I have nothing against the Post-Gazette. I joke from time to time about them being the unofficial PR Department for the Pittsburgh Steelers but that can be said of every media outlet in this city. Truth is, I read their online site (printed newspapers are so 1992) almost every day because they have access to things, like press conferences and player interviews, us lowly bloggers still aren’t privy to.  Plus, I think there’s room for us both to co-exist; I write from the fan’s point of view, while they approach subjects through the eyes of a trained journalist.

Every once in awhile, I come across a story which is so patently ridiculous, my Smart Ass Meter hits the red.  Being a model of restraint, I usually resist the urge to make fun of it here.  But Holy Llama Dung, Batman, did anybody read this column? It’s a story about the Steelers annual Ladies Night Out and it’s terrible. It’s awful. It deserves my unbridled sarcasm in full. Let’s begin…

For $95, nearly 500 women of all ages and from all walks of life got the chance to eat dinner, ask questions of Steelers, visit the inner sanctum of the locker room and attempt field goals while their images were shown on the scoreboard.

Ninety-five dollars?  500 women were willing to pony up ninety-five dollars for the privilege of touring the Steelers locker room?  I’ve been in locker rooms.  Many times I would’ve paid $95 to LEAVE one.  I have no idea why women would be that eager to get a whiff of the stank left behind by 53 large sweaty men.

And I can’t imagine what this so-called “tour” might entail.  “This locker here with the full-length fold out mirror belongs to Jeff Reed.”  “Over here, you’ll see Santonio Holmes‘ jock strap.  Feel free to pass it around but be careful.  Drop it on your foot and you’ll break a toe.”

In a figurative sense, it was a Cinderella-like outing. But instead of dancing at a ball with a handsome prince, they got to kick a ball and become immersed in football. And a Steelerella never has to worry about glass slippers.

Fun activity for the ladies or auditioning Skippy’s replacement?  YOU DECIDE!

And let us never speak the word “Steelerella” ever again.

Speakers for the evening were rookie defensive lineman Ziggy Hood and backup quarterback Charlie Batch.

So for your ninety five clams, you get to hear from a rookie who’s never started a game and our lowly backup quarterback.  I don’t know for sure but I have a strong hunch Ziggy got handed the job as some sort of rookie hazing ritual.

But there also were questions never asked by the football writers, like this inquiry from Devona Edmond of the North Side.

“Ziggy, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yes, she’s seated right over there.”

“Do you want another one?”

Translation:

“Hi, I’m Devona Edmond and I’m a shameless whore.”

Being a guy and all, I know Man Code backwards and forwards.  Perhaps one of my female readers can help me out with Woman Code.  Are there any rules or regulations about handling some hootchie hitting on your man right in front of you?

If not, there should be.

Ms. Edmond has the team logo tattooed on her back along with her date of birth — June 2, 1986.

The Hypocycloid turned into Tramp Stamp?  I don’t know if I should be aroused or offended by this sacrilege!

Women love the Steelers for a variety of reasons. Everybody loves a winner. Families get together to watch and talk football. The uniforms and the color scheme make a bold fashion statement.

Um, what?  Are they seriously claiming a portion of the Steelers female fan base exists solely because Black and Gold matches their shoes and purse?

“The Steelers officially don’t have cheerleaders. They don’t need them,” said Robin Thomas of St. Clairsville. “They have a million of them.”

We don’t need a mascot, either.  Yet Steely McBeam sadly exists.  Yes, we do need cheerleaders.  You know why?  Because Pittsburgh’s Polish-Italian-German flavor produces some of the most attractive women in the United States.  And I’m sick of people thinking they all look like this:

Besides, the Steelers did have cheerleaders once upon a time.  In fact, they had the first cheerleading squad in NFL history.

“He said his mother had a problem with us getting married because I wasn’t a Catholic. He didn’t have a problem with that, but he did have a problem with me wearing a Cowboys jersey. Once I took that thing off and converted to being a Steelers fan, things worked out fine. That was over 20 years ago,” Ms. Thomas said.

