Red white and blue goes very well with Black & Gold. Mandatory Credit: Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

When Ben Roethlisberger met with the media before practice on Wednesday he was asked to comment about the Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.  His response, “He plays for “America’s team” right? I think the Steelers are the world’s team.  We just want to go beat them.”  Well done Ben.  If you were raised in Steeler Nation, you were raised to hate the Cowboys right along with the Browns and Bengals.  This goes long before the Browns turned purple and even before Belichick picked up his first video recorder.  In 1978 the Cowboys dubbed themselves America’s Team in their own highlight reel video and they’ve been referred to that ever since, even though we all know who the real America’s Team is.  Ever go into a new city and immediately find a Dallas Cowboys bar?  I didn’t think so.  The idea that the Cowboys are still “America’s Team” is a joke for many considering they’ve been rather competitively irrelevant for many years but it is good to dig up the old rivalry feelings for the upcoming matchup.

My hatred of the Cowboys started as a child, but it began in my family before I was born.  I am told my grandmother was never fond of Ed “Too Tall” Jones and I distinctly remember my Pap expressing extreme hatred towards Jimmy Johnson when he was hired.  In fact, our family always followed Dan Marino’s career down in Miami because he was the hometown kid but the year Johnson coached the Dolphins my Pap never watched a game of theirs out of protest.  I never liked Troy Aikman, have always been rather vanilla towards Emmit Smith, and I’ve always disliked Michael Irving.  I was raised to believe that Jerry Jones was the devil himself.  Well not seriously, but you get the idea.

I was told stories about those Super Bowls against the Cowboys in the 70s and always wanted to see the Steelers reach that level again.  In 94 when the Steelers fell 3 yards short of a Super Bowl berth my heart was broken.  I was glad to see the Cowboys fall short in their respective NFC Championship that year to the 49ers.  The very next year as Jim Harbaugh’s Hail Mary was batten down in the endzone of Three Rivers Stadium and sealed the Steelers trip to Super Bowl XXX I’ll never forget the goose bumps my dad got.  What was even better than the Steelers going to the Super Bowl was the fact that they were facing the Cowboys.  To this day I am forever convinced that Neil O’Donnell was paid off by Jerry Jones to blow the game and throw those interceptions to Larry Brown.  I mean seriously, who throws two damned near identical passes to the same guy in the same spot on the opposite team twice???

Lately there hasn’t been much reason to hate the Cowboys.  I’m actually finding it rather entertaining watching Jerry Jones turn into Al Davis.  Sometimes you feel bad for Tony Romo, but then you remember he’s a Cowboy so that moment is fleeting.  There is still, however, the long standing debate over the whole “America’s Team” thing.  There shouldn’t even be a debate really.  People aren’t going all over the world to post pictures of themselves with a Cowboys shirt on the Great Wall of China; they’re there with a Terrible Towel.  The Steelers fans are always known for “traveling well” but in reality the stadiums all over the country fill up with Steeler fans that have relocated from Pittsburgh, planted roots and started whole new generations of Steeler fans living in Dallas, Miami, Phoenix, etc.  The first time Heath Miller catches a pass in Cowboys stadium will tell you exactly who America’s Team is.

This Sunday’s game is a tough one for the whole “smack talk” against the Cowboys.  If the Cowboys fan you’re smack talking with thinks their boys will win easily, their most likely admitting that their team blows seeing as how the Steelers have had their worst losses against crap teams.  If they think it will be a close game, they think their guys are good and the Steelers will most likely win and complete their sweep of the NFC East.  This isn’t, however, just a “must-win” game, this is one of three must-win games the Steelers have to finish the season.  True, they can lose to the Cowboys and still make it into the playoffs if all goes well at home next week against the Bengals, but why leave things up to chance?

In addition, the Steelers and Cowboys are having a social media showdown to determine who is the more popular team.  Fans are encouraged to “Like” their team’s site on Facebook and “Follow” their team’s twitter feed and the results are being tracked.  Click the link below and you’ll know what to do.  Spread the word.  Currently, there is no surprise that the Steelers are winning but it’s on you Steeler Nation to go out and make sure to seal the victory for the true America’s Team.   Screw that, I like the title of the World’s Team a lot better anyway.  Go Steelers!

http://www.steelers.com/fan-zone/SocialShowdown.html

Follow me on Twitter @Kimmy_KimKimM and follow all of NPC’s posts @NicePickCowherC

A little less than a week from now, the Pittsburgh Steelers will take the field in Jerry Jones $1.3 billion dollar tribute to his small penis ego.   Anytime the Black and Gold reaches the Super Bowl, that’s a good thing.  But to reach the big game the year it’s being hosted by our hated rivals makes it even sweeter.  It’s like throwing the biggest, baddest party on the block then watching as the guy you can’t stand leaves with the hottest girl there.

