Thanks, Ryan.

The Pittsburgh Steelers continued their unfortunate habit of making games closer than they have any right to be, holding on to defeat the Cincinnati Bengals 27-21.  Can we please stop leaving “The Steelers should win easy this week.” type messages in the comments?   NOTHING is ever easy for this team.   The Black and Gold held a 27-7 lead IN THE FOURTH QUARTER and came within one James Harrison shellacking of blowing it.

The Bengals seemed hellbent on giving the game away from the opening kickoff.  Emmanuel Sanders put a nice hit on Bernard Scott and Jason Worilds pounced on the fumble.   Three plays later, Rashard Mendenhall bulldozed his way into the end zone.  On Cincy’s next drive, the Bungles continued their comical special teams play by getting the punt blocked.  This time, the Steelers had to settle for a Skippy Reed FG.

Spotted a ten point lead, you’d think the Steelers would cruise to an easy victory.  As soon as those foolish thoughts entered my head, sure enough Hines Ward fumbled away a WR screen pass (which Bruce Arians called approximately 195 times last night).  Terrell Owens torched Gay for a 21 yard TD and the game was on.

But wait…never underestimate the Bungles desire to lose.   Carson Palmer threw an ill-advised pass into triple coverage where it was intercepted by NPC reader’s pick for Mid-Season MVP Lawrence Timmons (good call).   Ben Roethlisberger hit Mike Wallace streaking down the sideline with a beautiful 35 yard strike and three plays later a dump over the middle to Hines scored a TD.  Actually, Hines was about half a yard short of a TD but inept Marvin Lewis had already wasted a challenge on the Wallace catch and didn’t want to blow his wad early.

While all this was going on, Steelers were falling by the wayside left and right.  I was watching the Bengals and a Ravens game broke out.  Brett Keisel’s balky hamstring acted up, Chris Kemoeatu had some sort of ankle problem, and the man who should be Rookie of the Year, Maurkice Pouncey, went down with a sprained knee.  It was like a preseason game with Doug Legursky at center and Jonathan Scott at guard.

Meanwhile, the Bengals injuries continued to be self-inflicted.  After a long return by Scott, Cincy missed a 51 yard field goal.   Starting almost at mid-field, Ben was able to hit The Flash for 24 yards.  This set up another Skippy boot to close out the half 20-7.

For those keeping score at home, that’s five huge Bengal-blunders resulting in all our points.

The Steelers tried running the ball in the second half but weren’t having much luck behind a banged up line.  When they did throw, Ben ran around like his pants were on fire (although in his case, that burning sensation is probably a gift from the loose women he associates with).  When he finally decided to throw after breaking four tackles and surveying the field for 35 seconds, it was mostly short stuff.  The Steelers had a golden opportunity to break the game open early in the third when Wallace blew past the entire secondary but Ben underthrew him by 2 yards.  In fact, the nicest deep ball all night was Antwaan Randle-El‘s 39 yard TD bomb to Wallace, who still had to come back for it.

That was the first play of the fourth quarter and put the Steelers up by 20.   The Bengals quickly responded with a 57 yard TD drive which took all of a minute and a half.  This time, T.O. was matched up against B-Mac and McFadden didn’t fare any better than Gay.  Perhaps giving every receiver an 8 yard cushion isn’t the brightest idea, Bryant.

On our next drive, Ben threw a crappy lollipop late into traffic and was picked off.  Although his final numbers weren’t horrible (17-27 for only 163 yards 1/1), they weren’t great either.  Four games into his comeback, something still seems off with him.  At times, like the fantastic over-the-shoulder throw to Wallace, you see flashes of last year’s Ben but the consistency isn’t there.   I suspect he’s trying so hard to be the hero his teammates and Steeler Nation already view him as that the pressure is rattling him.

