Nice Pick, Cowher » johnson

Week 9 Recap: Dancing On The Ceiling

chris — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 07:18:52 +0000

That’s a Lionel Richie reference, son.

You know, ‘cause he kinda looks like Nicole’s dad. Too old for you kids? I’ll try to be a little more hip.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

And I feel fine.

What could possibly have a member of Steeler Nation thinking about the end of the world? What catastrophe could turn a person’s outlook so bleak? What disaster would lead to such depths of despair?

QB Ben Roethlisberger was seriously injured in last night’s 23-6 victory over the Washington Redskins. Preliminary reports are he fully separated his right shoulder on a goal line dive at the end of the first half. He rushed to the locker room, hip checking a defenseless and slightly anorexic Redskin cheerleader in the process, then stood on the sidelines for the rest of the game, his right arm hanging limply at his side. Ben’s a tough guy who plays through a lot of pain but I’m pretty sure he’s missing at least one game considering he couldn’t even lift the arm above his waist when congratulating teammates.

And you want to hear something crazy? I don’t care.

Backup QB Byron Leftwich came on in relief and to say he looked good is a colossal understatement. Whereas other poorly run franchises have lost their star QBs and had to trot out the inept likes of Brad Johnson or Ryan Fitzpatrick, the Steelers turned the reins over to a guy who not only can play but play well. I have no idea what the 31 other GMs in the NFL were thinking when training camp rolled around with Leftwich out of work but that explains why a lot of lousy teams continue to be lousy year after year.

Let’s start at the beginning. Head coach Mike Tomlin began the game with an onside kick which went doubly awry as we didn’t recover and were offside on the play. That set the ‘Skins up on our 40. I’m not really a fan of crazy gambles although in this case I applaud Tomlin’s call. When you have such a devastating force as the Blitzburgh Defense at your command, you can take a few chances. Indeed, Washington went three and out then kicked a chintzy FG for a quick lead.

This pattern continued throughout the first half as the Steeler D just absolutely stifled the vaunted Redskin offense. QB Jason Campbell was under duress every time he dropped back. Every one of our LBs and DE Aaron Smith had a sack, finishing the game with a season high 7. RB Clinton Portis, who had been averaging over 5 yards/carry this season, was stuffed like a fat kid on Halloween, finishing the game with a meager 51 yards (22 of which came on one bad play). Other than TE Chris Cooley being open on dinky-dunk short check down stuff, the WRs were blanketed all game. At halftime, the Washington offense had amassed a whopping 71 total yards.

Which would’ve been great except our offense only amassed a whopping 71 total yards. To be frank, our offense in the first half was atrocious. Remember how I said our showings against the Eagles and Giants were bad? Next verse same as the first. Big Ben looked completely confused and out-of-sorts today. He had happy feet and never seemed comfortable with what he was doing. He’d miss wide open receivers, he’d shuffle back and forth unsure of whether to run or stay put, he made several poor throws (one of which should’ve been a Pick-6) and he’d hold on to the ball too long when given time. Only his touchdown plunge which came after a blocked punt by special teams ace Andre Frazier kept the first half from being a total loss.

But the offensive crappiness can’t all be placed on Ben’s sore shoulders. When he did manage to get the ball to the WRs, they kept dropping the passes. I’m not sure when this allergy to pigskin started but it contributed to Roethlisberger starting the game 1 for 9. Worse yet was our playcalling. I know bitching about O-coordinator Bruce Arians is getting old but so are his horrific game plans. Pothole Willie Parker finally returned to the field and looked good, made his cuts, and showed that burst he’s known for. Awesome except for the fact Arians seemed intent on passing every down instead of establishing any sort of running game. He’d give Parker a carry and unless he broke a 8-9 yard gainer, it was pass pass and then pass some more. Establishing a running game means giving your star RB more than 10 scattered carries per half, Arians.