I have nothing funny to add.  Mostly because the same thing happened to me.  It’s 1994 and I’m a freshman at Carnegie Mellon University.  Sitting across from me in Introductory Statistics was this gorgeous green-eyed blonde, whom I’d later discover was a Colts fan.  We dated for close to two years and her dubious taste in football teams never bothered me because this was Indianapolis before Peyton Manning, when they were just a ragtag bunch of lovable losers.

In the 1995 playoffs (played in January of 1996), Indy came out of nowhere to score two major upsets before facing the Steelers in the AFC Championship game.  Up until this point, I had let this girl meet my parents but kept her away from major family gatherings.  On this occasion, I felt it was time to invite her to watch the game with my entire family, consisting of three uncles, two aunts, my grandma, and my folks.  When she walked in wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey, I knew it was the beginning of the end.   We broke up six weeks later.

The moral of the story is this:  religious, ethnic, even age differences can be overcome.  But root for different teams and the relationship is doomed.

There were a few of the pink jerseys in the audience, but the overwhelming majority of women prefer to wear black and gold.

STOP BUYING PINK JERSEYS!!!!!   Only ditzy airheads who watch to stare at Heath Miller‘s ass wear pink jerseys.  Real football fans wear real football jerseys!!!

“Being a Steeler fan truly does span generations,” Mrs. Reinhard said. “It’s bred into you.”

There’s a joke there but…   Nah.  Too easy.

Lynn Kelley, originally from Upper St. Clair. She married a man from Sandusky, Ohio, and they had two sons. But when the marriage soured, he wanted the boys to follow the Browns. To rescue them from such a bleak future, she sought the intercession of Ziggy Hood.

This man should have all visitation rights revoked immediately.  Kids need a strong male role model and this guy is clearly a man of questionable character.  I’m not Judge Judy and I’ve never been in Family Court but his subtle brainwashing has to constitute some form of abuse.  Who in their right mind would encourage anybody to follow the Browns?

There’s nothing like the smell of playoffs in the air.  Everywhere you go in Pittsburgh, there are signs to remind you of this weekend’s impending contest with the Baltimore Ravens.  You cannot escape it.  This city lives and breathes their Steelers.

If you’re like me, you walk a fine line between cautiously optimistic and absolute wreck.  I’m not some Rainman-like savant, although it would come in handy if the North Shore Casino was ever finished.  I’m not a superstitious person by nature (I own a black cat and yes, his collar is gold) but playoff time seems to kick my OCD reflex into high gear.

Walking around downtown, the assortment of scraggly unshaven faces tell me I’m not the only one like this.  A Playoff Beard is only my first concession to a successful post season run.  Does anybody else wear the exact same shirt week after week if the Steelers continue to win?  The same pants?   Same underwear?  C’mon, I can’t be the only one.

When I watch ESPN and hear the talking heads jumping aboard the Pittsburgh bandwagon or see things like the current cover of Sports Illustrated, I get nervous.  When email buddies from inferior NFL cities tell me they have a feeling the Steeler are going to the…  I have to stop them and shush them up, lest their words jinx the team.

I was thinking back to the last time the Ravens and Steelers faced off.  There was a lot on the line that crisp December day.  The AFC North title.  A guaranteed spot in the playoffs.  A first round bye.

And a couple pair of Steeler Crocs.

To that end, I thought if a contest riding on the game brought the Steelers luck last time, we HAVE to do something similar this time.  Cue the people at Mars Snackfood, makers of fine chocolate candies.  Through my ever-growing influence and their kind generosity, we’re teaming up to announce the first ever Beating The Ravens Is Like Taking Candy From A Baby M&M Contest.

These aren’t any plain ordinary M&M’S, though.  These are officially licensed Pittsburgh Steelers NFL Blends M&M’S.  Mars has reached an agreement with the NFL to produce a line of My Team M&M’S which are customized with the logos and colors for every team in the league.  How cool is the Steeler version (pictured above)?