The Bengals took the gift and scored another TD by gaining 1 yard.   Did I forget to mention they returned the INT to the 1 yard line?   No, I did not.   They took possession at Pittsburgh’s 36.   But first there was a bogus roughing the passer call on Casey Hampton then a phantom pass interference flag on Ike Taylor.  So Cincy managed to move the ball 35 yards without actually doing anything except looking at the refs and crying for a penalty.

Wait, I thought the Steelers got all the calls?

A twenty point lead had shrunk faster than Bret Favre in an ice bath.   With the score an uncomfortably close 27-21, the Steelers went Old School.   Defying all logic (Legursky was at LG, for crying out loud), they started pounding the ball down their throats.  Mendy ripped of runs of 8, 9, and 18 yards in rapid succession.  A lame draw play on 3rd and 6 (Why isn’t our superhero behind center throwing in that situation?), set up a 46 yard field goal.  Skippy shanked it as the Steelers were suddenly trying to out-bungle the Bungles.

You suck, Skippy.  I could put up with your whiny troll-doll lookin’ drunken idiocy when you made all your kicks.  Now, not so much.  Where’s Piotr Czech?

The Bengals moved down the field with little resistance.  Palmer was an equal-opportunity exploiter as he picked on all our inept corners.  A 20 yarder over the middle to a wide open T.O., who held on despite getting steamrolled by Troy, moved them down to the Steelers 17.   I’ve been very critical of T.O. but I have to give big props for yesterday’s performance.  He’s proven to be the clutch, gutsy veteran receiver Ochocinco has never been.

A penalty and three plays later and we were at 4th and 5 from the 12.  Palmer completed a first down pass to Jordan Shipley, who had the ball dislodged by a crushing blow from the Silverback.  Had Shipley held on to that pass, I have no doubt the Bengals would’ve scored the go-ahead touchdown.  And we would’ve had another fourth quarter collapse.

I don’t understand what goes on with this team at the end of games.  It’s like as soon as the scoreboard switches to Q4, everybody goes on auto-pilot.  It’s a disturbing trend on defense which began last season and continues to this day.  We thought no Troy and no B-Mac and no Smith explained the problem but there’s more to it than that.   And on the flip side, the offensive explosion we had last season and we expected with Ben’s return still hasn’t materialized.  Yes, we’re 6-2 and, yes, we’re as  good as anybody in the NFL but at this point I don’t think I’d be surprised if any of the Jets, Ravens, Steelers, Colts, Patriots, Chargers, or Chiefs went to the Super Bowl or didn’t win a playoff game.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

This year, HBO featured the Cincinnati Bengals on their Hard Knocks series.  The show was pretty much mind-numbingly with two exceptions.  The first being whenever owner Mike Brown or his equally clueless daughter (who, inexplicably, negotiates contracts) were demonstrating how ineptly they run their franchise.  The other was whenever Ochocinco had his weekly spotlight, such as in the clip above. I defy anybody to watch that and tell me he doesn’t come across as one of those rare athletes who is legitimately funny and entertaining like Shaquille O’Neal.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

Recently, I was offered the chance to review a copy of Chad’s new book, Ochocinco What Life and Football Have Thrown My Way.  I agreed because I needed to know if I was losing my mind.  I needed to know if the Chad on Hard Knocks was an optical illusion or a figment of my imagination. As a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I needed my hate back.

The book begins with a highly detailed description of Ocho’s luxurious Florida mansion.  Then it began describing all the expensive cars parked in the driveway of this luxurious Florida mansion.  Now, I don’t begrudge anybody their success but when you go out of your way to stress exactly how well off you are, it either means you’re extremely shallow or have a small penis.  I began to regret my decision to review this book.

After a few pages devoted to his fleet of high-priced automobiles, Chad mentioned the car he has up in Cincy. It happens to be a Dodge Charger painted to look like the General Lee.  Of course, it says “General Ochocinco” across the top but let’s give a brother a break. That’s exactly what I would buy if I could run, jump, catch, and do the Riverdance. It’s still really cool. And just like that, I was sucked right back in.

