How awesome is that commercial?  I’ve watched it four times in the past hour and still wanna see it again.  Something had to make up for that ridiculous Ben Roethlisberger auditions for ”American Idol” ad which aired last season.   The greatness of Troy Polamalu aside, I’m not prepared to declare it the best Steeler-related commercial ever however.  No, not Mean Joe giving the kid his jersey either.   My favorite will always be, you guessed it, “Nice pick, Cowah!”

Watching Steeler commercials on a continuous loop must mean only one thing:  BYE WEEK.   Yes, this is that one week a year us Pittsburghers dread, the Steelerless Sunday.  I was going to do a run down of the week’s games and offer some of my always insightful analysis but then I realized “who cares about other teams?”  I’m sure football fanatics and degenerate gamblers are salivating over the sexy Miami Dolphins-Houston Texans match-up but I can’t really muster up any interest.  When you’re used to drinking fine champagne, a can of PBR doesn’t entice you (although it works wonders on coeds from Pitt, frat boys must save a bundle on roofies).

Anyway, before I resume my regularly scheduled posting habits next week, I thought I’d just post a few a news items of interest to tide Steeler Nation over until then.

–Gene Collier, who I believe has been a columnist since I was in 3rd grade, wrote about Santonio Holmes’ hometown. Readers of this blog know I covered the story and posted an awesome video on this subject THREE MONTHS AGO.  Way to stay hip and current Post-Gazette.  Seriously, though, watch the video (and comment).  It’s one of the best segments I’ve ever seen.

–Speaking of Santonio, the reason for his sudden disappearance last week was evidently because he got kicked in the junk. Of course, you have to read between the lines in the always family friendly P-G.  Landed on someone’s shoe = kicked.  Lower abdominal region = junk.  If anybody saw the pictures of Holmes taken this summer by his girlfriend groupie ho, you’d know what a major catastrophe this could’ve been.

–Also in junk-related news, did anybody hear about Browns TE Kellen Winslow being sent to the hospital for “undisclosed reasons?” Turns out the undisclosed reasons were swollen testicles. They really better start Brady Quinn because now his boredom is affecting the whole team.

–Mister Woodley is not pleased.  I implored you to vote for a Steeler Sweep in the weekly NFL awards and we did not get the job done.   Big Ben won Offensive Player of the Week and Mike Tomlin won Coach of the Week but LaMarr Woodley came up short in his bid for the Defensive Award. He will no doubt take his anger out on the Cincinnati Bungles next weekend.  By the way, check out the list of past Defensive winners.  Mister Woodley and Troy won back-to-back weeks one and two and then J-Peezy (Joey Porter) took it in week three.  Blitzburgh defense is truly a wonderful thing.

–James Harrison was fined $20,000 for suggesting the officials should be fined for their atrocious performance in the Jacksonville game.  Hines Ward was also slapped with a $5,000 fine for unnecessary roughness in the Baltimore game.  The rub?  He was never flagged for unnecessary roughness.  So evidently Roger “See No Evil” Goodell can see evil and can even see evil on videotape but it has to be three weeks after it occurred and when the officials who are standing two feet from the plays saw nothing at all.

Have a good weekend, or at least as good as it can be without a glorious Steeler victory, and I’ll be back next week with my regularly scheduled smack talk.

Let’s not get too excited.

Yes, the Pittsburgh Steelers absolute destruction of the supposedly up-and-coming Houston Texans was the perfect way to begin a season. Yes, the game wasn’t even as close as the 38-17 final score indicates as the defense held them to about 3 points and about 150 yards of total offense through three quarters until bringing in the B team to allow two garbage time TD drives (meaningful only to people with the Steeler D on their fantasy team *grumble*). And yes, this wasn’t one of those wins where the things you do well simply overwhelm the things you do poorly.

Everything looked good yesterday. Special teams? Kickoff coverage was excellent as Keyaron Fox and William Gay looked like the kamikaze-style gunners the team didn’t have last year. Rashard Mendenhall was serviceable on returns and Mitch Berger didn’t stink which is all you really want from your punter.

