Don’t get excited.

Yesterday’s 11-10 (or was it 17-10?) victory over the San Diego Chargers was the very definition of a bad win. I’m sure some diehard members of Steeler Nation as well as the team’s fawning apologists in the Pittsburgh sports media will declare things are back on track. They’ll laud yet another stellar effort from the Blitzburgh defense. They’ll talk of a rejuvenated offense which featured a 300 yard passer, 100 yard rusher, and 100 yard receiver for the first time this year.

And they’d be missing the point.

The Steelers failed to score an offensive touchdown for the third time this season. QB Ben Roethlisberger’s stat line looks pretty (31-41 for 308 yards) but most of that was climate aided. Due to the frozen tundra of Heinz Field, the Charger defenders tried to combat the poor footing by playing well off the receivers trying to keep things in front of them. This allowed Ben to dink and dunk 5-8 yards passes all day long. Most of the passing yardage happened on runs after the catch. TE Matt Spaeth caught 6 balls for 55 yards while WR Hines Ward hauled in 11 for 124.

To his credit, Ben did avoid the game-altering mistakes which have plagued him in recent weeks. He made a couple dangerous throws but neither the INT bug nor his habit of holding on to the ball too long seemed to crop up. Of course, the weather dictated short passing game was an important factor. If we could run this offense every week, I could understand some optimism. Since this was a one time thing under very specific circumstances, you can’t expect them to be able to replicate it every week.

While Ben avoided mistakes, the rest of the team was full of them. Now I know what it feels like to live in Oakland because this was like watching a Raiders game minus the crazy senile owner. I’ve never seen a Steelers team take so many penalties. The final tally was 13 for 115 yards, many of the drive killing variety. It’s fun to bitch about the refs but perhaps it backfired as Hines Ward (who got nabbed twice for holding) seems like he’s being singled out by the zebras.

One of the penalties, a ridiculous holding call on CB Ike Taylor, set up a SD touchdown. The receiver cut left as Ike was arm jousting with him while QB Philip Rivers threw the ball 10 yards in the opposite direction. The other penalties were a smorgasbord of holding calls, mostly against the offensive line, although one was on a kickoff return which negated a nice run back by RB Gary Russell. Russell, by the way, seems to finally be the solution to the team’s never-ending search for a capable return man.

The line, which to their credit only surrendered 4 sacks on 41 pass plays, had an up and down afternoon. Penalties killed them, particularly on a nice drive that reached the red zone only to see two consecutive holding calls saddle them with a 2^nd and 30. RG Darnell Stapleton was carted off the field and replaced by Trai Essex which by my count means Tony Hills is our last backup left. Pray to whatever god you believe in he never has to take the field. The run blocking was mostly good as Fast Willie Parker returned with a 115 yard performance. He looked completely healthy as the burst was back and seemed to have no problems with either his shoulder or balky knee.

The team did have problems once again on short yardage situations. Mewelde Moore was stonewalled once again on a goal line stand. Parker fared no better on a third and short later in the game. Exasperated, head coach Mike Tomlin gave Russell a try and he promptly converted two of ‘em. So that’s two valuable roles he seems to fill. Good thing we used our #1 pick on a RB last year, huh?

Of course, we’d all be talking about how the Steeler ship has finally hit the iceberg if not for the defense, particularly the work of one James Harrison. The Silverback accounted for roughly half of the Steelers points. Swatting the ball out of Rivers’ mitts in the endzone scored us a safety while his INT return set us up for a Skippy Reed FG. Harrison’s partner-in-destruction, LaMarr Woodley, also returned to play well, particularly on a third and long play where he prevented a big first down by knocking down the ball in coverage(!). Speaking of coverage, despite 2/3 of the Three Amigos being injured, their backups did a pretty decent job. Unfortunately named William Gay was picked on all day and mostly rose to the challenge. Anthony Madison performed capably. The only blight was recently signed Fernando Bryant, who got all kinds of turned around on the handful of plays I saw him for. Luckily, his miscues didn’t cost us. Oh, and speaking of secondary play, the INT by S Troy Polamalu will deservedly take a place amongst the best plays of the season by anybody anywhere.