Then the second half began and it was like a totally different team in Black and Gold emerged from that locker room. With the backup QB in there, Arians was forced to focus more on the run. This made the D cheat up more to counter Parker and opened up the Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington for one of his patented Long Bombers. Leftwich was coolly efficient as when he felt pressure he either stepped up and fired or stood in the pocket and absorbed the hit in order to deliver the ball down the field. Say what you want about his Carlos Zambrano-like delivery, the man has a cannon. With FWP and Mewelde Moore providing ground support and Lord Byron firing bullets all over the field, the offense finally clicked.

Two nice drives capped by TDs put the game out of reach for the overmatched Redskin offense. Our defense held them to 200 total yards, at least 1/4 of which was gained during garbage time. Honestly, it was like bringing an Uzi to a knife fight. Best of all, our secondary picked off Lionel Jr. twice, finally putting an end to his Zero INTs streak so whatever terrible announcers work the game next week can shut up about that one.

Obviously, we’ll all be glued to the news and papers awaiting word on the severity of Ben’s injury. We owe a lot of this year’s success to his heroics and I wouldn’t for a second want to diminish his ability or what he means to our team. However, I think if he’s hurting and that is going to limit his effectiveness, then he should be willing to step aside for a week or two, get himself healthy (or healthier) and not come back until he can play up to his usual level. It’s pretty clear that Byron Leftwich is capable of filling in more than adequately and I don’t know about you but 100% of Lefty appears to be vastly preferable to 50% of Big Ben. Tomlin had the guts to call for the fake punt, let’s see if he has the grapefruits to do what Bill Cowher was never willing to do: tell Ben Roethlisberger to take a week off for the good of the team.

Week 1 Preview: Steelers vs. Texans

chris — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 07:25:27 +0000

The Houston Texans got off to a surprising 2-0 start last year, looking solid with the addition of Matt Schaub at quarterback, Andre Johnson tearing up the league, and surprising newcomer Jacoby Jones making exciting play after exciting play. Defensively they still had problems, but rookie DL Amobi Okoye was better than they could’ve hoped and DeMeco Ryans was on his way to proving himself as possibly the best middle linebacker in the game. Unfortunately, the Texans couldn’t take it to the next level because like so many teams trying to get to the playoffs for the first time, they lacked any real depth if the starters went down, which this being the rough-and-tumble NFL, they inevitably did. Schaub, Johnson, Jones, and Ryans all missed time with injuries and the Texans sputtered to an 8-8 finish. Make no mistake, this is a team that has improved markedly under Coach Gary Kubiak but they will need more consistency, more depth, and a lot of luck if they harbor any hopes of finally competing with Indianapolis and Jacksonville for the AFC South.

STEELERS OFFENSE VS. TEXANS DEFENSE

The Texans are a 4-3 team that generally plays a lot of Cover 2 zone. They’ve made strides in developing the most important part of a Cover 2 scheme, the defensive line, but there’s still a ways to go.

The good news is that they appear to have two quality pass rushers on the D-line in Okoye and 2007 1^st overall pick Mario Williams. Williams actually got better and better as last season progressed and he will be one of the keys to the team’s success (or failure) this year. They are not afraid to move Williams around given his size and athleticism and if he can finally put together an entire season where he shows people why he went so high in the draft, the Texans defense would take a giant step toward respectability.

Unfortunately, Okoye and Williams are out on an island as they got nothing from anybody else last season. Neither Travis Johnson nor Anthony Weaver recorded a sack last year. Johnson got lost in old friend Dom Capers‘ 3-4 scheme coming into the NFL and has never recovered. He is also the infamous player who got a lot of heat for taunting an obviously hurt Trent Green last season. To me, Green was the real prick on the play, taking one of the worst cheap shots you can in an NFL game but because he got hurt and he’s a QB, the NFL wrote it off.

CB Dunta Robinson makes plays and is good enough to lock down on quality receivers but was injured in camp and not expected to play. Jacques Reeves was known as “the most thrown at cornerback in the NFL” last season. Much like being the girl with her phone number written in the men’s bathroom stall or the odd geek in Harry Potter glasses who stands behind a Ficus at parties, that’s not a particularly good rep to have.