Offensive line? C Justin Hartwig had a nice game, especially running pull outs and downfield blocking on runs and screens. LG Chris Kemoeatu played like the Tongan Bulldozer he is, showing good mobility and was stout at the point of attack. LT Marvel Smith played like a man without a contract extension possessed. He was all over the place throwing blocks and taking people out. Okay, he got beat twice for sacks by DT Mario Williams but, hey, Mario Williams isn’t exactly some scrub fresh out of the Arena League.

Still, we have to be realistic about how the line looked yesterday. We knew they could run block so Willie Parker‘s 140 yard day shouldn’t surprise anybody. The main reason they only gave up a measly 2 sacks against a supposedly good pass rush was those ever tricky Steelers ran a quick-release passing game. QB Ben Roethlisberger spent less time in the pocket than Bret Favre did in retirement. Instead of dropping back, setting his feet, looking over the field, then getting knocked on his ass throwing the ball, Big Ben was letting it fly almost the second his back foot hit the ground on his drop back. This prevented the Texans from getting to him but also kept the passing game fairly short. You can win with this sort of passing game but the jury’s still out if this line can block for Ben when he’s going deep.

What didn’t appear to have any weakness yesterday was the defense. What an absolutely dominating performance. Last year they also stifled offenses in terms of yards and points allowed but couldn’t get any turnovers or sacks. Not a problem yesterday as S Troy Polamalu got his first INT since I wore underoos (or so it seems) while the D racked up 5 sacks, including 3 by punishing LB James Harrison. Coach Mike Tomlin and D-coordinator Dick Lebeau also did something smart by rotating DT Nick Eason and Travis Kirschke in with the starters. Eason in particular had an outstanding game which makes me think maybe his mediocre play last year was a case of him not understanding Lebeau’s complex system, which happens a lot and is why rookies usually don’t start on this team. Oh and Tomlin’s favorite fatass, NT Casey Hampton, also played with a chip on his shoulder, on one play actually THROWING THE LINEMAN into the running back to stuff the play.

But let’s give it up for Mister LaMarr Woodley. I’ve told everybody who’ll listen and even a few who wouldn’t that he will be the Steelers breakout player in 2008. In his first NFL start, he was all over the field. He played the run, he rushed the QB, he even covered TEs in the flat. The nicest catch of the game was Woodley’s one-handed stab INT in the 2nd quarter. Throw in a sack and a fumble recovery among other assorted mayhem and you have yourself one helluva debut for Mr. Woodley.

One down, fifteen to go. If only they could all be this easy…

The Houston Texans got off to a surprising 2-0 start last year, looking solid with the addition of Matt Schaub at quarterback, Andre Johnson tearing up the league, and surprising newcomer Jacoby Jones making exciting play after exciting play. Defensively they still had problems, but rookie DL Amobi Okoye was better than they could’ve hoped and DeMeco Ryans was on his way to proving himself as possibly the best middle linebacker in the game. Unfortunately, the Texans couldn’t take it to the next level because like so many teams trying to get to the playoffs for the first time, they lacked any real depth if the starters went down, which this being the rough-and-tumble NFL, they inevitably did. Schaub, Johnson, Jones, and Ryans all missed time with injuries and the Texans sputtered to an 8-8 finish. Make no mistake, this is a team that has improved markedly under Coach Gary Kubiak but they will need more consistency, more depth, and a lot of luck if they harbor any hopes of finally competing with Indianapolis and Jacksonville for the AFC South.

STEELERS OFFENSE VS. TEXANS DEFENSE

The Texans are a 4-3 team that generally plays a lot of Cover 2 zone. They’ve made strides in developing the most important part of a Cover 2 scheme, the defensive line, but there’s still a ways to go.

The good news is that they appear to have two quality pass rushers on the D-line in Okoye and 2007 1^st overall pick Mario Williams. Williams actually got better and better as last season progressed and he will be one of the keys to the team’s success (or failure) this year. They are not afraid to move Williams around given his size and athleticism and if he can finally put together an entire season where he shows people why he went so high in the draft, the Texans defense would take a giant step toward respectability.

