Legendary Steelers coach Bill Cowher announced on CBS’s Sunday Pregame Show that he will not return to the sidelines in 2009. Instead he plans on spending another year trying to decipher the Captain Caveman-like mumblings of Shannon Sharpe. This news is no doubt a shattering blow to pretty much every franchise that missed the playoffs and/or just plain sucks and thinks The Chin is the man to save them.

The past week saw Cowher linked to every coaching vacancy and even a few jobs which aren’t currently vacant. It began with the Cleveland Browns making an overture to which Bill responded LOL. Memo to Cleveland: the man wants to WIN and everybody knows the Browns will never win anything. Then the New York Jets put him on their wishlist. ESPN had a crawl all day Thursday noting “Cowher and the Jets show mutual interest.” This interest was so mutual that Cowher rejected their interest the next day, having not even bothered to MEET them. Only in NY do people seem to think everybody is just dying to be used and abused by their ignorant disloyal fans and douchebag media.

In any case, Cowher did leave the door open by saying he will re-evaluate his retirement on a year-by-year basis. So next year when the axe falls on a half dozen inept coaches the day after the season ends, expect to hear Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazer, and that Crypt Keeper-looking dude on ESPN bring up his name in connection with every opening. And also expect every blog or fansite which follows a lousy team to keep bringing his name up as the one true savior who can come along and make everything right again.

Here’s hoping he stays retired. No need to ruin his legacy by coming back to a bad situation like Kansas City or Jacksonville and then stumbling through several good but not great seasons before becoming a victim to the unrealistic expectations of the fans.

Besides, Joe Pa can’t stick around forever. Who wouldn’t want to see The Chin lead his Nittany Lions on to the field down in Happy Valley?

Wild Card Weekend Playoff Wrap-Up

Pittsburgh West Cardinals over Falcons 30-24: The Cards were playing possum the past month as a string of phoned in performances were replaced by an amped up intensity which the young Falcons couldn’t match. Former Pitt superstar WR Larry Fitzgerald made an incredible 42 yard TD catch for the first score of the game and Atlanta simply couldn’t keep up when the game turned into a shoot-out. NFL Rushing Leader Michael Turner was bottled up and Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan had several rookie moments as the Card advanced to face the Carolina Panthers next week.

Chargers over Colts 23-17 (OT): The best game of the weekend ended with yet another early playoff exit by the underachieving Colts and undeserving NFL MVP Peyton Manning. The Colts have made the playoffs something like 8 straight years but been one-and-done in half of them. In fact, if not for Steve McNair outchoking Pey-Pey back in 2006, he could very well be football’s version of A-Rod (minus the purple lipstick and washed up pop star girlfriend). I’ll have more on the Chargers later this week as they come to Pittsburgh for an AFC Divisional Playoff game.

Ravens over Dolphins 27-9: Baltimore laid a total whuppin’ on Goldie Hawn’s favorite team, utterly exposing Chad Pennington and humbling the Fins in Miami. Pennington threw 4 picks, topped off by one being returned 64 yards for a TD by notorious ballhawk Ed Reed. Former Pitt recruit Joe Flacco became the first rookie QB to win a road playoff game as his steady play aided by an excellent running attack advanced them forward to a rematch with the top seeded Tennessee Titans next Saturday in Nashville.

Eagles over Vikings 26-14: Minny QB Tarvaris Jackson proved overmatched for the Eagles defense while superstar RB Adrian Peterson was held mostly in check (except for a 40 yard TD scamper, he was pretty well contained). Donovan McNabb made enough big plays, mostly set up by the return abilities of WR Desean Jackson, to put the Eagles ahead. RB Brian Westbrook sealed the deal with a 71 yard TD which began as a 3 yard screen but he took all the way to the end zone. Philly heads to the Meadowlands next week for a third game against their hated divisional foe New York Giants.

Despite making the transition from long time head coach Bill Cowher to first time head coach Mike Tomlin, the Steelers had a solid freshman campaign in 2007 led by a stingy, attacking defense, a good running game, and quality QB play from Ben Roethlisberger.

However, the team went 3-5 down the stretch and repeatedly played poorly when matched against other quality teams.  Those three wins came against the Dolphins, Bengals, and the Rams, who combined for a 13-35 record last season.  The loss of superstar RB Willie Parker can’t be entirely to blame as he wasn’t lost until week16.  Facts are, the Steelers played like one of the NFL’s elite teams in the first half of the year, taking advantage of a softer schedule, then stumbled through the second half when injuries and quality of opposition began to catch up with them.

Let’s break the team down into three areas (Offense, Defense, and Special Teams/Coaching) and preview what to look forward to in 2008.