The Steelers, a running team now and forever, have been steadily moving toward a more wide-open style offense as QB Ben Roethlisberger matures. My gut feeling is Houston has the talent to clamp down on the running game, at least in the early going but will struggle mightily if Ben is given a lifetime to throw the bal. Considering the play of the Steelers O-line this preseason, I don’t think they’ll have to worry about that. It is going to fall to the Dynamic Duo of WRs Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes to get open , catch the ball, and establish a lead. Holmes in particular should be primed for a big game as he should be matched against Reeves who loves to give 5-8 yard cushions to speedy receivers.

STEELERS DEFENSE VS. TEXANS OFFENSE

The Texans run the exact same type of offense as the Broncos run with Gary Kubiak being a longtime Bronco player and then offensive coordinator. You’ll see a lot of slants and short routes, but this is a West Coast offense that goes deep more often than you expect.

Matt Schaub will lead the attack as long as he’s healthy. Schaub is a big guy but has one of the weaker arms in the league, although as long as Chad Pennington is around tossing his knuckleballs he’ll stay off the bottom of the list. However, he can make enough of the throws and is very accurate. Plus, unlike former starter David Carr, he knows when to get rid of the ball and doesn’t piss his pants in fear when a pass rush is coming at him.

With a Broncos type of offense, you’re likely to see multiple tailbacks platooning. They have an interesting mix with Ahman Green for speed, Chris Brown for power, and rookie Steve Slaton to do a little of everything. The only problem with their Poo Poo Platter Backfield is both Brown and Green are historically injury prone while Slaton carries on the fine tradition by recently missing time because his big toe is ouchie. Both veterans have also had a problem with fumbles throughout their career which makes me wonder why they didn’t draft Rashard Mendenhall to complete the trifecta.

The strength of the offense, and probably of the team, is a solid to possibly explosive wide receiving corp. Jacoby Jones was dynamite in preseason, but got hurt early on and couldn’t do much. Andre Johnson has always been a nightmare for defensive backs because of his size (230 pounds) and speed (4.3 speed). However, he got hurt last year as well and may not be fully recovered. Andre Davis came in and had a great season given the situation. He would be in line to replace Johnson if Johnson can’t go. Owen Daniels is one of those decent receiving tight ends in a West Coast offense.

The wideouts also contribute to an excellent special teams unit. Davis was 2nd in the league in kickoff returns last season, with a tremendous 30.3 yards a return. Jacoby Jones did alright at 9.5 yards a punt return, but he was banged up all year long. He’s really more explosive than his numbers suggest. If Mike Tomlin hasn’t figured out how to shore up the atrocious special teams play that hurt the Steelers all last year, this game will definitely expose them.

The offensive line had its best season in the team’s history which isn’t saying much when previous years saw some of the absolute worst O-line play in NFL history. Still, like the Steelers, they’re a much better run blocking unit than pass blocking. In fact, last season they would often run on third and 5 (and succeed) rather than risk a pass. A key for the Steelers will be to get ahead and force Houston into a one-dimensional passing offense. Then defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau can turn the dogs loose on poor hapless Schaub. It’s a risk, though, because if for some reason they can’t get to the QB, the Texans receivers are a definite threat against pretty much any secondary in the league.

The game will be won in the trenches, both offensively and defensively. Whichever lines can assert their manhood more forcibly will take control of this game and eventually emerge with a win. I know with the Steelers absolutely brutal 2008 schedule it’s very easy to look past this game and on to bigger and better things but that would be a huge mistake. The Texans are not the pushovers they were in seasons past and anything less than a total concentrated effort and we’ll all be crying in our Irons on Monday morning.

Remember Bowling Green. This is the professional equivalent of that collossal failure. Let’s hope the Steelers were paying attention to that game as closely as all the suckers Pitt fans were.

Steelers Flick The Booger

chris — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 15:44:49 +0000

Whoops.

Looks like Anthony “Booger” McFarland isn’t about to use the Terrible Towel as his personal Snot Rag of Doom any time soon. According to the Beaver County Times, the reason my witty headline went for naught is he failed his post workout physical. Shocking, I know, considering the reason he was released in the first place was he failed a physical. Guess that Wolverine-like healing factor the Steelers thought he possessed didn’t kick in yet.

