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Wild Card Review: Good News/Bad News For Steelers

chris — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 12:37:59 +0000

Good News: Only three teams remain standing between the Pittsburgh Steelers and a date with destiny in Dallas.

Bad News: All three of them beat the Steelers during the regular season.

Good News: First up are the Baltimore Ravens, who destroyed the pitiful Kansas City Chiefs while the Black and Gold sat back and relaxed.

Bad News: Ravens-Steelers games are the football equivalent of an electrified barb wire cage match of death. This basically negates having a bye since the brutality on display is equal to two full games worth of punishment.

Good News: The Steelers own the Ravens. As long as Ben Roethlisberger is behind center.

Bad News: The New England Patriots will steamroll the overrated New York Jets. And the Patriots own the Steelers.

Wild Card weekend shook out pretty much as I expected. The dog-raping scumbag hero of Philadelphia mutants was exposed as a poor man’s Kordell Stewart by Dom Capers. Peyton Manning choked again. Although this time he had a lot of help from that finger puppet he calls a head coach. And Seattle. If I only had a little more confidence in myself, I would’ve been a bestselling author, taken Suzanne Soares to prom, and made a bundle this weekend by betting on the Seahags. Told ya the Saints weren’t all ‘dat.

Enough about the wanna bes and also rans. Steelers, Ravens, Patriots, and Jets. The prelims are officially out of the way. Bring on the main event.

Steelers Get Their Man: Ziggy Hood

chris — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 07:51:40 +0000

While the Pittsburgh Penguins were mounting a furious comeback from a three goal deficit to finally erase Philadelphia Flyers scum from the NHL playoffs, the 2009 NFL Draft was deciding the future of several NFL teams. As is usual for the draft, some players saw their stock rise (USC quarterback Mark Sanchez rose from a mid-first rounder to the fifth overall pick) while several saw their fortunes fall (USC LB Ray Maualuga, projected as a first rounder slide all the way to the middle of the second). Pitt’s star RB Shady McCoy found a new home (although hopefully not a new hockey team) when the Philadelphia Eagles called his name late in the second round. General consensus is had he come back for one more year, Shady would’ve positioned himself as a definite first round pick so his greed and arrogance looks to have cost him several million dollars. Plus now he has to play for the Eagles which is a terrible fate all by itself.

And the Pittsburgh Steelers got their man in Evander “Ziggy” Hood.

Ziggy Hood, a 6’3 300 pound defensive tackle out of Missouri, was a name long associated with the Steelers. There were several intriguing prospects still on the board when it came time to write down a name, including OTs Eben Britton, William Beatty, and Phil Loadholt and DBs Jairus Byrd and Darius Butler. However, the need to inject some youth in to an aging defensive line won out in the end. With every current starter age 30 or older it was time to look toward the future.

Hood will fit in nicely at DE in the Steelers 3-4 defense. Since it takes rookies a year to understand Dick Lebeau‘s complicated schemes, he can sit for a year behind Brett Keisel and Aaron Smith with no pressure to step in right away. With Keisel becoming a free agent next year, they’ll expect Ziggy to take his place on the line in 2010. From the looks of his game film posted above, he should be a more than adequate replacement.

Hood has excellent size and strength. He’s also an active defender with a motor that doesn’t stop. He can get upfield to collapse a pocket but is also very stout at the point of attack. This is important in the Steelers scheme because we don’t normally depend on our DL to pressure the QB but rather to engage the OL to free up our linebackers and/or clog up running lanes. He has the body type, power, and agility to do all those things and do them well.

The reasons he fell to us at the end of the first round are twofold. First, his college numbers are pretty mediocre. He only averaged about 50 tackles and 3 sacks over his four year career. His other drawback is while he’s solid in every area, he excels in none. He can pressure the passer but he isn’t a sack artist. He can stop the run but he isn’t an immoveable beast like Albert Haynesworth. He’s basically projected as a nice capable starter which is fine except most teams want to believe they have a future Pro Bowler with their 1st round pick.

In the second round, the Steelers looked over the remaining names and decided they didn’t like anybody. They traded the selection to the Denver Broncos for two more 3rd rounders, giving us three selections in the 3rd, two in the 5th, one in the 6th, and two more in the 7th (including the final overall choice, also known as Mr. Irrelevant).

Arizona Has Valleys But No Peaks

chris — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 06:53:39 +0000

During the San Diego Chargers’ playoff victory a few weeks back, ABC cut to a shot of their cheerleaders at every opportunity. Good move, ABC. When the Dallas Cowboys play, FOX makes sure to get their overrated yet still fetching Cowgirls on camera whenever a player so much as downs a punt. The Philadelphia Eagle‘s home for wayward strippers and Tennessee‘s obviously silicone enhanced squads also enjoy plenty of air time whenever their teams play.