Whether it’s a gift for that special fan in your life, adding team spirit to your baked goods, or serving a really unique snack at your Steeler Sunday party, these are guaranteed to be a big hit.  You can purchase them directly from the My M&M’S website in either 7-oz bags or a 5-pound box.

You can also win some from me.  The people at Mars have kindly gifted you lucky NPC readers a chance at not one not two but FIVE 7-oz bags (retail price $12.99 each) of these customized Steeler M&M’S.   All you have to do is what you did last time.  Guess the TOTAL NUMBER OF POINTS you expect to see scored this Sunday in the AFC Championship game.  In other words, dream up a final score, add the numbers together, and post that guess IN THE COMMENTS.

If your guess is grossly incompetent, your sweet tooth will still have a shot at winning as I’ll take all the participants, put their names in my Steeler ball cap, and pick a 2nd winner.  One guess, two shots at winning.  Each winner gets five bags and I’ll contact them for their addresses and info after the contest is over.

I received a sample of these M&M’S and let me tell you I’m not only a hero at work for sharing the coolness, I can’t wait for this weekend when my friends and family get a load of my find.  So put your thinking caps on and enter the first annual BRLTCFB M&M Contest!  I really need to come up with a shorter name for this thing…

Told you their cheerleaders were really hot.

Unfortunately, the enduring image for the San Diego Chargers won’t be sexy California blondes but rather hobbled quarterback Phillip Rivers gallantly gutting out a torn MCL while trying to drive his team down the field during the waning moments of the AFC Championship game against the undefeated New England Patriots.

The enduring image of the San Diego Chargers for any diehard member of Steeler Nation will always be slow-footed cornerback Tim McKyer getting beat like a drum on a 4^th quarter touchdown bomb which would propel SD to their one and only Super Bowl appearance.

The years following that appearance weren’t kind to Charger fans. The team finished with a combined 23-57 record before the arrival of Marty Schottenheimer. In fact, the organization was such a joke that consensus first overall pick Eli Manning decided that he’d rather play in cold, tumultuous New York over sunny San Diego.

Schotteheimer turned around the organization, going 47-33 in his five years with the team. But his own personal Waterloo, his inability to win in the playoffs, did him in. The Chargers wound up firing Schottenheimer despite coming off a 14-2 season. They wound up hiring Norv Turner who took them to the aforementioned Championship game.

This season has been a run of bad luck for the Chargers. They lost star DE Shawne Merriman before the season even started. Steroids are bad for you, mmmkay? Then they began the year 0-2 but should’ve won both games except for a miracle final play TD against the Panthers and a blown call against the Broncos. The team rebounded slightly before playing a couple real stinkers and rolling into Pittsburgh riding a two game losing streak. They’re coming off a bye week, though, so we’ll see if they’re gearing up for a stretch run or it’s just a continuation of what looks to be a lost season.

STEELER DEFENSE vs. CHARGERS OFFENSE

Norv Turner was the Offensive Coordinator for Jimmy Johnson on the great Dallas team of the 90’s. He runs a similar offense here. It’s a long pass pattern offense that loves to use superstar TE Antonio Gates on deep jump balls. WR Vincent Jackson has the Michael Irvin role while Chris Chambers takes the Alvin Harper spot. This is the type of personnel that Turner excels with as he has a great TE, one big possession receiver (Jackson), and a burner that goes deep (Chambers).

People expected a break out year for Rivers after the legendary tough guy performance last year against the Patriots. That being said, he had an 81 QB rating in his last 26 starts going into this season. That’s not horrible but it doesn’t exactly denote elite QB status. Rivers’ problems occur with his footwork, particularly if he’s forced to move a little and throw the ball at the same time. But when he has a clean pocket he has as strong and accurate of an arm as there is in the league.

