Preach on, Ryan Clark.

A day after the Baltimore Ravens unrelenting thuggery was on full display for a national television audience yet was somehow missed by the stripe-shirted men actually paid to watch the action, the NFL has levied fines for their goonish behavior.  Of course as Clark points out, it’s too little, too late.  The entire point of protecting quarterbacks or banning helmet-to-helmet blows is to discourage them from occurring during the game.

If players knew they wouldn’t suffer any consequences until 24 hours after the fact, I’m sure a few of them wouldn’t mind footing the bill for mussing up Tom Terrific’s pretty boy looks.

The major fine came in the form of a $40,000 debit for Jameel McClain’s attempted decapitation of Heath Miller.   Apparently beheading is legal according to Sunday night’s officiating crew.  I’m shocked McClain was fined at all since the last couple helmet-to-helmet blows (including the filthy cheap shot which knocked Hines Ward out of the Patriots game) went unpunished.   I see the key to getting in serious trouble is to commit your malicious actions in prime time.

Or play for the Black and Gold.

The other fine was a pitiful $15,000 slap on the wrist to serial punk Haloti Ngata for smacking Ben Roethlisberger in the face.  Big Ben underwent minor surgery yesterday to restore his herculean nose to its former glory.  Ngata’s in the wrong line of work.  There are tons of airhead Hollywood celebutards who’d pay ten times that amount to have their coke-lined honkers reconstructed.

Besides wishing Ngata was penalized by the two refs WHO WERE STARING RIGHT AT HIM when he smashed Ben’s snoot, I was hoping for a real fine.  James Harrison writes check in $25,000 increments for far less because he’s “a repeat offender.”  Meanwhile, Ngata is a well-known goon, among the league’s dirtiest players, having been fined $10k less than two weeks ago for a late hit.

Why has his amount gone up a mere $5,000 while Silverback’s jumped from $5k for his german suplex on Vince Young to $75,000 for the sweet annihilation of Mohammed Massaquoi back down to $25k for the bogus flag on Ryan Fitzpatrick?

Because the Ginger Dictator has no freakin’ clue, that’s why.  Everything the league does is based on the random whims of this power-hungry despot.  Actually, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he has his big-boobed secretary personal assistant spin a color-coded Wheel of Justice and wherever it lands, that’s your fine.  I can just picture him jumping up and down and shouting, “Big money!  C’mon, big money!” whenever a Pittsburgh Steeler comes up for judgment.

Now that I think about it, no wonder Bret Favre hasn’t been punished for eye-raping a Jets employee with vile pictures of his love gun water pistol.  Despite a mountain of evidence he sexually harassed that poor out-of-work ho, the league has dragged their feet for almost three months.  Clearly, Ginger promised Jenn Sterger she could be the league’s secret Vanna White if she keeps quiet long enough for #4 to pack up his Wranglers and fade off into the sunset.

It finally makes sense!

As a loyal reader of TMZ, I’ve become familiar with the trend of celebrity power couples being given a uni-name.  It started when Ben Affleck dated Miami Dolphins co-owner Jennifer Lopez and they became known as Bennifer.  Then we had Tom Cruise + Katie Holmes = TomKat.   And who can forget Brad Pitt + Angelina Jolie = Brangelina?

Naturally, the two biggest divas in pro football are getting into the act.   The unholy union of Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco are now known as  T.Ocho.  How cute!  I sure hope T.O. is the top in the relationship because we all know Ocho has a hard time holding on to balls.

Anyway, the Versus Network decided to give Tweedledum and Tweedledumber their own show which airs weekly on Tuesday nights at 10:30 p.m. (ET).  Ordinarily, I’d question the wisdom of that move but this is the same network which decided a low-rent Sportscenter rip-off starring three clowns and Jenn Sterger’s rack was a good idea.  Plus, the .1 rating the program draws likely makes The T.Ocho Show the network’s highest rated series.

A couple weeks ago, Dopey and Dropsy decided to tackle the unfair, unwarranted, unjust suspension of Ben Roethlisberger.  Ordinarily I’d ignore their idiotic ramblings but this was too good to ignore.  I’ve never laughed harder in my life.  These guys take “meathead jock” to a whole new level.  I’d sooner invite Paris Hilton to be on my debate team than either of these two knuckleheads.

Let’s start with Terrell Owens, Attorney at Law.  Does he have any concept of the legal system or is he just throwing out terms he heard on Harvey Birdman?  First, a motor cycle accident isn’t illegal, especially since some senile old bat CRASHED INTO BEN.  Secondly, Ben doesn’t have “a rap sheet.”   A RAP SHEET?  Rap sheets are records of arrest.  Ben has never been arrested.

Then, of course, we get to the real crux of their argument.  Ben is white, Michael Vick is black.  Therefore, Vick has been treated unfairly while Ben was given a free pass.  Never mind that the FBI had cold hard concrete evidence that Vick was drowning, hanging, and mutilating poor defenseless animals while running an underground dog fighting ring.  A crime he pleaded GUILTY of and was sent to the slammer for far less time than he deserved.  Ben, meanwhile, was never arrested, never charged, never convicted, and never spent ten minutes in jail.  The two cases aren’t remotely the same.