That’s why I have a question. The Arizona Cardinals have hosted not one but two home playoff games this year. This means their cheerleaders had two entire games to be featured on television. Yet, I cannot recall a single shot of these ladies during either game. How can this be?

Unlike Indianapolis or New England, I have to assume some decent-looking girls can be found wandering the desert. After all, any city with a mix of ethnicities usually produces some fine looking women. Look at Pittsburgh girls. The Polish/Italian/German heritage is usually good for buxom figures and junk in the trunk.

Anyway, in my quest to solve the Cardinal Cheerleaders Conundrum, I bravely decided to visit the team website and look through dozens of dozens of cheerleader photos. What I don’t do for you guys.

Anyway, after scrolling through the first folder, I think I figured out what their, um, shortcoming was. Take a look:

See the problem? No? Well, here’s a couple more of Arizona’s finest. See if you can spot it now:

No? Okay, one more set from this past December. I think it’s pretty obvious where the Cardinals Cheerleaders don’t STACK up to other squads.

Evidently, the push-up bra hasn’t reached Phoenix yet. I’m pretty sure Kleenex has, though, so there’s really no excuse for their appearance. I understand they have to jump, dance, and bounce around to get the apathetic Cardinal fans interested in the game but they need to put a little more jiggle in their milkshake.

Of course, it also doesn’t help their cause to have former Saturday Night Live cast member Cheri Oteri on the squad. She’s a funny comedienne and was great in the cheerleader skits with Will Farrell but she doesn’t belong out on the field.

Cowher To League: “Suck It”

chris — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 02:44:26 +0000

Legendary Steelers coach Bill Cowher announced on CBS’s Sunday Pregame Show that he will not return to the sidelines in 2009. Instead he plans on spending another year trying to decipher the Captain Caveman-like mumblings of Shannon Sharpe. This news is no doubt a shattering blow to pretty much every franchise that missed the playoffs and/or just plain sucks and thinks The Chin is the man to save them.

The past week saw Cowher linked to every coaching vacancy and even a few jobs which aren’t currently vacant. It began with the Cleveland Browns making an overture to which Bill responded LOL. Memo to Cleveland: the man wants to WIN and everybody knows the Browns will never win anything. Then the New York Jets put him on their wishlist. ESPN had a crawl all day Thursday noting “Cowher and the Jets show mutual interest.” This interest was so mutual that Cowher rejected their interest the next day, having not even bothered to MEET them. Only in NY do people seem to think everybody is just dying to be used and abused by their ignorant disloyal fans and douchebag media.

In any case, Cowher did leave the door open by saying he will re-evaluate his retirement on a year-by-year basis. So next year when the axe falls on a half dozen inept coaches the day after the season ends, expect to hear Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazer, and that Crypt Keeper-looking dude on ESPN bring up his name in connection with every opening. And also expect every blog or fansite which follows a lousy team to keep bringing his name up as the one true savior who can come along and make everything right again.

Here’s hoping he stays retired. No need to ruin his legacy by coming back to a bad situation like Kansas City or Jacksonville and then stumbling through several good but not great seasons before becoming a victim to the unrealistic expectations of the fans.

Besides, Joe Pa can’t stick around forever. Who wouldn’t want to see The Chin lead his Nittany Lions on to the field down in Happy Valley?

Wild Card Weekend Playoff Wrap-Up

Pittsburgh West Cardinals over Falcons 30-24: The Cards were playing possum the past month as a string of phoned in performances were replaced by an amped up intensity which the young Falcons couldn’t match. Former Pitt superstar WR Larry Fitzgerald made an incredible 42 yard TD catch for the first score of the game and Atlanta simply couldn’t keep up when the game turned into a shoot-out. NFL Rushing Leader Michael Turner was bottled up and Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan had several rookie moments as the Card advanced to face the Carolina Panthers next week.

Chargers over Colts 23-17 (OT): The best game of the weekend ended with yet another early playoff exit by the underachieving Colts and undeserving NFL MVP Peyton Manning. The Colts have made the playoffs something like 8 straight years but been one-and-done in half of them. In fact, if not for Steve McNair outchoking Pey-Pey back in 2006, he could very well be football’s version of A-Rod (minus the purple lipstick and washed up pop star girlfriend). I’ll have more on the Chargers later this week as they come to Pittsburgh for an AFC Divisional Playoff game.

Ravens over Dolphins 27-9: Baltimore laid a total whuppin’ on Goldie Hawn’s favorite team, utterly exposing Chad Pennington and humbling the Fins in Miami. Pennington threw 4 picks, topped off by one being returned 64 yards for a TD by notorious ballhawk Ed Reed. Former Pitt recruit Joe Flacco became the first rookie QB to win a road playoff game as his steady play aided by an excellent running attack advanced them forward to a rematch with the top seeded Tennessee Titans next Saturday in Nashville.

