The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 15-6 in a game which redefined the term “ugly.”   Nothing about this contest was pleasant to look at.  The offense was ugly.  The injuries were ugly.  The food they showed was ugly.  The city skyline was ugly.  Even the cheerleaders looked like a bunch of skanks.

Where to even begin with this one?   I don’t mind having my blog overrun by mouth-breathing Philly fans, although I admit I’m surprised that so many know how to read and write (however poorly).   Beside the final score, I have no idea what they feel compelled to brag about.   Their team scored a whopping one touchdown.  If this is the kind of victory you are proud of, well, no wonder why your team has never won anything.

My original idea was to use this recap to illustrate why Steelers RB Willie Parker is superior to overrated Eagles scatback Brian Westbrook.  So much for the best laid plans…   Westbrook went down early in the game with some sort of sprained ankle and never returned.  These sort of soft and gutless players are another reason Philthydelphia is doomed to never win a championship.  Fast Willie did nothing to help my case, however, rushing for 20 yards on 13 carries.   Ouch.

The Steelers D played extremely well yet again.  They had some problems in the first half as even without Westbrook, the Eagles executed their inane dink-and-dunk strategy to perfection.  I said in my preview that Steeler LBs were going to struggle covering their RBs.  I gave our backers too much credit.   They didn’t struggle, they completely failed.  Only a fumble recovery and an interception off a terrible throw by QB Donovan McNabb prevented 14 points being put on the board.  CB Bryant McFadden was the man responsible for both those acquisitions as he had an excellent game in his 2nd career start.  S Troy Polamalu had an incredible pick (his third in three games) later on, thus pretty much establishing he’s back to his old Tasmanian Devil self.  D-coordinator Dick Lebeau made his usual intelligent halftime adjustments causing the Philly offense to sputter in the second half.

Unfortunately, the other Steeler coaches left their brains back in Pittsburgh.  QB Ben Roethlisberger at one point was sacked SIX TIMES on eight consecutive pass attempts.  He went down 8 times in total and was harassed, chased, and/or knocked down at least two dozen more.  Memo to Mike Tomlin:  When your QB is on his back more often than one of the Philly Cheerleaders, that would be the time to make some ADJUSTMENTS.

Perhaps we could’ve tried running the ball.  Parker’s scant 13 carries were spread out randomly over the entire game.  No concentrated effort was made to establish a ground attack.   Worse yet, rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall once again didn’t get any carries.  Why did we draft him if we’re just going to use him on kickoffs?  Nice pick, Tomlin.   Beyond that, we’re carrying three TEs on the roster.   If the Eagles are blitzing every other play (which they seemingly did), bring them out and go into a max protect formation.  The Steelers didn’t do this until late in the 3rd quarter, by which time Ben was beat up and out of synch.  Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians must’ve watched the Monday Night tape and forgot he coaches the Steelers and not the Cowboys because he kept sending our receivers (specifically Nate Washington, who actually contributed a little something today) on deep patterns, even after it became clear Ben wasn’t getting the time to look down the field.  Instead of cutting off the patterns or going to a three step drop, he just kept dialing up the same idiotic plays leading to the same Wile E. Coyote-esque results.

Needless to say, the play of our offensive linemen was atrocious, surrendering 9 sacks, terrible run blocking, non-existent pass-blocking, and a general lack of competence in every area.  RT Willie Colon allowed so much penetration he should change his name to Colonoscopy.  C Justin Hartwig blew a number of assignments and was treated like a human traffic cone all day.  I gave him a pass last week because Shaun Rodgers is a massive human being but if he needs double-team help every week, he’s useless to us.  RB Mewelde Moore and FB Carey Davis were no help at picking up blitzers, either.   The NFL is a copycat league and if word gets around about that, Ben better get used to waking up Monday morning with grass stains on his ass.

Speaking of Big Ben, the shitty offensive line doesn’t let him completely off the hook.  He was back to his old tricks of holding on to the ball for way too long in a vain and misguided attempt to make something out of nothing.   There is no dishonor in throwing the ball away so as not to get beheaded by an onrushing DT.  Several times he sidestepped the pressure or moved out of the pocket only to look downfield, then take another look, then one more look for good measure, then…get dumped to the turf for a sack.  Somehow, he’s never learned you only get 2-4 seconds to step up and let the ball go before somebody is on top of you.  His magical Flutie-esque escapes often lead to big plays but the opposite result, which we saw yesterday, leads to big losses, fumbles, and eventually a serious injury.

As bad as it is to lose to the Iggles, and believe me, having to read a week’s worth of comments by their mutant fans was painful enough, I’m more upset by the general direction of this team.  Everything clicked against the Texans but, c’mon, they’re the Texans.  Last week, we defeated the hapless 0-3 Browns but there were ominous warning signs such as the pressure Ben was under or the fact we only put up one TD.  This week we played one of the top Defensive Coordinators in the league and everything fell apart.   We’re in an extraordinarily bad division so we don’t have to abandon playoff hopes or anything like that.  However, unless this teams starts coming up with some answers for the questions we knew they were going to have about the offensive line, we’re going to be doomed to ultimate failure.   Ask any Philly sports fan how that feels, they know what it’s like.

Let’s not get too excited.

Yes, the Pittsburgh Steelers absolute destruction of the supposedly up-and-coming Houston Texans was the perfect way to begin a season. Yes, the game wasn’t even as close as the 38-17 final score indicates as the defense held them to about 3 points and about 150 yards of total offense through three quarters until bringing in the B team to allow two garbage time TD drives (meaningful only to people with the Steeler D on their fantasy team *grumble*). And yes, this wasn’t one of those wins where the things you do well simply overwhelm the things you do poorly.