Since we’re talking about Troy, I guess we need to discuss what happened on the final play. It’s enormously frustrating that players get fined for things that aren’t called weeks after the fact while refs blow calls, sometimes even affecting the outcome of the game, and nothing is ever done. It’s also frustrating that the people in charge of enforcing the rules don’t seem to know them. I tried to read the various explanations but there’s less bullshit at Phipps Conservatory. The main point seems to be the initial pass was ruled an illegal forward pass, thus ending the play there. Except the initial pass was Rivers throwing the ball to a receiver which has been legal in the NFL since about 1938. The WR then lateraled to another player who tried a third lateral only to have Troy jump the play and knock the ball toward the end zone where he picked it up and scored. Somewhere along the line, the refs forgot you’re allowed one forward pass per play. What’s worse, they took 5 minutes to review the play and still blew it. Who was he talking to under the hood, his bookie? Either that or maybe he went to the Dave Hebner School of Refereeing.

In any event, until Herr Roger Goodell decides to reach down with his god-like hand and wipe away the mistakes made by the zebras, it goes down as an ugly 11-10 victory for the good guys. The G-Men returned the favor from the gift we gave them a few weeks back by beating the Ravens so we now have a two game cushion in the division. There will be no rest for the wicked as it’s a short week with the Bengals on tap for Thursday night on the Channel Nobody Gets. The Bengals managed to tie (Tie? A freakin’ tie?) the same Philly team which crushed us and have been playing like an actual professional football team as of late. We’ll have to wait and see if the Steelers can say the same.

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Her name is Kate Mara.

This Sunday, her loyalties will be divided like those of nobody else. Kate, you see, is the perfect fusion of two of football’s greatest families. Her father, Chris, is the son of legendary New York Giants owner Wellington Mara. Her mother, Kathleen, is the daughter of Tim Rooney, one of Pittsburgh Steelers founder Art’s boys.

Kate is an actress. She’s probably best known for playing a nutjob analyst on the greatest show in the history of television “24.” The reason I chose that picture of her is besides the fact she’s hot (duh), it perfectly sums up her mixed heritage. You have the pretty, stick-thin actress aspect which represents her New York side and she’s toting a big-ass shotgun which has Pittsburgh written all over it.

I know this doesn’t have much to do with football but would you rather read the 528th article about the Class of 2004 QB Draft or gawk at Kate? Anyway, on to my preview of this week’s tilt between the New York Football Giants and our Pittsburgh Steelers.

STEELER DEFENSE vs. GIANTS OFFENSE

They changed the offense under coordinator (and Steeler castoff) Kevin Gilbride by getting rid of so many deep pass patterns and utilizing more short patterns and come back routes. These safer throws help cover QB Eli Manning’s greatest weakness, his accuracy, which is key to his sudden emergence as an elite quarterback.

Nevertheless, the strength of this offense is the running game. Brandon Jacobs is far better than given credit for since he averaged 5.0 yards a carry and is very unfun to tackle because of his size. He’s not Reggie Bush by any stretch, but he’s far more elusive than say Christian Okoye was. Derrick Ward was supposed to be featured on passing downs and as a change-of-pace back but his explosive ability has many saying he should be given equal chance to carry the ball. This two-headed monster is complimented by a third excellent back in Ahmed Bradshaw.  They will be coming at the Steelers all day so Blitzburgh better be ready to clamp down on the run or the entire playbook opens up to the Giant offense.

Their O-Line deserves a lot of credit for their success running the ball as they have quality run blockers at four of the five positions. Rich Seubert is a severely underrated left tackle. Chris Snee is really good, although he does struggle with penalties. Plus he’s married to head coach Tom Coughlin’s daughter so he knows if he doesn’t play well, he’ll likely be sleeping on the couch when he gets home.

