Jagoffs. Ben was asked what areas he felt the Black and Gold needed to address in the draft. He responded by saying, “I’m always going to ask for a tall receiver. That’s just me. Our receivers are unbelievable, but our tallest guy might be Hines. Or Santonio [Holmes]. Hines is going to say he’s 6 foot, but he’s 5-11.”

These comments made it through the grapevine to good ‘ol Hines. “I don’t hear Tom Brady or Peyton Manning asking for that,” Ward said. “To me, it’s a rare combination of receivers out there who are good and tall. We won a Super Bowl, we didn’t have a tall receiver then,” he added, eyes welling up with emotion. “To me, I have enough problems to worry about than what Ben wants — I can’t give him the contract,” Ward continued, referring to Roethlisberger’s upcoming contract extension talks. “He wants a tall receiver? Why did we draft Santonio?” asked Hines, lips quivering from the sting of Ben’s betrayal.

Look, I like Hines Ward. I didn’t see Lynn Swann play and only caught John Stallworth toward the tail end of his career. Swannie’s career was short and Stallworth benefited from always playing opposite other good receivers. Such as Louis Lipps, who was a Rookie of the Year, damn fine wide out, and made a very tasty cookie. All of them put up some great numbers but I’d have to say Hines is the best receiver in Steeler history. He’ll go over the middle. He can be a possession receiver although he’s fast enough to break off long gainers. His 18 yard/catch average was highest among any of the top 50 reception leaders in the NFL this season, which is doubly impressive considering how often he catches 5-8 yard dump offs in the flat. He’s an awesome blocker. He’s a former Super Bowl MVP. He’s a tremendous talent.

He’s also a bit of a head case. It all goes back to the year he was drafted. Mel Kiper and his fabulous head of hair had Hines projected as a first round pick. Unfortunately, he also played quarterback and running back at Georgia which confused some scouts as to where he should play or if he was polished enough in any one area. So he dropped, all the way to the third round. Oh, the horrors! Still, Ward never forgot this “slight” and has spent his career with a chip on his shoulder trying to prove everybody was wrong about him.

Sometimes this is a good thing. Ben still smarts from being picked behind Phillip Rivers and Eli Manning. Tom Brady never forgot he was a 6th round pick. But with Hines, it’s always been a bit of a problem. A couple seasons ago, he threatened to hold out of training camp because of perceived disrespect from the Steelers organization. Only a phone call from Bill Cowher managed to convince him to stop being a baby and show up for work.

Yes, Ben should know better than to be critical of his teammates. Especially teammates who performed well for him this season. He should also know better than say things about Hines, given the man is more thin-skinned than a woman with PMS. And yes, Hines has a point about ability trumping size in receivers. The Jaguars have two gargantuan wideouts but they can only be bothered to catch 1 out of every 4 passes thrown their way. I’d rather have a midget who catches everything than a 25%er.

That said, Ben is totally correct to want a larger receiver put on the offseason shopping list. One of the frustrating parts of the Steelers offense this season was not being able to score touchdowns when inside the 5. Part of this has to do with not having a big fatass running back. The other part is not having a big end zone target. We do have 6-5 Heath Miller and 6-7 Matt Spaeth at tight end and early in the year, they were both scoring touchdowns. When teams caught on and began to cover them is when the red zone problems started. Also, neither of them are particularly quick (not fast, big guys aren’t usually fast but they have to be quick enough to get separation) which limits their usefulness in the open field. How many 20, 25, 30 yard gainers did either have this year? The jump ball bomb is a weapon missing from our offense ever since Plaxico Burress left.

So Ben was right, although the way he went about it was wrong. It’s all water under the bridge now. Hopefully Ben will apologize and smooth things out with Hines and Hines will wipe away his tears and come back this year with an even bigger chip on his shoulder. Which, now that I think about it, might be an ingenious bit of reverse psychology on Ben’s part. Or dumb luck. Whatever works.