On any given week, I receive a number of messages from people looking to promote something. Most I simply ignore because there’s no benefit for either my readers or this site. Some help keep NPC alive by becoming advertisers. Others, like Crocs or M&Ms, agree to sponsor a contest in exchange for a little publicity. You’d be surprised at the variety of companies I’ve talked with over the past 3 years.

However, Playboy is one word I never expected to see in a subject heading.

I was contacted in regards to Playboy’s 38th annual NFL Preview, which is in their October issue currently on sell online at www.playboydigital.com or at your local newsstand. They asked me to take a look at the story and share some thoughts with my readers. I was a little dubious but impressed by the fact they’ve covered the NFL for thirty-eight years. To think, when they started writing about football, it was back in the dark ages before the Brazilian bikini wax had been invented.

Besides, it’s the first time I could truthfully say I read it for the articles.

Thumbing through the story, I was pleasantly surprised by the coverage, which was a good read, equal to what you’d find in a sports magazine, except the Shannon Twins in bodypaint are a bit more pleasant to look at than Peter King.  Then I got to the post-season predictions.  My blood pressure began to rise while the slight taste of bile welled up in throat.  I shook with anger which is almost physically impossible for a man to do when he’s in the vicinity of naked women.  That’s why strip clubs are the happiest places on earth.

This is what I saw:

“AFC North Champion: Baltimore Ravens

AFC Wild Cards: Pittsburgh Steelers,  Indianapolis Colts”

They predicted the RAVENS will win the North?  The team we beat in humiliating fashion not once, not twice, but THRICE last season?  I can understand picking the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.  Tommy Brady is a dreamboat who has probably impregnated several Playmates through the hypnotic power of his chin dimple so that makes sense.  But the Ratbirds will beat out the Steelers?  WTF?!?

I was astounded by this affront to Steeler Nation.  Then I noticed the piece was written by one Rick Gosselin.  A quick google search revealed Gosselin’s day job is a columnist for the Dallas Morning News.  A-HA!  Now it makes sense.  The taste in my mouth quickly subsided as I simultaneously realized what Rick must have been tasting when he wrote the article:  sour grapes.

Here’s hoping Playboy allows the Shannon twins to handle the predictions next time.  I have no idea their qualifications but they’re probably unbiased and Kristina clearly has excellent choice in football teams as well as uniform numbers.  By the way, I would definitely like to see the bodypainting fad catch on since we don’t have cheerleaders and the practice has been dominated by obnoxious frat-boys and 300 pound beer bellied lunatics for far far too long.  Leave it up to Steeler Nation to bring sexy back.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are one of only three NFL teams to not have cheerleaders shaking their pom-poms on the sidelines.  I like that.  Not because I don’t enjoy seeing shapely lasses in short skirts but because of what it represents.  We don’t need anybody to lead our cheers.  We have enough reasons to cheer on our own.

However, a thought occurred to me last week when NBC chose to zoom in on the San Diego Charger Girls silicone-enhanced bustlines every time a SD player so much as downed a punt.  I said to myself, “Damn, they got some fine lookin’ women out there in Cali.”  Which momentarily made me sad because we have fine lookin’ women here in the ‘Burgh.   However, with the absence of cheerleaders, the rest of the country is probably blissfully unaware of our Polish uber-vixens.

When work resumed this week, I of course resumed spending most of my day fooling around on the ‘net.   There I found the Post-Gazette started a page for Steeler Fan photos. Now, most of the people look decent enough and most of the little children have normally shaped heads so I’m not complaining.  But where are the hotties?

I know there has to be some One Percenters out there.  Not every attractive woman in Pittsburgh exclusively follows the Penguins.  A few puck bunnies must cross over to the good ‘ol pigskin.  Besides, the Pens totally blow this year so why waste your time?   Especially since the team hearthtrob, that dreamy Jordan Staal, will likely be packing his bags for another city in the near future.

You know what I’d like to see?  Somebody taking a cue from another team without cheerleaders, the Green Bay Packers.  They got massive publicity last year when three attractive young ladies attended key Packer games at the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field in bikini tops.   (Actually, they wore jackets but took them off occasionally)  Not only is that a brilliant idea which got them an offer from FHM but it also showed a ton of team spirit.

Why doesn’t somebody in Pittsburgh do this?  I’m tired of this:

or *shudder* this:

being the only images associated with Steeler fans.  Aren’t you?

So if you’re going to the game or have a friend going to the game and they have a reasonably attractive wife or daughter or girlfriend who has another reasonably attractive relative or girlfriend, tell them to break out their bathing suits, magic markers, and bottles of glitter.  Do it for the team, do it for the city of Pittsburgh, and do it for Steeler Nation.

I’ll even give you a name:  Ben’s Bikini Girls.