The cavalry is on its way in the form of one Mister LaMarr Woodley, who will return after his one week sabbatical. That should help the Steelers generate a bit more pressure. The Steelers actually did a good job against Manning last week but he was smart enough to adjust by calling quick-hitting routes and getting rid of the ball quickly on 3 step drops. Rivers is young and prone to mistakes so a lot of this game will ride on how he reacts to the enormous pressure Blitzburgh can enact on a QB.

The story of the team, though, is as Ladainian Thomlinson goes, so go the Chargers. After setting the TD record two seasons back, he had a tough year last year. Through week 12, he had only had two games of 90+ yards rushing. He turned it on for the stretch run, as weeks 13-16 saw him break out for 546 rushing yards on 6.6 yards a carry. Like many heavy duty featured RBs, he gets nicked up a lot and injuries have limited him this year. The team misses Michael Turner, who provided great relief and a nice change of pace. They do have Darren Sproules, a lightning bolt who has had some good games for them this year. Still, no team runs on the Steeler D and I don’t see this week being any different.

Of course, throwing the ball will be a viable option. Two thirds of the Three Amigos will be riding pine nursing various injuries. With both Bryant McFadden (broken arm) and Deshea Townshend (hammy) out, the unfortunately named William Gay will get his first start opposite Cement Hands Ike Taylor. Anthony Madison will likely be the nickel corner although it’s possible newly signed Fernando Bryant could see action. You know times are tough when we’re reduced to playing table scraps from the Jacksonville Jaguars. Rivers has thrown the ball effectively this season and if he can’t complete passes against this patchwork secondary, he really does deserve to be called Marmalade.

STEELER OFFENSE vs. CHARGERS DEFENSE

San Diego runs a 3-4 but they use a 1 gap scheme instead of the standard 2 gap schemes that most 3-4 teams use. Ted Cottrell was their D-Coordinator, a career 4-3 Cover 2 guy, he proved a poor fit as the once mighty SD Defense struggled out of the gate. He’s been replaced by Ron Rivera, who is less tentative than Cottrell and more eager to blitz and stunt than simply drop their athletic LBs back in pass coverage.

If Luis Castillo can stay healthy, he’s a potential All Pro defensive end. He has a tenacious motor and great strength. Igor Olshansky is a pure power guy that stops the run, but doesn’t do a whole lot in rushing the passer. Jamaal Williams is still good, but noticeably lost a step last season. He’s about 350 pounds and is usually a factor rushing the passer which is unique for a guy his size.

I just wrote a lengthy article dissecting the Steelers offensive woes so I’m not going to belabor the subject. The P-G alleges that Pothole Willie Parker is FINALLY going to grace us with his presence this Sunday. I have to say, he picked a great team to return against. If his shoulder or knee is still gimpy, the Charger D will definitely give him a few love taps to test it. There probably won’t be many long gainers but I still hope we return to the grinding running attack that’s been our hallmark utilizing a two-headed monster of FWP and M Squared (Mewelde Moore).

QB Ben Roethlisberger finally lowered himself to practice like some Arena Football scab so we’ll see if actually taking reps and working with your wideouts enables one to play better. The Charger defense will be coming after him so if any of his numerous injuries aren’t bugging him now, chances are they will by halftime. The bad news is he’s facing a pretty good pass rush, the good news is SD has been vulnerable to the pass all season. They’ve had several major lapses in coverage so chances are plays will be there to be made. The only questions are can Ben make these plays and if he doesn’t, what will be his latest excuse for not doing so? Promises to play better and taking all the heat for losing a game are both admirable but there’s an old saying about talk and the fact it’s relatively cheap even in these poor economic times. Time to step up, big guy.

San Diego has been one of the great mysteries of the 2008 season. Going into the year, they were one of the odds on favorites to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. They stumbled out of the blocks and have yet to gain their stride. Then again, last year they were 5-5 at the mid-way point and had crowds chanting “Marty” before they turned everything around. Of course, this required an easy schedule and an incredibly weak division to do it.