For those of you rich to afford the $2,500-22,000 price tag tickets are going for, have fun among the Cheeseheads.  Ticket buying trends indicated Green Bay Packers fans initially outbought Steeler Nation by a 2-to-1 margin although the trend has evened out.  I fully expect the crowd to be mixed as the Pack have a national following far superior to the laughably tiny fanbases enjoyed by the Seahawks or Cardinals.  So while the Black and Gold are really “America’s Team,” it won’t be a veritable home game like our previous two Super Bowl appearances.

Giving credit where it’s due, Cowboys Stadium does appear to be a first class facility.  Even sitting way up in peanut heaven like in the above shot, the sightlines seem excellent.  And if they weren’t, you could still watch the action thanks to the giant-ass screen looming like the Death Star a mere ninety feet above the field.  After paying $900 for your parking spot and making your way inside the stadium, you’ll be able to enjoy a vast array of first class amenities such as:

Stripper cages.  Yes, JerryWorld comes fully equipped with everything a discerning football could possibly want.  Cup holders, a full taco bar, and cage dancers.  Make sure you ask the parking attendant to slip you a few singles so you can show the ladies how much you “appreciate” their efforts.  Speaking of which, one thing you won’t see on Super Bowl Sunday are these:

Eyes up  here, perv.  I’m talking about cheerleaders.  Yes, Green Bay and Pittsburgh are two of only six NFL teams without cheerleading squads.  It makes sense the Pack wouldn’t have pom-pom girls since Wisconsin women eat so much cheese you’d never be able to find one who looks good in spandex.   Pittsburgh would have no problem fielding an array of gorgeous blue-eyed blonde haired Polish girls but our women actually watch football here in the ‘Burgh.

One sight you’re guaranteed to see on Sunday is the Terrible Towel. According to Amazon.com, Myron Cope‘s baby is the #2 best seller  in bed and bath products. Huh?  Using the Towel as a bath towel would be sacrilege.  Everybody knows the Terrible Towel is a flag, a fan souvenir, or, occasionally, a mini-skirt.

Speaking of which, have you checked out my Steeler Pride contest?   You have a chance to win some really awesome Black and Gold gear for your cell phone, iPad, or iPod.  Click right here to check out the contest details and how to enter.

Anyway, let’s give a big thanks to Jerry Jones for constructing such a magnificent palace for us to play in.  Enjoy this sight on Sunday, Double J.  Love, Steeler Nation.

I have nothing against the Post-Gazette. I joke from time to time about them being the unofficial PR Department for the Pittsburgh Steelers but that can be said of every media outlet in this city. Truth is, I read their online site (printed newspapers are so 1992) almost every day because they have access to things, like press conferences and player interviews, us lowly bloggers still aren’t privy to.  Plus, I think there’s room for us both to co-exist; I write from the fan’s point of view, while they approach subjects through the eyes of a trained journalist.

Every once in awhile, I come across a story which is so patently ridiculous, my Smart Ass Meter hits the red.  Being a model of restraint, I usually resist the urge to make fun of it here.  But Holy Llama Dung, Batman, did anybody read this column? It’s a story about the Steelers annual Ladies Night Out and it’s terrible. It’s awful. It deserves my unbridled sarcasm in full. Let’s begin…

For $95, nearly 500 women of all ages and from all walks of life got the chance to eat dinner, ask questions of Steelers, visit the inner sanctum of the locker room and attempt field goals while their images were shown on the scoreboard.

Ninety-five dollars?  500 women were willing to pony up ninety-five dollars for the privilege of touring the Steelers locker room?  I’ve been in locker rooms.  Many times I would’ve paid $95 to LEAVE one.  I have no idea why women would be that eager to get a whiff of the stank left behind by 53 large sweaty men.

And I can’t imagine what this so-called “tour” might entail.  “This locker here with the full-length fold out mirror belongs to Jeff Reed.”  “Over here, you’ll see Santonio Holmes‘ jock strap.  Feel free to pass it around but be careful.  Drop it on your foot and you’ll break a toe.”

In a figurative sense, it was a Cinderella-like outing. But instead of dancing at a ball with a handsome prince, they got to kick a ball and become immersed in football. And a Steelerella never has to worry about glass slippers.

Fun activity for the ladies or auditioning Skippy’s replacement?  YOU DECIDE!

And let us never speak the word “Steelerella” ever again.

Speakers for the evening were rookie defensive lineman Ziggy Hood and backup quarterback Charlie Batch.