Eagles over Vikings 26-14: Minny QB Tarvaris Jackson proved overmatched for the Eagles defense while superstar RB Adrian Peterson was held mostly in check (except for a 40 yard TD scamper, he was pretty well contained). Donovan McNabb made enough big plays, mostly set up by the return abilities of WR Desean Jackson, to put the Eagles ahead. RB Brian Westbrook sealed the deal with a 71 yard TD which began as a 3 yard screen but he took all the way to the end zone. Philly heads to the Meadowlands next week for a third game against their hated divisional foe New York Giants.

Week 12 Preview: Steelers vs. Bengals II

chris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:26:59 +0000

What would we do without Philly? Between their dumbass wide receiver spiking the ball a yard before he reached the end zone, their drug hoarding deadbeat dad of a coach, and their tubby quarterback who can’t run a hurry up offense without puking his guts all over the sideline, that team continues to be the NFL equivalent of an older brother who is fun to invite to parties but sadly still lives in our mother’s basement.

Anyway, in news related to the one team Pennsylvanians can be proud of, it’s the first double-dip of the season for the beloved Pittsburgh Steelers as the hated Cincinnati Bengals come to town for the second half of our annual two game set. Let’s hope it doesn’t end in a tie.

Since I already previewed the two teams, there’s no sense in repeating my brilliant and usually spot-on analysis. Instead, I’ll simply touch on issues relevant to the upcoming game.

Of course, the picture above is in reference to the Bengal’s tie against the Philadelphia Eagles, the first since the Steelers drew with the Dirty Birds back in ’02. I caught a bit of the game and it was less a hard fought battle and more a cripple fight. Philly didn’t seem too eager to win (although in Donavan McNabb’s case, he probably thought he had two or three more OTs to get the job done) while Cincy snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by shanking a 47 yard FG to win the game. Still, the fact the same fearsome Iggles team which handed us our worst loss of the season was battled to a standstill by Cincy should fill us with both fear and shame.

In fact, since we last saw the Bengals, they’ve actually started to play like a professional football team. They got crushed by Houston after losing to us but then went down to Jacksonville and beat the sissies in teal for their first win. Earlier in the year, they took the Giants team with only 1 loss and who beat us up into OT. Despite the fact they’re a punchline to many jokes and this season will probably cost Marvin Lewis his job, they’re nowhere near as pathetic as say Oakland or Detroit.

To be fair, the 38-10 final score in our first game looks like a blowout but the game was a much closer battle than that. The Steelers were nursing a slim 3 point margin at halftime despite the fact Cincy QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was sacked every other play and they didn’t get into positive total yardage until the final drive of the half. Our offense didn’t perform much better until they figured out CB Jonathan Joseph couldn’t cover his mouth on a sneeze and beat him deep with Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington.

It’s a little perplexing how the Bengals have managed to stay in games. Harvard alum Fitzpatrick, frankly, stinks. He’s got the lowest QB Rating in the league (71.3!) and considering the talent this team has at WR, it’s amazing he only has 5 measly TD passes. They’ve all but given up on RB Chris Perry and handed main backfield duties to Bears castoff Cedric Benson. Chad Ocho Cinco has only quatro scoreos and is on pace for only about 500 total receiving yards. T.J. Houshalottaletters is one of the elite WRs in the league but that shouldn’t be enough to keep them competitive. But they have been.

The game will present an interesting match-up for the Steelers as 2/3 of the Three Amigos (Bryant McFadden and Deshea Townshend) will once again be inactive. Manly William Gay and Anthony Madison did a good job against San Diego last week although the weather helped a bit in that the Chargers speed in the vertical passing game was limited on the slippy chewed up field. Fernando Bryant looked shaky but he only had about 3 days of practice so if he does play on Thursday, let’s hope he’s a bit more up to speed. It looks the rest of the Blitzburgh D will be ready to go which is good news for those of us who enjoy seeing James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley chase QBs like a dog chasing a bone.

Offensively, it appears RG Darnell Stapleton will be good to go which means it’ll be the usual gang of idiots manning the OL. Well, LT Marvel Smith is listed as out, too, but at this point I think it’s safe to just give up on him permanently. Fast Willie Parker managed to play an entire game without incurring another injury so we might just have him in the starting line up for two consecutive games. Hooray for modern medical science and/or Oxycontin! FWP will be a big addition because Cincy has a horrible run defense which should allow him to pile up a good amount of yardage.

Despite the Bengals playing gamely in the face of certain doom and the historical fact of them tending to rise to the occasion when they play us, there really is no excuse for us to lose this game. A great offensive performance won’t mean much but it would be a baby step in the right direction. As the Steelers gear up for the final month of the season and, hopefully, a playoff run, bringing that offense along one baby step at a time should be one of the main goals each and every week.