Unfortunately, Okoye and Williams are out on an island as they got nothing from anybody else last season. Neither Travis Johnson nor Anthony Weaver recorded a sack last year. Johnson got lost in old friend Dom Capers‘ 3-4 scheme coming into the NFL and has never recovered. He is also the infamous player who got a lot of heat for taunting an obviously hurt Trent Green last season. To me, Green was the real prick on the play, taking one of the worst cheap shots you can in an NFL game but because he got hurt and he’s a QB, the NFL wrote it off.

CB Dunta Robinson makes plays and is good enough to lock down on quality receivers but was injured in camp and not expected to play.  Jacques Reeves was known as “the most thrown at cornerback in the NFL” last season. Much like being the girl with her phone number written in the men’s bathroom stall or the odd geek in Harry Potter glasses who stands behind a Ficus at parties, that’s not a particularly good rep to have.

The Steelers, a running team now and forever, have been steadily moving toward a more wide-open style offense as QB Ben Roethlisberger matures. My gut feeling is Houston has the talent to clamp down on the running game, at least in the early going but will struggle mightily if Ben is given a lifetime to throw the bal.  Considering the play of the Steelers O-line this preseason, I don’t think they’ll have to worry about that.  It is going to fall to the Dynamic Duo of WRs Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes to get open , catch the ball, and establish a lead. Holmes in particular should be primed for a big game as he should be matched against Reeves who loves to give 5-8 yard cushions to speedy receivers.

STEELERS DEFENSE VS. TEXANS OFFENSE

The Texans run the exact same type of offense as the Broncos run with Gary Kubiak being a longtime Bronco player and then offensive coordinator. You’ll see a lot of slants and short routes, but this is a West Coast offense that goes deep more often than you expect.

Matt Schaub will lead the attack as long as he’s healthy. Schaub is a big guy but has one of the weaker arms in the league, although as long as Chad Pennington is around tossing his knuckleballs he’ll stay off the bottom of the list. However, he can make enough of the throws and is very accurate. Plus, unlike former starter David Carr, he knows when to get rid of the ball and doesn’t piss his pants in fear when a pass rush is coming at him.

With a Broncos type of offense, you’re likely to see multiple tailbacks platooning. They have an interesting mix with Ahman Green for speed, Chris Brown for power, and  rookie Steve Slaton to do a little of everything. The only problem with their Poo Poo Platter Backfield is both Brown and Green are historically injury prone while Slaton carries on the fine tradition by recently missing time because his big toe is ouchie.  Both veterans have also had a problem with fumbles throughout their career which makes me wonder why they didn’t draft Rashard Mendenhall to complete the trifecta.

The strength of the offense, and probably of the team, is a solid to possibly explosive wide receiving corp. Jacoby Jones was dynamite in preseason, but got hurt early on and couldn’t do much. Andre Johnson has always been a nightmare for defensive backs because of his size (230 pounds) and speed (4.3 speed). However, he got hurt last year as well and may not be fully recovered. Andre Davis came in and had a great season given the situation. He would be in line to replace Johnson if Johnson can’t go. Owen Daniels is one of those decent receiving tight ends in a West Coast offense.

The wideouts also contribute to an excellent special teams unit. Davis was 2nd in the league in kickoff returns last season, with a tremendous 30.3 yards a return. Jacoby Jones did alright at 9.5 yards a punt return, but he was banged up all year long. He’s really more explosive than his numbers suggest. If Mike Tomlin hasn’t figured out how to shore up the atrocious special teams play that hurt the Steelers all last year, this game will definitely expose them.

The offensive line had its best season in the team’s history which isn’t saying much when previous years saw some of the absolute worst O-line play in NFL history. Still, like the Steelers, they’re a much better run blocking unit than pass blocking. In fact, last season they would often run on third and 5 (and succeed) rather than risk a pass. A key for the Steelers will be to get ahead and force Houston into a one-dimensional passing offense. Then defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau can turn the dogs loose on poor hapless Schaub. It’s a risk, though, because if for some reason they can’t get to the QB, the Texans receivers are a definite threat against pretty much any secondary in the league.