On the flip side, the Steelers are 1-2 in their past three games and after playing twice over the next 5 days they begin a stretch where they play four games against teams with a combined record of 38-10. If this team is truly a playoff team, never mind a championship contender, we’re all about to find out very very soon.

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Her name is Kate Mara.

This Sunday, her loyalties will be divided like those of nobody else. Kate, you see, is the perfect fusion of two of football’s greatest families. Her father, Chris, is the son of legendary New York Giants owner Wellington Mara. Her mother, Kathleen, is the daughter of Tim Rooney, one of Pittsburgh Steelers founder Art’s boys.

Kate is an actress. She’s probably best known for playing a nutjob analyst on the greatest show in the history of television “24.” The reason I chose that picture of her is besides the fact she’s hot (duh), it perfectly sums up her mixed heritage. You have the pretty, stick-thin actress aspect which represents her New York side and she’s toting a big-ass shotgun which has Pittsburgh written all over it.

I know this doesn’t have much to do with football but would you rather read the 528th article about the Class of 2004 QB Draft or gawk at Kate? Anyway, on to my preview of this week’s tilt between the New York Football Giants and our Pittsburgh Steelers.

STEELER DEFENSE vs. GIANTS OFFENSE

They changed the offense under coordinator (and Steeler castoff) Kevin Gilbride by getting rid of so many deep pass patterns and utilizing more short patterns and come back routes. These safer throws help cover QB Eli Manning’s greatest weakness, his accuracy, which is key to his sudden emergence as an elite quarterback.

Nevertheless, the strength of this offense is the running game. Brandon Jacobs is far better than given credit for since he averaged 5.0 yards a carry and is very unfun to tackle because of his size. He’s not Reggie Bush by any stretch, but he’s far more elusive than say Christian Okoye was. Derrick Ward was supposed to be featured on passing downs and as a change-of-pace back but his explosive ability has many saying he should be given equal chance to carry the ball. This two-headed monster is complimented by a third excellent back in Ahmed Bradshaw.  They will be coming at the Steelers all day so Blitzburgh better be ready to clamp down on the run or the entire playbook opens up to the Giant offense.

Their O-Line deserves a lot of credit for their success running the ball as they have quality run blockers at four of the five positions. Rich Seubert is a severely underrated left tackle. Chris Snee is really good, although he does struggle with penalties. Plus he’s married to head coach Tom Coughlin’s daughter so he knows if he doesn’t play well, he’ll likely be sleeping on the couch when he gets home.

While run blocking is a strength, the line does have questions when it comes to protecting the quarterback. One of the key players last season was Kareem McKenzie. McKenzie has always been known as a run blocker over a pass protector. However, last season he put it all together in time for their stretch run. If McKenzie had struggled in pass protection like he had in previous years, it would’ve been nearly impossible for their offense to do anything with two offensive tackles needing help. David Diehl, the other weak link, is a good run blocker, but led the league in sacks allowed as he simply can’t keep up with good speed rushers.

The Black and Gold Wrecking Crew of LaMarr Woodley and James Harrison should get some pressure on Eli. This will be key as in their embarrassing loss to the hapless Browns they reverted back to their pre-Super Bowl form of Manning running around ragged, forcing things, and making bonehead mistakes.

Because he knocked off the hated Patriots, I’ll always be a fan of Eli. But realistically, he only played really well in week 17 last year, was about average against Tampa, and then only attempted 18 passes in the Dallas game. He was terrific against the Packers but if you watch the Super Bowl, he started making those bad decisions again and was just incredibly lucky. His highest season QB rating is only a 77.

Manning’s big weapon in the passing game is another old friend, Plaxico Burress. If you remember all the reasons we weren’t sorry to see him go they still apply here. Yes, he came up really big in the playoffs last year but considering how many big games for the Steelers where he pulled a disappearing act, it’s almost too little too late. He’s Eli’s favorite target and with his size, he should give our smallish corners fits. CB Bryant McFadden has a broken forearm and will be out several weeks so the nickel corner will now be the unfortunately named William Gay.

