They say the holidays are the most stressful time of the year. Even more so for members of Steeler Nation when there’s a monumental showdown against the Baltimore Ravens looming this Sunday. In order to help you kill two birds with one stone, let’s take our minds off the game by reviewing some cool gifts you might want to give the rabid Steeler fan in your life.

For your convenience, I have included links to where the products can be purchased online. They are the cheapest prices I am aware of but you’re welcome to search around on your own. I do not receive any commission, referral fee, or any other compensation if you click those links. This isn’t Aintitcoolnews, ya know.

Oh, and by the way, you also have a chance to win FREE CROCS. Interested? Read on…

Pittsburgh Steelers Mammoth Crocs

My fashionista cousins, Taylor and Lexi, were constantly on me to get a pair of Crocs, advice I foolishly ignored until this summer when a trip to Kennywood hipped me to the fact everyone was wearing them.  I finally bought a pair and I swear they are the most comfortable shoes ever. If you’re one of those people, like me, who lives in sandals or flip-flops from May to September, you should definitely check them out.

If you “fan” the official Crocs Facebook page linked here and then order through them, they’ll take 15% off your order.

Now for the part I know you’re interested in. I was making this list but before I could check it twice, the fine folks over at Crocs contacted me. I told them what I was doing, they loved the idea and generously offered not one but TWO free pair of Pittsburgh Steelers Mammoth Crocs (pictured above) for my loyal readers. The Mammoths, retail price $44.99, are a new line designed to keep your gnarly toes warm during the frigid winter months.

Since I hate elaborate, “Write a 1,500 word essay about how the Roethlisberger-Ward dynamic represents interpersonal communication within the workplace”-type contests, this one is very simple. All you have to do is guess how many TOTAL POINTS will be scored this Sunday in Baltimore. In other words, come up with a final score, add the numbers together, and post this guess IN THE COMMENTS below. Whoever comes closest wins (in case of tie, LOW man wins) and one guess per person.

Wait, I said there were two pairs, right? Here’s the best part. Even if your guess is absolutely rotten, I will take everybody who participates, put their name in my Steeler Stocking, and choose a second winner. One guess, two chances to win. Please make sure your email address is working (or post one with your guess) so I can contact the winner.

When you’re finished trying to win free swag, here a few more gift ideas for you to give (or give yourself) this Yuletide season:

“Steel Dynasty” by Bill Chastain

I’m guessing most of you are my age (GenX) or younger. As such, you were born too late to experience the Steel Curtain teams of the 1970’s. The history of that team lives on in our older relatives, who remember every last player, every last game, and love telling stories which recount their greatness.

However, if you want a history told by an actual professional author, this is the book for you. While the 70’s Steelers are the subject of many books, I found this one a fairly quick read which still gives you a ton of fascinating information. It starts with the arrival of Chuck Noll, describes how he built the team into a juggernaut, and then goes year by year through their accomplishments. The book also doesn’t shy away from controversial topics like Terry Bradshaw’s feud with Noll or Pittsburgh’s racist treatment of QB Joe Gilliam.

You can find (or order) this book at most major booksellers so I suggest you buy it wherever you have a discount membership card or you can look through Amazon’s second hand booksellers and find it for about $8.00.

Steelers Super Bowl Victories DVD Set

After reading about the Steel Curtain, you can watch them with this sweet DVD set containing the original broadcasts of their Super Bowl victories. When I first got online back in 1994 as a freshman at CMU, one of the first things I searched for was tape traders. There were a ton that traded wrestling and a bunch who swapped soap operas but I only found one guy with a crappy 4^th generation dub of Super Bowl XIV. Here you get them all plus the One for the Thumb against the Seahawks.

Deepdiscount has it for $30, ten less than retail plus they don’t charge tax or shipping.

LaMarr Woodley Kills People T-shirt

Ever since I posted this picture way back in week two, people have emailed me asking where to get one. After searching until my fingers bled, here you go. Now stop bothering me. I paid a little less for mine but you can pay $20 for this awesome shirt online or you can walk around outside Heinz Field on game day and hope you bump into a tall olive-skinned gentleman in a bucket hat like I did.