The game will be won in the trenches, both offensively and defensively. Whichever lines can assert their manhood more forcibly will take control of this game and eventually emerge with a win. I know with the Steelers absolutely brutal 2008 schedule it’s very easy to look past this game and on to bigger and better things but that would be a huge mistake. The Texans are not the pushovers they were in seasons past and anything less than a total concentrated effort and we’ll all be crying in our Irons on Monday morning.

Remember Bowling Green. This is the professional equivalent of that collossal failure. Let’s hope the Steelers were paying attention to that game as closely as all the suckers Pitt fans were.

Last night featured one of the most important events in the world of sports.

Oh, and the Olympics held their opening ceremonies.

The event I am referring to is the annual Battle of Pennsylvania between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philthydelphia Eagles. The reason it’s important is most years, that game signifies the start of the preseason, which, by extension, means the start of the football season. And truly, what event is more important than football season?

Actually, please don’t take away my Terrible Towel but I confess to flipping between the game and the ceremonies. If anybody can appreciate a futuristic, lit-up city and an outstanding fireworks display, it would be a Pittsburgher. Plus, the Chinese delegation featured flag-bearer Yao Ming and his little buddy Lin Hao. Hao is a nine-year-old boy from China’s Sichuan Province, where a devastating earthquake killed thousands of people back in May. According to Bob Costas, Lin Hao escaped his school when the quake struck and instead of doing what I would do and run away crying like a girl, he risked his life and suffered multiple injuries by going back to try and rescue some of his schoolmates. When asked why, he responded, “Because I’m a class monitor and it was my responsibility to look out for the class.” Nine freakin’ years old and he’s already manlier than I’ll ever be.

From what I saw of the game, here are the important things to note:

1) The Steelers won 16-10. Sure, preseason games are meaningless but losing to Philly (New motto: City of Brothas on Crack) is not an option. Ever.

2) Backup QB Charlie Batch broke his collarbone. He’ll likely be out 4-6 weeks which means Brian St. Pierre finally has the chance to… Oh shit. I forgot he took his clipboard and moved to Pittsburgh West (Phoenix). Let’s see, I guess that means, um, well, looks like rookie Dennis Dixon is our new backup. Not good. Well, he actually did look good last night (6 of 9 for 30 yards and had a gorgeous 41 yard bomb called back by a holding penalty) but I wouldn’t want to put the season on him if Big Ben makes another wrong turn on his Harley.

The Post-Gazette is suggesting former Jaguars bust Byron Leftwich is a possibility. Wait, I thought Coach Mike Tomlin had a problem with fat people?

3) Ben Roethlisberger and Willie Parker played two series. Ben had a nice TD pass to Santonio Holmes on a blitz pickup. Rookie Rashard Mendenhall chipped in with 34 yards on 7 carries. The offensive line looked okay on run blocking. There wasn’t enough evidence to judge their pass blocking. The play Batch got jacked up on wasn’t their fault as new RB Mewelde Moore missed his assignment and Charlie paid the price.

4) The first team defense only played two series. NT Casey Hampton didn’t suit up as he’s evidently still stuck in Fat Camp. DE Travis Kirschke, S Anthony “Hines Ward is my bitch…in practice” Smith, and, go figure, S Troy Polamalu all did not play. S Ryan Mundy, a local kid in his rookie season out of WVU, injured his leg on a tackle which puts the Steelers fairly thin at safety right now.

5) Special teams-wise, well, who cares about the kickers? Let’s talk about real football players. Mendenhall, surprisingly, was the kickoff return man. Actually, Najeh Davenport did fairly well in the role last year so I understand Tomlin’s thinking. I don’t think you want your star rookie running back kickoffs though. Moore returned one punt for 9 yards while Eddie Drummond, another local guy, returned his 21 yards. The key here is Moore is a lock to make the team as a 3rd down back while Drummond probably isn’t sticking around unless he wins the return job.

6) First roster cuts take place August 26. Final cuts come four days after that. Teams only have to cut five players on the first date, but ditch 23 more by the next one.