I don’t want to like Chad Johnson.  But sometimes, I can’t help it.

The rest of the book is a unique combination of a biography and The World According to Chad.  At 272 pages, they easily could have lopped about thirty pages off that total.  Chad has a tendency to chew his cabbage not just twice but six or seven times.  Some things, such as the rumor he punched a coach during halftime of the 2005 Steelers-Bengals playoff game, must really bother him because he bring it up in order to deny it almost every chapter.

Which brings me to the best part of the book.  Even though it’s Chad’s story, he invited others to present their points of view.  Some might add that to the category of “padding” but I thought it made for the most interesting reading.  For example, another of Ocho’s frequent protests is he doesn’t want to hurt/offend anybody, he just wants to have fun.  This is why he’s so proud of his elaborate touchdown celebrations (in fact, he devotes an entire chapter to them), including the one where he put on a “Future Hall of Famer” cape.  Well, Bengals coach Marvin Lewis didn’t appreciate that antic one bit and I commend Chad for printing his no punches pulled rebuttal.

Actually, in many ways Lewis is as much the star of this book as his star receiver.  You may not have heard but earlier this week, Chad was planning to send a case of mustard to the Steelers.  Lewis got wind of  it and put the kibosh on his plan, because you don’t step on Superman’s cape and you don’t piss off the Steelers D.  Anyway, the book is full of stories similar to that, with Ocho playing the mischievous kid and Marvin channeling Cliff Huxtable  Those two should really have their own sitcom.

At this point, I’m sure some of you are wondering why a Steelers fan, perhaps one still not won over by Ochocinco’s personality, would be interested in this book.  For one, Chad has a lot of choice criticisms of the Bengals organization (this was written back when he was desperately trying to get traded).  Most notable are his comments regarding the decision to fire Dick LeBeau, who was their head coach early in his career.  Secondly, Chad shares a lot of observations about the NFL in general, including several Steelers.  His spirited defense of the “NFL’s Dirtiest Player” Hines Ward may surprise you.  He also has a number of great Joey Porter quotes for those of us who miss seeing Peezy in the Black and Gold.

No mentions of Ike Taylor, though.  I guess it makes sense, since yet another of his beaten horses is nobody can cover him (ever) and he’s always open (always).  He rationalizes his poor season last year by claiming the Bengals QBs were told not to throw him the ball as punishment for trying to get traded.  I guess that’s one way of looking at things but I still would’ve liked to see him explain why Face Me Ike always seems to shut him down.  Hey, there’s no shame in being stopped by the Steelers.

Whatever you think about Ochocinco, this book won’t do much to change those feelings one way or the other.  Every chapter, you get a brief glimpse of the real Chad, the funny likable personable guy you saw in that video clip.  The Chad who had a long hard road to the NFL from humble beginnings raised by his grandmomma in Liberty City, Florida.  When you’re raised the same place they set a Grand Theft Auto game, you know you’ve come far.  It’s just too bad he feels the need to switch back into the Ochocinco character so frequently.

Still, I can’t help liking Chad Johnson.  But I still want him to suck against the Steelers.

In late breaking news (stolen shamelessly from ESPN’s never-ending crawl of doom), the Bengals have deactivated star wide receiver/flamboyant showman/obnoxious twat Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco for tonight’s tilt against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

The story posted on ESPN did not elaborate as to why the World’s Greatest Wide Receiver (who’s caught only 4 touchdowns) was banished to the bench except to say he “violated team rules.”

Speculation runs rampant on the blogosphere as to which rule Chad broke, although there are rumors it has something to do with him repeatedly referring to coach Marvin Lewis as “Jim Fassel.”  In the meantime, Ocho Stinko’s place will be taken by Chris Henry.  Because in Bengaland, missing a team meeting is so much worse than failed drug tests, DUIs, and beating the snot out of 16 year old kids.