Part I:  The Offense

Projected Starters:

QB: Ben Roethlisberger
RB: Willie Parker, Rashard Mendenhall
FB: Carey Davis
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Hines Ward
TE: Heath Miller
LT: Marvel Smith
LG: Chris Kemoeatu
C: Justin Hartwig
RG: Kendall Simmons
RT: Willie Colon

The loss of Ken Wisenhunt to Pittsburgh West (Phoenix) led to an even more productive year under new O-Coordinator Bruce Ariens, an offensive assistant with the team since 2004. The Steelers pounded the ball with the run and then used play action, short routes to Hines Ward and Heath Miller, and occasionally went deep over the top to emerging star Santonio Holmes. It’s a simple scheme/philosophy that I prefer and the Steelers have the talent suited for it given their running game, their speed at receiver, and Roethlisberger’s ability to throw the deep ball.

These days when you think of the Steelers offense you think of Roethlisberger given he’s the biggest offensive name they have. Early in his career the Steelers wanted to limit his throws and he was basically a one read QB, then he would scramble and make plays if that read wasn’t open. They did like to throw the ball early on with Big Ben, then run the clock out in the second half. Here’s a look at Roethlisberger’s pass attempts per games started throughout his career:

2004……………22.7
2005……………22.3
2006……………31.3
2007……………26.9

So it’s obvious the Steelers are getting more comfortable with him throwing the ball more often. A lot of idiots in the national media undervalue Roethlisberger, frequently heaping undeserved praise on lesser talents like Tony Romo or Carson Palmer, while Ben chugs along with a career 92.5 QB rating and career .700 winning percentage. He throws a pretty accurate ball and has a good arm, and his strength and elusiveness in the pocket has saved the Steelers countless sacks and led to many big plays.

However, his biggest issue is that he gets sacked quite often, 93 times in the past two seasons. Sure our atrocious line is mostly at fault but Ben is also not the greatest reader of defenses.  Coupled with his overconfidence that he can escape any jam, some of those sacks he saves he gives right back because of his tendency to hold on to the ball a bit too long. 

I like Willie Parker a lot. He’s not a great between-the-tackles runner, but he puts up an effort and is better than most given a guy with his speed. He’s also a capable blitz pickup and receiver out of the backfield. I’d imagine the injury would slow him down a bit, but as per usual the Steelers do a great job of picking up somebody in the draft who will flourish. I liked Mendenhall quite a bit out of Illinois. The big thing that should hold him back as a rookie is blitz pickup, which most rookies struggle with and with Big Ben’s weakness in recognizing blitzes, they’ll probably keep him away from passing downs early on.  But now that they have a Mr. Inside (Rashard) and a Mr. Outside (Fast Willie), their running game might be the best it’s been in over a decade.

Hines Ward gets more name recognition, but Santonio Holmes is the better receiver. Ward finished 33rd in DPAR last year to Holmes’ 11th. Holmes is a rare receiver because he’s great at getting the YAC and can burn defenders deep. Ward is pretty much a short route receiver these days as he only averaged 10.3 yards a catch in the Pittsburgh scheme which likes to throw the ball deep. Heath Miller is a greatly underrated TE who finished 4th in DPAR last season. He’s also a great blocker. The only thing preventing Miller from being a Tony Gonzalez type of TE is his lack of speed. Still, this is a pretty solid group of receivers.

The O-Line was a mess as they really missed C Jeff Hastings and couldn’t find a suitable replacement in undersized Sean Mahan. They’ll want to give the starting center position to Justin Hartwig, who was a bust for the Panthers, and I can’t see him losing the job unless his left leg gets replaced by a broomstick and he gets a role in the next “Pirates of the Carribean” movie. Marvel Smith has been a solid left tackle over the years, although was lost last year to a serious back injury which often signals the end of a career.  He has looked pretty good so far in the preseason but we’ll have to see how he holds up over a 16 game schedule.  Willie Colon beat out Max Starks at right tackle and appears to once again have the inside track for the job this year, despite Starks having the Transition tag slapped on him making him the team’s 2nd highest paid player.  Kendall Simmons is more or less serviceable. They let Alan Faneca go, mainly due to the organization being ridiculously cheap bastards not giving out big contracts to players in their 30′s.  Faneca’s play did appear to drop off last year, so perhaps the decision was a wise one. 

Anybody watch the EliteXC MMA show on CBS last Saturday?

