On any given week, I receive a number of messages from people looking to promote something. Most I simply ignore because there’s no benefit for either my readers or this site. Some help keep NPC alive by becoming advertisers. Others, like Crocs or M&Ms, agree to sponsor a contest in exchange for a little publicity. You’d be surprised at the variety of companies I’ve talked with over the past 3 years.

However, Playboy is one word I never expected to see in a subject heading.

I was contacted in regards to Playboy’s 38th annual NFL Preview, which is in their October issue currently on sell online at www.playboydigital.com or at your local newsstand. They asked me to take a look at the story and share some thoughts with my readers. I was a little dubious but impressed by the fact they’ve covered the NFL for thirty-eight years. To think, when they started writing about football, it was back in the dark ages before the Brazilian bikini wax had been invented.

Besides, it’s the first time I could truthfully say I read it for the articles.

Thumbing through the story, I was pleasantly surprised by the coverage, which was a good read, equal to what you’d find in a sports magazine, except the Shannon Twins in bodypaint are a bit more pleasant to look at than Peter King.  Then I got to the post-season predictions.  My blood pressure began to rise while the slight taste of bile welled up in throat.  I shook with anger which is almost physically impossible for a man to do when he’s in the vicinity of naked women.  That’s why strip clubs are the happiest places on earth.

This is what I saw:

“AFC North Champion: Baltimore Ravens

AFC Wild Cards: Pittsburgh Steelers,  Indianapolis Colts”

They predicted the RAVENS will win the North?  The team we beat in humiliating fashion not once, not twice, but THRICE last season?  I can understand picking the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.  Tommy Brady is a dreamboat who has probably impregnated several Playmates through the hypnotic power of his chin dimple so that makes sense.  But the Ratbirds will beat out the Steelers?  WTF?!?

I was astounded by this affront to Steeler Nation.  Then I noticed the piece was written by one Rick Gosselin.  A quick google search revealed Gosselin’s day job is a columnist for the Dallas Morning News.  A-HA!  Now it makes sense.  The taste in my mouth quickly subsided as I simultaneously realized what Rick must have been tasting when he wrote the article:  sour grapes.

Here’s hoping Playboy allows the Shannon twins to handle the predictions next time.  I have no idea their qualifications but they’re probably unbiased and Kristina clearly has excellent choice in football teams as well as uniform numbers.  By the way, I would definitely like to see the bodypainting fad catch on since we don’t have cheerleaders and the practice has been dominated by obnoxious frat-boys and 300 pound beer bellied lunatics for far far too long.  Leave it up to Steeler Nation to bring sexy back.

President Barack Obama met with our World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday. He immediately displayed his folksy charm by reading some lame prepared remarks, then continued to push his populist agenda by putting the Steelers to work preparing USO care packages. Not that I have anything but the deepest respect for our troops serving overseas but isn’t it kind of tacky to invite the Super Bowl champions over to salute their accomplishments then turn that platform into a lecture on civic duty? This isn’t elementary school for crying out loud.

Conspicuous by his absence was 2008 NFL Defensive Player of the Year and author of the greatest defensive play in Super Bowl history, linebacker James Harrison.

Now perhaps you’ve been living under a rock the past week or perhaps you’re just blissfully unaware of the swirling controversy. In which case, I envy you. For the past week has seen an almost daily media blitz directed at the Silverback. HOW DARE HE NOT GO! HE’S SPITTING ON THE FLAG! COMMIE!

Okay, perhaps I’m exaggerating just a tad. But for the past week, every media outlet from USA Today to ESPN and every talking head on every talk show has seemingly weighed in with his or her opinion on whether James Harrison should have gone to the White House. Which is great, we do enjoy free speech in this country. However the only opinion I care about in this case is that of, oh I don’t know, JAMES HARRISON?

If the man doesn’t want to visit the White House, he doesn’t have to visit the White House. It doesn’t make him unamerican. It doesn’t make him classless. It doesn’t make him immature. It makes him a man, a big scary quarterback killing man, who made a choice. And I have no idea why that’s such a problem for some people.

This entire situation reminds me of the recent controversy over that bubbleheaded bleach blonde Miss America contestant. She supposedly lost the crown when her answer to the question of supporting gay marriage was decidedly not the politically correct one. Look, I’m not taking one side or the other in that debate but she stated her OPINION. When did that become wrong? So am I to understand people should say things they don’t believe or attend functions they have no interest in just because OTHERS think they should? Huh?