Okay, the punk probably deserved it.  But still, only in Cincy would they punish a malcontent by replacing him with a criminal.

What would we do without Philly?   Between their dumbass wide receiver spiking the ball a yard before he reached the end zone, their drug hoarding deadbeat dad of a coach, and their tubby quarterback who can’t run a hurry up offense without puking his guts all over the sideline, that team continues to be the NFL equivalent of an older brother who is fun to invite to parties but sadly still lives in our mother’s basement.

Anyway, in news related to the one team Pennsylvanians can be proud of, it’s the first double-dip of the season for the beloved Pittsburgh Steelers as the hated Cincinnati Bengals come to town for the second half of our annual two game set. Let’s hope it doesn’t end in a tie.

Since I already previewed the two teams, there’s no sense in repeating my brilliant and usually spot-on analysis. Instead, I’ll simply touch on issues relevant to the upcoming game.

Of course, the picture above is in reference to the Bengal’s tie against the Philadelphia Eagles, the first since the Steelers drew with the Dirty Birds back in ’02. I caught a bit of the game and it was less a hard fought battle and more a cripple fight. Philly didn’t seem too eager to win (although in Donavan McNabb’s case, he probably thought he had two or three more OTs to get the job done) while Cincy snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by shanking a 47 yard FG to win the game. Still, the fact the same fearsome Iggles team which handed us our worst loss of the season was battled to a standstill by Cincy should fill us with both fear and shame.

In fact, since we last saw the Bengals, they’ve actually started to play like a professional football team. They got crushed by Houston after losing to us but then went down to Jacksonville and beat the sissies in teal for their first win. Earlier in the year, they took the Giants team with only 1 loss and who beat us up into OT.  Despite the fact they’re a punchline to many jokes and this season will probably cost Marvin Lewis his job, they’re nowhere near as pathetic as say Oakland or Detroit.

To be fair, the 38-10 final score in our first game looks like a blowout but the game was a much closer battle than that. The Steelers were nursing a slim 3 point margin at halftime despite the fact Cincy QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was sacked every other play and they didn’t get into positive total yardage until the final drive of the half. Our offense didn’t perform much better until they figured out CB Jonathan Joseph couldn’t cover his mouth on a sneeze and beat him deep with Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington.

It’s a little perplexing how the Bengals have managed to stay in games. Harvard alum Fitzpatrick, frankly, stinks. He’s got the lowest QB Rating in the league (71.3!) and considering the talent this team has at WR, it’s amazing he only has 5 measly TD passes. They’ve all but given up on RB Chris Perry and handed main backfield duties to Bears castoff Cedric Benson. Chad Ocho Cinco has only quatro scoreos and is on pace for only about 500 total receiving yards. T.J. Houshalottaletters is one of the elite WRs in the league but that shouldn’t be enough to keep them competitive. But they have been.

The game will present an interesting match-up for the Steelers as 2/3 of the Three Amigos (Bryant McFadden and Deshea Townshend) will once again be inactive. Manly William Gay and Anthony Madison did a good job against San Diego last week although the weather helped a bit in that the Chargers speed in the vertical passing game was limited on the slippy chewed up field. Fernando Bryant looked shaky but he only had about 3 days of practice so if he does play on Thursday, let’s hope he’s a bit more up to speed. It looks the rest of the Blitzburgh D will be ready to go which is good news for those of us who enjoy seeing James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley chase QBs like a dog chasing a bone.

Offensively, it appears RG Darnell Stapleton will be good to go which means it’ll be the usual gang of idiots manning the OL. Well, LT Marvel Smith is listed as out, too, but at this point I think it’s safe to just give up on him permanently. Fast Willie Parker managed to play an entire game without incurring another injury so we might just have him in the starting line up for two consecutive games. Hooray for modern medical science and/or Oxycontin! FWP will be a big addition because Cincy has a horrible run defense which should allow him to pile up a good amount of yardage.

