Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I hope everybody’s wearing green, bought their corned beef and cabbage for dinner, and enjoying a nice cup of Irish Coffee (easy on the coffee, heavy on the Irish).  Or, if you’re like me and are currently employed at a place of business which frowns upon showing up half in the bag, my drink of preference this time of year:  Shamrock Shakes.  I’m not really a milkshake drinker since I’m somewhat intolerant of milk products, let’s call it lactose impatient.  However, I do have a weakness for those frothy green concoctions.  Maybe it goes back to my comic book obsessed childhood when I refused to drink any form of dairy so my parents bought them and convinced me drink them by telling me they were “Hulk Juice.”

How does any of this relate to football and/or the Pittsburgh Steelers?  Well, our beloved owner, Dan Rooney, is a proud Irishman himself.  He’s also a proud supporter of President Barack Obama.  Despite being a lifelong Republican, Mr. Rooney finally realized the folly of his ways and shifted his support to the charismatic Democrat who is trying his damnedest to lead us out of the abyss our inept former Commander-in-Chief landed us in.  While there is no way to accurately measure how valuable his support was, President Obama did manage to carry the state of Pennsylvania by a narrow margin, thanks in large part to rousing success in the Pittsburgh area.

President Obama has decided to reward Mr. Rooney for his support by naming him the U.S. Ambassador to Ireland. Mr. Rooney has long been interested in and involved with Irish issues as far back back as 1976 when he co-founded the American Ireland Fund which provides money and support for programs designed to foster peace in Ireland.  He’s been officially involved with the Pittsburgh Steelers since 1960 when he was named Director of Player Personnel until Chuck Noll came aboard and he ceded the position to his brother while moving up to Team President.  Mr. Rooney has been an involved but not meddlesome owner for the better part of the past 25 years.

Although his son, Art Rooney II, has since assumed his father’s role with the team, his acceptance of this position will be a pretty big change for the NFL, who is used to him taking a leadership role on important issues, and for the legendary franchise that is used to having their beloved boss in his office or on the practice field every day of the year.

I wanted to be a scientist when I grew up. Don’t ask me to specify which science. I just knew “scientist” sounded like a pretty cool job. Plus, there was always the hope I would some day get accidentally bombarded by gamma radiation. Then came calculus and I quickly realized “scientist” might not be my intended career path after all.

I still admire what they do. When I was at Carnegie Mellon, I was always eager to hear about their advancements in robotics and artificial intelligence. When our evil metallic overlords rise up to enslave us all, you can safely direct a large amount of the blame toward that fine institution. I also enjoyed hearing about how their robotic creations were used to find and explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before…

Of course, some scientists do their exploring the old fashioned way. They use a big ass telescope. Recently, a Dr. Eric Mamajek , clearly a man of high moral character and good taste in an oasis of Massholes, peeked through his big ass telescope and saw something between Mars and Jupiter. They call it a “minor planet” although that sounds like calling something a “minor groin pull.” Ain’t nothing minor about either one.

The International Astronomical Union, an organization which no doubt purchases pocket protectors in bulk, has officially named it 7835 Myroncope.

Yes, Myron Cope has a freakin’ planet named after him. A minor planet, but a planet nonetheless. No word yet on whether they plan to send a space probe over to plant a Terrible Towel in the soil. But they should.

Other football related news:

–Taking a cue from Carlton Haselrig, several Steelers decided to turn mini-camp practices into an MMA event last week. “I don’t know, maybe they’ve been watching Georges Laraque,” said OL Max Starks. No Max, if they’d been watching Laraque, they would’ve stood around watching other people start shit while waiting for the coach to tap them on the shoulder and remind them they’re supposed to be an enforcer.

–The Post-Gazette thinks Marvel Smith is in the same boat as Alan Faneca. I guess they’re doing P.R. work for agents now. Sure, they’re in the same boat. Unless you count the fact Faneca is a five-time Pro Bowler while Smith made it once and Faneca is relatively healthy while Smith is coming off major back surgery which caused him to pretty much miss the entire season last year.

–Franco Harris spoke at Brashear High School. Meanwhile over in Hampton, Ben Roethlisberger visited Wyland Elementary. Luckily for Wyland, their second choice, Roger Clemens, declined their invitation. He already had a date for the weekend.

—Ex-Steeler/Super Bowl Champion Plaxico Burress is holding out for more money. Who didn’t see this one coming? He’s an elite player when he’s not missing every other game over some injury or totally disappearing in the playoffs. Burress did come up man-sized in bringing down the hated Patriots, though, so he’ll always get my respect for that.

–“Raven For Life,” Jonathan Ogden retires. Know what that means? Whichever talentless scrub Baltimore decides to trot out there this season just got a little easier for us to sack.

–The Bengals released both WR Chris Henry and LB Odell Thurman. If Cincinnati continues to remove all the criminals from their roster, they might not have enough players to field a team.

–Bills RB Marshawn Lynch is in trouble over an alleged hit-and-run incident. The Curse of O.J. Simpson, perhaps?