STEELER OFFENSE vs. GIANTS DEFENSE

The G-Men run a 4-3 scheme that is based on the scheme that the Eagles use as D-Coordinator Steve Spagnuolo was a longtime assistant under Jim Johnson. This means lots of blitzing, stunting, and changes in coverage. This also means we’re facing nearly an exact copy of the defense which sacked QB Ben Roethlisberger approximately 37 times in our only loss of the season.

Except the Giants D has more talent. They held opponents to an 83.4 QB rating last year. They were solid against the run (3.8 yards allowed per carry) and led the league in sacks. We’ll learn if our revamped offensive line has really improved since the Philly debacle or if it has simply been a result of playing sub-standard teams. LT Marvel Smith is still recovering from the back spasms he experienced three weeks ago so his return is uncertain. If he can’t go, the $7 Million Dollar Man Max Starks will actually have to earn his grossly inflated pay. He looked decent last week against Cincy but c’mon, it’s the Bungles. RG Darnell Stapleton continues to impress but he will be tested against the Giants excellent DTs.

Of course, I again refer to the Browns game where immobile statue Derek Anderson had all day and night to throw the ball. The Giants have suffered a lot of loss on defense, notably the retirement of Michael Strahan and the season-ending injury to every hooker’s nightmare Osi Umenyiora. Whether or not these losses have finally caught up to them or if that game was just a fluke will deteremine what happens on offense for Steelers.

Barring any last second incidents such as walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror, Pothole Willie Parker should finally return from his sprained knee. Mewelde Moore has been nothing short of spectacular in his place so I wouldn’t expect a heavy workload for FWP. In fact, I’m sure they’ll split the carries until he works himself back into game shape.

Loosening up the Giant D will likely fall to Big Ben and his receivers. One reason the Pats were such favorites last year was on paper the biggest weakness for NY is their corners. Sam Madison is a gamer. He was supposedly done 3 years ago and he doesn’t have nearly the quickness or athleticism he had back then but somehow manages to hold his own. Corey Webster was horrible last year but then played the game of his life against Randy Moss. Aaron Ross didn’t put up good pass defense stats either although he’s a great blitzer.

Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, and the Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington should be able to work against this secondary. The Browns passing game had little problem and even pathetic Cincy kept their game competitive because they could throw on them. As long as our line keeps Ben upright, there will be plays to be made. That’s one big “if” though.

Both teams are currently 5-1.  Both teams also have yet to play any real stiff competition.  This week will be a huge gauge of exactly how good they truly are.

The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 15-6 in a game which redefined the term “ugly.”   Nothing about this contest was pleasant to look at.  The offense was ugly.  The injuries were ugly.  The food they showed was ugly.  The city skyline was ugly.  Even the cheerleaders looked like a bunch of skanks.

Where to even begin with this one?   I don’t mind having my blog overrun by mouth-breathing Philly fans, although I admit I’m surprised that so many know how to read and write (however poorly).   Beside the final score, I have no idea what they feel compelled to brag about.   Their team scored a whopping one touchdown.  If this is the kind of victory you are proud of, well, no wonder why your team has never won anything.

My original idea was to use this recap to illustrate why Steelers RB Willie Parker is superior to overrated Eagles scatback Brian Westbrook.  So much for the best laid plans…   Westbrook went down early in the game with some sort of sprained ankle and never returned.  These sort of soft and gutless players are another reason Philthydelphia is doomed to never win a championship.  Fast Willie did nothing to help my case, however, rushing for 20 yards on 13 carries.   Ouch.