Despite the Bengals playing gamely in the face of certain doom and the historical fact of them tending to rise to the occasion when they play us, there really is no excuse for us to lose this game. A great offensive performance won’t mean much but it would be a baby step in the right direction. As the Steelers gear up for the final month of the season and, hopefully, a playoff run, bringing that offense along one baby step at a time should be one of the main goals each and every week.

Winning cures all ills and the Cincinnati Bengals have typified that over the Marvin Lewis era. After the 2005 season, Lewis was praised as a savior for the Bengals organization despite his players’ constant run-ins with the law.  And if winning cures all the ills, losing amplifies all of the ills and after an 8-8 season in which the Bengals blew chance after chance to make the playoffs, gripes about Lewis’ coaching style started to surface. After a tumultuous 7-9 season in 2007, the honeymoon was clearly over and Lewis is probably in his last season with Cincinnati. Unless of course, he wins.

Unfortunately, this has all of the makings of a disaster season as the defense made the grave mistake of hiring Mike Zimmer to be the defensive coordinator. They also have the Chad Johnson fiasco, which likely will not end well. But for all of the talk of getting rid of Lewis, one has to wonder whom they will get to replace him and do a better job. Who will be good enough to work with a cheap owner in Mike Brown and take over a roster filled with criminals, troublemakers, and malcontents?

STEELER DEFENSE vs. BENGALS OFFENSE

QB Carson Palmer has been ruled out of the game.  So the duties will fall to 4th year back-up Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Fitz played his college ball at that football powerhouse, Harvard.   I might not know much about him but I’m guessing he can kick your ass on the S.A.T.s.  Speaking of which, he’s probably most famous for the urban rumor that he scored a perfect 50 on the Wonderlic test in only nine minutes thus beating Vince Young by 44 points.  I was recently given a chance to share my wealth of Steeler knowledge on a Bengal website so I’ll return the favor and give him a chance to tell us about this Ryan fellow.

Anyway, in two games he’s accumulated a stunning QB rating of 57.7 which is hard to believe because, like the S.A.T.s, you get 75 points just for showing up.  He’s thrown one TD pass this year despite having some decent receivers and no semblance of a running game so I wouldn’t be too optimistic about how he’ll fare against our PH.D of D Dick Lebeau and his exotic schemes.

The running game has been so bad that they went out and signed Party Animal Cedric Benson.  The Bears had enough of him after his 2nd DUI in as many months but evidently no crime is too horrible and no rap sheet is too long for the Bungles.  Benson hasn’t done much this year as he’s working himself back into game shape.  The nominal starter is Chris Perry, who the astute Cincinnati management liked so much they got rid of Rudi Johnson during the preseason.  Perry’s responded to being handed the job by stinking out the joint, fumbling 5 times this season while averaging a miserable 2.6 YPC and cracking the 50 yard barrier only once this season.

The Bengals use a 3 WR, 1 TE scheme and usually leave the tight end in for pass blocking help. They did this with Reggie Kelly over the years, but now have Ben Utecht to take over Kelly’s old duties.  Of course this didn’t save Carson Palmer from getting creamed earlier this year.  The Steelers will definitely be able to get pressure on the QB and with a young inexperienced guy back there, responding to that pressure will require a Herculean effort.

The Steelers have been coy about the returns of NT Fats Hampton and DE Bret Keisel.  Not to downgrade these excellent players but the defense was more than fine without them as Chris Hoke, Travis Kirschke, and Nick Eason formed a solid line in their absence.  They held the hard-running Jaguars to only 50 yards on the ground and now they’re going against a team that can’t run the ball at all.  You do the math.