If you’re a proud yinzer like me, you probably spent the night watching the Detroit Red Wings put the kibosh on our beloved Pittsburgh Penguins. Sadly, our quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup was fruitless as they went down to ultimate defeat last night. As an aside, I don’t want to sound like a whiny bitch, otherwise known as a Seahawk fan, but I’ll never understand NHL officiating no matter how many games I watch. However, giving credit where credit is due, Detroit was the better team and a deserving champion. If not for the heroic efforts of The Flower, Marc-Andre Fleury, the Pens would’ve been swept in 4.

Anyway, back to big sweaty tattooed men beating the snot out of each other. I posted that clip because it might be of interest to Steeler Nation. Last Saturday night, on that MMA show, a familiar name fought in an unaired prelim. Anybody remember Carlton Haselrig?

C’mon, people! Haselrig was one of the most gifted offensive linemen we’ve ever had. You think Barry Foster, Bam Morris, and Eric Pegram gained all those yards by themselves? Haselrig served up more pancakes than IHOP. What’s amazing is he never played ONE down of college football. He was an amateur wrestling star at Pitt. While there, he even beat future TNA Champion/WWE Champion/Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Three years later, he was in the Pro Bowl.

Unfortunately, Haselrig was a, how to put this nicely, FREAKIN’ NUTCASE. He once locked his keys in his car. Instead of using a coathanger to jimmy the lock, he decided to break the passenger window WITH HIS BARE HAND.

And that wasn’t even his manliest incident ever. He was once arrested for driving his motorcycle. Yep, Big Ben’s two-wheeled hijinks weren’t the first time the Steelers have run afoul of the Chopper Gods. Poor Carlton also had a motorcycle-related incident, although he was wearing his helmet…

BACKWARDS. But he was wearing it because, hey, if you’re going to cruise through McKee’s Rocks completely blind while on top of a 500 cc instrument of death, it’s best to remember safety first. Upon being questioned by the fuzz, he reportedly said he did this because he “wanted to see if he could.” That’s the best reason to do anything, folks.

So it should come as no surprise that Haselrig has decided to move on to manly pursuits which actually pay him money. Namely Mixed Martial Arts.

Sure he’s 42 years old. Sure he just started his new career in April. But this man is a 6 time NCAA wrestling champion. Even Angle admits he would’ve won a Gold medal had he pursued the Olympics. Instead he turned to football and dominated at something he had zero collegiate experience at. So I wouldn’t bet against him. If he puts his mind to it, I truly think he can accomplish anything, athletically-speaking.

UFC President Dana White, are you listening? I hear Brock Lesnar could use an opponent on a future card. Make it so!

Rejoice!! The NFL Draft is almost upon us. Two days of hopes, dreams, triumph for some, heartbreak for others, quarterbacks waiting in anticipation with their hot girlfriends and Jet fans eager to boo whatever unfortunate sap is taken by their team.

‘Tis truly one of the most wonderful times of the year. I dare say it’s even better than Christmas. Yes, Mel Kiper is my Santa. Except this jolly old elf has perfectly-coiffed hair.

As you surf around the interwebz, you will probably come across a mock draft or two. Or four. Or three dozen. Concocting mock drafts seems to have become the second biggest time waster of choice behind only filling out as many March Madness brackets as a sports fan can get their grubby little hands on.

I will spare you such things on my site. Besides, this is a Steeler blog. I assume you come here to read about the Steelers. I also imagine you don’t much care who the Houston Texans may or may not take with their compensatory pick in the fifth round.

You care about the Steelers. So All-Steelers All-the-time is what I’ll give you. The following is a short synopsis of prospects you should keep an eye on because they are players the Steelers either have interest in or they should have interest in. If anybody has their own Players To Keep An Eye On, feel free to share your picks in the comments below.

Let’s hope somebody suffers the same fate as poor Brady Quinn. Watching him slide deeper and deeper down the draft board was high drama at its best. I would feel sorry for the kid except he’s still a multi-millionaire, his girlfriend looks like she could suck-start a lawnmower, and he plays for the Browns. Oh, and his name is Brady. I hate that name.

Brenden Albert OT Virginia – The crown jewel of the draft as far as the Steelers are concerned. Albert is a 6’6” 310 pound human bulldozer who plays either left guard or left tackle. He has the talent to start immediately and for our team, probably would. Unfortunately, he has flown up the draft boards in the last month, going from a late 1^st rounder to a possible Top 10 pick. Highly unlikely he’ll make it to #23

Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon – A 5’10” 235 pound power back. Basically, a bowling ball with arms and legs. Has some durability issues as he’s suffered a number of injuries while in college which could be a problem in the pros. Tandem backfields are en vogue in the NFL so that’s what makes him an attractive option. Still, make no mistake, taking Stewart would be a case of taking Best Athlete Available. We’re already 3 deep at running back so unless the Steelers are lying about Willie Parker’s success at rehabbing his broken leg, we have much more pressing needs than at RB.