When Silverback declared he was going to miss the festivities, the media went into a frenzy trying to figure out why. Let’s be honest, most athletes are meatheads. They don’t go to college to learn, they go to audition for the NFL. So they don’t always explain themselves well and are seldom deep thinkers. Sticking a microphone in front of them and expecting them to give a sound philosophical answer to something that doesn’t need explaining in the first place is a sure recipe for disaster.

And so it was. Harrison said “This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, [Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won.” This quote sent the talking heads into overdrive because of the seeming ridiculousness of the logic.

Except it does make sense. Luckily, I speak meathead jock so allow me to translate. Suppose you get an invitation to a wedding or a birthday party. Now suppose instead of the invitation being addressed “Dear Your Name Here” it said “To Whom It May Concern.” Would you still go? The President meets the Super Bowl champion, he doesn’t care what team it is. It’s basically a form letter.  James Harrison doesn’t do form letters.

Then things got more ridiculous when the Rooney Family went into spin control mode. I love the Rooneys but they’re damn lucky the Steelers are the most honorable organization in sports. If they ever had a negative PR issue, they’d be screwed because they are totally inept at handling bad press. They clearly issued an order to their puppets at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (you may know them as “the sports department”) who then came out with a ridiculous story that Harrison was afraid to fly.  Next you’ll tell me that’s really why Tony Kornheiser left Monday Night Football.

The problem with this story is Harrison flies at least 8-12 times per year during the football season. He also flew to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. And, um, he played one season in NFL Europe. Do you know how long it takes to fly to Europe? Pretty damn long.  Not to mention D.C. is about 5 hours by car. Well, I can make it in 4 but I tend to see speed limits as more suggestions than rules.

Anyway, that bullcrap story created yet another round of speculation. Look, Harrison didn’t go to see George W. Bush when we won back in ’05 so it’s not a political thing. He just didn’t see the point in wasting his time on an empty promotional fluff piece when weights needed lifted and sprints needed, um, sprinted.  He is an adult and he decided he had no desire to visit a place and meet a man he has no reverence for.  And I have no problem with that.

As long as he keeps sacking the quarterback.

With the NFL’s free agency period in full swing, the Pittsburgh Steelers made some news of a different sort with the surprising release of RG Kendall Simmons a short 18 months after signing him to a big contract extension. Rumors were that Simmons, who missed most of this season with a torn ACL, was coming along very slowly in his rehab.  This isn’t shocking as an ACL tear is about the most serious injury a football player can have.  It usually takes a full year for the elite athletic players to come back and another year before they even begin to approach their old level.  For a guy like Simmons who’s hardly a decathlete and has to lug around 300+ pounds on that bum knee, the rehab curve is probably even steeper.

This is most definitely not a salary cap move as most last second player releases are this time of year.  By releasing Simmons, the Steelers actually lose MORE cap room than had they kept him since the guaranteed bonus portion of contract automatically kicks in, moving his cap hit up to $4.7 million.  This leaves Pittsburgh about $7 million under the cap after tendering offers to some restricted free agents.

CB Anthony Madison, FB Sean McHugh, and (hold the gitney) RT Willie Colon were all offered contracts for next season. Not on the list was S Anthony Smith, who now rides off in to the sunset with a place in Steeler infamy firmly secure.  Ex-coach Bill Cowher tabbed Smith as a future star in the league but his inability to shut his damn fool mouth cost him repeatedly.  First was the embarrassment against New England, then the final straw was this year when he whined about not playing when starter Ryan Clark was injured.

One person who won’t be joining the Steelers next year is Indianapolis center Jeff Saturday, who decided to re-up with the Colts at the 11th hour (thanks for the link Alison).  Too bad, as his weasel agent said he’s a Rooney type player what with his lying about wanting to come here and money grubbing ways.  Oh wait, that would make him exactly the type of guy the Rooneys despise.  Sorry, my bad.

Well, one thing is for sure, with the loss of Simmons the Steelers are almost forced into making a move in free agency.  We have only one starting guard on the roster and he’s a mediocre guard at that.  Expecting a rookie starter in the 1st round is a big gamble when you’re picking last.  We’ll definitely need to take a look at what’s out there and bring somebody in to shore up that line.

(pleasenotKemopleasenotKemopleasenotKemo)

At precisely 12:01 tonight, the first stage of the 2009 NFL season kicks off.  That’s when Free Agency officially begins, sending the league into a wild orgy of cash and courtship.  No doubt the Washington Redskins will be one of the biggest spenders and no doubt they’ll end up on the outside looking in at the playoffs when December rolls around.  And if everything works out for us, Baltimore will lose two of their three starting murderers thugs linebackers so they’ll be even easier to beat every time we play them.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have a number of players about to dip their gnarly toes in the free agent waters.  I thought I’d give a quick rundown of those players and give a bit of commentary on what I think their future holds.