Cincinnati will have to throw the ball, early and often.  Luckily for them, good WRs they do have.  Chad Uno (TD catches this year) is the speed guy and it’s tough to argue with a guy who has finished 2nd, 5th and 6th in WR DPAR in the last three seasons.  He wanted out of Cincy last year and Mike Brown refused to trade him and take an $8 million cap hit.  He’s clearly moved on to plan B, the Randy Moss Scenario, where he has decided to play like crap so the team will give up on him after this year.  The Bengals are fortunate to have another superstar receiver in TJ Houshmandzadeh on the other side of the field from Uno.  While Housh is the “hands” of the team, he’s nowhere near as fast as Johnson, but he’s much bigger and has really good speed for his size.

Our secondary Triple Threat of Ike Taylor, Bryant McFadden, and Deshea Townshend has played very well all year long.  As long as they show up to play this Sunday things should be under control although mental lapses of any kind and the Bengals do have the players to hurt you.  They also have the players to steal, rape, punch, and drunkenly crash into you but that’s another story.

STEELER OFFENSE vs. BENGALS DEFENSE

Defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer is a 3-4 coach but due to personnel has been forced to stick with Marvin Lewis’ favored 4-3 scheme.  The Bengals are one of those teams who love to use a lot of Cover 2 zone.  Over the years, they have struggled heavily against the run. Here’s how their average yards allowed per carry have looked under Marvin Lewis:

2003……..4.8
2004……..4.4
2005……..4.3
2006……..4.2
2007……..4.2

Fast Willie Parker was set to make his return this Sunday and licking his lips over the chance to run against that defense.  He already has four 100 yard games against them and would very likely add a fifth this weekend.  Then he stepped in a hole.   Yes, you read that right.  A first class, professionally run organization which spares no expense in strength, conditioning, and rehabilitation equipment for their players has evidently lost a key player to injury because of a POTHOLE.

I have no idea who the Steelers employ to take care of both Heinz and their practice fields but they should be fired immediately.   Meanwhile, Mewelde Moore, who offense coordinator Bruce Arians didn’t seem to realize was on this team until two weeks ago, has performed tremendously in FWP’s absence.  It looks like he’ll be given the featured back role once again this Sunday.   Hopefully he’ll have the same success he had against the much stouter-against-the-run Jaguars.

With Zimmer running the defense, Ben Roethlisberger can almost breathe a sigh of relief this week.  The Cowboys went from 34 sacks under Zimmer in 2006 to 46 sacks under Wade Phillips in 2007 because of different philosophies as the players stayed the same.  Expect a very conservative defense that will likely blitz only in very obvious or very safe situations.  The linebacker position for the Bengals is in disarray as the only player solid at a position is rookie Keith Rivers, an explosive weakside backer. Odell Thurman was a trouble-maker who’s not playing for them anymore. He won my defensive rookie of the year award in 2005, even over Lofa Tatupa, so it’s sad when you think how good he once was.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Big Ben is going to take some sacks no matter how good of a line we put in front of him because of his tendency to hold the ball and his belief that he can escape any situation to make a big play.  As such, I think the baseline for sacks/game is about 3.  Even with minimal pressure and good blocking, Ben is going to go down several times a game simply because of his playing style.

WRs Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes should still be able to find room out there and make a few plays.  I’d also look for TE Heath Miller to have his first big game of the year.  With their lack of pass rush and weak LB corp, he’ll be able release off the line and roam around in open space a lot more often this week than in previous ones.

One the surface, the winless Bengals don’t seem to have much going for them.  But as we saw last week when two 0-fer teams got their first victories, a hungry and desperate NFL team is a dangerous NFL team.   Also, for as bleak as the future looks, other than a terrible effort against the Titans, Cincinnati has played competitively almost every week.  Three of their losses have been by a TD or less and they took the World Champion Giants to OT.  Even if Ocho Bozo has given up, it doesn’t appear the team as a whole has.  No matter what the year, what the record, or who the QB, be it Neil O’Donnell, Jon Kitna, or Jeff Blake, the Bengals usually play the Steelers tough.  With some of the hardest games of the year on the horizon, let’s hope this week isn’t one where the Black and Gold look past their opponent and fall into a trap.