So for your ninety five clams, you get to hear from a rookie who’s never started a game and our lowly backup quarterback.  I don’t know for sure but I have a strong hunch Ziggy got handed the job as some sort of rookie hazing ritual.

But there also were questions never asked by the football writers, like this inquiry from Devona Edmond of the North Side.

“Ziggy, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yes, she’s seated right over there.”

“Do you want another one?”

Translation:

“Hi, I’m Devona Edmond and I’m a shameless whore.”

Being a guy and all, I know Man Code backwards and forwards.  Perhaps one of my female readers can help me out with Woman Code.  Are there any rules or regulations about handling some hootchie hitting on your man right in front of you?

If not, there should be.

Ms. Edmond has the team logo tattooed on her back along with her date of birth — June 2, 1986.

The Hypocycloid turned into Tramp Stamp?  I don’t know if I should be aroused or offended by this sacrilege!

Women love the Steelers for a variety of reasons. Everybody loves a winner. Families get together to watch and talk football. The uniforms and the color scheme make a bold fashion statement.

Um, what?  Are they seriously claiming a portion of the Steelers female fan base exists solely because Black and Gold matches their shoes and purse?

“The Steelers officially don’t have cheerleaders. They don’t need them,” said Robin Thomas of St. Clairsville. “They have a million of them.”

We don’t need a mascot, either.  Yet Steely McBeam sadly exists.  Yes, we do need cheerleaders.  You know why?  Because Pittsburgh’s Polish-Italian-German flavor produces some of the most attractive women in the United States.  And I’m sick of people thinking they all look like this:

Besides, the Steelers did have cheerleaders once upon a time.  In fact, they had the first cheerleading squad in NFL history.

“He said his mother had a problem with us getting married because I wasn’t a Catholic. He didn’t have a problem with that, but he did have a problem with me wearing a Cowboys jersey. Once I took that thing off and converted to being a Steelers fan, things worked out fine. That was over 20 years ago,” Ms. Thomas said.

I have nothing funny to add.  Mostly because the same thing happened to me.  It’s 1994 and I’m a freshman at Carnegie Mellon University.  Sitting across from me in Introductory Statistics was this gorgeous green-eyed blonde, whom I’d later discover was a Colts fan.  We dated for close to two years and her dubious taste in football teams never bothered me because this was Indianapolis before Peyton Manning, when they were just a ragtag bunch of lovable losers.

In the 1995 playoffs (played in January of 1996), Indy came out of nowhere to score two major upsets before facing the Steelers in the AFC Championship game.  Up until this point, I had let this girl meet my parents but kept her away from major family gatherings.  On this occasion, I felt it was time to invite her to watch the game with my entire family, consisting of three uncles, two aunts, my grandma, and my folks.  When she walked in wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey, I knew it was the beginning of the end.   We broke up six weeks later.

The moral of the story is this:  religious, ethnic, even age differences can be overcome.  But root for different teams and the relationship is doomed.

There were a few of the pink jerseys in the audience, but the overwhelming majority of women prefer to wear black and gold.

STOP BUYING PINK JERSEYS!!!!!   Only ditzy airheads who watch to stare at Heath Miller‘s ass wear pink jerseys.  Real football fans wear real football jerseys!!!

“Being a Steeler fan truly does span generations,” Mrs. Reinhard said. “It’s bred into you.”

There’s a joke there but…   Nah.  Too easy.

Lynn Kelley, originally from Upper St. Clair. She married a man from Sandusky, Ohio, and they had two sons. But when the marriage soured, he wanted the boys to follow the Browns. To rescue them from such a bleak future, she sought the intercession of Ziggy Hood.

This man should have all visitation rights revoked immediately.  Kids need a strong male role model and this guy is clearly a man of questionable character.  I’m not Judge Judy and I’ve never been in Family Court but his subtle brainwashing has to constitute some form of abuse.  Who in their right mind would encourage anybody to follow the Browns?

I’ve watched this video twenty times and you know what? It never gets old!

Don’t get me wrong. When it happened, I was not happy. On the contrary, I was concerned because the Pittsburgh Steelers were only up by a field goal. It definitely appeared that the undefeated Minnesota Vikings were closing in on the tie if not the go-ahead touchdown. Then the Steelers defense rose to the occasion, picking off Brett Favre and leading the Black and Gold to glorious victory.

So now I can gloat.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know I’m not a fan of Will.i.am Gay. For one thing, he acted like a complete moron at the Super Bowl Victory Parade. But what really grills my cheese is the way he poses and celebrates after making the most ordinary of plays. I’m not some old geezer. I don’t mind guys celebrating, say after catching the winning TD pass in the Super Bowl. However, Gay seems to think tackling somebody for a two yard loss is worthy of a choreographed dance straight out of an episode of Glee.