Restricted Free Agents (Steelers can tender them a contract.  Another team can sign them for a higher tender but must surrender a draft pick roughly equal to what pick they were):

OT Willie Colon – One of our worst OL this year.  Hopefully he’ll be pushed by a free agent pick up or early round draft pick because he was truly terrible.  Still, the team needs players and might as well keep him around for a token raise.

CB Anthony Madison - Will likely be in the mix with CB William Gay for one of the starting CB spots next season when McFadden leaves.  Also one of our best special team players.  Most important signing of this group.

FB Sean McHugh - Our best option at fullback since Carey Davis is absolutely useless but must possess pictures of the Rooneys at a Furry Convention or something to be kept on the roster.  Not going to make you forget Moose Johnston anytime soon although without a better choice, gotta keep him.

S Anthony Smith - I guarantee he’ll get a token offer.  I don’t think Tomlin likes him much so it wouldn’t shock me if he walked, though.

Unrestricted Free Agents:

QB Charlie Batch – 35 years old and going into his 11th season.  Actually, it’s more like his 16th because years spent with the Detroit Lions should count extra.  The coaches seem to love him and I predict you’ll see him on our coaching staff when his playing days end.  He’ll probably sign for a pretty cheap price since it appears he wants to ride off into the sunset with his hometown team.  Toss him a meager contract and just pray he can hold it together for the next season or two until Dennis Dixon is ready to take his place.

P Mitch Berger – Hope the ring scores you a ton of poon, Mitch.  We won’t be seeing you kick your magnificent soaring 30 yard punts next year.

CB Fernando Bryant - Washed up.  Looked terrible when he played although he was only signed because of all the injuries to our regular DBs.  We’ll keep his number in our Rolodex but I wouldn’t expect any contract offers from the Steelers or anybody.

OT Trai Essex – The Steelers had a terrible offensive line and this guy couldn’t start on it.  That should tell you his talent level.  I won’t say nobody will sign him because there are some desperate teams out there but I wouldn’t expect much interest.  We’ll probably keep him for a minor raise.

LB Keyaron Fox – Special teams ace.  Probably the best “gunner” we’ve had since Sean Morey left.  Doesn’t seem to have the talent to be a starter so I doubt there will be a ton of bidding on a special teamer.  Probably can keep him for a small raise.

LB Andre Frazier – Another backup.  The thing is, it’s hard to tell how good our backups are because our linebackers are so fantastic, you could be a very good player and be buried on the bench.

OG Chris Kemoeatu - Good riddance.  I expect some desperate team with too much cap room and too little brains to take a flier on him.  He’s all potential.  Kemo has the size and strength which would lead you to believe he’ll be a monster but he never plays up to his expectations.  Some team will look at the potential and think they can coach it out of him.  Better them than us.  Along with Colon, one of our two worst performers on the line who won’t be missed.   Especially if the Steelers can bring in a quality veteran like Indy center Jeff Saturday .

QB Byron Leftwich – Would love to keep him but with QB quality sucking around the league, he’s probably the best QB on the open market.  Some team will dangle a starting position under his nose and he’ll have to jump at it.  Thanks for beating the ‘Skins for us, Byron.

CB Bryant McFadden – Another guy I’m sure many of you desperately want to keep but it won’t happen.  A starting CB on the #1 rated pass defense in the NFL?   He’s going to attract a bidding war and the Steelers never get involved in bidding wars.  Hate to lose him because he seems to finally be coming into his own but not enough cap room and too many holes/contract extensions need addressed to commit $5-6 million to him.  Thanks for the memories, B-Mac.

OT Marvel Smith – Missed most of 2007, had back surgery, then missed most of 2008.  Once a top notch LT, now too many question marks.  Hope he can make a comeback but it will be for another team as it’s time to bid him farewell.

WR Nate Washington – Does the name “Antwaan Randle El” ring any bells?   That was the last #3 receiver the Steelers lost to free agency when some dimwitted team (*cough*Skins*cough*) paid him starter money to be a third down slot guy.  Somebody will make the same mistake with Nate, there are already rumblings the Titans see him as the answer to their lack of a big play reciever.  They’ll be in for a nice surprise the first time he drops a perfectly thrown pass after he breaks free 40 yards down the field.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss Tiffin Thunder but a #3 WR who drops one for every one he catches isn’t that hard to replace.