I apologize for jumping the gun in bringing you the exciting news that we signed Booger. Serves me right for reading a Post-Gazette headline entitled “Steelers sign McFarland” and then seeing ESPN‘s news ticker confirm the news and believing them both. I should obviously know better than believe our city’s largest newspaper and the undisputed leader in sports. In the future, I promise to bring you all Steeler news three or four days late, thus ensuring the information is indeed accurate.

Speaking of exciting and accurate information, one signing I can confirm is the Steelers have re-signed defensive end Nick Eason. This is no doubt a case of having to settle for your second choice because your first one didn’t pan out. Kinda like in high school when you end up going to prom with that dorky girl you used to fling paste at in Kindergarten because the cute blonde cheerleader you really wanted to go with didn’t pass her physical. I suspect the clap.

Eason will be returning for his second season in Pittsburgh after coming over from the Brownies. That right there should tell you he’s a shitty player because the last good thing to come outta Cleveland is Drew Carey. Seriously, though, I admire the Steelers desire to keep their own players instead of acquiring other teams’ scraps but that’s only admirable if the guy, you know, CAN ACTUALLY PLAY. All available evidence suggests Eason cannot.

Which is a bit of a problem considering you’d want a back-up who could actually step in for, one might say back up, the starter. When Aaron Smith went down last year, Eason was given the start. And, as I’ve recounted serveral times, the rush defense blew. He was immediately replaced by Travis Kirschke. And the rush defense still blew, but it blew slightly less.

After the season ended and the tears from the Jacksonville loss had dried, head coach Mike Tomlin said the Steelers needed to get younger and better in the trenches. I don’t always understand Tomlin’s coachspeak but I guess by “younger,” he meant re-signing the 34-year-old Kirschke and by “better” he meant re-signing the guy who had to be replaced for poor play. Perhaps Tomlin knows something we don’t. Maybe he’s hoping that Ryan “Steely” Mcbean will, in his second year, gain the bulk, strength, athletic ability, and knowledge of the defense which will allow him to contribute to the team in a useful way. At this point, I’d give anybody a shot to break up the law firm of Kirschke & Eason.

Player Personnel Director Kevin Colbert would like to address the defensive line with a 2nd or 3rd round pick but we also need offensive linemen and there’s the big tall drink of water Ben Roethlisberger wants at reciever so, as I always tell my father, you can’t please all your mistresses. Once you’re past the third round or so, you probably won’t find any better quality than you already have. In which case, I hope they keep Booger’s number on the speed dial because, hey, maybe that healing factor will kick in eventually.

Mike Tomlin Is A Sex Machine To All The Chicks

chris — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:21:06 +0000

Happy Valentine’s Day, or as I call it, “Buy Your Woman Some Shiny Bling Or Suffer The Consequences” Day. Since I’m all about the theme posts, I wanted to do something sort of romance-oriented today. But what? I guess I could talk about my love of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the finest professional football team ever created. Or I could discuss my newfound man-crush on everybody’s favorite scruffy little buddy, Eli Manning, the man who saved us from the great scourge that is the New England Patriots. Or I could discuss the various storybook love affairs in the NFL today; Tony and Jessica, Tom and Giselle, Brady Quinn and Kellen Winslow. Hey everybody saw “American Beauty,” does he not think we know acting all homophobic is as big a sign as showing up at the Manhole for “Ladies’” Night?

Then I found it. I found my post. The saline-enhanced, scantily clad beauties over at Victoria’s Secret have recently named the Steelers head coach, our own Mike Tomlin, the NFL’s Sexiest Coach. I’m sure the voting was close, what with the metrosexual stylings of John Gruden and the always nattily attired Jack Del Rio, but an honor is an honor nonetheless. He’s just lucky Jimmy Johnson bailed out of the NFL years ago as there’s no way Tomlin’s swarthy Omar Eppsness could overcome that magnificent head of silvery helmet hair. I once saw the Fox pregame show in a howling rain storm and literally not a strand moved out of place. Mighty impressive folks.