While run blocking is a strength, the line does have questions when it comes to protecting the quarterback. One of the key players last season was Kareem McKenzie. McKenzie has always been known as a run blocker over a pass protector. However, last season he put it all together in time for their stretch run. If McKenzie had struggled in pass protection like he had in previous years, it would’ve been nearly impossible for their offense to do anything with two offensive tackles needing help. David Diehl, the other weak link, is a good run blocker, but led the league in sacks allowed as he simply can’t keep up with good speed rushers.

The Black and Gold Wrecking Crew of LaMarr Woodley and James Harrison should get some pressure on Eli. This will be key as in their embarrassing loss to the hapless Browns they reverted back to their pre-Super Bowl form of Manning running around ragged, forcing things, and making bonehead mistakes.

Because he knocked off the hated Patriots, I’ll always be a fan of Eli. But realistically, he only played really well in week 17 last year, was about average against Tampa, and then only attempted 18 passes in the Dallas game. He was terrific against the Packers but if you watch the Super Bowl, he started making those bad decisions again and was just incredibly lucky. His highest season QB rating is only a 77.

Manning’s big weapon in the passing game is another old friend, Plaxico Burress. If you remember all the reasons we weren’t sorry to see him go they still apply here. Yes, he came up really big in the playoffs last year but considering how many big games for the Steelers where he pulled a disappearing act, it’s almost too little too late. He’s Eli’s favorite target and with his size, he should give our smallish corners fits. CB Bryant McFadden has a broken forearm and will be out several weeks so the nickel corner will now be the unfortunately named William Gay.

STEELER OFFENSE vs. GIANTS DEFENSE

The G-Men run a 4-3 scheme that is based on the scheme that the Eagles use as D-Coordinator Steve Spagnuolo was a longtime assistant under Jim Johnson. This means lots of blitzing, stunting, and changes in coverage. This also means we’re facing nearly an exact copy of the defense which sacked QB Ben Roethlisberger approximately 37 times in our only loss of the season.

Except the Giants D has more talent. They held opponents to an 83.4 QB rating last year. They were solid against the run (3.8 yards allowed per carry) and led the league in sacks. We’ll learn if our revamped offensive line has really improved since the Philly debacle or if it has simply been a result of playing sub-standard teams. LT Marvel Smith is still recovering from the back spasms he experienced three weeks ago so his return is uncertain. If he can’t go, the $7 Million Dollar Man Max Starks will actually have to earn his grossly inflated pay. He looked decent last week against Cincy but c’mon, it’s the Bungles. RG Darnell Stapleton continues to impress but he will be tested against the Giants excellent DTs.

Of course, I again refer to the Browns game where immobile statue Derek Anderson had all day and night to throw the ball. The Giants have suffered a lot of loss on defense, notably the retirement of Michael Strahan and the season-ending injury to every hooker’s nightmare Osi Umenyiora. Whether or not these losses have finally caught up to them or if that game was just a fluke will deteremine what happens on offense for Steelers.

Barring any last second incidents such as walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror, Pothole Willie Parker should finally return from his sprained knee. Mewelde Moore has been nothing short of spectacular in his place so I wouldn’t expect a heavy workload for FWP. In fact, I’m sure they’ll split the carries until he works himself back into game shape.

Loosening up the Giant D will likely fall to Big Ben and his receivers. One reason the Pats were such favorites last year was on paper the biggest weakness for NY is their corners. Sam Madison is a gamer. He was supposedly done 3 years ago and he doesn’t have nearly the quickness or athleticism he had back then but somehow manages to hold his own. Corey Webster was horrible last year but then played the game of his life against Randy Moss. Aaron Ross didn’t put up good pass defense stats either although he’s a great blitzer.

Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, and the Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington should be able to work against this secondary. The Browns passing game had little problem and even pathetic Cincy kept their game competitive because they could throw on them. As long as our line keeps Ben upright, there will be plays to be made. That’s one big “if” though.

Both teams are currently 5-1.  Both teams also have yet to play any real stiff competition.  This week will be a huge gauge of exactly how good they truly are.

Anybody catch the debate last night?   I’m new to the politics but that was the worst debate I’ve ever seen. They should never let Tom Brokaw near another debate ever. “Gentlemen, please recite your stump speech.” Where is Gwen Ifill when you need her?

In case you missed it, I’ll give you a quick recap:  John McCain aka Viagra McManyhouses called his opponent “that one” and said several other bizarre things that reminded me of my dad.  His entire demeanor was similar to that of your crusty old neighbor yelling, “Get off my lawn!”   Barack Obama aka Lightworker Von Hopenchange didn’t say anything earth-shattering but at least he kept his cool and didn’t say anything outright stupid.

Now on to an election Steeler Nation might actually care about.

While we bask in the afterglow of the utter destruction of those Jagoffs from Jacksonville, the rest of the football world has decided to take notice.  Not one, not two, but THREE of our guys are up for awards this week.   Please take a moment to click on the links and stuff the ballot box for our Steelers.  Remember, do it the Republican way, vote early and vote often.   I want a Black and Gold sweep this week or else I’m posting a video of Sally Wiggin pole dancing.

Here are the links:

Mister Woodley aka Mister Woodley for Defensive Player of the Week.

Big Ben aka Quarterbackus Indestructible for Offensive Player of the Week.

Mike Tomlin aka Omarepps Lookaliker for Coach of the Week.

Max Starks aka Loafus Maximus for Overpaid Benchwarmer of the Week.

Suzy Kolber has a potty mouth.

Then again, I’m pretty sure every member of Steeler Nation who watched Pittsburgh defeat the Baltimore Ravens 23-20 in overtime last night directed a few cuss words at their television screens.  Yes, we managed to hand the Ravens their first loss.   Yes, this puts us in a fairly commanding position in the AFC North.  And yes, there were a few individual performances which stood out.

Chief among them was the play of Mr. Monday Night James Harrison.  Harrison absolutely wrecked the Miami Dolphins last year during the MNF Sod Bowl debacle.  Tonight, he played even better.  11 tackles, 2.5 sacks, and a caused fumble resulting in a defensive TD.  He was all over the field, causing havoc wherever he went.  I know he drew at least 2 holding penalties but from what I saw, he could’ve easily drawn a half-dozen more.  He was literally a runaway freight train and the Ravens couldn’t hope to stop him, only contain him, which they were barely able to do.

Overall, the defense didn’t quite play as well as in previous games although there are a lot of mitigating factors which I’ll get to in a minute.  The line, minus starters Bret Keisel and Fatboy Hampton, held their own in the running game.  I loved how the Worst Commentators Ever™ criticized the lack of Ravens running plays.  I guess they never bothered to read their own obtrusive graphics which showed at one point they gained 9 yards on 8 carries.  Plus, RB Willis McGahee was gutting it out when he was clearly injured.

They did have some problems with rookie QB Joe Flacco, though.  For a guy who is supposedly a statue back there, he scrambled around like Kordell Stewart on a crucial first half scoring drive.  The secondary, particularly S Troy Polamalu (who had another outstanding game), was one step away from an INT on numerous plays but never came up with the big pick.  Flaccos’s cannon arm really gave them problems as he moved the offense by repeatedly rifling passes into tight spaces.  S Ryan Clark had a tough game in missing a number of tackles and CB Deshea Townshend looked very rusty in his first game back from injury.