James Hardy WR Indiana & Limas Sweed WR Texas – I grouped these two together because they both fill a similar hole: the big-ass WR that will make Ben smile and Hines cry. Sweed is 6’4” but coming off a major wrist injury that has scared some teams away. Hardy is 6’5” and basically a poor man’s Plaxico Burress. His biggest knock is his 40 times have been a bit on the slow side so some wonder if he can create enough separation at the pro level. WR is a wild card area in this draft as some people project guys like Hardy, Sweed, and Desean Jackson (a tiny quick guy we wouldn’t be interested in) to be 1^st rounders while others have them all slipping well into the 2^nd. If either of these two fall to the Steelers, I’d heartily endorse either as my preference for their first pick.

Kentwan Balmer DT North Carolina – If you read the Saga of Booger or my posts on the inexplicable signing of Nick Eason, you know the Steelers are paper thin along the defensive line. Brent Kiesel, Casey Hampton, and Aaron Smith are still top notch players but they’re also getting older and the threat of injury is always there. Balmer, a smallish but explosive rusher, projects to being a defensive end in the Steelers 3-4. He’s a gamble, though, as speed guys are usually boom or bust plus he really only started to show any flashes of superior ability during his senior season.

Aqib Talib CB Kansas – Last year, the Steelers were all set to draft Pitt CB Darrelle Revis with their first pick. They probably would’ve cut Ike Taylor, who played so poorly in 2006 that Coach Cowher benched him for several games. Then those tricky Jets swooped in, swung a trade with Carolina, and slipped ahead of us one spot in the draft so they could take Revis. Talib is another wild card as he is generally considered the best cover guy available but his 40 times have been astonishingly slow which raises all kinds of alarms with scouts. If teams go by college performance, he’ll be long gone by our pick. If they don’t, he might slip. Would the Steelers take him? Like I said, we were looking at CB last year. Also, Talib returned punts and even played a little WR at Kansas like a mini-Deon Sanders (“Not-Ready-For-Primetime?”) so he could also help us out in the return game. This would be a bold, interesting pick so I expect the Steelers not to make it if given the opportunity.

Gosder Cherilis OT Boston College – Huge 6’6” 315 monster. Doesn’t have the best form and needs coached up some. He played some left tackle as a senior and looked bad so probably would be a right tackle on the pro level. The Steelers aren’t really that hurting for right tackles (need interior lineman more) so Cherilis would be a safe but unspectacular pick. In fact, a lot of draftniks have him as a 2^nd rounder so taking him in the first might even be considered “reaching.” Probably not the worst pick they could make but not the most attractive option either.

Chilo Rachal OG USC – This is more a guy to look for in the 2^nd round if we go another direction in the 1^st. Not a spectacular college career but his measurables and potential are extremely high. Definitely seen as a future starter in the league, the only question is how soon and how capable. Will probably be gone by the Steelers second pick unless we trade up (or down) and pick up an early 2^nd rounder.

Matt Forte RB Tulane - If the Steelers are serious about going to a shared backfield, they definitely need to find a power back to compliment Fast Willie. Forte is a 6’1″ 217 short-yardage specialist. In fact, some teams think he’ll be a FB at the pro level but either way, I think the Steelers could use him. His measurables kinda sucked as he didn’t appear to be notably fast or notably strong, which is why most teams see him as a late 2^nd/3^rd rounder. But those kind of things are sometimes misleading which is why I wouldn’t mind seeing him in Black and Gold next year.

Ray Rice RB Rutgers – Yes, he had a big college career but that actually works against him with the scouts because they see him as having a lot of wear on the tires. Rice could very well fall to the Steelers late in round 2. Would they take him? The problem with Rice is he runs like a power back, very strong, very straight ahead…but at 5’8″ 199 he doesn’t have power back size. I can see him turning into a Mike Alstott-type pro although I do have to admit I’m not sure his tough running style will be able to hold up over an entire season. Still, this would be another intriguing pick.

Jeremy Zuttah OG Rutgers – Zuttah has been flying up draft boards in the past few weeks. He’s still seen as a 2^nd rounder but a month ago, he was a second dayer. Probably his best feature is he can play center, guard, or tackle and has played all three while in college. That kind of versatility is extremely rare and valuable. He also had a great Combine workout. Then again, so did Mike Mamula. Which is the big question on him: can his measurables translate to on-field ability? The Steelers were burned in this area before (Hello Jamain Stephens) but I’d take a flier on Zuttah if I was stuck picking at the ass end of the 2^nd round.