The Steelers D played extremely well yet again.  They had some problems in the first half as even without Westbrook, the Eagles executed their inane dink-and-dunk strategy to perfection.  I said in my preview that Steeler LBs were going to struggle covering their RBs.  I gave our backers too much credit.   They didn’t struggle, they completely failed.  Only a fumble recovery and an interception off a terrible throw by QB Donovan McNabb prevented 14 points being put on the board.  CB Bryant McFadden was the man responsible for both those acquisitions as he had an excellent game in his 2nd career start.  S Troy Polamalu had an incredible pick (his third in three games) later on, thus pretty much establishing he’s back to his old Tasmanian Devil self.  D-coordinator Dick Lebeau made his usual intelligent halftime adjustments causing the Philly offense to sputter in the second half.

Unfortunately, the other Steeler coaches left their brains back in Pittsburgh.  QB Ben Roethlisberger at one point was sacked SIX TIMES on eight consecutive pass attempts.  He went down 8 times in total and was harassed, chased, and/or knocked down at least two dozen more.  Memo to Mike Tomlin:  When your QB is on his back more often than one of the Philly Cheerleaders, that would be the time to make some ADJUSTMENTS.

Perhaps we could’ve tried running the ball.  Parker’s scant 13 carries were spread out randomly over the entire game.  No concentrated effort was made to establish a ground attack.   Worse yet, rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall once again didn’t get any carries.  Why did we draft him if we’re just going to use him on kickoffs?  Nice pick, Tomlin.   Beyond that, we’re carrying three TEs on the roster.   If the Eagles are blitzing every other play (which they seemingly did), bring them out and go into a max protect formation.  The Steelers didn’t do this until late in the 3rd quarter, by which time Ben was beat up and out of synch.  Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians must’ve watched the Monday Night tape and forgot he coaches the Steelers and not the Cowboys because he kept sending our receivers (specifically Nate Washington, who actually contributed a little something today) on deep patterns, even after it became clear Ben wasn’t getting the time to look down the field.  Instead of cutting off the patterns or going to a three step drop, he just kept dialing up the same idiotic plays leading to the same Wile E. Coyote-esque results.

Needless to say, the play of our offensive linemen was atrocious, surrendering 9 sacks, terrible run blocking, non-existent pass-blocking, and a general lack of competence in every area.  RT Willie Colon allowed so much penetration he should change his name to Colonoscopy.  C Justin Hartwig blew a number of assignments and was treated like a human traffic cone all day.  I gave him a pass last week because Shaun Rodgers is a massive human being but if he needs double-team help every week, he’s useless to us.  RB Mewelde Moore and FB Carey Davis were no help at picking up blitzers, either.   The NFL is a copycat league and if word gets around about that, Ben better get used to waking up Monday morning with grass stains on his ass.

Speaking of Big Ben, the shitty offensive line doesn’t let him completely off the hook.  He was back to his old tricks of holding on to the ball for way too long in a vain and misguided attempt to make something out of nothing.   There is no dishonor in throwing the ball away so as not to get beheaded by an onrushing DT.  Several times he sidestepped the pressure or moved out of the pocket only to look downfield, then take another look, then one more look for good measure, then…get dumped to the turf for a sack.  Somehow, he’s never learned you only get 2-4 seconds to step up and let the ball go before somebody is on top of you.  His magical Flutie-esque escapes often lead to big plays but the opposite result, which we saw yesterday, leads to big losses, fumbles, and eventually a serious injury.

As bad as it is to lose to the Iggles, and believe me, having to read a week’s worth of comments by their mutant fans was painful enough, I’m more upset by the general direction of this team.  Everything clicked against the Texans but, c’mon, they’re the Texans.  Last week, we defeated the hapless 0-3 Browns but there were ominous warning signs such as the pressure Ben was under or the fact we only put up one TD.  This week we played one of the top Defensive Coordinators in the league and everything fell apart.   We’re in an extraordinarily bad division so we don’t have to abandon playoff hopes or anything like that.  However, unless this teams starts coming up with some answers for the questions we knew they were going to have about the offensive line, we’re going to be doomed to ultimate failure.   Ask any Philly sports fan how that feels, they know what it’s like.