Thankfully, the linebackers were like daytraders on Wall Street, an angry, snarling, drooling bunch who almost single-handedly kept the Steelers in the game when it looked like they could possibly be blown out.  I already mention Mr. Monday Night but his partner in crime, Mister Woodley, had another fantastic game.  He chipped in with 2 sacks and returned the poor sad unwanted football Flacco carelessly discarded to the endzone for the aforementioned TD.  James Farrior and Larry Foote also showed up in force.  Even Lawrence Timmons looked good in limited action, although he got absolutely flattened by Baltimore RB Le’Ron McLain from the planet Melmac on the crucial game-tying TD.

So that’s the good.  The bad and the ugly can be summed up by one word:  OFFENSE.   Offense so bad, it led poor Suzy to utter a cuss word on national tv.   Too bad Joe Namath wasn’t around to ask if she kissed her her mom with that mouth…and if he’d kiss her, too.

Watching the Steelers attempt what can only loosely be classified as offensive football was roughly akin to losing your virginity on prom night:   you grasp around blindly hoping to stumble upon something that works but most of the time you just end up with an elbow in your eye and a quick but unsatisfying ending.

We had, no joke, 45 yards total offense in the first half.  The running game was not even given a chance.  Basically, it seems like O-coordinator Bruce Arians wants to see the back rip off a 24 yard gain on every carry.  If he should get stopped for a 2 yard gain, however, that’s clearly a sign all is lost and we should go back to passing every down.  Great plan, except our offensive line has more holes than Nevillewood, although they managed to limit the damage to 3 sacks last night.

Actually, I did notice a lot of the problems in terms of protection were exacerbated (made worse) by poor scheming and poor QB-WR play.  On a few of the jail breaks, the guy rushing in was unblocked because they had more guys rushing than we had O-lineman.  I don’t expect our guys to knock out two men each.  Likewise, on other plays, a clear pocket was formed for QB Ben Roethlisberger to step up and throw.  Instead, he steps up and looks and looks and looks some more…   One time the WR didn’t read the blitz and break off the route, another the RB either failed to stay back to block or didn’t turn around for a dump off.  This is all a sign of poor coaching which needs addressed.

Big Ben was in a funk the entire first half, throwing inaccurately, missing open receivers, making poor decisions, and/or running for his life.  I’d like to give the coaches credit for righting the ship in the 2nd half but they don’t deserve it.  They went to a no-huddle where Ben got to call his own plays and VOILA! we managed to move the ball.  What does it say about your offensive coordinator and/or his playcalling if your QB needs to run the offense by himself in order to get anything done?

Rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall, in his first pro start, had one nice run but didn’t move the chains much beyond that.  WR Hines Ward’s mouth contributed more than his hands as his smack-talking caused a crucial unsportsmanlike penalty on a pea-brained Raven linebacker which eventually lead to a TD.  WR Santonio Holmes scored that TD but, to be honest, it was a little slant play designed for 10-15 yards which the inept Ravens secondary miss-tackled into a score.  Mewelde Moore, the last healthy back on our roster, finally showed something when he was pressed into late game action.  Maybe these injuries will be a blessing in disguise as now they’re forced to use more Moore, giving Ben a chance to familiarize himself with his screen pass catching abilities

The story of this game, beyond Suzy Kolber saying naughty words (which in my book makes her all the more desirable), was the injuries.  To call this game a “war” would be like calling Vietnam a “spitball fight.”  Players were hitting the turf left and right.  Before Skippy Reed had nailed the game winner in OT, the Ravens were down to their 3rd string RB.  The Steelers lost special teams ace Andre Frazier in a scary moment right off the opening kickoff.  RG Kendall Simmons tore his ACL shortly before the half.  Then Sugar Rashard broke his collarbone on the first play after.  Both men are likely out for the season which means the injury situation is getting dire.

But not so dire is our record.  A loss tonight would’ve put the Steelers behind the eight ball early in the year and really opened the door for the division to be up for grabs.   This win solidified our hold on 1st place.  Never forget that last year we would’ve missed the playoffs but for two wins over the Brownies.  Should we find ourselves in a similar battle with the Ravens this year, the heroics of the two linebackers I call MISTER may very well have saved our season.