Then we have Ocho, who up until this point was smart enough to shut his mouth on the subject.  His brilliant insight is all “conduct detrimental” should be the same.  Why isn’t this man President?  I would love a country where stabbing somebody outside a strip club was treated the same as speeding.

I actually agree with what Chad said in one sense.   Punishment should be uniform across the board.  You get convicted of a crime, you deserve to be suspended.  Except, once again, Ben wasn’t convicted of anything.  He was accused of “illegal sexual touching” (Thanks, Chad.  That’s my next band’s name) by a fruit loop in Reno and a drunk skank in Milledgeville.  Guess what?  So were Mark Sanchez, Matt Leinart, and Randy Moss.

Granted, they were supsended for…  Oh wait, they weren’t suspended at all.  Then we have Braylon Edwards who was nabbed for a DUI less than a month ago.   He was suspended for…oh wait.  He wasn’t suspended, either…  But myself and the other 74 people who watch your show look forward to you guys calling for their suspensions due to their “rap sheets” and “conduct detrimental to the league.”

In summation, what you’ve just watched is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen.  At no point in that rambling, incoherent segment were they even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.  Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having listened to it.  I award them no points and may the Football Gods punish the Bungles for employing them both.

I don’t usually write about other teams because, frankly, I don’t care about any teams other than the Pittsburgh Steelers. However, a situation has occurred which I think pertains to the Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger, and Roger Goodell’s absolutely ridiculous suspension policy.

Deadspin is sort of the National Enquirer of sports websites.   They delight in catching athletes in compromising positions and love spreading the latest gossip.   But their unique position often allows them to break stories which the major networks, who are at the mercy of the sports leagues and their players, do their best to ignore.

A few months back, Deadspin broke a story involving Brett Favre propositioning former Playboy model Jenn Sterger.   Sterger, who some of you may know as one of the hosts of Versus daily sports show The Daily Line, was hired by the New York Jets as the team’s “Gameday Host.”   She was basically the team’s own personal Erin Andrews, someone hired to stand on the sidelines and give useless nuggets of information while looking hot.  Sterger’s hiring coincided with Favre’s being traded to the Jets from Green Bay.

Yesterday afternoon, Deadspin supposedly posted proof of Favre’s vile behavior.   They have emails Favre sent to Sterger, desperate (rather pathetic) voice mails he left her, and (allegedly) pictures of his penis sent in an effort to entice her.   They compiled all these things in a video you can watch by clicking here. Warning:  For those of you who do not wish to see the Gunslinger’s love gun, the uncensored pictures appear toward the end of the video.

I think it’s safe to say the Gunslinger is not slinging a Magnum.

Jenn Sterger Has Good Taste In Towels

To Sterger’s credit, she refused Brittfar’s crass advances.   Displaying the kind of morals that the skank down in Milledgeville did not have, she also didn’t whine to her bosses or file a lawsuit.  Even though if these emails, messages, and photos are authentic she would have had CONCRETE PROOF, she still chose to keep this information to herself.   Only prodding and investigative reporting by Deadspin brought this issue to light.

I bet Deanna Favre is real happy right now.

What does this have to do with the Steelers, you may ask?   Big Ben was suspended for “violating the league’s personal conduct policy.”   What was his violation?   Being arrested for sexual assault?  He wasn’t arrested.  Being charged with sexual assault?   He was never charged.

Ben was suspended because he went to a college bar, bought some sorority girls drinks, and then propositioned one for sex.  Period.   There is absolutely not one shred of credible proof he did anything other than that.  And he was suspended for doing what I believe about 500,000 horny men do every Friday night at bars all across this country.

What did Brett Favre allegedly do?  Sterger was an employee of the Jets.  Brett was also an employee.   But in practical terms, Brett was her direct superior.  Without Brett’s cooperation, how was she supposed to report on the team?  How long would a “Gameday Host” last if the team’s star quarterback refused to talk to her?

If you’re somebody’s boss and you ask them to sleep with you, that’s sexual harassment.  If you or I had an underling and we sent them suggestive emails or desperate phone messages, we’d be fired.  If we sent them pictures of our dicks, we’d be slapped with a lawsuit.

There isn’t one single bit of proof Ben did anything different than other normal guys do on their night off.   His fame and celebrity caused a hysterical sorority girl to trump up a bunch of phony baloney to justify her loose morals.  And because of this girl, Ben was suspended for four games by the Ginger Dictator.

Is there concrete proof that Brett Favre sexually harassed a member of the media in the most disgusting way possible?   No but there is a helluva lot more evidence against Brett than anybody had against Ben.  If this is not a violation of the NFL’s personal conduct policy, I ask what is?   Unless Roger Goodell feels it’s perfectly okay for a highly important player to solicit sexual favors from a woman covering his team, Brett Favre MUST be suspended.

After all, fair is fair.