The Alyssa Milano NFL Collection

Actually, I don’t really like that shirt, I just wanted to post Alyssa Milano in my blog. “Embrace of the Vampire” is a cinematic masterpiece as far as I’m concerned. In her spare time, she designs NFL clothes for women. Wait, I thought she was a baseball groupie? “Charmed” residuals mustn’t be paying well.

Actually, this does bring up something I’ve been meaning to tell all the ladies out there. Please, I beg you, STOP BUYING pink #7 Roethlisberger jerseys. You do not look cute. You look like a cliché. Pink Roethlisberger jerseys scream, “I’m trying to show my boyfriend how cool I am by pretending to love his favorite team.”

If you’re female and you truly love the Steelers (and I believe some of you do exist), buy a REGULAR jersey. Believe me when I say guys will find you 300% cuter if you’re wearing an actual Polamalu jersey rather than one that got attacked by a Bedazzler. If that’s not feminine enough for you, check out the Alyssa Collection. Pretty much anything except one of those pink abominations. Okay?

Jack Lambert (McFarlane Toys Legends Collection)

If you’re an old school comic geek like yours truly, you probably remember the squiggly web-drawing greatness of one Todd McFarlane. You also probably know he retired from funny books years ago to devote himself to other projects, like making toys. I’m in no way, shape, or form a toy collector but his NFL licensed figures are outstanding. He has a Polamalu and Roethlisberger which are both tremendous. He also has a Hall of Fame line with an excellent reproduction of Franco Harris scooping up the Immaculate Reception, which I would’ve chosen but are hard to find and currently listed as $75.00 on Ebay. So my new favorite has to be this one of Jack Lambert.

You can find them for about $10.00 on Amazon, probably a little less on Ebay although that would require a bit more searching. I leave that up to you.

Hope this quick stroll through Chrismukkah Gift Ideas provides you with some inspiration. And don’t forget to enter the contest. Happy Holidays everybody!

Wide receivers. Of course, I’m talking about wide receivers and not Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger’s taste in the ladies. As an aside, after spending a whole week listening to Sean Salisbury and Tony Kornheiser discuss Tom Brady’s main squeeze, Brazilian supermodel Giselle Budchen, while also bemoaning the fact that Tony Romo has reportedly kicked Yoko Simpson to the curb, I’m extremely glad our quarterback limits his off-field activities to LPGA scrubs and WB starlets. Anyway, this week the national football media latched on to the story of an apparent riff developing between Ben Roethlisberger and Steelers WR Hines Ward.

It all started shortly after the season-ending soul-crushing loss to the Jacksonville Jagoffs. Ben was asked what areas he felt the Black and Gold needed to address in the draft. He responded by saying, “I’m always going to ask for a tall receiver. That’s just me. Our receivers are unbelievable, but our tallest guy might be Hines. Or Santonio [Holmes]. Hines is going to say he’s 6 foot, but he’s 5-11.”

These comments made it through the grapevine to good ‘ol Hines. “I don’t hear Tom Brady or Peyton Manning asking for that,” Ward said. “To me, it’s a rare combination of receivers out there who are good and tall. We won a Super Bowl, we didn’t have a tall receiver then,” he added, eyes welling up with emotion. “To me, I have enough problems to worry about than what Ben wants — I can’t give him the contract,” Ward continued, referring to Roethlisberger’s upcoming contract extension talks. “He wants a tall receiver? Why did we draft Santonio?” asked Hines, lips quivering from the sting of Ben’s betrayal.

Look, I like Hines Ward. I didn’t see Lynn Swann play and only caught John Stallworth toward the tail end of his career. Swannie’s career was short and Stallworth benefited from always playing opposite other good receivers. Such as Louis Lipps, who was a Rookie of the Year, damn fine wide out, and made a very tasty cookie. All of them put up some great numbers but I’d have to say Hines is the best receiver in Steeler history. He’ll go over the middle. He can be a possession receiver although he’s fast enough to break off long gainers. His 18 yard/catch average was highest among any of the top 50 reception leaders in the NFL this season, which is doubly impressive considering how often he catches 5-8 yard dump offs in the flat. He’s an awesome blocker. He’s a former Super Bowl MVP. He’s a tremendous talent.