Thanks to Brett and his Fighting Wranglers, I have a new reason to dislike Gay. He sucks at football. If you saw the game, you probably noticed they targeted him all day. He blew one play where he was supposed to blitz but stopped long enough for the ball to go lofting over his peabrained head. On a crucial third and long, Gay totally whiffed on trying to tackle Percy Harvin. He misses a lot of tackles because he doesn’t wrap people up so much as dive desperately at their feet hoping an ankle falls into his mitts.

I didn’t worry much when Bryant McFadden left to join the Arizona Cardinals Pittsburgh West. After all, B-Mac only started one year and was routinely beaten out by ninety-five year old Deshea Townshend. Hindsight being 20/20, I realize we’re going to miss him. Gay has blazing speed but is a lousy tackler with mediocre coverage skills. Maybe Mike Tomlin, who started out as a secondary coach, can coach him up but I’m not holding my breath. We’ll have to make due until next year when either rookie Joe Burnett is ready to start or we take a better corner in the draft.

In the meantime, I’ll relish the irony of the above play. Gay has spent this season trying to draw attention to himself and his meager accomplishments. Well, he’s got attention now. From this point forward, whenever a “Best Plays of 2009″ highlight package airs, I’m sure you’ll see the clip of young Will.i.am getting JACKED UP by Purple Jesus. Be careful what you wish for…

This Sunday, the Pittsburgh Steelers face their first true test of the season.  We’ve played a few good teams but in the Minnesota Vikings we will be facing our first legitimate Super Bowl contender.  If you wanted a measuring stick as to where this team stands, here is your stick.  By Sunday afternoon, we’ll have have some answers concerning what to expect from the Black and Gold in 2009.

With RB Adrian Peterson rumbling behind one of the best offensive lines in the league, Minnesota has ranked in the top five in rushing the past two seasons.  Their problem has been at quarterback.  You can only hide your QB for so long before top-notch NFL defenses figure out ways to force him to win the game.  Tarvaris Jackson could not win games.   So, this off-season, the Vikes flirted with Brett Favre, wining him, dining him, slipping him roofies until he ended his second third fourth retirement.  Favre can win games, in fact he’s already pulled a couple out this season.  They picked up a little bonus when they drafted hybrid RB/WR Percy Harvin at #22 overall.  He’s been a help to the offense and great returning kicks, where the Steelers had issues last week.  When he’s on his game, he dramatically improves an otherwise middling set of receivers.

The question for the Steelers defense will obviously be stopping Peterson.  Aaron Smith was by far our best run stopper and he’s gone for the year.  If Dick LeBeau can’t figure out some way to put the breaks on Purple Jesus, the game is going to go downhill real fast.  Hopefully, the law firm of Kirschke, Eason & Hood will be up to the task.  In other news, Troy Polamalu has not practiced regularly this week.  Usually not practicing indicates not playing but I can’t imagine Troy missing the biggest game of the year.

On defense, Minnesota’s group has been the stingiest in the league against the run for three straight seasons.  Yes, even stingier than the Steelers.  DTs Kevin and Pat Williams are twin brothers of different mothers.  These two behemoths simply negate any action in the middle while DE Jared Allen causes havoc all over the field.  All three made the Pro Bowl last year.   One Pro Bowler who won’t play Sunday is CB Antoine Winfield.  His injury last week seemed to coincide with the Ravens making a furious comeback so I’m guessing losing him has the same effect on their secondary as losing Troy had on ours.

Which means prepare for Bruce Arians’ Flying Circus to be in high gear this Sunday.  Rashard Mendenhall, who has been officially declared our first string running back, will get enough carries to keep the Vikes honest.  But I have to believe our fortunes in this game will rise and fall on the arm of Ben Roethlisberger.  Look for the NFL’s leading receiver, Hines Ward (yes, a Steeler WR leads the league in yardage) and company to see a lot of pigskin headed their way.

When two evenly matched teams play, little things such as special teams often make the difference.  Baltimore battled all the way back last week only to lose when their inept kicker shanked a game-winning FG attempt.  Despite his ill-fated tussle with the po-lice this past weekend, Jeff Reed will be suiting up for the Steelers.  Skippy and his partner in urinary misadventures TE Matt Spaeth apologized to Steeler Nation for their actions.  If he truly wants to redeem himself, he should do it on the field.  Kicking well that is, not taking a piss.

The Steelers have played to the level of their competition this season.  This week would be a good time to continue that trend since their opponent is actually good for once.  Playing to that level would be a compliment rather than a criticism.   And if the Steelers hope to hand the Vikings their first loss of the season, anything less will not be good enough.