If you have a minute, do read the article though. It’s a riot, if just for the comments from random females off the street. “He’s handsome, rich and he’s the coach of my favorite football team,” said Laura Bradley of Squirrel Hill. Well, at least she’s upfront about being a gold digger. “He’s no Denzel or anything.” opined Ashley Whitaker of Squirrel Hill, who likely goes home every night to her dipshit boyfriend with bad tribal tattoos and a trucker hat that he wears askew. I hate when people wear their hats askew. Charece Collins of Shadyside is attracted to Tomlin’s youthful energy but adds “it doesn’t hurt that he’s a millionaire.” What the hell? Did they interview every shameless whore in the entire Oakland radius?

I don’t know if I have any female readers, and if I do, I’m pretty sure that last paragraph has run them off, but here’s an idea. How about doing something for us guys this Valentine’s Day? Frilly lingerie? Nah. Edible underwear? Tastes like stale Fruit Roll-Ups. If you really want to make this a Valentine’s Day to remember, might I suggest you dress like this fine young lady right here.

Trust me, we’ll do a whole lot more than pat you on the ass for your efforts. And if you can work in a “Big Ben” reference at some point before we manage to split the uprights, not only will you probably get some overpriced shiny crap from Kay’s but you’ll win the title of “Best Girlfriend/Wife Ever.”

Steelers-Bengals Recap: The Big O

chris — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 22:17:14 +0000

None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. The big goose egg. No, not the approximate nutritional content of a bag of Cinnamon Sun Chips, the snack fat people eat to pretend they’re eating healthy, and my latest game day food of choice. I’m talking about the number of sacks the Steelers much maligned offensive line surrendered to Cincinnati this Sunday.

Granted, nobody was about to confuse the Bungles with the New York Sack Exchange or Blitzburgh when it comes to rushing the quarterback. They were on the lower end of average in the NFL in that category. However, the past three weeks we played teams dwelling in the cellar of those standings, yet still managed to offer them Ben Roethlisberger on a silver platter time and time again. Not this week, though. Cincinnati arrived with 18 sacks as a team and guess how many they’re leaving with? 18 baby! Good bye. Thanks for coming. See you next year.

Overall, I’d have to say last night’s game on the soggy tundra of Heinz Field was, top to bottom, the best game the Steelers have played all year. It couldn’t have come at a better time, as barring a miracle, next week we take on the Greatest Team In The History of the Universe (from now on referred to as GTITHOTU). You might also know them as the undefeated New England Patriots.

Sure there were a few worrisome spots. The Injury of Mysterious Origin™ to Najeh Davenport severely cripples us at running back. As John Madden pointed out, something strange is afoot regarding his foot because he wasn’t even listed on Friday’s final injury report. And Willie “Like Buttah” Parker had a terrible time holding on to the football, losing two out of three fumbles, although luckily the one that got returned for a touchdown was the one they overturned. Sure the ball was slick but nobody else had that much trouble so either Willie needs a new pair of gloves or needs to learn the fine art of Stick’um. But why dwell on the negatives when there were so many positives?

WR Hines Ward had a career day, catching 11 balls for around 100 yards and two scores to surpass John Stallworth as #1 on the Steelers all-time receiving TD list. He made the big catches in traffic all day long. Big Ben, managing to stay upright and not running for his life every third play, made the throws he needed to make in less than ideal conditions and scored a big touchdown to jump start the offense. And for the first time this season, our special teams actually played quite well. William Gay and Lawrence Timmons had some nice open field tackles on coverage which give me hope that aspect of our team is finally on the mend.

Our defense turned in another stellar effort. The line and linebackers hurried and harassed Carson Palmer all day long. Despite the injury to Troy Polamalu, the secondary did an outstanding job covering Cincinnati’s Big Two + Chris Henry. CB Ike Taylor was especially wet blanket-esque, totally stifling Ocho Cinco for most of the game. If our secondary can bring their A-game next week, things could get very interesting in Foxboro.