He’s also a bit of a head case. It all goes back to the year he was drafted. Mel Kiper and his fabulous head of hair had Hines projected as a first round pick. Unfortunately, he also played quarterback and running back at Georgia which confused some scouts as to where he should play or if he was polished enough in any one area. So he dropped, all the way to the third round. Oh, the horrors! Still, Ward never forgot this “slight” and has spent his career with a chip on his shoulder trying to prove everybody was wrong about him.

Sometimes this is a good thing. Ben still smarts from being picked behind Phillip Rivers and Eli Manning. Tom Brady never forgot he was a 6th round pick. But with Hines, it’s always been a bit of a problem. A couple seasons ago, he threatened to hold out of training camp because of perceived disrespect from the Steelers organization. Only a phone call from Bill Cowher managed to convince him to stop being a baby and show up for work.

Yes, Ben should know better than to be critical of his teammates. Especially teammates who performed well for him this season. He should also know better than say things about Hines, given the man is more thin-skinned than a woman with PMS. And yes, Hines has a point about ability trumping size in receivers. The Jaguars have two gargantuan wideouts but they can only be bothered to catch 1 out of every 4 passes thrown their way. I’d rather have a midget who catches everything than a 25%er.

That said, Ben is totally correct to want a larger receiver put on the offseason shopping list. One of the frustrating parts of the Steelers offense this season was not being able to score touchdowns when inside the 5. Part of this has to do with not having a big fatass running back. The other part is not having a big end zone target. We do have 6-5 Heath Miller and 6-7 Matt Spaeth at tight end and early in the year, they were both scoring touchdowns. When teams caught on and began to cover them is when the red zone problems started. Also, neither of them are particularly quick (not fast, big guys aren’t usually fast but they have to be quick enough to get separation) which limits their usefulness in the open field. How many 20, 25, 30 yard gainers did either have this year? The jump ball bomb is a weapon missing from our offense ever since Plaxico Burress left.

So Ben was right, although the way he went about it was wrong. It’s all water under the bridge now. Hopefully Ben will apologize and smooth things out with Hines and Hines will wipe away his tears and come back this year with an even bigger chip on his shoulder. Which, now that I think about it, might be an ingenious bit of reverse psychology on Ben’s part. Or dumb luck. Whatever works.

The best part of the game was halftime, when the Steelers honored their 75th Anniversary Team. Fans voted on the players and, happily, they mostly got it right (more on that in a minute). The team was heavy with players from the 70′s Steel Dynasty team but if seeing Franco Harris or Terry Bradshaw back in their uniforms once again didn’t bring a smile to your face, you might as well turn in your membership card to Steeler Nation.

For those who missed it, here’s the team:

DEFENSE
Joe Greene – Defensive Tackle (1969-81)
L.C. Greenwood – Defensive End (1969-81)
Casey Hampton – Nose Tackle (2001-Present)
Ernie Stautner – Defensive Tackle (1950-63)
Dwight White – Defensive End (1971-80)
Jack Ham – Outside Linebacker (1971-82)
Jack Lambert – Middle Linebacker (1974-84)
Greg “F’N” Lloyd – Outside Linebacker (1988-97)
Joey Porter – Outside Linebacker (1999-2006)

I have to pause here and quibble with the last choice. Remember when I said the fans “mostly” got the voting right? Well, I hope you do since you just read it four sentences ago. Porter was a good player, no question. But All-Time great? Please. I think people tend to remember Porter as being better than he was because he played great ball in those four playoff games during the miracle run of 2005. Clearly, the Miami Dolphins do, because they surely didn’t notice he only had 5 sacks last year. Or maybe they did. They’re not exactly known for their keen judge of talent.

I’m not sure how he got on this team to be honest with you. From what I heard, he was the only member of the team to get booed when his name was announced. I suspect there was some ballot box stuffing or other shenanigans afoot. So, who should’ve been on the team?