Mike Pollack C Arizona State & Kory Lichtensteiger C Bowling Green – Two more centers for this team which badly needs to find a guy to bend over and let Ben stick his hands between his legs for the next 5-6 years. I grouped these two together because they’re both late 2^nd/mid 3^rd round types so they are within reach. I also grouped them because they are similar centers in the Mike Webster mold of small, quick, smart guys. Lichensteiger also has a really cool last name which sounds like a tasty German beer. And a team located in Pittsburgh could always use a Pollack. I’d be happy with either of these picks.

Chad Rhinehart OG Northern Iowa - Get this, he’s 6’5″ 325 pounds. Clearly, he’s on the seafood diet…he eats everything he sees. Supposedly he’s pretty athletic and can be coached up. Plus, at that size, if his supposedly decent footwork is decent, he’ll be hard for linemen to deal with. Of course, the knock here is he’s from Northern Iowa. I think they played Robert Morris this year so he’s not exactly been tested against top notch competition. Still, for a late third round pick, he could be a sleeper.

…but I toldja so.

All the signs were there if you know what to look for. It almost seemed inevitable the Steelers would lose to the hapless Jets. Yet, I’m sure we all wished upon our lucky stars, four-leaf clovers, and bald-headed midgets that somehow, some way, the Steelers would manage to pull off a win. It was not to be.

Now we know where the Steelers truly stand in the hierarchy of the NFL. We’re not a #2 seed. We’re not better than the Colts. We might be a little better than the Chargers, but not by as much as records would indicate. We’re definitely not even in the same stratosphere as the Patriots.

Before you dismiss this post as some sort of “The Sky is Falling” rant by a disgruntled yinzer, read some of my older posts on this blog. I’ve been saying for four weeks now that this team has some very serious fundamental flaws which would eventually end up costing them games. The Steelers have been fortunate this year in overcoming their mistakes and shortcomings but the problem with playing with fire is sooner or later you burn off your eyebrows and have to draw them back in like a whiny emo kid.

This was by far the worst performance of the season. A large part of the blame for this should be placed on Mike Tomlin. The Steelers played some horribly sloppy and undisciplined football yesterday. We had 8 penalties for, get ready, 100 yards!! One pass interference call set up a field goal. Another was an inexcusable roughing the passer call on Aaron Smith which kept a drive alive. Finally, the most costly, a defensive holding penalty, cost us a 5 point swing (we would’ve had a safety, they finally kicked a field goal) when Kellen Clemens fumbled the ball out of the endzone. Beyond the penalties, there was some wonky play calling, such as running draw plays with FB Cary Bates on third-and-longs. They did that in their lone overtime possession in what amounted to a give up play, leading to the punt (and punt return) that ended the game.

A large reason the Jets were able to get so many field goals is they had great starting position all game because of Tomlin’s “Pooch and Pray” kickoff strategy. Our special teams have been horrendous this year and while I applaud Tomlin addressing the issue, his answer is not the answer anybody wants to hear. It’s embarrassing for a professional football team to just give up on covering kick offs and conceding field position. How about, I dunno, BRINGING IN GUYS WHO CAN PLAY SPECIAL TEAMS?

The biggest failing yesterday was, once again, our porous offensive line. As the picture up top there indicates, you could drive Optimus Prime through the holes in our line. Jets blew through Sean Mahan, Alan Faneca, and Kendall Simmons like Britney Spears and a bottle of tequila. The worst, however, was Willie Colon, who did a terrific impression of a revolving door all day long. Yes, they didn’t get help from Ben Roethlisberger, who on occasion held the ball way too long (little hint: if nobody’s open, THROW IT AWAY), or Willie Parker (52 yards on 21 carries), whose knee injury looks to be worse than they’re letting on because he had very little burst or cutback ability.

It all begins with the offensive line and the Steelers’ is in total disarray right now. This shouldn’t be surprising to anybody who has been watching this team, however. Cleveland came into last week’s game with 7 sacks ALL SEASON. They collected 5 in that one game. The Jets had only 9 ALL SEASON and yesterday they piled up a ridiculous 7. Clearly, the off-season retirement of C Jeff Hartings is killing this team as his replacement, Mahan, is not doing the job. Colon and Simmons are wildly inconsistent. Even perennial All-Pro Faneca isn’t looking like the dominant pass blocker he usually is which makes me wonder if the Steelers not signing him has something to do with feeling he’s declining with his age. I don’t know what the answer is but something needs to change and it needs to change in a hurry or we’re going to be one-and-out in the playoffs.