Everything looked good yesterday. Special teams? Kickoff coverage was excellent as Keyaron Fox and William Gay looked like the kamikaze-style gunners the team didn’t have last year. Rashard Mendenhall was serviceable on returns and Mitch Berger didn’t stink which is all you really want from your punter.

Offensive line? C Justin Hartwig had a nice game, especially running pull outs and downfield blocking on runs and screens. LG Chris Kemoeatu played like the Tongan Bulldozer he is, showing good mobility and was stout at the point of attack. LT Marvel Smith played like a man without a contract extension possessed. He was all over the place throwing blocks and taking people out. Okay, he got beat twice for sacks by DT Mario Williams but, hey, Mario Williams isn’t exactly some scrub fresh out of the Arena League.

Still, we have to be realistic about how the line looked yesterday. We knew they could run block so Willie Parker‘s 140 yard day shouldn’t surprise anybody. The main reason they only gave up a measly 2 sacks against a supposedly good pass rush was those ever tricky Steelers ran a quick-release passing game. QB Ben Roethlisberger spent less time in the pocket than Bret Favre did in retirement. Instead of dropping back, setting his feet, looking over the field, then getting knocked on his ass throwing the ball, Big Ben was letting it fly almost the second his back foot hit the ground on his drop back. This prevented the Texans from getting to him but also kept the passing game fairly short. You can win with this sort of passing game but the jury’s still out if this line can block for Ben when he’s going deep.

What didn’t appear to have any weakness yesterday was the defense. What an absolutely dominating performance. Last year they also stifled offenses in terms of yards and points allowed but couldn’t get any turnovers or sacks. Not a problem yesterday as S Troy Polamalu got his first INT since I wore underoos (or so it seems) while the D racked up 5 sacks, including 3 by punishing LB James Harrison. Coach Mike Tomlin and D-coordinator Dick Lebeau also did something smart by rotating DT Nick Eason and Travis Kirschke in with the starters. Eason in particular had an outstanding game which makes me think maybe his mediocre play last year was a case of him not understanding Lebeau’s complex system, which happens a lot and is why rookies usually don’t start on this team. Oh and Tomlin’s favorite fatass, NT Casey Hampton, also played with a chip on his shoulder, on one play actually THROWING THE LINEMAN into the running back to stuff the play.

But let’s give it up for Mister LaMarr Woodley. I’ve told everybody who’ll listen and even a few who wouldn’t that he will be the Steelers breakout player in 2008. In his first NFL start, he was all over the field. He played the run, he rushed the QB, he even covered TEs in the flat. The nicest catch of the game was Woodley’s one-handed stab INT in the 2nd quarter. Throw in a sack and a fumble recovery among other assorted mayhem and you have yourself one helluva debut for Mr. Woodley.

One down, fifteen to go. If only they could all be this easy…

Rejoice, Steeler Nation, our long national nightmare is finally over. Yesterday, the Pittsburgh Steelers came to terms with center Justin Hartwig.

The deal is a reported $4 million dollars for two years, including a $975,000 signing bonus. Once again, our tricky Player Personnel Director, Kevin Colbert, sits back during the early days of free agency, allowing the rotten teams to blow their wads like a virgin on prom night, then swoops in and manages to pick up a quality player at a discount price.

Don’t be fooled by the relative pittance we’re paying him, Hartwig is a fine player who basically became another salary cap casualty. Two years ago, the Carolina Panthers gave Hartwig a five-year/$17 million deal to lure him away from the Titans. They expected him to anchor their line but a nagging groin injury limited him to one start in 2006. Healthy in 2007, he started every game except the season finale. Carolina said he had a knee injury but the smart money says they wanted him to sit so they could take a look at Ryan Kalil as the heir apparent. Evidently they liked what they saw from the kid which made Hartwig, a grand old man of 29, totally expendable.

The entire situation is not unlike what we do here in the ‘Burgh, such as when we cut LB Joey Porter last year because we had a younger cheaper player ready to play. If you have two fairly equal options available, common sense is you go with the newer model. Unless you’re the Raiders, then you pick the old guy because you love veteranosity. But for a team like the Steelers, where our options are either somebody who has never taken an NFL snap at center or the Human Traffic Cone, Sean Mahan, a player the caliber of Hartwig is a huge upgrade.

And make no mistake; Justin Hartwig will be our starting center in 2008.

The Steelers also announced they resigned restricted free agents Chris Kemoeatu and Trai Essex. This pretty much completes our restructuring of the offensive line for next season. Colbert will almost certainly draft an OLineman with our first round pick but now he won’t be expected to start until 2009. Mahan, who to be fair is a natural guard, will compete with the Samoan Bulldozer (Kemoeatu) for the spot vacated by LG Alan Faneca. If he fails, there will be temptation to cut him considering at about $3.3 million/year, he’s being overpaid by about $3 million. However, our depth is pretty weak and he can back-up both G and C so he might be worth keeping around. Mister Transition, Max Starks, looks to be our starting LT, thus bringing our grand total to three new starters on the line this coming season.

Hopefully these changes will cut down our ridiculously high sack totals from last year where Ben Roethlisberger had about a 50-50 chance of ending up on his magnificiently sculpted ass on any given play. Considering we just paid Ben the approximate gross national product of Latvia to be our quarterback for the next decade, I’m sure keeping him healthy and upright is something of interest to the Steelers. With these strategically considered off-season moves, I feel much better that they succeeded in their goal. Let’s face it, True Believers, things really have nowhere to go but up.