Levon Kirkland. Talk about playing great in the playoffs, does anybody remember Super Bowl XXX? He was a one-man wrecking crew, running all over the field in an effort to kibosh the nefarious plans of Troy Aikman and the Dallas Cowpies. Kirkland was the anchor of those awesome Steeler defenses of the 90′s. He was one of the most amazing middle linebackers to ever play because he was huge (6’1 and he always weighed around 300 pounds) but fast enough to cover tight ends and drop back in zone coverage. Nobody with so much beef has moved that nimbly since Britney’s performance at the VMAs.

Andy Russell – Outside Linebacker (1963, 1966-76)
Mel Blount – Cornerback (1970-83)
Jack Butler – Defensive Back (1951-59)
Carnell Lake – Safety (1989-98)
Troy Polamalu – Safety (2003-Present)
Donnie Shell – Safety (1974-87)
Rod Woodson – Cornerback (1987-96)

OFFENSE

Terry Bradshaw – Quarterback (1970-83)
Rocky Bleier – Running Back (1968, 1970-80)
Jerome Bettis – Running Back (1996-05)

Somebody needs to tell me the name of Jerome’s tailor. I’m a bit on the husky side myself and that dude does the best camouflage job I’ve ever seen. Did anybody see Bettis at halftime? I realize that he’s retired so he can let himself go but DAMN. He looked humongous.  Seriously, where’s Dan Marino and his amazing weight loss plan when you need them?  Somebody call Nutra-System, STAT.  When they cut to him next Sunday, I’m going to be on the look out for Carrie Fisher in a shiny metal bikini.

Franco Harris – Running Back (1972-83)
Bennie Cunningham – Tight End (1976-85)
Elbie Nickel – Tight End (1947-57)
John Stallworth – Wide Receiver (1974-87)
Lynn Swann – Wide Receiver (1974-82)
Hines Ward – Wide Receiver (1998-Present)

Stallworth and Swann? Do we really need them both? What about Louis Lipps? Anybody who caught 359 passes for 6,031 yards and 39 touchdowns while also making a damn fine cookie deserves a spot on this team.

Besides, Stallworth and Swann had the advantage of playing with Terry Bradshaw. Who did Louis having throwing to him? Mark Malone? His greatest talent was the ability to grow a swank mustache.

In other news, I heard it on good authority that Swannie received 42,329 votes. Perhaps not so coincidentally, that’s exactly how many votes he received when he ran for governor in 2006.

Larry Brown – Offensive Tackle (1971-84)
Dermontti Dawson – Center (1988-00)
Alan Faneca – Guard (1998-Present)
Tunch Ilkin – Offensive Tackle (1980-92)
Jon Kolb – Offensive Tackle (1969-81)
Mike Webster – Center (1974-88)

SPECIALISTS

Gary Anderson – Kicker (1982-94)
Bobby Walden – Punter (1968-77)

No problems with those two. But here is where the most glaring omission takes place. What about Willis Hope Thompson?

What about Weegie?

No 75th anniversary could be complete without one scrappy, hard-working, blue-collar player that epitomizes what it means to be a Pittsburgh Steeler. The soul of this team has always been the fact we’re not glitzy, we’re not flashy, and we’re not slick. We’re a hard-nosed, gritty, smash mouth team from a blue-collar city that likes its beer and its kielbasa.

Weegie Thompson deserves a place on the 75th anniversary team simply for epitomizing what it means to be a Pittsburgh Steeler. He never put up big numbers. He was never the go-to receiver. But Weegie shouldered on. He made the blocks, he covered the kicks, he busted the wedges… All with a smile on his face and a Flock Of Seagulls haircut on top of his head.

Anyway, looking over the names on this team brings back a flood of memories over a lifetime of being a Steeler fan. We have been blessed with an embarrassment of riches when it comes to having talented football players. So to every one of them, from Franco Harris to Walter Abercrombie, from Hines Ward to Weegie Thompson, I say to them all, “thanks for the memories.”